Kind of mind-blowing how little of this movie works. In theory I enjoy watching these preternaturally-gifted filmmakers set a big pile of money on fire in pursuit of "fun" (I'm thinking 1941, The Ladykillers, whatever Coppola movie you wanna put here, most of Ridley Scott's filmography) but the actual act of watching these movies is mostly just painful. This one is not funny, not thrilling, not moving, not anything.
I like the two-minute scene about the founder of the cloning…
This one's got it all. Puzzling performances, off-putting artificial floating camerawork, telegraphed scares, and terrible pacing. Two hours feel like four. Every rule of vampire mythology is over-over-over-explained—really, every scene happens like five times (ex. Depp and Dafoe explain the final plan in detail, then Dafoe explains the plan to Hoult and Ineson, then we see the plan happen). I do like it when Skarsgard purrs.
On top of everything, the cardinal sin here is pointlessness. This story has been…
Befuddling and messy, but not in an inviting way. The kind of movie that makes you go "huh, okay..." before you just move on with your day.
A lot of character decisions and motivations seem almost entirely in service of Peele's central metaphor of image-making and spectacle in the modern age. They do not, however, serve the surface-level reality Peele is attempting to create here. Case in point: the incredibly-named, incredibly-voiced, enigmatic cinematographer character who spends the whole movie spouting…
