Coffee date
He was doing a lot to the point where it felt like he was running on fumes.
He kept himself busy, even making new friends and going out with Maddie, Josh, and Ravi.
Maddie told him she was proud of him, that he was finally getting used to be single and adjusting to break-up being done for good.
Buck nodded in agreement, smiled and said thanks. Trying his best to sound assured and confident. As though he was proud of himself.
Hell, even Hen and Chimney noted how focused he was at work and how on top of his game he was being during calls.
"Look at that, Buck all grown up." Chimney smiled teasingly at him, thumping him on his back. "What version of Buck is this now? 4.0 or 5.0?"
Hen shook her head, chuckling as she replied."Hmm, I think this might be version 6. Right Buck?"
Buck went along with the teasing.
-
"Melatonin is crap." Buck mumbled to himself tiredly. He thought by now he would be able to fall asleep. He was keeping himself physically and mentally busy to the point where he felt tired but couldn't sleep. At least not for longer than two hours.
He had done everything from working out before bed to tire him out, drinking warm milk, hot chamomile tea, drinking pomegranate juice, taking scalding hot shower and baths, rubbing lavender all over his body, to now finally taking melatonin.
He looked at his phone.
2:38 am.
"Great."
He got up and pulled on some joggers and a hoodie and a beanie.
He needed to get the hell out of his house.
He wasn't sure where he could go but found himself driving around for a while before deciding to head to Norms.
Honestly it was better than nothing.
And definitely better than going to Dennys.
The diner was busy for this time of night (morning really). Buck was graful for it though, he needed the distraction.
The waitress ended up giving him a small table by the windows. Buck gave her a tight smile as he started to look over the menu. He wasn't hungry. Just tired.
But not tired enough to where he could sleep.
He rubbed his eyes and then face. He just needed to sleep.
He hadn't told anyone yet on the team or Maddie or Eddie about this insomnia problem he was having.
Honestly, he expected to not be taken too seriously or just be told to deal with it before it affected his job.
"You look like how I feel." Said a gruff voice next to him.
Right as Buck looked to see who said that the waitress came back. Buck fumbled with the menu and his words as he stuttered out his order for a minute. Coffee and some strawberry pancakes with all the fixings because what was the point now.
He heard the guy laugh.
"What?" Buck asked.
The guy, a rough looking guy who was probably in his 40s or 50s with cropped hair and clean face, snickered at him. "You must be going through the crapper if you're ordering that at 3 am."
Buck shrugged, "Couldn't sleep."
"Well, you're definitely not gonna sleep now. All that sugar and caffeine is gonna be super helpful when you're at work."
It was Buck's turn to snicker this time. "Might be helpful then. I'm a firefighter so probably will need the sugar and caffeine."
The guy raised a brow at him. "No kidding? I'm a firefighter too." He stuck out his hand for Buck to shake, "Captain Sal DeLuca. Down at the Long Beach station 12."
Buck shook the man's hand. "NIce to meet you."
"Likewise." Sal nodded his head towards Buck. "What got you so wired?"
"Could ask you the same." Long beach wasn't far, but Buck was sure that there were plenty of diners opened closer to Long Beach. Unless Sal liked driving nearly an hour to work and back by living in Torrance.
Sal shrugged, taking a sip of his coffee. "Had a bad call, my wife and girls were asleep so I figured, let me clear my head. I got therapy in like five hours so I figured I could kill some time here before making the drive back." He set down the mug of coffee. "You?"
Buck took a deep breath out, weighing out his options here. Sal seemed nice to talk to.
Could still be a prick though.
But it's not like Buck would ever see him again after this.
"Honestly?" Buck asked.
Sal quirked a brow, "I asked, didn't i?"
Buck bit the inside of his cheek, still unsure about saying this out loud. But it felt easier to say it to a stranger. "I haven't been able to sleep at my new place since I broke up with my boyfriend."
"Boyfriend?"
Buck felt his hackles rise, his jaw ticked as he asked, "What? You never met a queer firefighter before?"
Sal let out a surprise laugh, "Nah, definitely met plenty. Worked with this lesbian firefighter almost a decade ago." He let out a low whistle. "She could kick my ass and yours and still could take out a fire on her own without breaking a sweat. I'll tell you, anytime my girls said they can't do something I remind them of her, their mother, and my mother." Sal explained. "But what happened with you and your ex boyfriend there? Can't sleep unless he cuddles you to sleep or something?"
Buck felt his eyes sting a bit. "Yeah." He muttered miserably. It caught him and Sal off guard.
"Oh jeez." Sal muttered, wiping his mouth with a napkin and moving to sit across from Buck.
Buck felt tired finally. It was the first time he had admitted it out loud, to even himself.
He missed Tommy.
