Miniature Swayze

Miniature Swayze

Favorite films

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  • Indiana Jones and the Dial of Destiny

    ★★

  • Miami Connection

    ★★★★★

  • Skinamarink

    ★★½

  • Mission: Impossible

    ★★★

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  • Indiana Jones and the Dial of Destiny

    Indiana Jones and the Dial of Destiny

    ★★

    Ancient Greeks building a time machine out of gears, in a cinematic universe where God is real and He created interdimensional aliens, is somehow more believable than it being 2023 and Harrison Ford doing a forward roll.

  • Miami Connection

    Miami Connection

    ★★★★★

    Of all the movies I've seen about taekwondo rock bands fighting cocaine-dealing biker ninjas, this one is definitely in my top 10. Whenever I am hanging out shirtless with the boys, this movie is never to far from reach (I got the cassette a few years ago in a box I found with a radioactive warning on it). Pure unapologetic art on par the Sistene Chapel. In a million years when aliens pick through the bones of our devastated civilisation, I hope this is all they can recover.

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  • On Deadly Ground

    On Deadly Ground

    ★★★★★

    In his directorial debut, Seagal lazily karate chops his way through the tundra as the white saviour of the Inuits, as he uses an evil oil company's body weight against them. He plays no-nonsense hero 'Forrest Taft', an anagram of 'Fatter Frost' which is what this movie should have been called. Michael Caine does the only accent he can, and John C McGinley performs more amputations than he ever did in Scrubs. Somehow, Seagal seems to get away with what can only be described as terrorism in textbook example of "life imitating art'. Flawless.

  • Inglourious Basterds

    Inglourious Basterds

    ★★★★★

    The only time in my life I have said 'I wish Adam Sandler were in this'. A thrill-ride foray into Nazi-occupied France, a location often overlooked by Hollywood. In a subversive turn for director Quentin Tarantino, it is a war film that actually doesn't feature very many people dying at all. I mean I supposed lots of Nazis die, but they don't count as people. Christoph Waltz provides as Oscar-worthy performance as 'That Guy from Raiders of the Lost Ark',…

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