Conflict is Part of Life and

Leadership
Managing Conflict Effectively
Kim-Adele Randall
KIM-ADELE RANDALL

CONFLICT IS PART OF
LIFE AND LEADERSHIP
MANAGING CONFLICT
EFFECTIVELY

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Conflict is Part of Life and Leadership: Managing Conflict Effectively
1st edition
© 2022 Kim-Adele Randall & bookboon.com
ISBN 978-87-403-4108-9

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CONFLICT IS PART OF LIFE AND LEADERSHIP Contents

CONTENTS
About the author 5

Introduction 6

1 What is conflict and why does it happen? 8

1.1 What is conflict? 8
1.2 What is conflict management? 10
1.3 What are the common forms of conflict resolution? 12

2 How to identify the type of conflict you’re experiencing 15

2.1 How to identify the type of conflict you’re experiencing 15
2.2 What are the different types of conflict 16

3 Why people fight and how they do it 21

3.1 Why do people fight 21

4 The different strategies for resolving a conflict between two

or more parties 24
4.1 The different strategies for resolving a conflict between two
or more parties 24
4.2 Tips on how to handle conflict effectively 27

5 Ways to prevent conflicts from happening in the first place,

including planning ahead and setting expectations with
your team members 28
5.1 Ways to prevent conflict happening in the first place 28

6 Strategies for dealing with an ongoing conflict as soon

as possible so that it doesn’t escalate 33
6.1 Strategies for dealing with an ongoing conflict as soon
as possible so that it doesn’t escalate 33

Summary 37

References 40

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CONFLICT IS PART OF LIFE AND LEADERSHIP About the author

ABOUT THE AUTHOR

Kim-Adele is at the leading edge of ‘Championing Human Potential’ individually &
organizationally for 21st Century Board/C-Suite Level leaders. A world-renowned leadership
coach, an internationally bestselling author, inspirational keynote speaker, and master coach,
she couples 25 years in the corporate world, with lessons she has garnered throughout
her amazing and unique life story, to help others achieve sustainable transformation for
professional and personal success.

Kim-Adele formulated the unique delivery and content of the Convergent ‘Sweet spot”
Leadership Curriculum and has spent 10 years refining its teachings. Her revolutionary
education can be experienced via Keynote Speaking, private one on one Leadership Coaching,
2 Day Leadership Retreats, Leadership Development Programs, & Bespoke Workshops.

Kim-Adele’s journey has taken her from an NVQ in hairdressing to the boardrooms of the
FTSE 250, navigating through some traumatic plot twists along the way. Having lived a
colourful life apprenticeship, she more than understands integrally what it means to feel
disconnected, which in turn embedded the importance of the core values of ‘humanity,
presence and kindness’ for her.

Bringing these values into the leadership arena or to the boardroom table has sparked her
champion of human potential to new levels. She is also a mother to a beautiful daughter
who drives her daily to live life to the fullest and leave a legacy that matters.

Kim-Adele’s Co-Authored the books: Remote Working, Women Leading, and Pivot and
Grow all of which became international bestsellers when published in 2020. She is Co-Host
on the popular podcast Mastermindset and co-founder of International Imposter Syndrome
Awareness Day.

She also runs a portfolio of Non-Exec and Interim positions Globally.

5
CONFLICT IS PART OF LIFE AND LEADERSHIP Introduction

INTRODUCTION
Conflict is an inevitable part of life. It’s also an essential part of leadership, as it provides
an opportunity for growth and learning. However, if not managed effectively, conflict can
be destructive and lead to decreased productivity and lower morale.

If you’re like most people, you probably don’t enjoy conflict. In fact, many of us go to
great lengths to avoid it. But the truth is that conflict is a natural and unavoidable part
of life. And as a leader, you’re going to have to learn how to deal with it effectively if you
want to be successful. Conflict can arise in any relationship - with your spouse, your kids,
your parents or your friends. But as a leader, the conflicts you encounter are likely to be
more complicated and harder to resolve. That’s because there are often multiple stakeholders
involved, each with their own agendas and opinions.

