showing all posts tagged #nct
[11.42 pm]
“I’m just a really guarded person.” Jaehyun mutters under his breath.
“…I mean, me too.” You respond.
“..Then you get it, don’t you?”
“…I do… But,” You start. “..But then it means that.. Nothing’s going to get.. Adequately exchanged between us.”
“…I mean…. I like silence.”
“….I do, too.”
“..So what’s the problem then?”
“…”
You choose to look at his eyes intently, only to see your own being reflected right back at you. The same pair of eyes that seem to hold the entire universe in them with abandon—as if to desperately conceal the sheer weight of the void endlessly stretching in between the carefully crafted planets and stars haphazardly strewn across the surface, falling flat against the greater dimension of the emptiness held deeper within.
…The kind of pattern you find yourself to be overly familiar with.
“I just… Don’t want us to have the problem of being detached…. from ourselves, and each other.” You say while looking down, in a quieter voice, not even entirely convinced by the words escaping your mouth.
You do admit that you’d want to establish a connection with him.
….Some kind of connection.
..But is that really what you want from him?
More importantly,
…Is he really what you want?
[1.18 am]
“You know, I’m still seeing him. He’s still coming over from time to time,”
Doyoung looks at you with a blank face, but you know the way his mind might’ve been racing a thousand times faster. After four months of seeing each other, you start to pick up on all the little habits he fails to communicate verbally. He proceeds to slowly place his phone on his bed where you’ve both been lounging on for the past few hours, looks down for a moment, scoffs to himself, then forces a smile at you.
“…I knew it,”
“Yeah,”
“Well, do you like him?”
“I don’t. You know I don’t,” You respond.
He looks at you for a moment, saying not a word.
“You know I like you.” You say honestly, looking at him straight in the eyes.
“..I like you, too.” He responds as per usual, albeit with what seems like a hint of excruciating pain in his voice.
He looks down for a moment, seemingly trying to collect himself. You look at him, lips forming a straight line, mind emptied. You relent to the understanding that he doesn’t seem to like this arrangement all too much, despite having that as the initial agreed-upon base to your relationship. Even so, in the darkest corners of your heart, you desperately hope that he’ll stay. He’ll stay long enough to convince you out of this emptiness you’ve come to settle for yourself—that maybe you deserve better.
“..I think I might actually even be… Falling for you. No. y/n, I have been falling for you, and I want to say that.”
….. No. Not like that. Not now. Not right now, not at this moment.
[3.27 am] - when mark lee comforts you in place of your toxic boyfriend
fluff, light smut, light angst
►listen to kiss me - dpr live, get you - daniel caesar
After being abandoned by your boyfriend in the middle of a concert as he chooses to continue to cheer for Post Malone rather than your actual mental health, Mark invites you over in hopes of cheering you up—by offering to spend some time together at his place. This unfortunately wasn’t the first time your boyfriend’s treated you poorly, and Mark’s one of the people around you that’s taken note of that. You’ve never really had that whole love relationship thing figured out—you’ve always just impulsively agreed and ran with whatever impact hit the hardest. Finding yourself limply hovering over the toilet in one of the stalls as you try to control your panic attack alone, you find yourself finally choosing to go through with Mark’s invitation. And that’s how you’ve spent the rest of the night, hanging out with Mark—until well past midnight. Mark’s been greeting you with gentle warmth and comfort like he always has, and you can’t help but feel like this is how things should be—whatever it is that would be.
You glance at the clock hanging above the entrance to Mark’s apartment—it’s showing half past 3. In the morning.
“Hey Mark, I should probably get going and call an Uber, it’s past 3 am—”
“It’s really late at night, there should be no Uber out.” He cuts you off simply, re-emerging from his bedroom to take care of the kitchen.
You pause at his remark, the cogs in your head stopping abruptly for reasons you’re not completely sure of. Something’s definitely not clicking logically, but for whatever reason your mind decides to skip that train of thought altogether.
“O-oh, okay..”
“You could sleep on my bed. I’ll be sleeping on the sofa,” He continues nonchalantly as he washes the mugs you’ve both drank from earlier tonight.
“…”
“You could sleep on the bed, too,”
You couldn’t believe the words that were coming out of your mouth.
Mark slowly spins his body away from manning the dishes, facing you.
“..Come again?”
“You could sleep on the bed, with me.”
[8.43 pm] - motives pt. 2
“Mark,” You breathe out.
