“I feel like people might think of me more as a concept,” You start, “Like maybe they’re stalking me more than actually trying to get to know me as a person. You know,” You continue pseudo-nonchalantly, your fingers gingerly dancing on top of your laptop touchpad, as if to distract yourself from the words you’ve managed to somehow pull out of thin air. Or rather, the untouched inner depths of your thoughts that’s gone unvoiced for so long it simply feels detached–almost foreign to you; as if it were a completely different person that was saying these words.

After these words made its way past your lips, you’ve been made painfully aware that this is an overrun thought of yours that you’ve somehow learned to settle with, to be okay with, despite how discouraging it’s always been with how you’ve tried to approach human intimacy.

…Or atleast that’s what you tell yourself.

….Other times you do tell yourself, thoughts are just thoughts. Or that perhaps you’re the sole catalyst to all these interactions.

Either way, this particular thought always sat strangely in the corners of your mind.

Mark looks at you blankly in response, albeit dead straight at your eyes with quiet conviction. The edges of his lips curve up slightly to what you’d make out as a confused smile. What comes out of his mouth right afterwards, without missing a beat, somehow manages to short circuit the tangledness that you’ve learned to hold for the longest time. And made you realize that maybe, reality shouldn’t be perceived in a scope that has been narrowed to fit some cookie cutter belief.

“…I don’t get it. I wouldn’t stalk you. Why would I, when I have the real thing right here with me?”

i gotta say too fast yuyu umjigimeun blues clues line literally was made for johnny LMAOOO

i just know the sheer amt of songs niki has been writing abt one person throughout her entire career as an artist bc it really mirrors me n the way i have been writing my fics since the beginning of this blog

hi i’m aware i have been moving weird on here HAHA but idk bro it has been a p different past few weeks & for some reason i wanna talk about it kinda openly here . maybe cos i talk abt intimacy difficulties a fair bit w my fics in general

posted these tweets ytd & am currently bouta sob 4 the same reason js thinkin of being genuine of my feels man … literally js sitting here feeling so . humbled n overwhelmed all at the same time man the Human Experience ™️ really is something else …..

is it bouta be shark week for me ??? Maybe . But it still ain’t a lie that for once i chose to follow my gut to pursue something that i felt has always been too important to me n it ended up actually … working out. idk . i’m just .. yeah

idk yeah, maybe i’m just humbled cos its like . i went thru so much n ventured out the distance which only managed to lead my way back home . idk maybe i’m just humbled by life in general

but errm yeah, try coming home to urself more often friends, it might not be too much of a bad idea 💙 9/10 would try to do again -1 cos it still scares the shit outta me but thats lifee i suppose aha

yeah also special thanks indeed 2 that guy on my last fic he rly made me take a good look into the mirror n see damn have u been real to urself or nah (the answer was no had no idea wt i ws doin w him n a lot of other ppl in retrospect) anyways hsjjfksnd i have been rambling seeya

[11.42 pm]

“I’m just a really guarded person.” Jaehyun mutters under his breath.

“…I mean, me too.” You respond.

“..Then you get it, don’t you?”

“…I do… But,” You start. “..But then it means that.. Nothing’s going to get.. Adequately exchanged between us.”

“…I mean…. I like silence.”

“….I do, too.”

“..So what’s the problem then?”

“…”

You choose to look at his eyes intently, only to see your own being reflected right back at you. The same pair of eyes that seem to hold the entire universe in them with abandon—as if to desperately conceal the sheer weight of the void endlessly stretching in between the carefully crafted planets and stars haphazardly strewn across the surface, falling flat against the greater dimension of the emptiness held deeper within.

…The kind of pattern you find yourself to be overly familiar with.  

“I just… Don’t want us to have the problem of being detached…. from ourselves, and each other.” You say while looking down, in a quieter voice, not even entirely convinced by the words escaping your mouth.

You do admit that you’d want to establish a connection with him.

….Some kind of connection.

..But is that really what you want from him?

More importantly,

…Is he really what you want?

Keep reading

lmaooo 8.55 am have not slept a wink n wrote a thing cos i just felt like i really gotta (maybe or maybe not related w said sleeplessness…..its one of those nights wen u js gotta write some of ur thoughts out) . man . hope i wake up n see something legible HAHA . anyways . have a good weekend everyone

another one i wrote that don’t think ill continue hahaha 😅 posting here cos i think i wrote a lil bit of a banger if i do say so mself HAHAHHAA  ok ..,

(a/n: erm yee .. im aware that some of my irls have access to my tumblr cos of my own carelessness and i’d like to say the things i post are just a byproduct of my experiences n much more likely than not would reflect none of my current views unless expressed otherwise LMAOOO icb i gotta write this man sheeesh anyways ..)