Emotional Processing

Emotion Processing
Emotional processing is about working through, accepting, or “letting go” of older, more
significant emotion (e.g., shame and grief from a series of events years ago).
Processing emotions means that instead of continuing to avoid old internal wounds, we turn
toward them with self-compassion and ‘allow’ the emotional energy to run its course through
us. This experience is intuitive for some people. Otherwise, a deliberate approach starts with
identifying and investigating what we’re feeling to bring some of it to the front of our
awareness, then ‘allowing’ the painful experience to occur. Embracing the emotion for a
time, in place of avoidance or distracting yourself from the feelings.
Being in touch with our emotions does not mean we’re sad all the time. Instead, a healthy
relationship with emotions means processing emotions when we notice them (or within an
appropriate timeframe) and then not having to carry them around anymore. While this
requires courage and discomfort, the long-term outcome is increased inner peace. It’s easier
to heal (i.e., come to terms with things as they are) after doing this work.
An exaggerated example of emotional processing is imagining someone you love dies. You
attend the funeral and feel numb, and you think you should feel upset, but you don’t, so
instead you feel more numb or guilty. The next day, you’re washing dishes and pick up a
mug that person gave you for your birthday years ago, and suddenly you feel waves of grief
in your body and you’re crying. Letting this grief out is processing. Seeking or encouraging
the experience is wise, when done in appropriate moments. The release needs to happen at
some points, so do it at a reasonable and safe time, rather than wait for it all to burst out
during a time of stress or build up and make us feel drowned by depression, or turn to
substance use for an escape, and so on. Further, when we consciously choose to process, we
can do so one piece at a time, rather than in one awful marathon.
Emotions are a wonderful and essential part of the human experience, just like water is for
the body—but unfamiliar waters can drown a distracted swimmer. When we ignore emotions
or attempt to stop them, they’ll cry harder. Emotional baggage is a barrier to growth, and
many people have been avoiding their feelings, often for years. Old or ‘stuck’ emotions can
get in the way and prevent us moving forward so that actions we would like to have been
taking have been building up for months or years. Processing these emotions can free us up
so we are able to act again.
If you are reminded of a difficult situation, can you feel the emotions connected to that
situation and ‘handle’ the experience? Or is it painful and overwhelming, requiring
immediate avoidance? When a painful memory comes to mind, can you sit with that
emotion? If not, that’s okay and normal, and it just indicates we may have additional
exploring and healing to do.
We may at times feel overwhelmed by emotions that we’ve been carrying around as we
become exhausted by the experience. When someone validates the level of difficulty this
may provoke a release of relief as generally people rarely feel witnessed, cared for, and
attended to closely or have a person demonstrate understanding. These can therefore be
poignant and affecting moments.
Emotional Expression
Asking Emotions what they need
An exercise for accessing emotion is to locate the emotion in your body. What does it feel
like, does it have a colour or sound, what size is it, does it move? Put your hand on that area
and ask yourself what the feeling would it say if it could talk? What would it say that it
needs?” (e.g., to feel safe, accepted, heard etc). Acknowledging this emotional need may be a
powerful moment if we have held on to our feelings for years. Once we have established this,
we can also ask ourselves “what do I need?”
Write down or draw how you feel
Visually expressing how you feel by way of an image, short story or poem can offer a
surprisingly evocative alternative release.
Exercise
Physical activity is the preferred method of emotional processing for some people. Some
individuals who run marathons will know about the emotional utility of running, how
cleansing and perspective shifting it can be to go for a long run.
Any form of exercise you enjoy could work for this from weightlifting, rock climbing,
rowing, to yoga, to give some examples. Whilst engaging in exercise imagine the emotion
coming out of you with each exertion. This will vary by activity and how you prefer to do it;
sometimes it is a visual meditation where you imagine this happening, or it can be a
sensation. Imagining the emotion radiating out of you like body heat is another example.
Being able to identify where in your body the emotion resides can help but isn’t required.
Sometimes it helps to think more directly about the troubling situation during exercise, other
times it’s a background process. There is lots of room to experiment.
Training to open ourselves up to our emotional experience
Suffering = pain x resistance (Kristin Neff). The following exercise can aid in reducing
emotional resistance, helping us to allow the emotions to pass through us.
Assume a relaxed position and quiet location and start by saying positive affirmations such as
I’m listening” to yourself or put your hand on your heart to indicate your attention and care to
your body. Attend to simple sensations you feel in your body, such as “I notice my arms have
a tingling feeling”, “my chest feels heavy and tight”, or “my throat feels tight, like I can’t
speak”. Sit with and continue to be curious about these sensations, offering soothing words of
compassion to yourself and the sensations, like how you would comfort someone else.
This caring attentiveness is enough to initiate a flood of emotion for many people, which we
sit with. It can feel scary to contemplate, a common concern being “if I let myself start
feeling this sadness, I worry I’ll never stop”. In reality, this is a short exercise, lasting 10
minutes or less for ‘smaller’ concerns or if you let your emotions out regularly. For more
‘intense’ emotion it’s good to approach the process piece by piece and take breaks.
Tara Brach is a psychologist and author who focuses on mindfulness and compassion. She is
well known for her updated RAIN meditation, which can be summarized as:
Recognize what is happening (roots of understanding)
Allow life to be just as it is (grounds of love)
Investigate with gentle attention (deepens understanding)
Nurture (awakens love)
After the RAIN (realizing freedom from narrow identity)
The Feelings Wheel
Simply review the feelings wheel and find the emotions that you relate to in that moment.
Journalling
Journalling can be a healthy outlet for emotions. Writing in a private space in an honest
manner about how you’re feeling, what’s going on in the troubling situation, and your
internal experience of it. The less you censor yourself, the better.

Emotional Processing

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Emotional Processing

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Emotion Processing

Asking Emotions what they need

Write down or draw how you feel

Training to open ourselves up to our emotional experience

Recognize what is happening (roots of understanding)

Allow life to be just as it is (grounds of love)

Investigate with gentle attention (deepens understanding)

Nurture (awakens love)

After the RAIN (realizing freedom from narrow identity)

The Feelings Wheel

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