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    The Scrolls

    Uploaded by

    Jaime Hernandez
    The document summarizes fragments that were supposedly translated from ancient scrolls found in a cave in the Gulf of Aqaba. The scrolls were dated to around 4000 BC and contained writing in Sumerian, Aramaic, and Babylonian. One translated fragment retells the biblical story of God commanding Abraham to sacrifice his son Isaac, but with humorous modern dialogue between Abraham and Isaac questioning God's order. A second fragment continues the story, with God admitting to Abraham that the command to sacrifice Isaac was a joke, showing that Abraham would follow any order from God without questioning it.

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    The Scrolls

    Uploaded by

    Jaime Hernandez
    340 views7 pages
    The document summarizes fragments that were supposedly translated from ancient scrolls found in a cave in the Gulf of Aqaba. The scrolls were dated to around 4000 BC and contained writing in Sumerian, Aramaic, and Babylonian. One translated fragment retells the biblical story of God commanding Abraham to sacrifice his son Isaac, but with humorous modern dialogue between Abraham and Isaac questioning God's order. A second fragment continues the story, with God admitting to Abraham that the command to sacrifice Isaac was a joke, showing that Abraham would follow any order from God without questioning it.

    Original Description:

    By Woody Allen (Edited)

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    The document summarizes fragments that were supposedly translated from ancient scrolls found in a cave in the Gulf of Aqaba. The scrolls were dated to around 4000 BC and contained writing in Sumerian, Aramaic, and Babylonian. One translated fragment retells the biblical story of God commanding Abraham to sacrifice his son Isaac, but with humorous modern dialogue between Abraham and Isaac questioning God's order. A second fragment continues the story, with God admitting to Abraham that the command to sacrifice Isaac was a joke, showing that Abraham would follow any order from God without questioning it.

    Copyright:

    © All Rights Reserved
    Download as DOCX, PDF, TXT or read online from Scribd
    Download as docx, pdf, or txt
    340 views7 pages

    The Scrolls

    Uploaded by

    Jaime Hernandez
    The document summarizes fragments that were supposedly translated from ancient scrolls found in a cave in the Gulf of Aqaba. The scrolls were dated to around 4000 BC and contained writing in Sumerian, Aramaic, and Babylonian. One translated fragment retells the biblical story of God commanding Abraham to sacrifice his son Isaac, but with humorous modern dialogue between Abraham and Isaac questioning God's order. A second fragment continues the story, with God admitting to Abraham that the command to sacrifice Isaac was a joke, showing that Abraham would follow any order from God without questioning it.

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    © All Rights Reserved
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    The Scrolls

    From Without Feathers By Woody Allen

    Scholars will recall that several years ago a


    shepherd, wandering in the Gulf of Aqaba, stumbled
    upon a cave containing several large clay jars and
    also two tickets to the ice show. Inside the jars were
    discovered six parchment scrolls with ancient
    incomprehensible writing which the shepherd, in his
    ignorance, sold to the museum for $750,000 apiece.
    Two years later the jars turned up in a pawnshop in
    Philadelphia. One year later the shepherd turned up
    in a pawnshop in Philadelphia and neither was
    claimed.

    Archaeologists originally set the date of the scrolls at


    4000 b.c, or just after the massacre of the Israelites
    by their benefactors. The writing is a mixture of
    Sumerian, Aramaic, and Babylonian and seems to

    have been done by either one man over a long


    period of time, or several men who shared the same
    suit. The authenticity of the scrolls is currently in
    great doubt, particularly since the word "Oldsmobile"
    appears several times in the text, and the few
    fragments that have finally been translated deal with
    familiar religious themes in a more than dubious way.
    Still, excavationist A. H. Bauer has noted that even
    though the fragments seem totally fraudulent, this is
    probably the greatest archeological find in history
    with the exception of the recovery of his cuff links
    from a tomb in Jerusalem. The following are the
    translated fragments:

    - One . . . And Abraham awoke in the middle of the


    night and said to his only son, Isaac:

    "I have had an dream where the voice of the Lord


    sayeth that I must sacrifice my ' only son, so put
    your pants on."

    And Isaac trembled and said:


    "So what did you say? I mean when He brought this
    whole thing up?"

    "What am I going to say?" Abraham said. "I'm


    standing there at two a.m. in my underwear with the
    Creator of the Universe. Should I argue?"

    "Well, did he say why he wants me sacrificed?" Isaac


    asked his father.

    But Abraham said:

    "The faithful do not question. Now let's go because I


    have a heavy day tomorrow."

    And Sarah who heard Abraham's plan grew vexed


    and said: "How doth thou know it was the Lord and
    not, say, thy friend who loveth practical jokes, for the
    Lord hateth practical jokes and whosoever shall pull
    one shall be delivered into the hands of his enemies
    whether they can pay the delivery charge or not."

    And Abraham answered:


    "Because I know it was the Lord. It was a deep,
    resonant voice, well modulated, and nobody in the
    desert can get a rumble in it like that."

    And Sarah said:


    "And thou art willing to carry out this senseless act?"

    But Abraham told her:


    "Frankly yes, for to question the Lord's word is one of
    the worst things a person can do, particularly with
    the economy in the state it's in."

    And so he took Isaac to a certain place and prepared


    to sacrifice him but at the last minute the Lord
    stayed Abraham's hand and said:
    "How could thou doest such a thing?"

    And Abraham said:


    "But thou said"

    "Never mind what I said," the Lord spake. "Doth thou


    listen to every crazy idea that comes thy way?"

    And Abraham grew ashamed. "Ernot really . . . no."

    "1 jokingly suggest thou sacrifice Isaac and thou


    immediately runs out to do it."

    And Abraham fell to his knees:


    "See, I never know when you're kidding."

    And the Lord thundered:


    "No sense of humor. I can't believe it."

    "But doth this not prove I love thee, that I was willing
    to donate mine only son on thy whim?"

    And the Lord said:

    "It proves that some men will follow any order no


    matter how asinine as long as it comes from a
    resonant, well-modulated voice."

    And with that, the Lord bid Abraham get some rest
    and check with him tomorrow.

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