(tl;dr: this is just a long ramble, me trying to convince myself that I need to stop feeling so shy and inaccurate about my bookbinding and that sharing my photos and talking about my projects is valid.)
As I'm preparing Binderary, I've contacted authors of my favourite fanfics to make sure they didn't mind me adding their stories to my bookshelf, posting photos And, if they're interested, to send them a copy (if funds allow; being on the verge of becoming a redundancy does put a question mark to it. It's still something I very much want to make a part of my ethics.)
I tried to build a script for when I contact said authors (and maybe you noticed already, if I've contacted you): a comment in which I desperately try to explain my approach and show I'm a reliable and passionate fanbinder.
I swear I'm a writer, but I cringe every time I try to put words on this. I have this huge feeling of illegitimacy, of someone who needs to apologise before I even started the process of binding. I feel like I have to justify everything, in a "don't be afraid, this is a nice project I swear, look here are a billion references that make my message all the more overwhelming" kind of way.
I also feel like I'm getting everyone's hopes up, because so many fanbinded books I've seen are gorgeous, while mine are terrible. There's glue everywhere; the pages are printed sideways; the ink bled; the hinges and squares are uneven. Everything is a "prototype" because I don't dare call it a book.
I am immensely grateful for the kindness of the authors I contacted, who were all so accepting, encouraging, and even enthusiastic (although this last one makes me nervous, because as mentioned above: expectations, oh no.)
Now that I have completed some personal projects, I know from experience that photos should not always be trusted, that gorgeous projects have their flaws too, and as such, that mine have a right to be wonky and uneven.
An example: the very first notebook I binded.
I took an old notebook I didn't like the cover of, destroyed it, re-sewed the signatures, added these "Flower Power" pages from a decorated pad I bought for something else completely, and then fought for my life against glue and the paper I picked for the cover.
It does not look awful, if you see the photo from afar. I know multiple people around me said it was nice.
My cover tore, and I had to add a ribbon to vaguely hide it. Except I didn't have a ribbon that fit. So I added a torn ribbon over a torn cover, adding glue everywhere.
It's even worse on the other side, where you also see that my book case is completely crooked and the squares are so uneven it's almost funny. There's one centimeter of difference here.
As the case would not stick, I added glue and ended up wrapping the endpages INSIDE the cover, rather than glueing them above. The paper tore. Beginner's mistakes.
But hey, the glue makes it shiny, and wrapping looks like I wrapped a present! How fancy.
And yet, when you don't know about it, with the right light and the right untrained eye, it actually looks somewhat nice.
I'm not exactly proud of the result of this first attempt, although I'm really proud I managed to complete the first attempt itself.
But I didn't learn from these first mistakes, no. I kept making them again and again, so much so that I gave up doing it by myself only and ended up attending a short bookbinding workshop. (Possibly my best decision of 2024.)
Having access to actually good material with a trained teacher definitely helped. The results look betterโand yet.
Look, this one I did last year is so pretty:
The paper cover is gorgeous, and so are the endpapers.
And it's a rounded spine, too, so that's quite fancy. I've had so many people compliment it, and yet...
...yeah. Even with my teacher supervising me in the workshop, it seems like squares are not my friends. It's a good half centimeter here, which on such a small format of notebook actually makes a noticeable differenceโthat no one notices when they stick to the first photos, the ones that made people go "oooh" and "aaah" and received compliments.
Bottom line: I am an amateur, I am legitimate and not inaccurate as such, and I need to stop feeling shy about sharing my bookbinding photos here.
(I do need to learn to take photos, though.)
I've been binding more and more notebooks lately, and made "prototypes", and learnt a lot. And now, I have received the approval of many writers who are eager to see their stories turned into physical books (and I'm eager too) so I know I can proceed with my experiments. Maybe they even won't feel (too) robbed when they see the result.
I'm still looking for a nice/funny/fitting name for my press. Once I have it, I'll likely do a separate blog specifically for my experiments and actual bindings. I am hopeful that having a blog serving as a portfolio will help in feeling more legitimate when I end up contacting more creators, because there are TONS of stories I want on my bookshelves.
I've been trying to handmake books since I was five (there was a lot of adhesive tape involved back then), experimenting a lot along the way, until over 25 years later when I stumbled upon Renegade Bindery and reached the "anyone can make books!" mindset.
A few years later, let's be real: NOT anyone can make books. Why is this hobby so expensive in money, time, energy and room? My apartment is small, my bank account will likely not enjoy the job redundancy, and god knows my time and energy were already quite spare before this.
But I proved myself that I can make books, and people don't seem to hate it? And maybe I can give back to authors who spent hours and hours and hours writing story that kept me going through all these years. Even if my squares are uneven, my pages are cut sideways and my my glue stains are impossible to hide.
So here we are. This was my first post about bookbinding, and most of all fanbinding.
Now, onto finding a nice name for my press, before I can finally share photos of my lovely mess.