Alice in Wonderland
Alice in Wonderland
Alice in Wonderland
SCENE 1
Mother- That’s my final word on the subject!
Father- That is your mother’s final word on the subject.
Alice- How can you have a final word on what I want to do? I’m the final word on
myself! If I want to climb trees, I’ll climb trees! If I want to keep bees, I’ll keep bees!
Mother- You will not keep bees!!
Alice- I WILL keep bees!
Mother- No bees!
Alice- Bees!!
Mother- No bees!
Father- Please...
Alice- I will do what I want. I’m of age. I’m thirteen. No longer a “tween. And I shall be
queen- of my own destiny! (runs off)
Mother- You’re a willful little brat! And life will whack you on the noggin. (whacks
Father) Oh Henry, whatever are we going to do with Alice? She’s disrespectful, she
thinks she knows everything about everything, she’s always angry with me, she lies
incessantly, she’s pompous-
Father- Pompous?
Mother- Yes, conceited and full of self love. She’s judgmental, and irritable, and thinks
only of herself.
Father- Yes, she’s a perfectly normal teenage girl.
Mother- Henry, run after her. I don’t trust her alone in the forest. She might step on a
snake or become lost chasing a rabbit.
Father- Yes dear.
Mother- Don’t forget your hat, Henry.
(Henry exits)
Mother- Oh Alice… Alice, you’re just like your mother…
RABBIT TIME
WHITE RABBIT
OH DEAR
I FEAR
I’LL SOON MISS MY APPOINTMENT
OH DEAR
IT’S NEAR
THE TIME THAT I MUST BE WHERE I MUST
BE (2)- TIME’S A PAIN
IN A RABBIT’S COTTON-TAIL (3)
I MUSN’T FAIL TO ARRIVE
TO BE ALIVE A RABBIT MUST ALWAYS BE ON
TIME TIME TIME TIME TICK-TOCKING
TIME TIME TIME TIME TICK-TOCKING
ALICE
OH DEAR
LOOK HERE
A RABBIT IN A WAISTCOAT
SO NEAR
SO STRANGE
HE SEEMS TO HAVE A POCKETWATCH IN FOOT (1)
HE’S PUT MY MIND IN A QUANDRY
RABBIT
I MUST PICK UP MY LAUNDRY
AND OF COURSE
I MUST ALWAYS BE ON
TIME TIME TIME TIME * TICK-TOCKING (REPEAT OVER)
*ALICE
HE’S DISSAPEARED IN A HOLE IN THE GROUND
IM GOING DOWN DOWN DOWN
Alice- Ouch! I’ve landed on my bum.
WONDER OF WONDERS
ALICE
WONDER OF WONDERS
I CAN’T BELIEVE I’M UNDER GROUND
AND I CANNOT TELL WHERE I FELL FROM. HOW WILL I BE FOUND
CHASING A WHITE RABBIT WITH A POCKET WATCH SEEMS SO UNREAL
AND YET I FEEL
A SENSE OF
WONDER, YES, WONDER
I’M SOMEWHERE UNDERNEATH THE EARTH
ALL
WE’LL BE GLAD TO TELL YOU
WE’VE BEEN HERE SINCE WELL BEFORE
YOUR BIRTH
YOU FELL INTO THE RABBIT HOLE
OF TIME TIME TIME
YOU’RE OUT OF TIME
AND YOUR IN
WON-DER-LAND (overlap 2 more times)
Alice- Well I certainly can’t be in Wonderland. I must return home for dinner.
Cheshire Cat- Dinner? As in Meoooow mix?
Alice- A cat with a tremendous grin! Where did you come from?
Cheshire Cat- I can’t imagine where… but I caBEEEE there.
Alice- You’re making no sense whatever. And since when does a cat talk?
Cheshire Cat- Since you asked me where I came from.
Tweedle Dee- She’s right, you know. Cat’s aren’t s’posed to speak… it’s not (beat)
logical! And if it’s not logical, it shouldn’t be.
Alice- I quite agree.
Cheshire Cat- That’s funnyyyyyyyy
Alice- Whatever do you mean?
Cheshire Cat- You came here down a hole… chasing a rabbit in a waistcoat with a pocket
watch… and you’re having a conversation with a smiling kittyYYY… and you agree things
must be logical? Where’s your other half, Tweedle Dee?
Tweedle Dee- I’m afraid Tweedle Smart has lost her way. I think I’ll start calling her
Tweedle Dummmb!
