What Is Foreplay? 18 Foreplay Tips

The verdict is in, friends: foreplay is the key to good sex. Think of it as the special sauce, the ever-crucial secret ingredient that makes mediocre sex OMFG sex. It is the stuff of magic—and, ICYMI, it is damn near essential for women and AFAB people and women to experience orgasms. Yes, it really is that important. We have got to stop trying to stick it in the oven before the oven is warm, folks. Please.

Take it from clinical sexologist, Lucy Rowett, a certified sex coach, who says that slowing down and prioritizing all the good stuff far too many of us tend to speed right through on the way to bonetown sets you up for better sex from head to toe. “Foreplay doesn't just work to bring more blood flow to your genitals for enhanced arousal, it gets you into the right headspace for great sex and helps take you out of your busy mind,” she says.

So, if you’re ready to embrace the sex-enhancing magic that is foreplay and take your sexperiences to a whole new level, read right on for everything you need to know—from what foreplay really is (and what it isn’t), to all the benefits and must-know tips for mastering this erotic art form. Let’s get into it, shall we?

What Is Foreplay?

Foreplay is generally defined as all the sex stuff that isn’t penetration. That’s everything from hand sex, to mouth sex, to using toys, dry humping, to certain forms of kinky play, and really any other non-penetrative form of sexual touch.

That said, this whole conception of foreplay as all the stuff that comes “before” penetrative sex is, in our opinion, a tad problematic. The issue here is that thinking of foreplay in this way reinforces a BS, heteronormative idea of penetrative, penis-in-vagina (PIV) sex as the only form of “real sex.” Moreover, it also positions said PIV intercourse as some sort of “end goal,” which is simply not it.

Rather, we (and most sex experts these days) encourage a view of sex in which all forms of sexual activity—including those that have traditionally been considered foreplay—“count” as sex.

“By reframing how we view and engage in sex to include all forms of erotic touch and play, we’re giving ourselves permission to connect with our sexual partners and experience pleasure without the limitation of penetration,” sex and relationships coach Tara Suwinyattichaiporn, PhD, previous told Cosmo. “By not categorizing other sexual acts as foreplay but as a part of sex as well, more female pleasure can come into play.”

Speaking of which—hi, yes, most people with clitorises do not experience orgasm through penetrative sex alone. PIV is a good time, don’t get us wrong, but it isn’t the gold standard. We need to adopt the ideology that all sexual activity is created equal, as long as everyone is experiencing pleasure.

The Benefits of Foreplay

The benefits of foreplay are literally immeasurable, because foreplay is what makes sex actually good. Sorry not sorry for saying it!

Foreplay enhances everything when it comes to sex. First and foremost, it gets you turned on! For women and AFAB people, being fully aroused is essential before penetration can be done comfortably and pleasurably. When we fully engage in foreplay and center it as a crucial part of our sexual experiences, we’re much more likely to have an orgasm. In fact, foreplay is how most AFAB people actually cum, not penetration. So yeah, foreplay shouldn’t be a maybe—it’s a must.

In addition to increasing arousal and desire, extending your sex session, and potentially leading to more (and better orgasms), foreplay can also help to build intimacy with a partner.

“Sexual acts that happen during ‘foreplay’ can be satisfying and bond strengthening—deep kissing, nipple play, and oral sex, for instance,” says Suwinyattichaiporn.

Yep, foreplay is basically a win-win-win kinda situation for everyone involved.

Foreplay Tips

Ready to be the best at foreplay? Then allow us to let you in on a big little secret: Pretty much all the very best foreplay tips, tricks, and techniques come down to a little thing called erogenous zones—aka, all the non-genital body parts that get you and your partner all kinds of turned on.

“An erogenous zone is an area where you feel sexually or erotically awakened when touched, stroked, kissed, bit or sucked,” says clinical sexologist Kristine D’Angelo. Think: Inner arms, feet, neck, the lower back, and more. There is no wrong way to explore these different areas of the body—everyone is different when it comes to where and how they like to be touched.

Wondering where to begin this sexplorative journey? We’ve got you! Here are 18 erogenous zones and body parts to stimulate during foreplay to take your sexual encounters to the next level.

1. Around the eyes

Besides the normal parts of your body most often sexualized as erogenous zones, the area around your peepers can be just as sensual and sexual. “Use your thumbs to gently stroke their brows and place gentle kisses on their lids,” says Jill McDevitt, PhD, CalExotics’ resident sexoloist. “There’s a ton of intimacy that can come from deep eye contact and gentle face-stroking like this.”

