~SasukeLightningCloud

I don't want Asriel to think I'm still in love and pretending to be friends.

I don't want Asriel to think I'm a sociopath, a psychopath, a liar, a stalker, a manipulator, a hypocrite, cruel and toxic.

People think that friendship, hope, love, peace, happiness and forgiveness is a story to make children believe, but this is not true.

People have the impression that justice and truth don't exist, when it's all a world of lies.

But I know very well that they had a lot of bad people, they can be liars, outlaws, arrogant, troublesome, traumatic, horrible, manipulative, moralless, harmful to society, insulting, violent, threatening, toxic, and even idiots and they never understand anything.

I refuse to believe this web of lies to make them believe what people say...

They think that we autistic and disabled people see themselves as useless! This is a violation towards the disabled and also the autistic!

If everyone believes that being autistic and disabled is a crime, then I plead guilty...

No one likes bad endings, no one wants the end of the world.

I don't want Asriel to be like everyone else... I'd rather he's a good person.

I know people regret their mistakes after they may have made them.

If I reveal to him what my manga is going to look like, then I'm going to tell him that it's the story of a kobold who is like Asta and Asriel and has the same dream as Asriel of becoming a real hero.

So Asriel won't let me do my story and think about finding another story...

If Asriel is on the side of chaos, he is actually a fake hero who intends to become a hero and change the world where possession is all possible, I will never protect him...

Which means that if Asriel changed the world, he would have created a corrupt world and betrayed all his friends and even his lover (Vyke) !


I'd rather Asriel be a true hero and one who will save the world! So if Asriel is on the side of good, then he's actually a hero who would like to become one, I'd protect him...

But I say that Asriel is already a real hero who saved the world! I know that Asriel is on the side of good and is also a good person.

Since Asriel asks me that I should no longer give gifts and that I should no longer run errands or draw him, then I accept it.

But giving gifts to friends might make them happy!

I told Asriel that I promise that I don't have to hurt people much anymore and that I will be respectful.

But I would never run errands with strangers, I'd rather run errands with my friends.

I know there are heroes who are like Asriel and can also have the same dream!

I'd rather escape into this world of despair with Asriel Toronia so that we can become really good friends in the future and have a better relationship!


I don't know that being friends with someone who has social anxiety can be really hard?

On December 14, 2022, Asriel told me who would like Sol and I to have a better future.

1 year later, I realize how much I made a promise to Asriel myself without telling him a few months ago. I was really idiot...

Sol was right all along, I've realized now that I understand that Asriel doesn't talk much, I regret hurting Sol and Sillas a lot...

I felt a prediction after I realized my mangaka dream when Sol sees my manga in a store, I don't believe he is going to destroy my books for the destruction of property, but I am afraid of what will happen. And it's the same for Silas.


I talked to a yordle friend named Theo about it, and he helped me understand what social anxiety really is. Because I, too, have social anxiety.

But it's true that social anxiety can be toxic at times...

I told Theo what had happened with Asriel and Sol and that I felt guilty because of my autism and disability... And that's what Theo told me.


THEO :
"you shouldn't shift the blame to your disability...

are you saying everyone that has the same disabilities you do are also always harassing people?

are they all bad people?

the answer is no, they're not, and neither should you be

if you advocate for disabled people, you can't be blaming your wrongdoings on your disability"



I'd love to thank Theo so much for helping me with social anxiety and how absolutely right he is.

And it's not our fault that we're all like that in autistic and disabled people.

I never managed to find a boyfriend or girlfriend while I was looking in school, college, and even high school.

I've tried everything to look for a boyfriend or girlfriend when the result is 0% chance! Some boyfriends I've found have dumped me, betrayed me, and had me replaced by another boyfriend... No one wants to be my boyfriend while I'm still in the friendzone.

I haven't been able to find a real job I've been looking for for 3 years that I'm still unemployed! I sent requests for them to recruit me, but they turned me down...

This is abuse of power! We want real work! Not a job for interns who complete up to 1 month!

They think that we disabled people see themselves as useless. This is a violation towards the disabled and also the autistic! And I refuse to let it be like that...

Justice will triumph over what autistics and handicapped we are capable of!

We're sick of how the world is like that! That is, if justice and truth do not exist, while we are in a world of lies and injustice!

What we want is a world of justice and truth and hope...


Asriel was really lucky to have a real job while I'm unemployed...

It's true that I'm an artist, but the truth is that I don't know how to draw on my own... I draw with a drawing teacher. I admit that I don't really have a lot of self-confidence... I'm worried that it's going to fail and that I'm going to draw badly!

I know everyone is afraid of making mistakes, sometimes.

Failure is what allows you to make new discoveries! In the beginning, we were doing it very badly, and it was bad... But by dint of trying, we end up succeeding in creating our work. Failure is what makes humanity progress!


Asriel thinks I got revenge to make him lose Sol, but that's not true... I didn't want to hurt him to get revenge on Asriel... I've already reflected on all my mistakes after I've made it to Sol since the summer of 2022.

I didn't want to threaten him or treat him like a slave...

I'd like Asriel to understand autistic and disabled people so that he would have a good relationship.


I admit that I am so attached to Asriel, because I admire him so much for his advice that gave me so that I could learn my mistakes... everything I need to do and everything I don't have to do... Because he's my future best friend and I consider him a brother to me.

I sensed a bright future between Asriel and me. I thought we'd do role play, do a co-op game, give gifts, share, tell our happy moments and also a happy ending.

Friendship is not about arguing or creating problems. It's about getting along with each other and forging new bonds, that's what friendship is all about!


Asriel thinks I got revenge to make him lose Sol, but that's not true... I didn't want to hurt him to get revenge on Asriel... I've already reflected on all my mistakes after I've made it to Sol since the summer of 2022.

If you're autistic and disabled, don't be ashamed yourself. Don't ever listen to all these people what he says cruel things about you about your autism and disability. You are free people.


"We live in a world of appearances that is a shadow of reality."
- Platon

"There's no harm in hoping for the best as long as you're prepared for the worst."
- Stephen King


(That Journal can be linked on my drawings)

May 28, 2024
https://www.furaffinity.net/view/56798763/

Febuary 28, 2024
https://www.furaffinity.net/view/55707129/

October 30, 2022 (commission, not my art)
https://www.furaffinity.net/view/49599916/