So what can you do? How can you effectively manage conflict in such a challenging
environment?

Conflict is a natural and unavoidable part of life. For leaders, it is especially important to
learn how to deal with conflict effectively in order to maintain positive relationships with
those they lead and achieve the best outcomes for their teams or organizations. This book
provides tips on how to manage conflict constructively and outlines some of the benefits
of doing so. It also includes a real-life example of how a leader was able to turn around a
tense situation by using these techniques. Conflict can be daunting, but it doesn’t have to
be destructive. By learning how to handle it effectively, you can make the most out of this
essential part of life and leadership.

Conflict can be daunting, but it doesn’t have to be destructive. By learning how to handle
conflict effectively, conflict resolution becomes much easier and conflict can even be beneficial
for individuals and teams. If you’re able to become more aware of conflict as it arises, actively
listen during conflict discussions and find win-win solutions when possible - conflict will
no longer be something you dread but instead an opportunity for growth.

An effective leader must learn how to manage conflict effectively in order to maintain positive
relationships with those they lead and achieve the best outcomes for all.

In the middle of difficulty lies opportunity.

– Albert Einstein

6
CONFLICT IS PART OF LIFE AND LEADERSHIP Introduction

Leaders can conflict in any relationship, but when conflict occurs in the context of leadership
it is more complex and harder to resolve. These conflict resolution skills will make conflict
less daunting and help leaders find mutually acceptable solutions that meet the needs of
all involved.

In this book we will be exploring conflict resolution and sharing actionable advice to help
you effectively manage and resolve conflict whatever the situation.

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CONFLICT IS PART OF LIFE AND LEADERSHIP What is conflict and why does it happen?

1 WHAT IS CONFLICT AND

WHY DOES IT HAPPEN?

1.1 WHAT IS CONFLICT?

Conflict is usually something that happens when two or more people have different opinions,
needs and interests. They can’t agree on how an issue should be handled so there are fights
among group members. Conflicts arise due to value differences in individuals which lead
them into arguments with one another; but they don’t always need a third party involved—
sometimes just one person fighting against themselves will do if they are in conflict with
themselves.

According to dictionary.com conflict can be defined as “ to come into collision or disagreement;

be contradictory, at variance, or in opposition; clash: to fight or contend; do battle”

Conflict is often a disagreement between two parties over how an objective should be
accomplished or one party’s goal achieved, as well as a manifestation of those disagreements.
Conflict can occur in many different context and for various reasons. Conflict resolution
is the process of conflict management through which conflict is identified and eliminated,
minimized, or regulated.

According to dictionary.com, conflict resolution can be defined as “the methods used by a

conflict resolver to determine the outcome(s) that will satisfy all members of a conflict group.”

A conflict resolver is typically an individual who resolves disputes between groups with
opposing views. A conflict resolver seeks to identify issues underlying the problem, generate
options for mutual gain and select optimal solutions by consensus.

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CONFLICT IS PART OF LIFE AND LEADERSHIP What is conflict and why does it happen?

1.1.1 WHY DOES CONFLICT OCCUR?

There can be many different causes of conflict within an organization. Some of the most
common sources of contention include the following:

- Miscommunication or a lack of communication

- Misunderstandings or misinterpretations of comments or actions
- Perceptions/misperceptions about coworkers or supervisors
- Poor communication, both internally and externally
- Unclear job responsibilities/job duties
- Unrealistic expectations on either part
- Values conflicts between employees (ex. An employee’s value system is very
structured, while their manager operates more spontaneously)
- Different objectives
- Lack of trust
- Fear
- Previous conflict (resolved or unresolved)
- Differing opinions on how a task should be carried out
- A clash of personalities
- Competing agendas

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CONFLICT IS PART OF LIFE AND LEADERSHIP What is conflict and why does it happen?

- Unclear job roles or responsibilities

- Inequalities in power and status
- Resentment over decisions that have been made or jobs that have been allocated

Conflict can arise from many sources and for many reasons although we often find that at
it’s core conflict arises through misunderstanding, miscommunication or misinformation.