“Yes baby?” He replies, pupils blown out, lips sullied in deep crimson.
“We’ve been making out for 3 hours.” You say with an incredulous smile.
“So?” He asks, seemingly slightly inconvenienced by your interruption.
“…..Are you not going to go further?” You say, scoffing from the rhetorical question.
“But I love kissing you,” He says, pecking your lips once more, “This time I actually have a reason to.”
“Oh yeah? And what’s that?” You challenge him with a smile.
“I mean,” He starts, looking away, then quickly looking back at your eyes, “You know that I actually like you now,”
“Mmhm,”
“So it wouldn’t be weird if I wanted to kiss you longer… We’re not just fucking each other anymore,”
“Are we not?” You ask.
“Are we not??” He repeats. “I thought we’re past that, what—”
You kiss him in the middle of his sentence, smiling widely at him. “I’m kidding.”
“Jesus, y/n,” He breathes out, “You fucking scared me, you know the amount of courage I had to muster to pull that stunt in the diner?”
You laughed, being reminded of the clusterfuck that was that night.
“Oh my god, dude, you really surprised me there,” You say after suppressing your laughter, “I really can’t believe you actually did that.”
“Me neither man, something really possessed me there.”
“Jaemin probably did,” You say, giggling. “Man’s got a knack with meddling with others’ business. That’s why I never liked him.”
“What makes me different, then?” Mark asks with a cheeky smile.
“What makes you think you’re any different?” You say with a deadpanned face.
“y/n, cut that out, please!” He pleads, putting his head on your chest. You laugh your heart out at the sight of the boy that makes your heart swell at least three times its size, and the fact that he’s baring his feelings towards you with such transparency.
That is, before he proceeds to tickle your sides slightly, while peppering soft kisses on your chest.
“Ah—ah Mark, don’t do that!! It confuses me,” You whine, though alternated with soft moans as it does turn you on at the same time.
He chuckles ominously, “It’s payback time, baby.”
[2.21 am]
The moment your bodies hit the bed, you’ve only known the feel of your fingers making home in the spaces of Jaemin’s hands. With his back against you as your bodies entangle itself with each other, Jaemin gently kisses your knuckles slowly, as if to savor your presence. His kisses are so gentle, it threatens to coax open the confines of your heart, and for once, let softness fill you to the brim.
“You’re so cute,” He begins, kissing one knuckle.
“So sweet,” He continues, kissing the next.
“…And you genuinely care about other people.” He finishes, sentence seemingly hanging in the air.
“….Well thanks for seeing that in me, I guess,” You say, with a quizzical yet innocent smile, silently questioning his sudden remark, as you’re unable to see his face.
He keeps quiet for a moment.
“You know, y/n… I-if feelings become involved, if you catch feelings, in the past I’ve just let things go, but with you, I’m willing to work things out, see how things go,”
“…Come again?”
“Or if I catch feelings, you know, either way, I’m willing to work things out.”
“..You think I’m catching feelings?” You say, your own voice not reaching the depths of your heart this time around, as if reverberating on the surface of your skin. “What makes you think I would?” You scoff, pushing away the remnants of tenderness that’s turned into suffocation within a mere second.
“I don’t know, you know, just in case, because I hadn’t thought of that stuff yet—”
“—Well, me neither. So we’d be on the same page. Nothing wrong about that,”
The warmth you’ve been feeling from his grip radiates in gentle stillness, a little too still, a little too gentle, to the point that it might almost hurt you.
“..But things can go wrong even when two people are on the same page.” He finally replies.
“….I guess you have a point.” You respond matter-of-factly.
….Not wanting to reveal to Jaemin, not especially to your own self, that you just wish to dismiss this conversation, that this conversation shouldn’t even take place given the connection you’ve built, and that the moment he’s held you in his arms, there’s nowhere else you’d rather be, and that you’ve chosen to submerge yourself in his warmth over the one you’ve cultivated for yourself. That you knew, at that very moment, you’ve clearly made up your mind on taking this precarious risk over the very comfortable safety you’ve come to know for the longest time. Holding him feels so right, it scares you like nothing else. And you’re silently hoping that he feels the exact same way too.
part two of the playlist series
fluff, comedy, angst, college + fuckgirl au
johnny suh’s birthday party allowed for a serendipitous reconnection with mark lee, and you find yourself taking the precarious leap of faith in trying to be emotionally vulnerable, once more.
