1 EXT.

CHURCH PARKING LOT 1

The parking lot is filled with parked cars, including the

Griffin’s, everyone is inside the church.

CUT TO:

2 INT. CHURCH 2

The entire CONGREGATION, including the GRIFFINS are sitting

in the pews waiting for mass to start.

LOIS
(To Peter.)
Peter, it sure has been a while.
Where do you think the Preacher
could be?

PETER
(Looks around.)
I don’t know. I’ll go see if I can
find him. Come on Chris.

PETER and CHRIS leave the isle and head to the back of the
church.

CUT TO:

3 EXT. BACK OF CHURCH 3

The PREACHER is sitting in the gutter crying and drinking

alcohol.

PETER
Uh. Hey, you’re late for mass.

PREACHER
I’m not sure if I think there is
even a God anymore. I mean, I’ve
been praying to him for over 40
years and not one of my prayers
were answered. God doesn’t exist!

CHRIS
Is that true dad?

PETER
No Chris. Of course there is a God.
But you have to see it from his
point of view.
(MORE)

(CONTINUED)
 2.
3 CONTINUED: 3
PETER (CONT'D)
I mean, if you think about it, God
is basically watching us like a TV
show. Do you honestly think he can
sit there for over 4,000 years
watching the same thing? God only
knows what he’s doing now.

CAMERA PULLS UP INTO THE SKY, THROUGH THE CLOUDS, REVEALING

HEAVEN WHERE GOD AND JESUS ARE PLAYING FOOSBALL. IN THE
BACKGROUND THERE IS A SCORE BOARD GOD IS WINNING 37 TO 0 AND
A “RULES” BOARD IS FLOATING NEXT TO IT WHICH SAYS “RULE #1 :
NO DIVINE POWERS”. GOD SCORES ANOTHER GOAL ON JESUS.

GOD
Oh! Hell yes! I win again. Who’s
your Daddy?! Come on, say it! Who’s
your Daddy?

JESUS
You’re my daddy!

GOD
Hell yeah!

CUT TO:

4 EXT. BACK OF CHURCH 4

Peter, Chris, and the Preacher are in there previous

positions.

PETER
So you see? God exists. Just
because he doesn’t answer your
prayers doesn’t mean he doesn’t
exist. He could just be in the can.

PREACHER
(Calm.)
Geez, Peter. I never thought of it
that way. Thank you.

The Preacher stands up.

PETER
So then you’re going in there to
say mass right?

PREACHER
Yes, Peter. Thanks to you.

(CONTINUED)
 3.
4 CONTINUED: 4

PETER
Okay, good. Umm… (Short pause.)
Since I helped you, do you think I
can get a free pass on skipping it
today? Your sermons bore the hell
out of me.

CUT TO MAIN “THEME” AND TITLES.

CUT TO:

5 INT. LIVING ROOM 5

BRIAN and Peter are sitting on the couch watching the TV.

PETER
And the best part is… You can pause
the show when you have to go to the
bathroom. Just like that Cox Cable
commercial.

CUT TO:

REFERENCE 1

6 INT. SOME GUY’S LIVING ROOM 6

Some Guy is trying to hold in his urine, waiting for

commercial. His wife is standing behind him. He starts
leaning back and forth then crosses his legs.

SOME GUY
For the love of God! Give me a damn
commercial!

WIFE
You know you can pause live TV now?

The Guy looks back at her with wet pants.

SOME GUY
Too late now!

The Guy sits down.

SOME GUY (CONT’D)

(To himself.)
Bitch.

(CONTINUED)
 4.
6 CONTINUED: 6

TV
We’ll return after this.

CUT TO:

7 INT. LIVING ROOM 7

Brian and Peter are still watching TV.

BRIAN
Yeah, TiVo is great. It’s too bad I
don’t watch any weekly programs.

PETER
Uhh. Brian… Now you can watch them
all. See, here’s that Christmas
“Bones” episode.

Peter scrolls down the TiVo’s recorded list passing

“Futurama”, “Suddenly Suzan”, then selects “Bones”.