Cheshire Cat- Anyhoooooooo, Alice… You must be here to kill the Jabberwockyyyyy.
Alice- Jabberwhosidoodle? Certainly not! To be perfectly frank, I’m not at all clear on
why I’m here. Other than perhaps as a consequence of a somewhat juvenile interest in a
passing white rabbit in a waistcoat with a pocketwatch.
Tweedle Dee- That’s not logical…
Alice- Logical or not… there he is!! See here!! White rabbit!! Where are you going??
White Rabbit- I haven’t got time to tell you. Or I’ll be late to pick up my laundry.
Alice- But where am I? Is this place real… or am I dreaming?
Cheshire Cat- What’s the difference??
March Hare- That-th right there’s abtholutely no differenth between a thing that-th
dreamed and a thing that-th real. Woo-hoo (3x)
White Rabbit- You’re an embarrassment to all rabbits. Oh dear, I’m late, I’m late… I
have to leave.
March Hare- Quathy Wabbit!! I’m a HAyuh!!
Alice- Hares, rabbits with waistcoats, cats that speak… Jabberwockies? Oh this is so
confusing!
ALICE
CURIOUS AND CURIOUSER
I WONDER WHY I’M UNDER HERE
MARCH HARE
UNDERWHERE?? HAAA HAAA
CHESHIRE CAT
PERHAPS IT’S NOT A BLUNDER
TO UNDERSTAND YOU SHOULD TALK TO OUR “SEE-ER”
ALL
WE HAVE A PROPHET LIVING HERE IN WONDERLAND
A CAT-ER-PILLAR
Alice- A CATERPILLAR?
A CATERPILLAR
NAMED AB-SU-LUMMMMMMM (boys hold ‘m’)
(girls) IN WON-DER-LAND
Alice- Wait!!! Cat!! Cat!! How did you know my name was Alice??!!
END OF SCENE
Absolutely Absolum
AL: ARE YOU ABSOLUM?
AB: ABSOLUTELY
AL: I’M LOOKING FOR ABSOLUM
AB: I’M ABSOLUTELY ABSOLUM
AL: YOU’RE A CATERPILLAR
AB: ABSOLUTELY
AL: DOES IT MEAN ONE DAY YOU’LL BE A BUTTERFLY?
AB: YES, AND LEARN TO FLY
THAT IS UNLESS I’M EATEN
BY A HUNGRY MOCKINGBIRD
HOW CAN I BUILD MY CHRYSALIS
IF I BECOME A TURD?
AL: MY WORD
AB: YOU OF COURSE WANT TO KNOW WHY YOU’RE
HERE
AL: HOW DID YOU KNOW THAT?
AB: I READ IT IN THE SMOKE OF MY PIPE (2)
AL: ABSOLUM
TELL ME WHY I’M HERE
AB: OF COURSE YOU’VE HEARD OF THE
JABBERWOCKY (2),
A FRIGHTFUL CREATURE WHO ONLY WANTS TO
KILL YOU
AL: Kill me?
Dm Am E7
Absolum: The jabberwocky lives for killing you, killing you.
Alice: Killing me, why?
Absolum: For the jabberwocky
Lives only if all
That’s good in you shall die.
That’s the long and short of it
That’s the answer to your question why you’re here.
Alice: But I have no relation to this creature.
Absolum: Oh yes you do.
Alice: Are you sure of this?
Absolum: Absolutely, yes.
Alice: Why must it be a mystery? Why won’t you tell me exactly what the jabberwocky
has to do with me?
Absolum: There is the element of discovery. It’s important to your recovery.
Alice: My recovery?
Absolum: Yes, the return of the White Queen.
Alice: What White Queen?
Absolum: There is a White Queen and there is a Red Queen. The Red Queen rules and is
aligned with the Jabberwocky. The White Queen is in exile and must return for the good
of all in in in the kingdom. For the rule of the Red Queen is a horror. What with all the
severed heads, and so on. But you need to hear this from someone other than a
caterpillar.
Alice: This all sounds absurd to me.
Absolum: Yes, you must change your thinking. You need to talk to the Mad Hatter.
Alice: Where shall I find this “Mad Hatter?”
Absolum: Here and there. There and here. When the time comes you will find each
other…I’m afraid I’m drifting…
Alice: Drifting?
Absolum: Aren’t you tired?
Alice: Come to think of it, I am a bit drowsy…I think, I think I’ll…rest a moment
Absolum: Rest a moment.
Alice: Oh dear, I am…sleepy.
