Parker

Parker

I rate stuff based on how it makes me feel.

Favorite films

  • The Lord of the Rings: The Fellowship of the Ring
  • Star Wars: Episode III – Revenge of the Sith
  • Fight Club
  • The Secret Life of Walter Mitty

Recent activity

All
  • Hamilton

    ½

  • Bottoms

    ½

  • The Peanut Butter Falcon

    ★★★★★

  • Twilight

    ★★★

Recent reviews

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  • Hamilton

    Hamilton

    ½

    I didn’t finish Hamilton. I didn’t want to. I didn’t need to. From the moment someone opened their mouth and started rapping about the Federalist Papers, I knew: this was not for me.

    Impressive, I guess, but also exhausting. It’s like being stuck at a dinner party where everyone speaks in rhyming couplets and references the Constitution. I didn’t sign up for “Founding Fathers: The Talent Show.”

    There’s a certain smugness to it all, too — that unbearable “we’re making…

  • Bottoms

    Bottoms

    ½

    Bottoms tries to be a queer, feminist twist on the high school comedy, but what it delivers is a chaotic, mean-spirited farce that confuses shock value for substance.

    The tone is absurdist, the plot makes no sense (intentionally?), and the characters feel more like sketch comedy archetypes than real people. That could’ve worked if the film had any real emotional grounding — but instead, it doubles down on crude humor, blood-soaked slapstick, and juvenile scheming that wears thin fast.

    But…

  • The Peanut Butter Falcon

    The Peanut Butter Falcon

    ★★★★★

    chicken burhgah

  • Twilight

    Twilight

    ★★★

    I totally get it now. Flip the genders, if it were a vampire emo girl and a werewolf chick fighting over the shy guy this would be an easy 5 star for every dude. But it’s not. 3 stars for the baseball scene.