CUT TO:

REFERENCE 2

8 INT. TV 8

BONES and the CAST are standing in quarantine.

BONES
You mean we’re all infected?
Weren’t you guys in sterile suites?

ZACK
Well, one of us was.

HODGINS
I was drinking Eggnog.

CUT TO:

9 INT. LIVING ROOM 9

Lois, Stewie, Meg, and Chris enter from outside. The EVIL
MONKEY is at the top of the stairs, sees Chris enter, then
runs into Chris’ room.

(CONTINUED)
 5.
9 CONTINUED: 9

LOIS
Meg, honey. Why don’t you tell your
Father the good news while I start
dinner?

Chris goes up the stairs.

MEG
Okay. Dad, you’ll never guess what
happen to me today. First Neil
Goldman didn’t show up for school
today, which is like a dream come
true because he’s always asking me
out and is sooo annoying; then
Connie Domico invited me over to
her house for a slumber party
because she’s celebrating because
she got accepted to the college she
wanted, then, Craig Hoffman asked
me out again, and this time it
means more to me because I’m myself
and not the product of some
desperate makeover.

PETER
Meg.

MEG
Yeah Dad?

PETER
Shut up. Can’t you see? Men are
talking. (Turns back to Brian and
hands him the TiVo controller.)
Here you go, Brian. Enjoy.

Meg dives over the couch, tackling Peter to the ground,

punching, kicking, and biting Peter. Peter starts yelling
then crying. Brian is watching the TV.

MEG
You fat-ass son of a bitch,
Bastard!

CUT TO:

REFERENCE 3

10 INT. CHRIS’ ROOM 10

CHRIS IS LYING ON HIS BED READING A COMIC BOOK.

(CONTINUED)
 6.
10 CONTINUED: 10

CHRIS
(To himself. Laughs at the comic.)
You can’t eat all those hamburgers.

Chris notices out of the corner of his eye that the closet
door is opening. Chris gets a little scared. The Evil Monkey
swings the door open and points at Chris. Chris screams in
terror.

CHRIS (CONT’D)
Wait a minute. I think we got off
on the wrong foot.

The Evil Monkey stands normally. Chris gets off of the bed
and walks to the closet and holds his hand out to shake hands
with the Evil Monkey.

CHRIS (CONT’D)
My name is Chris Griffin. What’s
your name?

The Evil Monkey cautiously walks closer to Chris.

CHRIS (CONT’D)
I don’t know if you realize this,
or not, but you’re in my bed room,
dude.

The Evil Monkey lunges at Chris and they bang against the
wall.

CUT TO:

11 INT. LIVING ROOM 11

Brian and a Bandaged Peter are sitting on the couch still

watching TV. Loads of banging and glass breaking is heard
from Chris’ room, after a second the banging stops. Lois
enters.

REFERENCE 4

LOIS
What was that ruckus?

PETER
What ruckus?

LOIS
I was just in the kitchen and I
heard a ruckus.

(CONTINUED)
 7.
11 CONTINUED: 11

PETER
Could you describe the ruckus?

LOIS
Oh, never mind.

Lois turns around and walks back into the kitchen revealing a
toilet seat-cover hanging out the back of her pants. When
Lois leaves the room a bloody and bruised Chris falls down
the stairs and lands on the floor unconscious.

PETER
Geez, Chris, you gotta be more
careful. Unlike Meg, the last time
we were at the movie theater.

CUT TO:

12 INT. DARK MOVIE THEATER 12

LOis, Brian, Stewie, and Chris are getting ready to sit in

their seats at the top of the room in the back of the
Theater. Peter and Meg are each carrying a large bowl of
popcorn

REFERENCE 5

PETER
Come on Meg. We’re gonna miss “The
20”.

Peter and Meg get to the isle where Lois and everyone are
waiting. Peter has to squeeze in front of a fellow movie
goer.

PETER (CONT’D)
Ahh. Excuse me. Let me, just, get
by you here.

Peter is having trouble getting through because he is so fat.

PETER (CONT’D)
Okay. How about if you stand up.
Let’s try that.

The movie goer stands up to give Peter more room, which

doesn’t help.

