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The Hand that Feeds

Lauren Lively

Arizona State University

The Hand that feeds

Imagine, you’re walking up to your doorstep and see a package. The big red bow

engulfs the box, yet you still see the baby blue wrapping paper glistening underneath.

Immediately you smile, you know who it’s from. You go inside and carefully take apart

the perfectly put together package, carefully laying the silky red dress on the bed. Inside

the box are also a pair of expensive Louboutin pumps and a black Chanel bag. You get

ready and put on the outfit which was bought just for you. You gracefully walk out the

door and take a second to think of how lucky you are. Your rent is all payed up, you

don’t have any car payments, and all your student loans have been paid off. You’re

winning the game of life. You’re also living the life of a sugar baby.

Brandon Wade, MIT graduate, and CEO and founder of several sugar baby

sugar daddy websites including WhatsYourPrice.com, MissTravel.com,

SeekingMillionare.com, and most popularly SeekingArrangement.com (now

seeking.com), has helped millions in finding the type of relationship they’re seeking.

Over 20 million members in the world are on SeekingArrangement.com alone, and 60%

of the members are living in the United States.

Since sugar babies are typically a part of a younger crowd, friends can be more

understanding about arrangements than the average more mature person. “It was

absolutely at the last minute and I was with friends at the time, but for $800, I was out

the door in minutes. My friends know what I do so they're very understanding, they just

made me buy them breakfast the next day,” (Cosmopolitan). Because her friends knew

she was a baby, they were more understanding of what she needed to do and when,

but an adult from the age of 30 or older would most likely be less understanding.
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These relationships are everywhere and are continuing to grow, but the majority

of the older population isn’t as understanding of the new relationships taking the nation

by storm.

The typical life of a sugar baby (also known as SB) is simple. When looking for a

daddy (otherwise known as SD), SB’s typically go on their preferred website and start

networking. After finding an older gentleman who can meet all the baby’s needs, the SD

and the SB exchange numbers and start planning their first date. Sometimes daddies

will send money over apps so SB’s will feel more secure before meeting him for the first

time. “They want the perfect girlfriend—in their eyes. She’s well groomed, cultured,

classy, able to converse about anything,” (Vanity Fair). SB’s will get all dolled up and

meet the SD at his favorite expensive restaurant. He knows the menu well, so it’s an

ego booster when he is able to make good recommendations to the baby. When the

date is over, SD's will typically give a little money before the baby takes off, so she has

more of an incentive to make this a long-term deal. “Without any prior discussion, he

would hand her $200 or $500. There was no sex,” (New York Times). Babies can make

$2000 to $6000 monthly on one daddy, plus other expenses of hers being paid for.

Being a SD has a few straightforward rules. Treat the girl right and make sure

you both are being taken care of. The SD will go on his preferred website and find a

lady who is suitable to fit his needs. “As a sugar daddy, you are in the honeymoon

stage most of the time — you get treated well, you get lots of romantic evenings and

you are seen as a savior of the women in distress and the facilitator of her better

lifestyle,” (Business Insider). Being in the honeymoon state of mind in this relationship is

key to making everything work. “Once I get to know a woman, I might spend $1,000 to

$2,000 a month, with dinners, vacations, and shopping on top of that... Like all of the
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sugar babies I've interacted with, I gave them a per-visit donation of $200 to $300, plus

dinner, gifts, and outings. But I know that very good-looking college girls ask for $500 to

$600, and some of them get it,” (Business Insider).

There are always downfalls to every relationship. Even with regular relationships,

there can be catfishers (people who pretend to be someone they’re not), human

traffickers, and a myriad of unsafe factors. With the concern of safety, babies and

daddies know to go to a public space first and always tell someone all the information

you know before meeting someone. Regular online dating is not too different from sugar

dating, and doubts of safety come to both types of relationships, not just for sugar

babies and daddies.

These relations are more than just transactions. In the world of sugar, these

types of deals are viewed as relationships. “Sugar dating is more like an arranged

temporary marriage where you do your own arranging,” (Business Insider). There are

dates, there is ongoing conversation, and the ultimate goal is to make sure both sides of

the relationship are taken care of and happy. Currently, the app store will not host any

apps that have to do with sugar relationships because of the negative connotation those

relationships carry. Even though the relationships between both parties are perfectly

legal, the outside majority sees the relationships as prostitution. These relationships are

lawful and have websites already, so why should there be discrimination.

Although gay marriage was unlawful only a few years ago, gay apps and

websites have been available for years. The fight for gay acceptance is vastly different

from the fight of accepting sugar relationships, but sugar relationships should be more

accepted than they are now because of all the benefits they bring. Daddies spend

money on the babies which normally would just sit in savings accounts. Babies get
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relieved of debt and put more money into circulation. “Being a sugar baby isn't a full-

time profession for me, I'm doing it to help me out with my college funds, so it's not an

absolute necessity for me,” (Cosmopolitan). With over 20 million people on

SeekingArrangement.com, that’s millions of people getting help with their financial

deficits. This is a huge help on a country’s population’s debt.

Some sugar babies embrace the prostitution aspect of the relationships. "She’s in

control of the male gaze. What right does anyone have to judge you for anything you do

with your body,” (Vanity Fair). While also embracing the prostitution aspect, for other

SB’s it may feel like the best option for them at the moment.

While in college, I’ve had the ability to focus on developing myself because I’m

not slaving away at a minimum-wage job. I reject it when people say I’m

oppressed by the patriarchy. People who make seven dollars an hour are

oppressed by the patriarchy, (Vanity Fair).

Imagine, your family is lower-middle class. Sure, there is always food on the

table. Sure, you have a crappy car that gets you from point A to point B. Sure, you work

at a job you hate but the money is something you really need so you know you can’t

quit.

Now imagine that you’re in that same situation but you’re the eldest child of six.

You’ve worked hard all your life to make sure your grades are the ones your parents

and teachers are proud of. You’ve also held a part time job so your parents don’t have

to worry about paying for your expenses anymore.

Then college comes up, and scholarships (if given), only cover so much. You

want to further your education because you’ve worked hard your whole life to get where
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you are today. You want a life working a job you’re happy with and be able to make a

decent living off it.

Having a sugar daddy is just a step above a regular relationship, and in a case

like this, college could be paid for very easily and give the student a life without having

to pay off college loans.

Even though this option of a relationship may not be a typical one, it should be

accepted by all communities. With even having mixers so babies and daddies can meet

each other in a safe environment, this relationship is taking the steps to becoming not

necessarily a norm in society, but rather something that can be more tolerable to the

public eye.

References

Fleming, P. (2018). Dark side of the new economy. Retrieved from

baby’s reddit AMA. Cosmopolitan. Retrieved from https://www.cosmopolitan.com

Loudenback, T. (2017, March 3). I’m a sugar daddy. Business Insider. Retrieved

from https://www.businessinsider.com/
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Rosman, K. (2018, October 15). A ‘sugar date’ gone sour. New York Times. Retrieved

from https://www.nytimes.com/ . Online article, Rosman, K. (2018, October 19).

The ‘sugar dater’. New York Times. Retrieved from https://www.nytimes.com/

Sales, NJ. (2016, August). Daddies, “dates,” and the girlfriend experience. Vanity Fair.

Retrieved from https://www.vanityfair.com/