Snow White and the Huntsman by Evan Daugherty

Notes by Christian Savage/Scriptshadow

Smart choice to use a well-known story in the public domain

Cons:
Evil queen doesnt have enough direct conflict with the heroes
Scenes written in short hand sometimes feel incomplete
Dialogue too modern for an old-fashioned fairy tale
Rules of the world kind of hazy
A little too familiar
OVERVIEW:
Im happy to say that youve made a very good business decision. You wrote the
kind of script that studios like to buy. The plot and characters of Snow White
have stood the test of time and are already popular. And because its part of the
public domain, no one has to pay money upfront for the right to use this story. Its
a clever way to choose a concept, considering how hard it is these days for
writers to break through with original material. You also know what a professional
script looks like. Action paragraphs are no more than two or three lines, and
theres a lot of nice white space. Plus, you kept the script within 110 pages,
which is the sweet spot for the industry. So, its obvious a lot of effort has been
put into making this an attractive studio script. Good job on that. Moving forward
on the re-writes, there are a few issues that could be worth another look. In
particular, the rules of the world could be clarified more. It was sometimes hard to
know what was or wasnt possible in this kingdom of fantasy. Itd also be
beneficial if Ravenna, the evil queen, were more personally involved in the
conflict with Snow White and the gang. You have an excellent villain at your
disposal, but it felt like she was kept at a distance much of the time. Its also
worth thinking about taking some additional risks with the story. Snow White has
been around forever, and outside of some aesthetic changes, this is basically a
re-telling of a tale many people know. Luckily, youve got a lot of the hard work
out of the way already. With a few touchups here and there, this script can be
polished to shine like the apples in Snow Whites favorite tree.

MAIN CHARACTERS:
Snow White It can be challenging to turn a fairy-tale heroine into a compelling
movie lead. Snow White, Sleeping Beauty, and even Alice in Wonderland, have a
history of being passive characters. Stuff happens to them, and they simply
react, when they should be driving the story forward through their own actions.
They also tend to be less interesting than their eccentric supporting casts. When
I was reading your script, I felt that you understood those challenges. You took a
few steps to make Snow White more active and fleshed out. And I think theres
an opportunity to take a couple more steps. For example, Snow Whites
character arc could be sharpened a bit. Youve already done a lot to tie her arc in
with the scripts theme of female empowerment. Its a nice touch. But, more can
be done to drive that theme home. All you really need are two extra scenes. In
Act I, before Snow White runs away from home the first time, there should be a
scene with the sole purpose of showing us that shes helpless, without the men in
her life. Whether its a scene with her father or Prince Charmant, the point is that
Snow White is not ready to fend for herself. Then, near the end of Act II, after
Snow White and the Huntsman have done some survival training, there should
be a scene where the Huntsman is in danger. Maybe the evil queen or her
guards capture him. Maybe a woodland creature seriously injures him. Either
way, this is where we get a role reversal, so the Huntsman is the damsel in
distress, and Snow White plays the hero. The audience would realize at this
point that Snow White has become a self-sufficient woman, who can take on any
obstacle.
Eric the Huntsman In this draft, Id say the Huntsman is the best-developed
character so far. Hes the one with the deepest backstory. When the white wolf
kills the Huntsmans wife, his one true love, he loses interest in living. And hes
willing to do just about anything for a purse of gold coins, including kidnapping
young women for the queens nefarious purposes. It was actually kind of bold to
make the Huntsman the male lead, and still keep him as one of the queens
servants. And not only that, hes even attracted to the queen in the beginning!
That was one of the main surprises that stood out to me in the script. I was also
surprised that the Huntsman never became the full-fledged love interest for Snow
White. She showed interest in him around the halfway point, but the Huntsman
always backed away from her advances. At first, I couldnt understand why. A
love story between them made sense. But, then I realized that the Huntsman was
only there to be her teacher. And he respected the boundaries of the
teacher/student relationship. I appreciated that about him. The only thing Id
probably change about the Huntsman is his age. The demographic for this movie
will probably skew young, so he should be in his late 20s to be a little more
relatable.
Queen Ravenna Snow Whites stepmother is considered by many to be one of
the greatest villains of all time. Her murderous jealousy of Snow White is
legendary. When you chose to write this story, her potent venom became yours