PETER (CONT’D)
(Pissed at the guy.)
Do you mind! I’m trying to get to
my wife and family.

(CONTINUED)
 8.
12 CONTINUED: 12

Peter pushes the movie goer who, in return, pushes Peter into
Meg. Meg flies back down the stairs causing popcorn to fly
everywhere. Peter turns back to Meg.

PETER (CONT’D)
NOOO!! (To the movie goer)

See what you did?! We just lost a whole bucket of Popcorn!

You owe us 12.50 buddy!

CUT TO:

13 INT. LIVING ROOM (LATE AT NIGHT) 13

The room is lit only by the light from the TV beaming onto
Brian who hasn’t left the couch all day.

The hallway light turns on and Lois’ shadow is coming from

the top of the stairs.

LOIS
(Off screen.)
Brian? Are you still down there?

Brian is still watching TV.

LOIS (CONT’D)
(Off screen.)
Brian?

Brian pauses the TV.

BRIAN
Yes, Lois. I’m still down here. I
think I’ll just sleep down here.
You know, to give you and Peter
some time alone.

LOIS
Aww. Brian, how thoughtful of you.

Lois turns off the light. Brian doesn’t un-pause the TiVo
until he hears Lois’ door close. A second later the door is
heard closing and Brian un-pauses the TiVo.

TIME LAPS TO MORNING SHOWING THE SUN COME UP THROUGH THE

WINDOW. BRIAN DOESN’T MOVE ONCE FROM THE COUCH.

Lois comes down from the stairs with a sleeping Stewie in her
arms.

(CONTINUED)
 9.
13 CONTINUED: 13

LOIS (CONT’D)
Brian? Were you up all night
watching TV?

Brian is in a trance watching the TiVo.

LOIS (CONT’D)
Brian.

Brian pauses the TiVo and turns his head to face Lois, a
second later his eyes turn to her.

LOIS (CONT’D)
Brian, are you feeling okay? You
look a little… creepy.

BRIAN
I… Yeah… Good… Breakfast?

LOIS
Maybe you should get some rest.

BRIAN
No, no… No, I’m fine. Could you get
me some food though?

LOIS
Sure, Brian. Breakfast will be
ready in about 30 minutes.

Lois walks to the kitchen then stops and looks back at Brian.
Brian turns his head back to the TV but doesn’t un-pause it.
After a second Lois goes into the kitchen then Brian un-
pauses the TiVo.

CUT TO:

14 INT. KITCHEN 14

Lois puts Sleeping Stewie in his Highchair then turns on the

stove and puts a frying pan on it. TICKING is heard.

LOIS
What’s that ticking?

Stewie cracks his eyes open and looks at Lois. Lois picks up
the egg timer and listens to it.

LOIS (CONT’D)
No, it’s not the egg timer.

(CONTINUED)
 10.
14 CONTINUED: 14

Lois walks around the kitchen and follows the sound to the
freezer. Stewie covers his head bracing for an explosion.
Lois opens the freezer and sees an alarm clock attached to 3
sticks of dynamite.

LOIS (CONT’D)
Who did this? Did Peter put
Stewie’s alarm clock in the freezer
taped to 3 sticks of sausage?

Lois takes the clock out, puts it on the counter, then gets
eggs out of the fridge, and starts to cook them.

CAMERA PUSHES IN ON STEWIE WHILE HIS “PLOTTING EVIL” THEME

PLAYS.

STEWIE
Damn.

Peter enters just as the alarm clock rings.

PETER
Sweet, just in time for breakfast.

LOIS
Sorry Peter. I just started
cooking. It’ll be ready in about a
half hour.

PETER
No Lois. The timer went off. That
means the food is ready. Trust me
it’s like a dog when the doorbell
rings.

CUT TO:

15 INT. LIVING ROOM (FLASHBACK) 15

Brian is sleeping on the couch. Peter slowly sneaks across

the room to the front door and slowly opens it. Brian shifts
in his sleep and Peter freezes. After a second, Peter opens
the frond door and slowly reaches outside and rinds the
doorbell once. The second after Peter rings the doorbell
Brian jumps up, leaps over the couch while barking, peter
slams the door closed causing Brian to slam into it head
first, knocking him out. Peter laughs hysterically.

