Axel Parker

Axel Parker Pro

Film-obsessed young adult with a soft spot for the Criterion Collection.

Favorite films

  • Everything Everywhere All at Once
  • Lost in Translation
  • Monty Python and the Holy Grail
  • The Third Man

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  • The Avengers

    ★★★★

  • Captain America: The First Avenger

    ★★★½

  • Thor

    ★★

  • Snow White

    ★½

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  • Unfrosted

    Unfrosted

    Jerry Seinfeld directed a movie about Pop Tarts. I can’t recommend it to anyone. There aren’t enough jokes for the kids to understand and the adults that somehow get dragged into watching this mess will think it’s too stupid. The only thing I can say for this film is that it has a decent chance of evolving to a cult status. It’s that bad of a film. The only reason you will laugh at Seinfeld’s alleged comedy is because of…

  • Dreams

    Dreams

    ★★★★

    Dreams is exactly what it claims to be – surrealist vignettes that don’t make sense but derive from some form of a subconscious thought and are capable of creating untold realms of beauty and anguish alike. It’s the definition of art in cinema, and a great argument that cinema is art.

    Dreams (1990) is Akira Kurosawa’s third-to-last film, only Rhapsody in August (1991) and Madadayo (1993) come later. True to his end-of-life works, Dreams is filled with vivid, detailed color…

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  • The Avengers

    The Avengers

    ★★★★

    In comparison to the MCU’s latest multiversal entries, the original 2012 Avengers seems almost quaint in comparison, although it’s really quite awesome and satisfying to watch when you take in Phase One, and only Phase One, as a whole. It’s quite a zingy movie, with plenty of action and snappy dialogue delivered by Samuel L. Jackson and Robert Downey Jr.

    The effects are splashy and very explosion-heavy, but they’re not without plot heft. What I mean is, compared to your…

  • Thor

    Thor

    ★★

    “I was just like, Kenneth Branagh doing Thor is super weird, I’ve gotta do it.”

    - Natalie Portman

    Indeed, Kenneth Branagh’s Thor film is quite weird, and very cringe-worthy. It’s not to be taken seriously in the slightest. Ridiculously cheesy and Dutch-angle infused as Thor is, you can’t say it’s not lacking in anything besides, oh, character development, I’d say.

    The actors are all competent, but they don’t need to show any of their expertise here; this isn’t that kind…

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  • Am I Racist?

    Am I Racist?

    ★★★★★

    Matt Walsh’s hilarious yet exposing series posing questions to the general public continues in a brilliant fashion. Walsh made, alongside director Justin Folk, producer and DailyWire owner Ben Shapiro, a film called “What Is a Woman?”, that, two years ago, took the United States by storm. Gender identity was a topic so controversial and divided that not one individual Walsh interviewed on the opposing side of the topic were able to answer a simple question. The 2022 film was only…

  • In the Lost Lands

    In the Lost Lands

    In the Lost Lands, surprisingly, isn’t based on a video game. Sure, it has people saying the word “quests” out loud, and each destination the characters travel to feels like a different level of gameplay, and the actual movie looks like a standard 2010s RPG. The atmosphere is either a hellish lava swamp, a dirty, grimy wasteland of a once-sprawling utopia, or a dusty, sand-ridden outback. So basically, a video game, even though it’s based on a book written by…