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Borderlands 2024
I will never understand why studios tap writers/directors with a history of bad movies then are surprised when a movie is terrible and, of most importance to the studio, performs terribly.
Anyone with two brain cells could have told you that an action-comedy movie directed by *checks notes* the guy whose entire filmography consists of middling-at-best b-tier horror films (Hostel, Thanksgiving) was going to be an abomination.
Sadly, the entirety of Lionsgate has just a single brain cell and, thus, Borderlands written and directed by Eli Roth was green lighted.
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Beau Is Afraid 2023
Each subsequent act is worse than the one before. The movie starts as a thrilling and anxiety-inducing 5/5, suffers from suburban ennui in the middle, and ends flaccid.
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Rebel Moon – Part One: A Child of Fire 2023
Rebel Moon is Snyder’s attempt to make a Star Wars movie without getting sued into oblivion by Disney for infringement — but it’s somehow even worse than it sounds. The script is cringeworthy, accentuated by mediocre-at-best acting. The CGI is eerily reminiscent of the Absolution ship from Toonami. The plot just flat out makes no sense as the motivations of the characters vary from nonsensical to nonexistent. And the pacing is so sequential, there’s no time for the movie to…
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Don't Look Up 2021
The movie "Don't Look Up" is a tremendous disappointment considering the all-star cast, all of whose talents are poorly utilized aside for maybe DiCaprio's. The movie feels like it takes all the worst attributes from "Idiocracy," "Silicon Valley," and "Vice," but fails to commit to the absurdity of the first two or provide the quality acting of the third, resulting in a thoroughly disappointing film that never comes close to earning its two-and-a-half-hour runtime.
Perhaps I was naïve for believing…
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