CUT TO:
 11.

16 INT. KITCHEN 16

LOIS
Peter, can you go talk to Brian?
I’m getting a little worried about
him. He was up all night watching
TV.

PETER
That’s nothing. Once I watched TV
for a week straight.

LOIS
You just go talk to Brian and I’ll
come get you guys when breakfast is
ready.

PETER
Oh, all right.

Peter goes into the living room.

CUT TO:

17 INT. LIVING ROOM 17

The second Peter enters, Brian pauses the TiVo and Peter sits
on the couch next to him. There is a silent pause. Brian un-
pauses the TiVo.

CUT TO:

18 INT. TV 18

TOM TUCKER and DIANE SIMMONS are reporting.

TOM TUCKER
Welcome back, I’m Tom Tucker.

DIANE SIMMONS
And I’m Diane Simmons. Today’s top
story… There was a break-in last
night at Local Hardware store. We
now go live to Asian Correspondent,
Trisha Takanawa.

CUT TO:
 12.

19 EXT. LOCAL HARDWARE STORE 19

TRISHA TAKANAWA is standing in front of “Local Hardware

Store” which has a broken window and is roped off with Crime
Scene Tape.

TRISHA TAKANAWA
Thank you, Diane. I am here at
“Local Hardware Store” which was
broken into last night. Only 3
sticks of TNT were taken, and
nothing else. A security camera got
a glimpse of the suspect, but
unfortunately he was masked.

CUT TO:

20 INT. LOCAL HARDWARE STORE 20

(Black and White Footage) Stewie, in a black Ski Mask and

jump suit is seen throwing a trashcan through the window,
climbing through it, then running out of frame. A second
later he is seen running back into frame with 3 sticks of
dynamite. Stewie stops, looks at the camera, waves, flips it
off (which is blurred), then jumps back through with window.

CUT TO:

21 INT. NEWS STATION 21

Tom and diane are playing tic-tac-toe on paper.

TOM TUCKER
Do the police have any leads on who
the suspect is?

CUT TO:

22 EXT. LOCAL HARDWARE STORE 22

TRISHA TAKANAWA
A police Sketch Artist has compiled
a drawing of who it could be.

The TV split screens surveillance footage showing Stewie’s

football-shaped head next to a picture of ERNIE (from Sesame
Street) who also has a football-shaped head.

(CONTINUED)
 13.
22 CONTINUED: 22

TRISHA TAKANAWA (O.S.) (CONT’D)

The figure in the surveillance
video shows a striking resemblance
to Ernie. Best known for his part
on the “Sesame Street” program and
who was often teamed-up with his
pal Burt.

CUT TO:

23 EXT. LOCAL HARDWARE STORE 23

TRISHA TAKANAWA
The suspect is still at large and
the police say he is considered
very dangerous. Back to you Tom and
Diane.

CUT TO:

24 INT. NEWS STATION 24

Tom and Diane are still doing Tic-Tac-Toe.

TOM TUCKER
(To Diane.)
No, no, no… I’m X’s and you’re O’s.

Diane starts to write on the paper.

TOM TUCKER (CONT’D)

No you can’t go there. I already
went there.

Diane tries to write on it again.

TOM TUCKER (CONT’D)

No! I said I was X’s.

Tom gets too frustrated and throws the paper on the ground,
folds his arms, and faces away from Diane. Diane does the
same to Tom.

TRISHA TAKANAWA
Umm. Tom? Diane?

NEWS DIRECTOR
(Off screen.)
Just go to commercial.

The News goes to a PAWTUCKET PATRIOT commercial.

(CONTINUED)
 14.
24 CONTINUED: 24

REFERENCE 6

CUT TO:

25 INT. JAIL CELL (CLOSE UP ON PAWTUCKET PAT) 25

PAWTUCKET PAT
Yes, it is true what you have
heard. I have sold my company to
another. Apparently, due to
national law it’s illegal to leave
a brewery to an 11 year old boy and
now I’m in prison.