"Hey, listen. Im sorry. I wasnt trying to be an ass there, I just unfortunately come off that way....a lot." Sal explained. "How long ago was this breakup? Yall were living together or something?"
Buck snorted at that. He explained what happened, from him discovering that he and Tommy had dated the same woman, to Buck's impromptu move in with question, to the break up, to baking, to the hook up, the argument they had, and all about Maddie's advice about being alone.
"Sounds like you both need to talk." Sal told him.
"I tried!"
Sal rolled his eyes, scoffing as he moved his mug of coffee away so he could lean on is elbows. "You didn't try crap. You snapped because you got defensive and your ex boy there got guarded."
Buck slowly chewed his food as he processed that, Sal wasn't completely wrong there.
"You could have told your ex what happened- about you missing him and the baking, but you didn't. You let him leave thinking it was just a hookup."
"He thought I had feeling for my best friend!"
"Do you?"
"No!"
"Well then tell him that!" Sal argued back, both men paused as they realized they were loud and gaining the other patrons attentions. "What? Yall never seen two people argue in a diner before? It's LA, deal with it." Sal shook his head in disdain, he grabbed a strawberry from Buck's plate. "You love this guy?" He didn't let Buck answer, "What am I saying. Of course you do, you're at the "I need him to fall asleep" stage."
Buck felt his face heat up at that.
He missed Tommy.
But love?
Josh had asked him that too. But he couldn't answer. But this time...
"I think I love him." Buck said in depressed awe. The truth hurting and cutting deep in him. He had meaningful relationships before. He had never said I love you though. With Taylor it felt...not like this.
"Of course you do." Sal rolled his eyes. "What are you gonna do about it is the question."
Buck slumped back in his chair, he rubbed his chest as the fear of losing Tommy permanently felt like a possibility. "I-I don't think he would say it back. Not after that."
"Might if you told him the damn truth." Sal grabbed another strawberry. "I get your sister's advice and your friends wanting you not to call the ex. But here's the thing; they got lives. I'm sure they got their own spouses or something at home. You're like what 35? 36?"
"33."
"Still a grown ass man who can make his own damn mind about what he wants. You want to call the ex, call him. You want to try about being alone, try it out. But you doing this thing were you need permission or some sort of validation? Guidance, whatever the hell you want to call it? It's not gonna work. At the end of day, you gotta make up your own mind otherwise you're gonna be pissed with the end results that you didn't decide for yourself."
It was rough advice, but Buck realized he was right. It sucked to hear, but Sal was right.
Buck sighed, rubbing his head as he realized he could talk to Maddie, Eddie, Bobby, Ravi, and the others till he turned blue in the face. But this was a him (and Tommy) problem.
"I want to talk to him. I need to talk to him and tell him the truth this time."
Sal stole another strawberry. "Gonna tell you the same thing I told a buddy of mine from back in the day- dude was into all that rom-com crap: a real relationship takes work, it's not all roses and soft music. Either you work for it or you don't. And if you." He pointed a red stained finger at Buck, "Seriously love this guy, then both of you need to be honest with each other. Otherwise, what's the point?"
Buck smiled down at his lap, "Seems like therapy is helping you there."
Sal cleaned off his hand with a napkin, giving Buck the side eye. "Shut it." Sal checked his phone, groaning at he stood up and stretched. "I gotta start heading back."
It was Buck who stuck out his hand this time, "Thanks for listening, Sal."
Sal waved him off, " Don't mention it....?"
Buck snickered, realizing he had just told his most recent dating life story before giving out his name. "It's Buck. Evan Buckley, really. But people call me Buck mostly."
"Well, it's been nice talking to yah, Buck. Good luck with the ex boyfriend there." Sal threw a twenty on his table. "It's on me. You could use a break since you still look like crap." Before he walked off, he turned back around to Buck. "Hey, if things don't work with the ex. I got an old friend of mine I've been meaning to catch up with. He's into dudes too, only downside is he's really into rom-coms. But, he's a pretty cool dude for the most part."
Buck let out a genuine laugh, shaking his head as he told Sal. "I'm good, thanks though. I-I think my ex might be it for me."
Sal smiled knowingly at him "Good luck then." He started to walk backwards as he told Buck "I expect a damn wedding invite or a Christmas card at least."
Once Sal was out of the diner, Buck pulled out his phone and opened his contact list to find Tommy's number. It was after 5 now.
"Evan?" Tommy's groggy voice still caused the butterflies in Buck’s stomach to stir. "You okay?"
Buck felt fidgety already, "Yeah, I'm fine I-we should talk. Like really talk." He took a quick glance outside, the streets were still pretty empty. "Can I come by?"
It took exactly 10 seconds for Tommy to reply back "Yeah, of course you can."
