Favorite films

Recent reviews

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  Captain Marvel 2019

  ★★★★ Watched 16 Mar 2019

  i'm so horny for carol danvers that when fury said "she can do more with her hands than make tea" i choked

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  Fantastic Beasts: The Crimes of Grindelwald 2018

  ★★ Watched 15 Dec 2018

  one star for each of theseus scamander's cheekbones

Popular reviews

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  An Education 2009

  ★★★★ Watched 19 Mar 2017 8

  i didn't trust that store-brand colin firth

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  Gone Girl 2014

  ★★★★★ Rewatched 27 Sep 2016 17

  any man: hey, you seem pretty cool and I was wonderi–

  me: Men always say that as the defining compliment, don’t they? She’s a cool girl. Being the Cool Girl means I am a hot, brilliant, funny woman who adores football, poker, dirty jokes, and burping, who plays video games, drinks cheap beer, loves threesomes and anal sex, and jams hot dogs and hamburgers into her mouth like she’s hosting the world’s biggest culinary gang bang while somehow maintaining a…