CAMERA PANS OUT REVEALING PAWTUCKET PAT IN A PRISON CELL.

PAWTUCKET PAT (CONT’D)

But don’t let that stop you from
drinking the best tasting beer in
the world. If you don’t believe me,
you can hear it from one of the new
employees.

CAMERA CUTS TO OPPIE.

Oppie mumble-talks something.

CUT TO:

26 INT. TOY STORE 26

Lois, Chris, and Stewie (who is attached to Lois by a Bungee-

Baby Leash) are walking down a toy isle.

LOIS
Okay. You can each pick out one
toy.

Chris and Meg run-off in separate directions.

STEWIE
I say. Any toy in this whole store?
Well, where to start?

Stewie runs-off but gets bungeed back to Lois.

(CONTINUED)
 15.
26 CONTINUED: 26

STEWIE (CONT’D)
Damn.

CUT TO:

27 INT. TOY STORE 27

Chris is down an isle looking at the toys.

CHRIS
Gosh. There are so many toys. How
can I choose just one. (Picks up a
toy.) I suppose I could get this
one.

Chris sees another toy on the rack.

CHRIS (CONT’D)
Oh boy!

Chris throws the toy that is in his hand backwards into

another isle. Meg screams off screen.

CUT TO:

28 INT. TOY STORE 28

Meg is listening to CDs while rubbing her head.

MEG
What the hell?

Meg picks up the toy that Chris threw.

MEG (CONT’D)
Who threw this? Oh well.

Meg picks up a CD and walks off.

REFERENCE 7

CUT TO:

29 INT. TOY STORE 29

Stewie and Lois are in an isle.

Stewie is cautiously and slowly walking away from Lois

stretching the bungee leash.

(CONTINUED)
 16.
29 CONTINUED: 29

STEWIE
(Taking a step further
from Lois.)
Gonna make it. Gonna make it. Gonna
make it.

Stewie grabs onto a pole and pulls it into frame revealing a

Po-Go Stick.

STEWIE (CONT’D)
Ahh haa! Victory is mine!

Stewie climbs on the Po-Go Stick and starts jumping up and

down causing Lois’ arm to move up and down with the Po-Go
Stick.

STEWIE (CONT’D)
Lois, look.

Lois is still looking at a few toys and reading the warning

labels.

STEWIE (CONT’D)
Damn it Lois! Look!

Lois continues ignoring Stewie.

STEWIE (CONT’D)
Hey! Don’t you ignore me! Look at
me when I’m talking to you!

LOIS
(Still reading the boxes.)
Quiet down Stewie, I’m trying to
read.

STEWIE
(Still Po-Going.)
Quite down? Oh I think not! Take
this!

CLOSE UP ON LOIS.

The Po-Go stick flies into Lois’ head.

Lois screams in pain and picks up the Po-Go stick.

STEWIE (CONT’D)
Ha! Take that! That’s for ignoring
me, bitch!

(CONTINUED)
 17.
29 CONTINUED: (2) 29

LOIS
Stewie, we do not throw things at
people. Just for that you don’t get
a toy. Maybe next time you’ll learn
to be nice.

CAMERA PANS OVER TO STEWIE.

Stewie starts to cry.

CUT TO CHECK OUT LINE

Lois, Meg, and Chris are standing in line. Stewie is standing

behind everyone still mad at Lois.

LOIS (CONT’D)
So what are you two getting?

MEG
I got this really cool CD. I heard
Connie Domico said it was totally
awesome.

LOIS
(Looks at the CD.)
Warning. CD contains explicit
language. Are you sure Meg? It says
there is foul language.

A large pack of D batteries hit Lois in the back of the head.

LOIS (CONT’D)
Fuck!

CUT TO:

30 INT. LIVING ROOM 30

Brian is still watching TiVo. Brian’s ears perk up, he pauses

the TiVo, then Lois, Meg, Chris, and Stewie enter.

LOIS
Hi Brian. We’re back. Are you still
watching TV?

MEG
(Running to the stairs.)
I’m going to go listen to my new
CD!