1.1.2 SOME COMMON FORMS OF CONFLICT

There are many different forms of conflict, although five main categories cover most types.
They are as follows:-

People vs people: This occurs when one person is pitted against another person, and the
result is a competition that can lead to aggression, hostility or even violence.

People vs process: This type of conflict happens when people are fighting against the way
something is done, often because they do not agree with the way it is being done or do
not feel that their voices are being heard.

-People vs self: This occurs when a person conflicts with themselves, often because they
have conflicting goals or values. This can be very challenging to resolve, as the person can
usually not see things objectively.

Process vs process: This type of conflict occurs when the procedures or policies of an
organization are at odds with one another, resulting in confusion and lack of direction or
goals for employees

Process vs people: This often arises when organizational policies or procedures do not meet
the needs of the employees, causing them to become upset over their working conditions

1.2 WHAT IS CONFLICT MANAGEMENT?

Conflict management is a process for addressing conflicts by taking steps to stop the conflict
from getting worse and refocusing on issues of common interest among those involved. This
may include negotiation, mediation, arbitration, non-violent intervention or other processes
that have been designed to resolve differences in a way that reduces escalation and creates
a win/win solution to a problem.

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CONFLICT IS PART OF LIFE AND LEADERSHIP What is conflict and why does it happen?

Conflict management also refers to minimizing the loss of resources due to conflict or
avoiding business interruptions resulting from unresolved conflicts within an organization.
The process often starts with recognizing potential sources of conflict before applying methods
such as negotiation to resolve disagreements between parties.

1.2.1 WHAT ARE SOME OF THE BENEFITS OF CONFLICT MANAGEMENT?

There are many benefits to implementing a formalized conflict management program within
an organization. Some of these benefits include:

- Improved communication and problem-solving skills

- Greater understanding of different points of view
- Reduced stress and anxiety in the workplace
- Improved teamwork and productivity
- Reduced employee turnover rates
- Fewer workplace accidents and injuries
- Fewer legal disputes - reduced time and money spent on litigation.

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CONFLICT IS PART OF LIFE AND LEADERSHIP What is conflict and why does it happen?

1.2.2 WHAT CAN MANAGERS DO TO MINIMIZE

SOURCES OF WORKPLACE CONFLICT?

Managers play a crucial role in minimizing workplace conflicts. There are several things that
managers can do to help create a more effective work environment, including:

- Creating clear expectations/job descriptions-Setting appropriate boundaries with

each employee
- Providing regular feedback (both positive and corrective)
- Developing solid relationships with each employee
- Speak respectfully and diplomatically to all employees
- Remaining impartial in conflicts
- Resolving conflicts promptly.

Workplace conflict can be highly destructive to an organization, costing time, money and
resources that could be better spent elsewhere. Organizations can enjoy a more productive,
harmonious work environment by understanding the causes of conflict and implementing
strategies to minimize them.

1.3 WHAT ARE THE COMMON FORMS OF

CONFLICT RESOLUTION?
Many different methods can be used to resolve conflict. Some of the most common include
negotiation, mediation, arbitration and non-violent intervention. However, the most effective
way will vary depending on the situation and the parties involved. It is essential to tailor the
approach to fit the specific needs of the problem.. Some of the most common techniques
include the following:

Negotiation involves two or more people discussing a problem and trying to find a solution
that meets everyone’s needs.

Mediation: This is similar to negotiation, but it involves a third party (the mediator) who
helps the parties involved in the conflict to communicate effectively and work towards a
resolution. As a leader this is the most common role you are asked to play on behalf of
others experiencing conflict.

Arbitration: This is similar to mediation, but it is often used in legal disputes. The arbitrator
is a neutral party who hears both sides of the story and makes a decision that is binding
on both parties.

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CONFLICT IS PART OF LIFE AND LEADERSHIP What is conflict and why does it happen?

