I'm all over the place on this but this sucked so extravagantly that I have a lot of bases to cover.
This is yet another Christmas story where Santa is just God, and "believing" is really just about believing in God. That's it. The movie provides no explanation for how believing in Santa makes you a better person living a richer life than those that don't, beyond being able to hear a bell. But, like, that's just the imaginary dinner…
I was prepared to be surprised by this, and figured that I would probably end up settling at at least a 3 star score, but I absolutely hated this film. It was a tremendous waste of my time, it brought me no joy, and I never want to see this again.
I generally feel that this was just an extremely extended version of the film I saw in theaters, which did not blow me away, but at least it was…
A lazy, loud, cliched, 112 minutes of anti-charm and key jingling. Every single moment of this was either flat out awful or on the cusp of fun before being undercut by something terrible. Anything from the first movie that was even close to good becomes worn out or cringe-inducing, and everything that was already bad is made 3 times worse. Who is the villain in this? I guess Krang, though he shows up for a whole 3 scenes totaling maybe…
Unquestionably better than the last outing of Xander Cage, but continents away from "I'm going to buy this on physical 4K" territory. Donnie Yen, dirtbike surfing, Toni Collette's dedication, and a thousand explosions are the high points. The lows are Ruby Rose's one-note character, the tryhard onscreen bio jokes, and Vin Diesel. Specifically, Vin alternating between acting like he's the same tough fuck machine he was in 2002, being a grown up teenager, and just being Dom from F&F. One…
it's a shame kevin smith died from a heart attack back in 2018 and never got to make a slew of unwatchable movies for an ever-shrinking niche fanbase
At the end of this, Reagan goes off for one last horse ride and he passes by a dumpy security guard watching Reagan with tears in his eyes. In a very republican way, it's one of the gayest things I've ever seen in film.
The only good part of this was the brief montage of anti-Reagan art set to Land of Confusion by Genesis. I like that some dumb asshole boomers had to see the horrifying Reagan puppet from the…