(CONTINUED)
 18.
30 CONTINUED: 30

Chris lays on the floor in the living room and plays with his
new Magna-Doodle.

LOIS
I’m going to start Dinner.

CUT TO:

31 INT. KITCHEN 31

Peter is sitting at the dinner table. Lois enters.

PETER
Lois. Where have you been?

LOIS
I told you, I was taking the kids
to the toy store. I can’t take you
anymore because of the last time
you went with Glen and Cleveland.

CUT TO:

32 INT. TOY STORE (FLASHBACK) 32

A WOMAN with big breasts and a white T-Shirt is walking down

an isle. A water balloon pops on her head. She turns around
to run but CLEVELAND and Peter pop out from behind her and
soak her with water guns. The woman cover’s her see-through
shirt and turns around. Becoming face to face with QUAGMIRE
holding a bucked of water.

QUAGMIRE
All right.

Quagmire dumps the water on her.

WOMAN
Somebody help! Security!

PETER
Uhh. See yuh! I think I hear Lois
calling dinner.

Peter runs.

CLEVELAND
I too, believe I hear Lois calling
dinner.

(CONTINUED)
 19.
32 CONTINUED: 32

Cleveland runs. Two Security guys show up behind Quagmire.

Quagmire faces them and drops the bucket.

QUAGMIRE
Giggity, giggity, gone!

Quagmire runs following Peter and Cleveland. The security

guards follow but slip in the water falling next to the
woman. The three try to get up but keep falling. 1 security
guard kisses the woman then the woman kisses the other
security guard then the 2 security guards kiss.

CUT TO:

33 INT. KITCHEN 33

Lois is getting ready to cook dinner and Peter is still

sitting at the table.

PETER
I know I’m not allowed there
anymore, and I’m fine with that.
I’m just Steamed Carrots because
you left before lunch. I’m
starving. Oh! See?! I’m so hungry
I’m putting food in my speech.

LOIS
Peter, you can’t rely on me making
all of your food. What if something
happens to me and I’m not able to
make you food? What would you do
then?

CUT TO:

34 INT. KITCHEN (WHAT IF) 34

Peter runs into the kitchen pulling everything out of the

cupboards.

PETER
Can’t find food. So hungry.

Peter grabs a can of beans and tries to twist off the top.

PETER (CONT’D)
Stupid twist-on lids.

(CONTINUED)
 20.
34 CONTINUED: 34

Peter tries to bite it open, can’t then falls to the ground

crying.

CUT TO:

35 INT. KITCHEN 35

Peter is watching food on the stove cook.

PETER
Faster, faster, faster, faster.
Come on… Lois you’re cooking this
on low… If you put it on High it’ll
be done faster.

Peter turns the heat up and the food start boiling over the
top.

PETER (CONT’D)
Ahh! Ahh! Lois, it has Rabies!
Help!

Lois turns down the heat and the boiling simmers. Music is
heard from Meg’s room.

LOIS
Peter, can you go tell Meg to turn
her music down?

PETER
(Scared.)
Umm. Sure.

CUT TO:

36 INT. LIVING ROOM 36

Brian and Stewie are sitting on the couch watching TiVo, and
Chris is still playing with his Magna-Doodle. Peter enters,
Brian pauses the TiVo. Peter sees the Magna-Doodle.

PETER
Ahh! Cool! A Magna-doodle! I
haven’t used one of these since I
got my Tonsils removed. Too bad I
got a pulled over and had to write
everything down for the police
officer.

CUT TO:
 21.

37 EXT. ROAD 37

Peter gets pulled over by a COP. The cop walks up to Peter’s

window.

CUT TO:

38 INT. PETER’S CAR 38

COP
Do you know why I pulled you over?

Peter is silent.

REFERENCE 8

COP (CONT’D)
What’s the matter? Can’t you say
anything?

Chico Marx pops up from the back seat.

CHICO MARX
No! He no say nothing!

Chico quickly jumps out of the backseat window and stands

next to the cop.

CHICO MARX (CONT’D)

He make a fight and go like this.

Chico kicks the cop in the butt.

COP
Hey! What’s the idea?

