Standing on the Edge of Addiction

Standing on the Edge

A fight for Freedom

N. K. Wilson

Smashwords Edition

Copyright ©2016 by N. K. Wilson.

Published by N.K. Wilson Publishing Company.

All rights reserved.

Except otherwise stated, all Scripture quotations are taken from the King James Version of the Bible.

All rights reserved. No portion of this book should be reproduced, stored, distributed, edited, sold, photocopied, or repackaged in any form without prior written permission from the author or publisher. This eBook is licensed for your enjoyment and your enjoyment only. This eBook may not be re- sold or given away to other people. Thank you for respecting the hard work of the author.

To the weak

Contents

Prologue

Introduction

Chapter One

Chapter Two

Chapter Three

Chapter Four

Chapter Five

Chapter Six

Chapter Seven

Chapter Eight

Chapter Nine

Chapter Ten

Chapter Eleven

Chapter Twelve

Chapter Thirteen

Chapter Fourteen

Chapter Fifteen

Chapter Sixteen

Chapter Seventeen

Chapter Eighteen

Chapter Nineteen

Chapter Twenty

Chapter Twenty One

Chapter Twenty Two

Chapter Twenty Three

Epilogue

About the Author

Prologue

When I first shared my written story with a friend, I was told I had a writing voice. The second thing I was told was not to change a thing but protect the story. A writing voice however does not necessarily come with spell check, good grammar, punctuation, and sentence construction. Some things have had to change.

In the process of sharing my manuscript with many people over the years, I have come to realize that the core story and personal expression of my world and reality remains true. To many, it may not be believable, and there has been some criticism or at least caution to my openness. For others, it’s a welcomed relief to know they are not alone; and it has begun the process to set many free from their own demons. This story was written as I felt God would have me tell it. I have been ruthlessly honest about my deepest shame, as I believe this is often a hidden area in so many people’s lives. Once we expose the things we believe we need to take to the grave, then we are set free in this life, and darkness thus has no place to hide.

I have chosen to share this adventure with you to encourage and help those who have found following God more of a challenge than they could ever have imagined. It has also been a welcomed help for counsellors and caregivers who live with friends and family members suffering from multiple addictions. For those who struggle with so much in life that others seem to take for granted, believe there is a place for you in God’s heart. He has never forgotten you and He will not forsake you.

Introduction

The Call

Now I saw heaven opened, and behold, a white horse. And he who sat on him was called Faithful and True, and in righteousness He judges and makes war. For He judges fairly and then goes to war. His eyes were like flames of fire, and on His head were many crowns. He had a name written that no one knew except Himself. He was clothed with a robe dipped in blood, and His name is called The Word of God. And the armies in heaven, clothed in fine linen, white and clean, followed Him on white horses. Revelation 19:11-14.

When I read this verse, I felt a stirring in my Spirit and I began to pray for my position in heaven. I wanted to be in the Tribe of The Lion of Judah and I wanted to be one of the riders on white horses following Jesus. I asked God not only would I be riding with Him, but also be in front as the flag bearer who would let everyone know that the army of God was coming. I then wrote this prayer from my heart as I experienced God at that time:

I praise you because my heart has seen you,

It no longer matters,

The ways of the world or what happens,

I have had a revelation of the King of Kings.

Although my flesh bleeds and I am caught without breath,

I have seen you on a white horse and requested my place in the tribes of God.

Every day that is given to me, I can dedicate to you,

My spirit rejoices that there is no defeat in tomorrow,

Every day I am born anew.

Your love alone, my God and my King, is worthy of praise.

Over a year later, I was going through a period of waiting on God when the next revelation came. As I meditated, I pictured myself sitting comfortably on the floor like a little girl watching all the comings and goings of my Father’s business. The throne room where I pictured myself sitting was busy with angels coming and going with their orders. I sensed God knew I was there and I continued to sit and watch. After some time, the room began to quiet down, talking stopped, and most of the angelic beings left. Then an angel came in with a white horse and gave it to Jesus. Jesus walked over to me and said, If I give you this horse, will you ride with me? Desperate to know God’s plans for me, I said, You know I will ride with you! But where do you want me to go and what do you want me to do for you?

