this year my challenge for everyone is to unlearn the association between love and morality. love is not something that is inherently morally good, and the absence of love is not something that is inherently bad. sex without love isn't morally bankrupt, it's just an action. people without love aren't less kind or less good, they're just people. when we can get past this false (and often unnoticed) dichotomy of good love/evil lovelessness then i think we are going to be able to take leaps and bounds in sex positivity, aro advocacy, certain discussions of mental health...
lots of great points being made in the notes of this post always about how love can be bad and that's like. important to note. but i really do want to emphasize what the point of this post was about which is that an absence of love is Not Bad. sex isn't an inherently moral or immoral act. people aren't inherently moral or immoral beings. relationships aren't inherently good or bad. and the presence or absence of love changes none of that. we really cannot get past anything until we reshape our image of human connection into one that does not need love in any form (good or bad) to be fulfilling and good. i believe this so wholeheartedly
happy aromanticism and spectrum month. I know there's still 2 weeks until ASAW but if the world wants to shove valentines in my face I'm shoving lovless aromanticism right back at it
be loud, make art, write, talk about being arospec, take up space in real life and in fandom, be unapologetically arospec and don't let anyone take it from you
Loveless aro: I don’t really connect with the idea of love. Due to my personal experiences as an aromantic person, I find it uncomfortable to label what I feel as love, and I find it empowering to reject love altogether as a concept.
Non-loveless person: But don’t you love chicken nuggets? Don’t you love your friends and family? Don’t you love the sun on your face? Don’t you love taking a shit when you have a stomach ache? Why won’t you let me force labels onto you?
Anonymous
sent a message
hellou hi i have a question if you don't mind :]
so, i have been considering using the loveless label for a while because i relate to y'all heavily but there's one issue. while i don't think i experience love for other people in a way loving folk seem to describe love..? i very much want to BE loved
this is probably tied to my NPD, both the loveless and the needing love parts
basically my question is - can you still be considered a loveless aro(ace, apl etc.) if you desire to be loved (w/o being able to reciprocate)?
sorry if it's a stupid question because maybe it defeats the purpose? idk. i've searched all of the internet and couldn't find anything even close to an answer tho so yeah :')
hi anon, my apologies for taking so long to reply 😭 I don’t have an excuse besides a somewhat busy schedule and “I suck at replying at reasonable times sometimes” lmao
Short answer: yes.
Long answer: the good thing about the loveless label is that it’s deliberately meant as a very fluid and dynamic label, defined by its user first and foremost. Some people call themselves loveless because they don’t feel love at all, while others may use it because the love they feel does not seem to fit societal expectations, or even because they do feel love, but it’s not as intense/special/important to them as society deems it to be.
All of these are just examples, but it illustrates the many ways one can interpret this label for themself. If you feel it is a good descriptor of your experiences and you feel comfortable using it for yourself? Go for it! (And welcome to the community <2)
As someone who works to deconstruct the romanticized idea of love, though, I can’t help but make a note on the “wanting to be loved” part. (To be clear: this is NOT a jab at you, anon, nor at anyone who might be feeling similar; moreso thoughts and advice you can chew on if you’d like, or ignore if you don’t.) In a lot of people’s minds, there’s a very strong connotation between “love” and “any kind of positive treatment”, and as such I think it’s worth asking ourselves: what do I mean when I say I want to be loved? Do I want them to feel a certain way about me, to act a certain way around me? What kind of treatment am I expecting of people who say they love me?
Love is a very individual thing, and knowing what you mean by love can help both in figuring out those expectations and in communicating them towards others. It also helps deconstruct the idea that “action made from love = good & action made not of love = bad”. People who love you can still hurt you (hence why it’s good to know what treatment you want, besides being loved), and people can still act good to you without love being a motivating factor behind it.
I hope this helps!
I don’t think people realize how wonderful and freeing a loveless life can be. You can just vibe with yourself in your own little world without needing anyone else’s validation to make you feel happy
Since people don't have any reading comprehension on this hellsite, I decided to make more alternatives to "Love Loses", because I like this idea. Loveless and/or Romance Repulsed versions.
(Because apparently "Love Can Win Without Me" doesn't get the point across of "I don't want to suppress other's rights to love others, but I don't feel love and I take pride in that, therefore learn to love myself and let my self-love win")
"I Don't Want Your Love"
"Love Someone That Wants It"
"Your Love Is Better Elsewhere"
"Love Where I Am Not"
For your loveless needs that want to support other's rights to love and fight against Amatonormativity.
happy pride month to the aros, the aplatonics, the loveless aros, everyone who is sick of hearing about love from everyone else. i see you and i appreciate you. your queerness is just as important and welcome and wonderful as everyone else's
Some art for all the Loveless Aros!
ALTNot experiencing love, or choosing not to label your feelings as love, or whatever other reason you have for using the loveless label isn’t a moral failing, doesn’t mean that you are a "bad person".
Love is just an emotion, and just like every other emotion, it’s meaning and importance is different for everyone. You don’t need to love your friends, pets, family, or anyone, really. Actions matter much more than the feelings behind them.
We don’t have to justify our emotions or our way of expressing and wording them to anyone. I am loveless. Nothing you say will change that, no matter how much you try to convince me my way of labelling my emotions is "wrong" or that not experiencing love makes me an inherently immoral person.
How other people label their feelings is none of your business. Just believe us when we tell you our experiences, and don’t talk down to us or act like we’re stupid and don’t understand ourselves as good as you obviously do. It’s infantilising, and dehumanising. Stop doing that.
If you believe it or not, I know myself much better than you do, random internet person. And so does every other loveless person know themselves.
Just leave loveless people alone.
Happy Aplatonic Visibility Day!
[Image Description: A square graphic with a light green border and a white box of text in the middle. The text reads "May 4. Aplatonic Visibility Day. We welcome and value all aromantics under the aplspec umbrella." On the lower left-hand side of the graphic, there is clipart of a group of stick figures. Most of them are grey and have their arms at their sides, but the stick figure in the center is yellow and has their arms in the air. In the top right of the graphic, there is an outline of a person holding a mug and looking at an apple. In the right bottom corner of the graphic, there is a diagonal aromantic flag. Underneath the text is a graphic of the AUREA logo.]
Anonymous
sent a message
hi! id like to request an emoji, tho im not sure if itd be too complex- basically, im a loveless aro that also has low empathy, so whenever my friends talk about their romantic life i just kind of sit there with this feeling i am unsure how to convey in words /lh. so, i picture an emoji - someone shrugging and/or looking confused, with a heart-shaped hole in their chest (like a transparent one, or a black one if thats too complicated to do!)
its totally okay if thats too complex for you to do tho! have a nice day! :)
This isn’t too complex at all! I did three versions, one shrugging and one not, and one for positivity/fun for my loveless aro friends :) y'all are great
[ID 1: a person tilting their head with a confused look. There is a heart shaped hole in their chest, and a large question mark overlaid with the aro flag colors to the side of them.
ID 2: The same emoji, but the person is shrugging or gesturing confusion with their hands.
ID 3: A person with the same hole in their chest, but they have a happy/satisfied expression and are giving a thumbs up. There are green sparkles around their hand. /End]