CHICO MARX
Oh, that’s not-a my idea. That’s-a
his idea.

Groucho, Harpo, and Zeppo run past the cop.

CHICO MARX (CONT’D)

Hey there he is!

Chico runs after them.

CHICO MARX (CONT’D)

(Off screen.)
Hey you guys, wait up. What’s a
matter for you?!

(CONTINUED)
 22.
38 CONTINUED: 38

COP
(To Peter.)
Anyway.

Peter writes on his Magna-doodle “I can’t talk, I got my

tonsils removed.”

COP (CONT’D)
Oh. You can’t talk. Well, do you
have any idea how fast you were
going?

Peter writes “37?” on the Magna-doodle.

COP (CONT’D)
No, not 37.

Peter writes “42?” on the board?

COP (CONT’D)
No, not 42.

Peter writes “How fast was I going?”

COP (CONT’D)
You were going 56.

Peter writes “Wow, 56 really? That’s fast.”

COP (CONT’D)
Yes, that is fast. And in a school
zone.

Peter looks shocked then looks behind the cop car seeing
scared, crying kids exiting school.

CUT TO:

39 INT. MEG’S ROOM 39

Meg is lying on her bed listening to the loud music. Peter

slowly enters.

PETER
(Pokes his head in the
room.)
Hey Meg. Your mother wanted me to
tell you to turn down the music.

Meg looks at Peter like she’s going to beat him up again.

(CONTINUED)
 23.
39 CONTINUED: 39

PETER (CONT’D)
(Closes the door a
little.)
If not. That’s cool.

LOIS
(Off screen.)
Dinner’s ready!

Meg gets off the bed and takes a step towards the door. Peter
slams the door closed runs down the stairs.

PETER
Oh God, oh God, oh God!

Peter trips and slams into the TV breaking the TiVo. Brian
snaps out of his trance as if a spell were broken.

BRIAN
Oh! Ahh! What the hell? Where was
I? (Smells the dinner.) Is that
pasta?

Brian, Stewie, Chris, and a limping Peter enter the kitchen.

CUT TO:

40 INT. KITCHEN 40

Lois is almost finished cooking dinner. Everyone sits at the

dinner table waiting.

LOIS
Brian. I’m so glad you took a break
from the TV.

BRAIN
Yeah. I was pretty out of it. I
admit that was stupid of me to get
that hooked.

Meg enters and sits at the table.

PETER
Oh, don’t feel bad Brian. Believe
it or not, I’ve done a few stupid
things I’m my life.

BRIAN
(Sarcastic.)
You? Do stupid things? Never.

(CONTINUED)
 24.
40 CONTINUED: 40

REFERENCE 9

PETER
Sure. Like that time I miss-used
our Welfare checks.

REFERENCE 10

CHRIS
And that time when you crashed the
car into the satellite dish,
knocking out the town’s cable and
tried blaming it on Meg.

REFERENCE 11

LOIS
And that one time you canceled our
reservations at Cheesie Charlie’s.

REFERENCE 12

STEWIE
And that time you punched that
manly pregnant woman.

BRIAN
And that time you…

PETER
Okay, okay. We all remember those
times, but come on, that was like 6
years ago.

REFERENCE 13

BRIAN
Okay, well how about the time you
stole Mel Gibson’s film and he
tried to kill you and Lois?

REFERENCE 14

CHRIS
Oh yeah, and remember that one time
when I ran away from high school
because the older kids were
spanking me with a paddle so I went
to South America and married a girl
then you all flew down there and
you were the richest person in the
village? Do you remember? Do you!
Do you remember!?

(CONTINUED)
 25.
40 CONTINUED: (2) 40

EVERYONE
Yes!

PETER
We remember Chris.

CHRIS
Okay, good. ‘Cause that was fun.

REFERENCE 15

MEG
Oh yeah, and what about that one
time when you went under cover at
my high school to stop everyone
from licking toads? That was pretty
stupid.

PETER
No it wasn’t. Everyone there loved
me and none of them licked toad
ever since.

MEG
Excuse me?

PETER
(Scared.)
Uhh. I mean. Yes Meg. You’re right.
Go on.