2. Inner bicep and tricep area

Not only is this spot super sensitive, which can be extremely erotic, but it’s also an easy pleasure point to stimulate. “Make circular motions with your tongue lightly enough to stimulate the area,” says Danny Becker, sexologist at TheEnhancedMale.com. “The skin gets thinner when you get closer to the inner elbow, so use that area to drive your partner wild.” And psst, the lighter the pressure, the better it feels.

3. Collarbone

“The clavicle and the grooves below it can be highly responsive to light touch,” says Jess O’Reilly, PhD, Astroglide’s resident sexologist. Although it’s a random part on your body, your partner can use it to stimulate you in ways you didn’t know existed. “Run the backs of your fingers over the bone and use your tongue along the underside of them,” says O’Reilly.

4. Toes

Full disclosure: You need to check in with your partner to make sure they’re okay with any foot/toe play before you go shrimpin’ since you low-key might get kicked in the face if you don’t. But once you get the go-ahead, “licking or sucking them can be extremely erotic because toes are very sensitive,” says sex expert and relationship therapist Jane Greer, aka Dr. Greer.

5. The earlobes

Xanet Pailet, author of Living an Orgasmic Life, says the ears and earlobes are extremely sensitive for many people. “Nibbling on the earlobes, licking behind their ear, and blowing gently in someone’s ear or telling them sexy things can be a huge turn-on.” She adds that there are even some women and AFAB people (herself included) who can have eargasms just from this sort of stimulation.

6. The inner ear canal

We know this one sounds weird, but hear us out. The inner ear is actually super sensitive and can feel amazing when explored. Have you ever felt that incredible, almost sexual feeling of cleaning your ears? Yeah, it’s about exploring that sensation—in a safe way. We’re not talking about sticking your finger in to glob out some earwax, but touching this area in a more sensual way.

“Glide your finger in slowly and give it a little twist or even a light shake back and forth to release a body tingling sensation that will have them moaning,” says D’Angelo. This type of stimulation can go really well with some gentle nibbling of the earlobe at the same time.

Be sure to go really slowly, as you don’t want to cause pain or discomfort. Don’t go all the way to the back of the canal, as this is actually bad for your ears. Proceed with caution!

7. Behind the knees

The soft spot behind the knee can be extremely responsive when it’s gently stroked or massaged. D’Angelo says this can be especially intoxicating when you hold eye contact with your partner. “Play around with this using different types of strokes with the fingertips or the whole length of the finger,” she says. “It may just drive your partner wild!”

Keep in mind that some people may find this area quite sensitive or even ticklish, so always check in with your partner before giving the backs of their knees a ton of attention. Often when we bring awareness to what we’re about to do, rather than just going for it without warning, we can shift the perception of touch into a sensual headspace, rather than an uncomfortable one. Consent, we love to see it!

8. The scalp

Pailet also points out that the scalp has a ton of nerve endings and should definitely be on your list of ~sensitive spots~. After all, who doesn’t love a good head massage? She suggests running your hands through their hair or lightly grabbing their hair at the nape of their neck.

You can also play with some hair-pulling, if that’s your partner’s jam. “Experiment with hair pulling and tugging by starting gently at first and then seeing how hard your partner likes it,” Rowett suggests. As with all sexperimentation, be sure to check in and make sure your partner is enjoying themselves.

9. Back of the neck and shoulders

Continuing down from the scalp to the nape of the neck brings us to the back of the neck and shoulders. Pailet says that lightly tickling this area can prove extra sensitive. If you and your partner are up for it, some light nibbles or love bites can also help ramp up arousal.

10. Hands

Susan Kaye, PhD, a sexologist in Texas, says your hands are also a very important body part to focus on during foreplay. “Our hands have the same amount of nerve endings as our genitals,” she adds. She suggests closing your partner’s eyes, taking their hands, and slowly guiding them to brush your face with their fingertips, down over your neck, your shoulders, your breasts, and to any other sensitive spots. Use touch to show them exactly how you like to be touched.

11. The pubic bone

According to Genevieve Duarte, a tantric massage expert at White Lotus East in New York City, the start to a truly arousing tantric massage lies with stimulating the surrounding areas of your partner’s body before going straight for the genitals and orgasm. Duarte previously explained that gently massaging the pubic bone can unlock lots of erotic potential. If you’re ready to work in more erogenous zone stimulation, you can go for lightly massaging the perineum—the area between the penis and butthole—with a couple fingers. Duarte suggests holding his penis upward against his body in place while you try this one.

