no you dont understand, i’m obsessed with him

no you dont understand i’m obsessed with him

ngl, this song slaps way harder than it has any earthly right to

Story time: When I was at university in Japan I lived in an international dorm with all of the other foreign exchange students, and my best friend at the uni was a French girl who lived directly across the hall from me. Nausicaa, and we taught each other slang from our native languages. 

One of the first things she taught me was to respond like this when someone’s looking for something, so like “où sont mes clés?” (where are my keys?) “dans ton cul” (in your ass), which can then be followed up with “comme ma bite” (like my dick)

Fast forward 8 years and Nausicaa comes to visit London from Lyon with her boyfriend, who I’ve never met before, and at one point he says “ou est mon tabac?” (where’s my tobacco?), and of course I say “dans ton cul”, and the boyfriend looks at me like “what the fuck English person” and then when the follow up of “comme ma bite” comes, he laughs so hard I think he’s gonna break a rib, and Nausicaa is just there with this shit eating grin and is like “I taught them that” 

She told me later that day that of all the things she taught me and we learned together, she was so proud that saying “up your ass, like my dick” was what stuck

im sorry i literally cannot get this out of my head since last night

this is for you melinda 😔 ✊i hope you like it 🥺🎵they ought to teach 🧑‍🏫 this in school 🧐its not ❌ always cool 🥶 to be cool 😎what⁉️ (what❓)they 🫵 try to play 🎲 you for a fool 🥴like 💭 you see a girl whos unique 😲 its a treat 😃 cause shes sweet 🙂and she always seems to knock 💥 you off your feet ☺️you wanna say hey 👋 but you dont 🙁 (you dont 🙍‍♂️)your mom says tell her how you feel 🤒 but you wont 🙅‍♂️cause youre just too cool 🧊 to tell her truly ✅that your feelings are gettin unruly 💢 dont try and school me 🚫so she passes you by 🚶‍♀️ in the hall wayyoure staring at the wall 👁️👁️ tryina play 🤾‍♂️ while i sayyeah youre cool 😏 (what❓ 😨)really cool 🥶 just like ice ❄️ (ice❗)but you did nt real ize you never 😔 get this chance twice 2️⃣so youre busy playing cool now shes gone 😢 (shes gone 😩)gone unto a nother 🧍‍♂️ while i sing my funky song 🎶 i never passed up the chance 🤬i know this story 📖 seems long 😴 but when i know 🤔 the time 🕰️ is right for me 🤙 and you 🫵 i justflame on 🔥 flame on 🎆and on 👆 and on 👆 and on 👆 (flame on 🔥 flame on💥) (yeah 👊)flame on 😱 and on 😤 and on 🥵 and on 🥵 and on 🥵flame on 🔥 (i just flame on 😔 👊)🎵keep calm 🧘‍♂️ everyone 🫡don't panic 🗯️FLAME ON 👿w… ww whats happenin 😨we're sinking‼️ 👇into the center 🔥 of the earth 🌎

The Original

Wait, actually the original? This post is historic

I love when household beasts are like whoa. You were gonna piss all on your own? No backup or companionship or anything? Babe. I got you. I'm right here. You don't have to be alone during this difficult time (pissing), and you won't be. Ever. This is not a discussion.

(Source)

At this time, there is not a clear reason why Trump decided to abruptly fire the head of the powerful domestic spy agency.

i like working at plant store. sometimes you ring up someone and there's a slug on their plant and so you're like "Oh haha you've got a friend there let me get that for you" and you put the slug on your hand for safekeeping but then its really busy and you dont have time to take the slug outside before the next customer in line so you just have a slug chilling on your hand for 15 minutes. really makes you feel at peace with nature. also it means sometimes i get to say my favorite line which is "would you like this free slug with your purchase"

@holyknuckled you get it. lterally what are we here on earth for if not to occasionally impose gastropods upon unsuspecting customers. this story is delightful

Stinky

Protestantism.jpg

Okay but I went and found the clip and NOTHING could prepare your for this man’s delivery.

Anyone awake?

In a quantum state until i am observed

*observing you*

The more you know about whether I'm asleep or not, the less you know about what time it is

By knowing that I am exactly awake, you are sent to a realm where, or rather when, you are at every time simultaneously.

What?

Being asleep isn't a binary, but a scale, I can be half asleep, among other things.

By taking a probability density of how asleep I am, you can apply the fourier transform to see the probability density of how sleepy time it is.

This means that the more you know about the state of sleepy, the less is known about the state of time

Are you implying that sleeping and time are inversely linked?

We start from the understanding that people are sleepy OVER time.

Next, we remember that sleepiness is not a binary state. You can be (and, in fact, almost always are) SLIGHTLY sleepy even while awake, and can be more or less deeply asleep (i.e. slightly awake even while sleeping), and anything in between.

At any given time, you can be in any number of different amounts of sleepiness. Similarly, a person with a given, specific, exact amount of sleepiness could occur at several different points in time.

The Heisenberg uncertainty principle is, here, being used as the punchline of a joke.

Prev-prev is saying that, if you treat a person like a quantum particle, you can state that it has both velocity SLEEPINESS and momentum TIME OF DAY properties, which both have a chance of being in any one of an infinite continuance of values.

The more precisely you know what time of the day it is, the less precisely you know what sleepiness level they have because you know the time of day, but not the exact day (since, after all, every day has a 4pm in it and presumably you've been at different sleepiness levels each time). Probabilistically, if you picked that exact time of day, you have no idea which amount of sleepy they are... only that they are definitely at 4pm.

On the other hand, the more precisely you know the sleepiness level, the less certain you can be about the time of day they experienced it at, since probabilistically you can know, precisely, that they're exactly half-asleep... but were they half-asleep at breakfast or half-asleep waking up in the middle of the night? You can't know for sure and have no way of narrowing it down.

---

basically it's a joking extension of quantum mechanics for shits and giggles

this gave me more insomnia