Meg clears her throat in an intimidating way. Lois puts

dinner rolls on the table next to Peter.

PETER (CONT’D)
I mean, Miss. Megan Griffin. Who is
the most beautiful girl at James
Woods High and deserves to be Prom
Queen.

MEG
Much better. Now give me those
rolls Fat Ass.

PETER
Yes Ma’am. Right away.

Peter frantically grabs the rolls and accidentally throws

them at Meg.

PETER (CONT’D)
Oops.

(CONTINUED)
 26.
40 CONTINUED: (3) 40

Peter quickly gets up and runs, Meg follows.

STEWIE
(While buttering his
roll.)
Go Megan! Get the Fat Man!

FADE TO BLACK
AND END CREDITS.

THE END

REFERENCES

1 A Cox Cable commercial where a guy is watching his TV,

has to go to the bathroom, and is desperately waiting for a
commercial. His wife says he can pause Live TV. So he does
and goes to the bathroom.

2 A Christmas episode of FOX’s TV drama “Bones” where the

main characters are Anthropologists working with human bones.
In season 1’s Christmas episode; 2 of the scientists are
cutting into a bone in a sterilized room, unfortunately, one
of the characters took his mask off to drink his Eggnog
causing himself to get contaminated then passing the virus to
the entire office leading to quarantine.

3 In Family Guy episode “North by North Quahog” Peter is

driving his car while reading a comic book where a guy is
eating hamburgers.

4 In the movie “The Breakfast Club” a group of teenagers

are sitting in Saturday School. One of the guys in detention
is crawling in the attic of the school and falls through the
ceiling causing a loud noise referred to as a “Ruckus”. The
Dean comes in and asks about a ruckus. At the end of the
scene we see that there is a toilet seat cover tucked into
the back of his pants.

5 The 20” is a 20 minute featurette before the Feature

Presentation at “Regal Cinema” which goes behind the scenes
of upcoming DVDs, TV show, Theme park rides, and events.

6 In Family Guy episode “Wasted Talent” there was a spoof

of the movie “Willy Wonka and the Chocolate Factory” where
the “winner” of a contest inherits a chocolate factory;

(CONTINUED)
 27.
40 CONTINUED: (4) 40

using the same story line “Charlie Bucket” (approximately 11

years old) would inherit the brewery.

7 In the movie “The Three Amigos” Steve Martin’s character

“Lucky Day” was chained to wall and slowly tried walking to
the chain-release lever saying “Gonna make it” on every step
he took.

8 Chico Marx is one of the Marx Brothers along with,

Groucho, Zeppo, and a speechless Harpo. In one of their
movies “Duck Soup” Harpo was asked “Can’t you say anything”
and inadvertently starts a confrontation with Chico.

9 In Family Guy’s pilot Peter receives a welfare check of

150,000 dollars and blows the money on pointless things
before dumping the money onto the Super Bowl.

10 In Family Guy episode “I Never Met the Dead Man” Peter

crashes his car into the town’s satellite dish knocking out
the town’s cable then makes a deal with Meg, if she says she
crashed the car, he’ll buy her a convertible.

11 In Family Guy episode “Chitty Chitty Death Bang” Peter

accidentally cancels Lois’ reservations for Stewie’s first
birthday party at a pizza and games restaurant called
“Cheesie Charlie’s”

12 In Family Guy episode “Mind over Murder” Peter punches a

pregnant woman who he thinks is a man because she was bad
mouthing Chris during his soccer game… Also, she spilt
Peter’s beer.

13 In Family Guy episode “North by North Quahog” Peter and

Lois find Mel Gibson’s secret screening room discovering
Mel’s upcoming project which Peter tries to destroy.

14 In Family Guy episode “Jungle Love” Chris fleas from

James Woods High running from “The Freshman Hunt” where
Seniors spank the incoming Freshman as a welcoming.

15 In Family Guy episode “Let’s go to the Hop” “Toad

licking” was discovered at James Woods High which gives the
licker a euphoric “high”. Peter goes undercover as “Lando
Griffin” to stop the kids from licking toad.