to wield. In this draft, she has a certain menace to her. But she deserves to be a
stronger presence in the script. Basically, she should do more of her own dirty
work. I noticed that she had a tendency to delegate the kidnappings and killings
to her minions. Instead of killing Snow Whites father herself, she instructed the
guards to do it. Rather than sneaking through a beautiful womans bedroom
window, to drink her youthful essence, the queen has someone like the
Huntsman to snatch up her victims. This creates a distance between her and the
rest of the characters. In fact, I think she only shares one scene with Snow White
in the entire second act. In the rewrites, the queen could be a more terrifying and
immediate threat if she spent less time in her castle, and more time actively
chasing Snow White around the countryside.
Prince Charmant For the first two acts, I was on the fence about Charmant. My
initial thought was that the Huntsman should be the love interest. The Prince
came off as weak and nave. And no one in his fathers circle of influence
respected him. Meanwhile, the Huntsman was the one bonding with Snow White
the majority of the script, showing her how to survive in an unforgiving world. I
was going to suggest that you cut Prince Charmant altogether. But then, Act III
happened, and I understood the importance of his character. Prince Charmants
arc allowed him to change from a weakling to a confident young man, capable of
commanding an army against the queen. He also had to learn how to be worthy
of Snow White. Because this character arc was satisfying, Prince Charmant can
stay.
The Dwarves The dwarves were probably the least developed of the main cast.
The problem was that they kind of blended together. With the possible exception
of Constantine, the blind dwarf, there was no easy way to tell all the dwarves
apart. Of course, the Disney version solved this problem by naming each dwarf
according to his major character trait. Id suggest doing something similar, like
giving individual dwarves a specific talent or personality type. And what would be
cool is if the dwarves then had to use all those talents together, to help win the
final battle against the queen and her army. That would be a good setup and
payoff.
PLAYING BY THE RULES: Story rules are more stringent for fantasy than
almost any other movie genre. They help keep the world grounded and
believable, while characters face extraordinary situations. The rules in Snow
White and the Huntsman were clear for the most part, but there were a couple
moments where I got confused. A big question I had early on was, How old do
the girls have to be, before the queen is able to steal their youth? Is there some
kind of age requirement? Snow White was able to live in the queens castle for
10 years with no problem. But as soon as she turned 18, Bam!, the queen wants
to eat her heart. It gets more confusing because theres at least one 12-year-old
girl in the script whos hiding from the queen. The girl even went so far as to have
her own face cut up, because the queen wont take females with ugly scars.
Sooo if a 12-year-old is in danger, does that mean age isnt really a factor? If

thats the case, then Snow Whites seemingly peaceful childhood makes no
sense. The queen wouldve sucked her dry years earlier. The other weird thing I
noticed is that Snow Whites blood can either make the queen immortal or kill
her once and for all. Im not quite sure how that works, but heres the text from
the script: By fairest blood it is done, and only by fairest blood can it be undone.
I couldnt wrap my head around the idea that Snow Whites blood could both
save and kill the queen. Clarifying these rules some more would help people
focus on the story, instead of question the logic of the scene.
ACT I TOO FAST: The economic writing style is mostly appreciated, but there
were a couple scenes early on that felt abrupt. In the first couple pages, Snow
Whites mother died and then Snow Whites widowed father married Queen
Ravenna. This introduction to the story felt somewhat rushed. Its not explained
how Snow Whites mother died, or whether the evil queen was responsible for
her death. As a result, it was hard to get a sense of who these characters were,
and what motivations and goals they had. Part of the issue, I think, is that the
story of Snow White is so well known, these scenes are written in short hand.
The downside is that this short hand style suggests nothing new is being brought
to this version that would require more screen time. Itd be nice to see another
page written here that gives more background on Snow Whites parental figures,
including the queen, and how theyre responsible for shaping her troubled future.
Another scene that could be expanded is where the Huntsman finds Snow White
the first time and brings her back to the castle. Snow Whites capture happened a
little too fast. The Huntsman was told to find Snow White, so the next scene he
basically walks up to her in a dewy meadow and takes her into custody. Even the
queen remarked on how quick it was. This would actually be a good opportunity
to take a half page or so to show the Huntsman demonstrating his tracking skills.
How did he know where to find Snow White? Was it her scent on the wind? Did
some forest animals behave in a way that suggested she was nearby? This
would be a good setup for later scenes, where the Huntsman trains Snow White.
And then maybe she has to use these same tracking skills to find the Huntsman,
should he be captured or lost himself, for example. Ultimately, the second act
starts somewhat early in this draft, around page 20. So, itd be nice to see Act I
get a few extra pages dedicated to deeper character introductions.
CANCEL THE WEDDING: The wedding actually isnt a bad set piece for the
third act. But the reason I suggest cutting it is because this wedding is an
unnecessary complication that also clashes with the queens strong feminist
beliefs. What it comes down to is that the queen doesnt need to marry King
Bloodaxe to achieve her goals. She doesnt need a man to maintain her power.
In fact, she would be appalled by that kind of helplessness. The queen already
has an army and the resources of her kingdom. And if shes able to capture
Snow White and drain her essence, shell become immortal. So what does she
need King Bloodaxe for? Killing Snow White is the key to the queens happiness,
not marrying a man thats barely in the script. My suggestion is to cut the

