As this blog closes in on 5,000 items (compared to published manuals that tend to have a few dozen at most) I worry about things getting repetitive, so I used Perchance.org’s randomizer tools to put together an Item Generator! Will you get something amazing? Something useful? Something incomprehensible? Who knows?
Credits to @Hakusi_Katei from X/Twitter
i looked it up and apparently it is a product the designer has for sale but there was a first batch of 500 available in December that sold out and apparently another wave is coming this month
and apparently the designer is actually called Monoli as per this tweet:
Item: Cube of Lower Resolution
the skull shower relaxes you and give you more power from memory file
“Man, I love being able to shower while we’re out on the road!”
“Yeah, but are you at all concerned about how the water comes out of a skull? Like isn’t that usually a sign of it being dangerous or poisonous or something?”
“I’m sure it’s fine” (-1) (-1) (-1) (-1)
Underrated JRPG feature is when one party member uses some non-weapon object as a weapon, but you still upgrade your stats by buying weapons, so now every weapon shop in the world needs to carry parasols of increasing lethality
This post inspired by how Genis in Tales of Symphonia canonically uses a ball and cup toy (kendama) because he's a kid
ALTBut because everyone in the game also gets an Ultimate Evil Super Cursed Ancient Weapon, the game has to find a way to make an Ultimate Evil Super Cursed Ball and Cup Toy. You know. For evil children.
ALTItem: Ultimate Evil Super Cursed Ball and Cup Toy
Item: Bowl of Drippings
Oh, whoops, I put it in TeePublic and accidentally provided context! Honestly this one's even more fun with it, so maybe you wanna rock it on a tank to the beach or pool?
Item: Tunic of the Tiger-Like Glare; grants the wearer a glare like that of a tiger, apparently
Item: wizard robes are passé, these days the fashionable wizards are wearing cowl-neck pant suits
feeling sick from laughing at this pre workout brand I saw on google images
Item: plastic tub containing fifty servings of powdered The Curse
Item: Instant Vortex; a simple black plastic box that allows even a casual user to generate a small but usable vortex.
Walter Molino - Matrimonio robotico (1967)
Item: robot specially equipped for kissing
These ridiculous things exist, but are potato quality and I can’t find any higher-res versions.
I found the source of the thicc Pokemon! They’re from an NFT collection by Thicc Labs on OpenSea.
The description reads
Professor Oak used unstable Thicc chemicals and concocted 151 big booty Thiccs!
Interestingly, the thicc Blastoise art predates the February 2022 NFT collection date. My guess is that the twitter post I linked above is by the person behind the collection, since it’s stylistically-consistent and is the same thicc Blastoise that appears in the NFT collection.
For some reason, AliExpress has only gotten ahold of three of these, and for some reason, they only chose to show garbage-quality copies of the art. Now, at last, the original, non-potato art can finally be revealed!
A few more of my faves are below
Item: Unstable Thicc Chemicals, a potion that grants Pokémon (and possibly other monsters) huge asses, as well as an expanded moveset that makes use of them
(Also I love that they tried to sell these as NFTs and now they’re on AliExpress)
Like I give a Fuck
Item: Spider-Man fountain that sprays gay beer that turns grass into astroturf
