Food Humor Quotes

“If it wasn't for curse words and grandoise hand gestures, I don't know if Brooklynites would even be able to communicate. In fact, I had requested that holograms of me making dramatic hand gestures be included in this book, but my publisher said it was "too expensive", which is total fucking bullshit.”
― Allison Robicelli, Robicelli's a Love Story, with Cupcakes: With 50 Decidedly Grown-Up Recipes

“Dammit, it's just like a man to put a rich, fattening meal in front of a woman and get offended when she won't eat, then you seem shocked in the bedroom when you're looking at her hips and wondering how she put on ten extra pounds.”
― Jennifer Probst, The Marriage Bargain

“You should use any cheese on pizza as long as it's 100% Mozzarella.”
― Wayne Gerard Trotman

“In truth, he had always considered the sight of men eating croissants slightly ridiculous, especially at the beginning, when for the first bite they had to maneuver the point of the crescent into their mouths. No matter what a person did, he ended up with an asymmetrical mouthful of pastry, which he then had to relocate with his tongue to a more central location. This made him look less purposive than he might. Also, croissants were more apt than other breakfast foods to spray little flakes all over one’s clean dark suit. Art himself had accordingly never ordered a croissant in any working situation, and he believed that attention to this sort of detail was how it was that he had not lost his job like so many of his colleagues.”
― Gish Jen, Who's Irish?

“Um. Soft . . . grainy rice and, um, sweet, sweet fish. A fishy explosion! The whole thing is . . . delectable. A cuddle on a plate, if you will.”
― Kirsty Greenwood, Yours Truly

“I had the sense that I was reading a culinary version of "The Twelve Days of Christmas" nearly every dish included numbers:
6 Clams Simmered in Wine & 5 Herb Garlic Butter
2 Slices of Pork Loin with 3 Potato Gallette
Tower of 4 Shrimp with 7 Vegetables
"Fiiiiive golden rings!" I sang in my head.”
― Jessica Conant-Park, Fed Up

“The next time you encounter a vegan chowing down on a freshly picked salad, understand that, from the salad’s point of view, this is a crime against nature.”
― Sol Luckman, Musings from a Small Island: Everything under the Sun

“The only law I'd ever knowingly broken was white wine with steak...”
― Rupert Holmes, Murder Your Employer