►listen to love affair - umi, kiss me more - doja cat, baby powder - jenevieve, restless - bibi, pink matter - frank ocean, forrest gump - frank ocean, cayendo - frank ocean
“You sure you got everything? Your keys, phone—condoms? Plural,”
You sigh into an endeared smile. “Yes, Jenjen, don’t worry about it, don’t think I’ll be getting it on tonight anyway,”
“Hey, better safe than sorry. You know how things could get with you.” Jennie warns you, then looking back into the bathroom mirror as she continues her skin routine, hair wrapped neatly in a towel.
You roll your eyes, smiling lovingly at your best friend, then briefly scrunching your face in your complete inability to talk back to her, “Okay, yeah, you have a point. Thanks for always keeping me in check Jen,”
“Always baby,” She mutters, still focused on the mirror, before craning her neck to check on you, “Don’t forget to text me when you arrive and when you leave his apartment, okay? Update me,”
“Okay, will do mom,” You chuckle, before opening your apartment door to finally catch your uber to Johnny’s apartment.
After a 30-minute uber ride, you finally arrive at your destination. The air outside is chilly during this time of the year, so you thank yourself for choosing to complete your black bodycon dress with an oversized brown teddy coat. Not wanting to appear too done up, you pair your look with thigh high socks and a pair of loafer shoes—all black. You walk closer to the entrance of Johnny’s apartment, before taking your phone out of your jacket pocket to dial his number.
“Yo, y/n, wassup,” He picks up, and you could hear faint sounds of laughter and cheering, assuming the party’s pretty much already started with several people present.
“Hey, I’m downstairs, come pick me up,” You respond.
“Gotcha. Hey guys, I’m gonna go down for a sec, y/n’s here, Hold up, kay?”
“Sure, thanks.”
After a few minutes, you see a familiar tall figure emerging from the lifts you’re able to see through the apartment’s automatic doors, and Johnny’s face lights up in a smile as he spots you in the entrance, walking his way quicker towards you. Briefly brushing his hair back as he beeps his card to let you in, you can’t help but think if he knows you find that habit of his incredibly attractive.
“Hey, hey, wassup, y/n, thanks for coming,” He says, wrapping you in a big hug.
“Hey, happy birthday John, thanks for inviting me,” You respond with a smile.
He sighs into a smile as he looks down at you. “You look good.”
“Thanks. You look great too, haha,” You say as your gaze sweeps across his body, and you wouldn’t be lying as his physique somehow always completes a simple collared shirt and a pair of jeans in the most appealing way. You decide that it’s probably thanks to his proportions—and obviously, the muscles do definitely play a part. You shake off your thoughts of your last meet with him, being reminded of several details—you’re here for a damned birthday celebration, y/n—you try to tell yourself.
You follow him to the lifts so he could take you both to the rooftop, and as you enter, you can’t help but maybe sense a tiny bit of tension between you two—and not the negative kind. You hold yourself from breaking out into a smile from the quietness between you two considering how your last meet went.
“If we weren’t having a party I’d probably push you against the walls of this lift right now,” He finally sputters.
“Johnny!” You warn him jokingly in the midst of chuckling, thinking to yourself that he indeed would be one to address the elephant in the room.
part one of the playlist series
smut, comedy, fluff, college + fuckgirl au
a dinner date with johnny suh led to you indulging yourself in him, and perhaps, provided further incentive for you in pursuing deeper relationships with others once more.
►listen to it’s a vibe - 2 chainz, body language - big sean, like i want you - giveon
“Finally y/n has some time to see me, huh?” Johnny teases you as he settles on the seat across yours in a dimly lit diner.
“Hey, don’t make it sound like that,” You scoff, breaking into a wide smile.
“It’s just what it is, y/n, with you being in demand and all,” He says offhandedly as he starts browsing the menu.
You could only lightly chuckle at his remark, Johnny’s always been such a good conversationalist, and you find that his tendency to lean towards playful, flirty banter too compatible to leave alone. That’s how you finally decide to take up his offer on a dinner date despite mostly preferring to stay cooped up at home.
“How you been?” He asks you after maintaining a somewhat lasting gaze on you.
“How have I been? I’ve been alright, I guess—”
“Yeah thought summer camp did a huge number on you, you barely could walk to the bus after two nights of living it up and partying, heh. Remember Mina helping you walk. Great look on you by the way, but I was just a little concerned at the end. Maybe just a tad.” He lightly jokes, but you actually do sense his concern from the gentle tone of his voice.