Absolum: Most people are…
END OF SCENE
Tweedle Dee: Wake up! Wake up silly girl!! Its not logical to sleep in the daylight!
Tweedle Dum: Contrary wise, its logical if she’s tired. Ever heard of a nap, Tweedle
Dee?
Alice: Oh dear, where am I?
Tweedle Dee: Why, you’re still under in Wonderland.
Tweedle Dum: You are double under in Wonderland!
Alice: Double under?
Tweedle Dee: Yes, you were asleep. You were UNDER. You were asleep under, in under
Wonderland.
Alice: you two are confusing me.
Tweedle Dum: Don’t be confused. It’s all black and white
Tweedle Dee: It’s either up or down.
Tweedle Dum: It’s either in or out.
Alice: Logical my foot. Nothing is logical here! Talking cats and caterpillars, tweedle dee
and tweedle dum, Jabberwockeys, White rabbits in waistcoats with pocket watches…
What’s logical about all that?
Tweedle Dum: Oh dear, you’re making me dizzy! For me it has to all be logical.
Alice: What’s this? What are they doing?
March Hare: Thettin the table, Sweetie!
Alice: Setting the table for whom?
White Rabbit: Am I on time? Am I on time?
Alice: On time for what?
Mad Hatter: For the party, of course. And incidentally, there’s only one white rabbit.
Alice: What?
Mad Hatter: You said “White Rabbits in waistcoats with pocket watches.” There’s only
one pocket watch and the only white rabbit has it. None of us has ever seen it.
Alice: Well, Why should you?
Mad Hatter: Exactly my point. Those of us who live out of time have no need of such
things. Besides, look what it does to him.
White Rabbit: Oh dear, dear, dear! I hope it’s not a minute behind!
Mad Hatter: No, no, none of us want to wind up like that.
Alice: Why are you having a party?
Tweedle Dee: Tea, please.
Mad Hatter: Why, it’s in celebration of you!
Alice: In Celebration of me?! Why, it’s not my birthday!
Tweedle Dum: One lump or Two?
Mad Hatter: How do you know?
March Hare: Who cares! It’s March! It’s a wonderful month for a party!
Alice: There you are, see! I was born in December.
Tweedle Dee: Two lumps, of course.
Mad Hatter: Who told you that?
Alice: Well, I suppose my Mother told me!
Mad Hatter: And you believe her?
Alice: Well, why shouldn’t I believe her? She’s my mother!
Tweedle Dum: I don’t suppose you’d like three lumps?
Mad Hatter: You believe everything your mother says?
Alice: Certainly not!
Mad Hatter: Well there you have it. You don’t know when you were born. Besides,
What’s the difference between Mon and Sun? or even Un? Maybe you were born on
Unday and today is your Unbirthday.
Alice: I never heard of such a thing.
Tweedle Dee: there’s nothing logical in Three. I always have two lumps in my tea.
Mad Hatter: Oh, you poor dear. No one has ever celebrated your unbirthday with you?
ALL
HAPPY HAPPY HAPPY
(HAPPY HAPPY HAPPY)
UNBIRTHDAY
HAPPY HAPPY HAPPY
(HAPPY HAPPY HAPPY)
UNBIRTHDAY
MAD HATTER
EVERY DAY OF THE YEAR
IS A GREAT DAY TO CELEBRATE
SOME ONE JUST LIKE YOU - (ALL-) Alice!
THAT’S WHY WE DO THE THINGS WE DO
AND WE SING:
ALL
HAPPY HAPPY HAPPY
(HAPPY HAPPY HAPPY)
UNBIRTHDAY
HAPPY HAPPY HAPPY
(HAPPY HAPPY HAPPY)
UNBIRTHDAY
MARCH HARE
IT’ S SUPER TO BE YOU
AND IT’S SUPER TO BE ME
TWEEDLE DUM/DEE
IT’S SUPER TO BE TWEEDLE DUM
AND IT’S SUPER TO BE TWEEDLE DEE
ALL
HAPPY HAPPY HAPPY
(HAPPY HAPPY HAPPY)
UNBIRTHDAY
(TWO LUMPS FOR ME!)
HAPPY HAPPY HAPPY
(HAPPY HAPPY HAPPY)
UNBIRTHDAY
(I’D LIKE A CRUMB PIE)
WONDERLAND IS WONDERFUL
A PARTY ALL THE TIME
EVERYWHERE YOU LOOK THERE IS
ANOTHER TREE TO CLIMB!