Jesus patiently replied, My child, I want you to learn to ride first, I can’t have you falling off every five minutes. This horse is your calling and it will carry you to where the Father wants you. Your job is to look after the horse. Praying will feed the horse and fasting will increase its speed.

I had no understanding at the time of what God meant by me learning to ride but have realized that falling off the horse meant falling into sin on my journey with God; the bigger the horse, the farther would be the fall.

A few months later, I was counseling a man who had suffered from depression for most of his adult life. One evening during this period, I felt the Lord urge me to pray for this man. Not knowing what I was supposed to pray for, I closed the door to my room, sat on the floor, and started to pray as I felt the Holy Spirit was leading me. As I continued in prayer, I began to get a series of pictures that showed me what was happening in the spirit world. I wrote the following shortly after the event, which captures everything I saw and sensed:

I wait in the throne room mounted on horseback. Another horse is given to me. I leave the throne room and ride as fast and as hard as I can with this horse released. I ride beside it, armed with sword and arrows. As I gallop beside this horse, I know my purpose is to protect it so it may reach its rider. The landscape changes, we begin to ride through a fiery abyss and the fury of hell is stirred; a black dragon rises from the flames, set to kill the stallion released from God. His command of demonic hordes released to discourage is stopped as God gives me the words to pray against discouragement. I reach the edge of the abyss—a towering cliff above the flames of hell—and stand. My master Jesus, the rider on the white horse with fire in His eyes, joins me. He shows me how to use the arrows given to me to maim the dragon. The horse is now free to find its rider, the man I was praying for. As I stand on the cliff with Jesus, I sense the battle is over; I look behind me and see a multitude of white horses and warriors who stand at the edge of the abyss and behind them the earth, suspended in space. Rising from the earth are millions of hearts—hearts being released to God, hearts destined for the New Jerusalem. This is the purpose of God’s army.

I prayed for two hours and felt the battle was over by midnight. The following day, I found out that night my counselee had been drinking very heavily. However, it wasn’t until our next session did I learn that he had a revelation from God the following day in a vision. He said he had felt the powerful presence of God and could see God smiling at him and he knew God loved him.

Three months later, I received a word and a picture from God while in a church service. I saw a white horse walking down the aisle and when it reached the front of the church, it turned to face the congregation. As I watched and waited, another horse came and then another and another, until there was a whole line of white horses facing the congregation. I felt a powerful presence of the Holy Spirit in me. The interpretation I received was, the horses represent a unique calling to ride with Jesus. Many have accepted Jesus into their hearts and they live righteously. Now, Jesus says to those who will hear, Will you ride with me? Lay down your life and take what I have to offer. The harvest is ready but the workers are few. If this word touches your heart or you feel your spirit is responding, pray this simple prayer in your heart:

Lord of the harvest, I want to follow you. I want my unique position in your army. If you will give me one of these horses, I will ride with you. You know my circumstances and my heart, come and show me your secrets; lead me and guide me. I don’t want to accept anything less than your best for me. Your kingdom come, your will be done (Luke 10:11). Amen.

If you choose this, you won’t have to worry too much about how to ride a horse. All you will need to do is hang on for dear life; Jesus is on the lead horse. The call God has for you is already in existence, God has planned it—and it’s waiting. Similar to a shelf company, somebody went to the trouble to form the company, you just have to go in and pick the name you like and pay for it. Yes, this is going to cost you something. Trust me; it will cost you your life but you have no idea how precious your life is and just what it will buy for God’s glory. Christ’s life bought and paid for your sin, thus giving you the ability to walk into God’s presence and have rule and dominion over the earth, to walk as kings as Christ did—kings who are to rule now and for Eternity, kings who hold onto nothing but have everything.

Chapter One

A Troubled Start

Images of demons have been in my mind for as long as I can remember. These images would usually come as I was going to sleep. They were either evil, demonic wolf-type creatures or men who change into hideous creatures, snarling and intimidating. Every night, once the light was turned off, I would force myself to draw pictures in my mind to