You burst out in laughter from the utter embarrassment that all that really did happen in summer camp. Damn, you truly let yourself go that time.
“I’m all good, dude, don’t worry. Been through worse when I’m drunk,” You say matter-of-factly.
“…Not sure if I should be concerned or relieved, but I’ll take it.” Johnny chuckles.
You scoff, shaking your head. “So, we ordering or what?”
“Oh, yeah, so I’m assuming you’d be good with drinks too tonight?” He asks.
“Yeah, I’m down.” You respond.
“Cool. Let’s keep it under control this time, don’t want you puking five times a day like last time—”
“Oh my god, shut the fuck up, please,” You say, covering your face from the embarrassment, albeit being unable to suppress your laughter in utter disbelief of your own antics.
“It’s all good, y/n, you’s always a party,”
“Oh god,” You sigh out, in the midst of your chuckling.
nct series masterlist
in your search of a genuine connection, you find yourself hurting people in more ways than one. you’ve never meant for it to be that way however–you just find it much easier to open your legs rather than trying to pry open the darker crevices of your heart. but that doesn’t mean you’ll stop trying. will you find the answer you’re looking for–and if you do–what would he look like?
pairing(s): open for a surprise (all 1 on 1 pairings with reader, no poly)
genre: smut, comedy, fluff, angst, fuckgirl!au, college!au
warning(s): this series will contain highly descriptive smut, explicit language, alcohol use, slight degradation, slight implications of past abusive relationship (will update if there are more).
▸full playlist ! 🖤 tunes to listen to while reading
🖤
track 1: [geronimo!] - reader x johnny
track 2: [cayendo] - reader x mark / johnny
track 3:
track 4:
track 5:
track 6:
track 7:
[9.01 pm] - when johnny suh makes for an unexpected companion after you got stood up in a valentine’s day date
►listen to ‘dance by offonoff if you’re in a bar’
You’re clad in your favorite black dress that hugs your curves in all the right places, adorned with precious silver jewellery and a pair of black stilettos, complete with a soft glam look with glossy lips that glimmer in the low lights of the hotel bar. You made sure to look your best tonight, yet finding yourself sitting defeatedly on one of the bar stools, with your leather handbag limply perched on the table surface. You rest your elbows, delicately cupping your own cheeks while sighing softly to yourself.
Noticing your movements, a bartender slowly makes his way towards you after attending to the other patrons in the relatively empty bar. This doesn’t come as a surprise, as this particular bar venue would not be accessible to many, due to the nature of its pricing and overall exclusivity. That would also be the reason why you made sure to dress up really well in the first place.
“What can I get you, miss?” He asks politely as he continues wiping glasses behind the counter with a washcloth.
“Two shots of absinthe, please.” You sighed out.
Although the bartender exercises an unsurprised look given your response, you could sense that he’d be a little concerned with your drink of choice given its strength. But before he could interject, you feel a slight movement occupying the empty spot next to yours.
“What’s a beautiful lady doing taking solo absinthe shots during the night of Valentine’s Day?” The stranger asks after settling in his seat. You fixate your eyes on the soft glow of the bar lights reflected on the surfaces of the liquor bottles, not even bothering to take a look at the man now seated beside you. A stranger trying to butt his way into your business would normally bother you, but tonight, it really seems like you really couldn’t care less about anything, anymore.
“She’ll have a blue lagoon. I’ll have the standard whiskey on the rocks.” He promptly says to the bartender.
You finally bring yourself to turn your head to take a look at this stranger, and you’d be lying if you said the sight you’ve been presented with fails to take your breath away. This man dons a crisp black vest and pants combination, elongating his already striking body proportions, with a black tie neatly tucked against the fitted white shirt he wears beneath his vest. His locks lush; slightly long, dark brown—slicked back accentuating his high cheekbones and prominent jawline. You don’t fail to notice this man wearing a pair of black leather loafers to complete his entire polished ensemble. He looks nothing short than a million dollars—yet somehow doing so without appearing loud and gaudy. You won’t even disagree if someone were to say that he’d be sophistication and refined personified.
“Oh, apologies miss for my interruption, my name’s John.” He chuckles, putting his hand in between you two. “My friends sometimes call me Johnny, but whatever works for you.”