IT’S SUBLIME IT’S
HAPPY HAPPY HAPPY
(HAPPY HAPPY HAPPY)
UNBIRTHDAY
Red Queen: Happy, happy, happy, my big toe!
Card #1: Her Majesty! The Queen of Hearts!
All: YAY!!!!
HAPPY HAPPY HAPPY
(HAPPY HAPPY HAPPY)
QUEEN OF HEARTS
Red Queen: SILENCE!! The Queen is not happy! The Queen has been speaking to
Absulom, The seer Caterpillar! He tells me someone is plotting to kill my little precious
poo-poo!
Tweedle D’s: POO-POO?
Red Queen: THE JABBERWOCKY!
All: *GASP*
Alice: Well, I’ve had quite enough of all this talk about the Jabberwocky! What is a
Jabberwocky?
Red Queen: What is a jabberwocky (haha). Who are you?
Alice: My name is Alice.
Red Queen: Alice? Do you come from a palace?
Alice: No, I come from a cottage.
Red Queen: Cheesy. (Gesture)
All: *laugh*
Alice: stop it! Stop it all of you! I’ve had quite enough of this! Queen of Hearts? Well,
you’re nothing but a playing card!
All: *gasp*
Red Queen: I may be a card, but I’m not PLAYING!! What’s this?! LOOK AT MY ROSES!!
THEIR COLORS HAVE CHANGED! SOMEONE’S PAINTED THEM! (to tweedles) Was is
YOU?!
Tweedle D’s: No your majesty!
Red Queen: (TO MH) Was it you?
Mad Hatter: Are you crazy?!
Red Queen: WHAT?!
Mad Hatter: Because I am! I can’t paint anything!
Red Queen: (to card) STOP FOLLOWING ME SO CLOSELY! (gasp) LOOK! THERE’S PAINT
ON YOUR HANDS
Card #1: UHAHAHA (nervous laughter)
Red Queen: OFF WITH YOUR HEAD!!
Card #1: But your majesty, there are no other cards here to take me into custody
Red Queen: I command you to go and cut your own head off!!! OFF WITH YOUR HEAD!
Card #1: Yes, mum.
Red Queen: NOW THAT’S POWER!!
Mad Hatter: (aside to Alice) you’d better mind your P’s and Q’s, you wouldn’t want your
head chopped off
Alice: Yes, Your majesty. Quite impressive.
Red Queen: You MOCK ME??!! Perhaps you need to see MORE!!
Card #2: Two of clubs, reporting for duty.
Red Queen: What happened to the three?
Card #2: (slit throat motion) Wasn’t a pretty sight neither.
Red Queen: I’m dealing with a foreigner. ARREST HER AND THROW HER IN THE
DUNGEON.
Alice: I will not be taken to a prison!
Red Queen: ARREST HER!
White Rabbit: But your majesty, there really isn’t time. We’re quite a ways into the play.
Red Queen: OH VERY WELL! BOW BEFORE ME!!
Alice: I’m not going to bow before you. You’re nothing but a figment of my imagination.
Red Queen: HAHA
Red Queen: WHAT ARE YOU LAUGHING AT?!
Card #2: your majesty, I merely thought what she said was –
Red Queen: OFF WITH YOUR HEAD!!!
Alice: I find your behavior despicable! You’re angry with everyone, the slightest thing
irritates you, you’re judgemental, and to top it all: you’re quite loud.
Red Queen: YOU DARE TO INSULT THE QUEEN INFRONT OF HER SUBJECTS
Tweedle D’s: oh dear, dear, dear.
Red Queen: CARDS! CARDS!
Card #3: Yes your majesty!
Red Queen: RELEASE THE JABBERWOCKY!!
Card #3: Yes, your majesty!
(Bb)
I AM THE GUARD-I-AN
OF AN INVISIBLE WORLD
I AM YOUR MIND
BUT TO FIND ME
YOU MUST SEE THE
PERSON YOU REALLY ARE
YOU HAVE STRAYED VERY FAR
FROM HER (8)
ALL THAT IS FALSE IN YOU
YOU MUST CONFRONT AND DESTROY
THAT IS THE ONLY WAY
TO FIND THE JOY IN THE
PERSON YOU REALLY ARE
THE ONE WHO CAME FROM A STAR
A STAR (4)
FAR AWAY
White Q- Alice…. You are going to face…. What will appear to you… to be a
great danger!! You must… face this danger…so that I may return…. And
rule…. Over the kingdom.
~HAPPY ENDINGS~
SONG