12. The perineum

While you’re at it with the public bone, you can work in more erogenous zone stimulation a by lightly massaging the perineum—the area between the penis/vulva and anus—with a couple fingers. If your partner has a penis, Duarte suggests holding it upward in place against their body while you try this one. If your partner has a vulva, you can stimulate the external clitoris with your fingers while gently kneading the perineum with your knuckles in a rocking motion that will definitely get the juices flowing (we’re sorry!).

13. The ultra-sensitive border around the lips

The buccal nerve, which surrounds the edges of the mouth, has untapped potential to stimulate when you’re kissing. “This area is extremely sensitive to touch, but it’s often overlooked since most people focus on the plump part of the lips,” says clinical sexologist Rachael Ross, MD, PhD. If you try lightly tracing the tip of your finger around the edges of your mouth (like you’re putting on lip liner), you’ll experience a tingly, almost ticklish feeling.

When you’re making out, you don’t need to lick around your partner’s entire mouth to get the benefits—that would be weird. Instead, kiss as you normally do, then use the tip of your tongue to trace the edge of the upper lip lightly. Pull back and playfully kiss them again, then trace the border of their bottom lip.

14. The nipples

Patti Britton, PhD, Los Angeles–based clinical sexologist and author of The Complete Idiot’s Guide to Sensual Massage, previously explained the value of nipple play. Britton adds that this zone can be especially fun to explore with cis-men and AMAB people, as the nipples are often “uncharted territory—an erogenous zone they haven’t experimented with.”

AFAB folks and cis-women often really enjoy nipple play because it can be such a sensitive area to have touched. A study in The Journal of Sexual Medicine actually showed that some can reach orgasm through nipple play alone because it stimulates the same area of the brain as genital stimulation, the genital-cortex. For those who experience nipple-gasms, the connection can be so strong that they’re able to build enough sexual tension in their bodies to have that glorious release. Sign us up, please!

What’s more, you can show your partner exactly what you like done to your bod by acting it out on them. Gently flick them with your tongue, bite them, stroke them, whatever gets those nips a-poppin’. Remember to always check in and make sure everyone is having a good time.

15. That sexy dip where neck meets chest

The entire area between your jawline and shoulders is an erogenous zone, but there’s one particular destination that’ll spark more goose bumps than any other part. “It’s that little indentation where the neck connects with the collarbone,” says Leah Millheiser, MD, director of female sexual medicine at Stanford Medical Center. “The skin is thinner there and there’s not as much fatty tissue underneath, so the sensations are stronger.” In other words, touching this area feels damn good.

As you kiss down their neck, trail the tips of your index and middle fingers from one shoulder to the dip in the center, lingering to swirl your fingers in a slow, circular motion. Then move your mouth over the spot and kiss it, using your breath to warm the area.

16. The sides of the torso

Snaking from the bottom of the rib cage to the hips is a powerful nerve that, when stimulated, connects directly to your clitoris and your partner’s penis or vulva. “When you touch this area, it reflexively causes the pelvic-floor muscles to contract in [people of all genders], which increases arousal,” says Dr. Ross.

You’ll want to use a firmer touch here, since it’s more ticklish than other spots. Start on one side, just underneath the rib cage, and either stroke the area with your hand or alternate between kissing (apply more pressure than usual with your lips) and lightly nibbling your way down to the hip bone.

17. That mound on the lower back

The knob at the base of the spine is rife with nerves and therefore arousal potential. To take advantage, give each other a massage.

Start at the shoulder blades and work your hands down in a kneading motion. At the lower back, switch to a softer touch, and lightly spiral your fingers over the base. “This area is so receptive, just the softest touch will send chills throughout the body,” says Dr. Ross.

You can also lightly graze your cheek against the area—the unexpected skin on skin sparks an increase in the excitement hormone dopamine. Then softly kiss and trace your tongue along the same spot. Try brushing the tips of your hair against the skin and then switch to raking your fingernails gently across it to deepen the sensation.

18. The trail on the thighs

One of the most explosive nerves in the body is located at the top of the inner thigh. “It’s called the ilioinguinal nerve, and it’s incredibly sensitive to touch,” says Dr. Millheiser.

In fact, it’s best to save it for last and work your way up to it. Start by licking your finger (the wetness increases the stimulation) and slowly drawing it from the mid–inner thigh to the top. Then follow the path you just traced with your tongue, teasing your way to the upper region.