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Vampires 1998
THIS MOVIE SUCKS! DEPT.
For generations, vampires have terrified and captivated audiences all over the world with their amoral appetites and seductive malignancy. If you're looking for more of that, though, you better go watch Dracula again, because this is ...
JOHN CRAP'N'SLUR'S SHAMPIRES
"I'm Jack Slow, f&!@king vampire hunter! I was hired by the Catholic Church to hunt and kill vampires, so it's only fitting that I swear like a f*&!king priest! Plus, it's cheaper than hiring screenwriters!"
"I'm…
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She-Devils on Wheels 1968
There once was a gang called the Man-Eaters /
They rode on one- and two-seaters /
It's easy to tell, they liked to raise hell /
and in cutting off heads they're the leadersTranslated from by
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Joy Ride 2001
Fantastic thriller setup with some silly but still satisfying payoffs. Roadgames x Duel x Scream x William Castle's I Know What You Did, a CB radio prank gone wrong when brothers Paul Walker and Steve Zahn (what a pair, thank you 2001) fuck around with a sad-voiced trucker who turns out to be a seemingly omniscient and omnipotent psycho killer. One cool thing about this is that thanks to Ted Levine's almost entirely vocal performance as "Rusty Nail" you can…
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Punch-Drunk Love 2002
When I was 17 or 18 I was eating lunch at this place called New York Subs (now closed) and I ordered my sandwich and sat down in front of this man (who I later learned was my parents' dentist, incidentally) who was by himself waiting on his food. When the waitress came by to bring him his order, I heard her ask him about the crossword puzzle he was doing. "Yeah, I find it's a lot easier to do…
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