Remember that time a random guy walked into an art gallery, duct taped a literal banana to the wall, wandered away, and the whole art world gasped: “What did that man just do? He just duct taped a banana to the wall. Is that allowed? Or was that performance art? We should bid on the banana. It’s high art.” And then someone shelled out $25 million dollars for a .60 cent rotting banana held to wall with .05 cents worth…
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John Wick: Chapter 2 2017
:: THE NEXT MORNING, 8:15 AM, at METROPOLITAN MUSEUM STAFF MEETING ::
“I don’t even know where to begin, folks. In my 37 years of art curation...I’ve never seen anything like it. What in God’s name happened here last night?!!! The security team said “they checked the tape and might be assassins,” but…like…I’m sorry. What? Is that a joke? When I left yesterday at 7:30 pm, things were fine. And today? Disaster! There are literally brains splattered on a priceless Rembrandt!…
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Telemarketers 2023
(computer autodials your number)
Hello, ma’am! How are you today? Wonderful. My name is [REDACTED BEEP] and I’m calling on behalf of HBO’s Telemarketers — that’s right…the H.B.O.T. Foundation — to tell you about an AMAZING documentary watching opportu—
*click*
Hello? Hello? …Fuckin’ BITCH! Hung up on me. Didn’t even want to hear this doc is fuckin’ riveting. Full of odd unforgettable characters, miscreants, unsung heroes and and and…fuck it…I’m gonna go on smoke break.
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Megalopolis 2024
Remember the tragic conclusion of Amadeus (1981)? When Wolfgang Amadeus Mozart is bedridden, feverishly spouting borderline nonsensical musical compositions aloud to a completely flustered Salieri? “I don’t understand! I don’t understaaaand!” Salieri shouts while scribbling triplets and couplets and codas on parchment. And despite the completely indecipherable notes being translated to paper by the jealous rival…deep down…you know the mad genius Mozart *is* dictating magic. The future of music. A future that could in theory exist, but will also never transpire. …
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