wedding and the Bloodaxe character and, instead, make the third act about the
final showdown with Snow White.
EXPECTING THE UNEXPECTED: The current draft relies a lot on the source
material. As Im sure you know, that can be a blessing and a curse. There are
definitely some perks to using an iconic story as the foundation for your own
work. But because Snow White is so well known, the audience will most likely
expect any new versions to have some significant twists on the original story.
Aside from giving the Huntsman a bigger role, the script is mostly a traditional retelling. Stories like Shrek and Wicked were fresh takes on the fantasy genre.
They achieved their success by subverting audience expectation. An easy way to
do that seems to be telling the story from a different perspective. In the case of
Wicked, it was The Wizard of Oz from the perspective of the Wicked Witch of
the West. I dont know that youd want to go to the effort of re-writing your script
this way. But Id at least suggest looking back at the original Snow White tale and
pick two or three plot points that you can turn on their heads. Audiences usually
appreciate familiar stories that are told in a way they havent seen before.
MISCELLANEOUS NOTES:
Page 5: When the mirror tells Ravenna that another will soon become the fairest
one of all, not sure I understand why Ravenna waits till this moment to kill off the
king and his loyal guards. Wouldnt she have cleaned house right after the
marriage?
Page 15: I liked the reveal of the queen having the Huntsmans wife killed,
because she was the fairest one of all before Snow White.
Pages 20 and 91: Typo pours/pores. Rain pours, but you pore over a map.
Page 73: Found out Finn was the wolf all along. Didnt expect it to be a werewolf,
so that was a nice surprise.
Page 75: Dialogue is starting to drift into cheesy 80s action movie territory: (The
difference between you and me is) Im alive. Youre dead.
Page 78: Hard to support Snow Whites outrage at the Huntsman. Its obvious
the queen must be defeated for the good of the kingdom. Its silly for Snow White
to think the Huntsman has been using her only to get revenge on the queen.
Sure, thats part of it. But again, theres more to the situation than the
Huntsmans personal vendetta.
Page 86: Genuinely laughed when the dwarves find a horse for Eric to ride, and it
turns out to be a miniature pony. Would be great to see more light moments like
this in future drafts.

Page 90: I like Snow Whites line to the Prince: I dont need your protection. I
need your love.
Page 92: I like the scene where the Huntsman comes face to face with the
women he captured for the queen. Kinda hope the story goes somewhere with
this.
Page 93: Its mentioned that there are no young beautiful women attending
Ravennas wedding. What about girls? Its hard to get a handle on the rules of
this world. Can the queen steal the youth from girls younger than 18?
Page 95: Cool! The Huntsman and the kidnapped women band together to fight
the queens forces. Good story choice.
Page 100: In the age of the Twilight movies, Im kind of impressed that this script
avoids a love triangle between Snow White, Prince Charmant, and the
Huntsman.
Page 105: The queen pulls a curved dagger from a hidden holster on her thigh.
Holster should be scabbard.
Page 109: So the Huntsman dies in the end. Somehow feels appropriate. Snow
White has learned to take care of herself, so she doesnt need the huntsmans
protection anymore.
IN SUMMARY:
Overall, Snow White and the Huntsman was put together pretty well. You made
decent use of some iconic characters, and the story structure is solid. I also
thought you made some good observations about what its like to be a woman, in
a world dominated by men. There are a lot of strong elements in this draft. My
suggestions are only meant to build on the sturdy foundation thats already there.
Heres a recap of the main points:
Keep the queen active, mobile, and close to our heroes, especially in the
second act. That would help make her a more intense adversary.
The rules of the world should be more clearly defined.
Consider cutting King Bloodaxe and the wedding and focus more on a
showdown between Snow White and the Queen
Some of the snarky modern dialogue could probably be replaced
A few more unexpected story choices would help refresh the familiar
It was a pleasure reading your take on one of the most beloved fairy tales. You
have the writing chops and business savvy to have successful career in
Hollywood.