~FerryboatJacob

Dear Friends,

Prepare yourself because I'm going to be venting for a bit.



3 days ago, a journal entry was posted on DeviantArt by my old friend BobGrayWolf because his mother is extremely unwell and requiring prayer from anyone who believes in miracles. Something I used to believe in but no longer do, and why?

Well last year for me was a year lacking in miracles and drowning in prayers that were never answered, because of decisions that I made. I lost my job, I can't get unemployment and I'm living off my sickly mother's earnings, which as far as I'm concerned is a good as homeless. I've been looking for a loved one all my life and I failed, only to find one who was so far away and have never truly met. It was agreed between us that it wasn't proper, but I feel like meeting a woman to have as a wife will never happen.

Events around me caused me to allow evil to take over my heart, I began to abuse myself urging others to punish me for the wrong things I did to them, I then turned to the desire of suicide. I was a porn and sex addict, no matter what I did to stop this it only persisted, I even sexualized characters that I knew I wasn't supposed to.

I knew if I was going to change, I had to revert back to old beliefs, when I was a teenager, I never believed in scenarios where furries and non-faceless vehicles were not together. Let's be honest, animals in real life aren't sentient and vehicles like all machines aren't even alive, plants are alive but are still objects in then end. But anyway, after watching some episodes of Theodore Tugboat and Deadliest Catch, I decided to go from being a furry to a non-faceless steam boat. While I knew, this wasn't going to stop me from my sex addictions, it was necessary to keep from abusing myself for all sin I was aware I've committed and that I've broken all but 3 commandments.

But once a crook always a crook, the wrong things I can never forget the wrong things I did, and it still haunts me to this day. But I've been so bad, that faith is no longer on my side, and it seems God refuses to help me for all this, many people became distrustful of me, and I only have myself to blame, I just don't know what to do anymore. I feel like I've done all I can to fix myself but it's no good. I got in trouble way too much, and I've become a rather large letdown in the furry fandom, to my family and myself, I feel like I've lost my life.

Jacob,