Litigation: This is the most formal and expensive form of conflict resolution, and it involves
taking a legal case to court. The parties involved in the conflict present their evidence to a
judge or jury, who then weighs the evidence and makes a judgement.

1.3.1 WHAT IS MEDIATION?

Mediation is a form of alternative dispute resolution (ADR) that brings together the
conflicting parties in a neutral environment where they can discuss their issues and create
mutually agreeable solutions. The mediator does not take sides or offer advice but guides
the discussion and facilitates an agreement between both parties.

A long list of benefits has been documented for those who mediate.

- Improved relationships with coworkers and supervisors

- Increased feelings of fairness on both sides
- Improved job performance and satisfaction
- Reduced conflict costs (both time and money) due to fewer grievances,
complaints and terminations.

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CONFLICT IS PART OF LIFE AND LEADERSHIP What is conflict and why does it happen?

1.3.2 HOW CAN YOU IDENTIFY IF YOU HAVE A CONFLICT?

The first step in resolving any conflict is to identify that there is a problem. This can be
difficult at times, as people often avoid or ignore conflict, hoping that it will just go away.

However, some common signs indicate a conflict may exist:

- You or another party feel angry, frustrated or overwhelmed

- You or another party feel like you are constantly defending your position
- You or another party find yourself obsessing over the problem
- Your or another party’s work performance or quality suffers
- You or another party have difficulty focusing or concentrating
- Your or another party’s relationships with coworkers suffer
- Your or another party’s health begins to deteriorate.

Experiencing these symptoms means there is likely a conflict, which should be addressed
as soon as possible.

To practice the process of conflict resolution, we must

completely abandon the goal of getting people to do what
we want.

– Marshall B. Rosenberg

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 HOW TO IDENTIFY THE TYPE OF
CONFLICT IS PART OF LIFE AND LEADERSHIP CONFLICT YOU’RE EXPERIENCING

2 HOW TO IDENTIFY THE

TYPE OF CONFLICT
YOU’RE EXPERIENCING

2.1 HOW TO IDENTIFY THE TYPE OF CONFLICT

YOU’RE EXPERIENCING
There are many different types of conflict, and it can be challenging to determine which
type you are experiencing. However, some key signs can help you identify the conflict you
are experiencing.

Conflict is a normal part of life and is also a normal part of leadership. However, it is
essential to deal with conflict effectively not to become a distraction or obstacle to your
goals. Each conflict is unique and should be approached uniquely. However, some steps
can be followed to help resolve conflict effectively.

The first step is to understand what conflict you are dealing with. To do this, start by
acknowledging the conflict. This means that you recognize that there is a problem and are
willing to do something about it. Then look at understanding the conflict, what is causing
the conflict, and each person’s position.

The conflict types in chapter 2.2 will help you categorize what kind of conflict you are
dealing with, which will be a crucial step on the journey to resolve it.

The quality of our lives depends not on whether or not we

have conflicts but on how we respond to them.

– Thomas Crum

A conflict can arise at any time. Although some people think that they must be angry for
a conflict to occur, the reality is that most conflicts are not particularly intense or highly
charged. We often don’t even recognize that a conflict exists because it isn’t particularly loud
or disruptive. Many of us tend to view those more-obvious conflicts as dustups, skirmishes,
and squabbles instead of full-on “conflicts”.

Conflict is a part of life. Understanding how it works and what happens when you cannot
resolve it can make your personal and professional relationships more robust and happier.

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 HOW TO IDENTIFY THE TYPE OF
CONFLICT IS PART OF LIFE AND LEADERSHIP CONFLICT YOU’RE EXPERIENCING

As with most human behaviour, there’s no one right way to handle conflict; however, some
general principles can help.

2.2 WHAT ARE THE DIFFERENT TYPES OF CONFLICT

The first step is to understand the different types of conflict. The most common types of
conflict are:

There are many ways that conflict can show up in our lives; however, they fall into two
main categories, separated into five subtypes.

The two main categories are:

Intrapersonal Conflict - Conflict within oneself, typically involving doubt or uncertainty

about the correctness of an intended course of action, especially when involving mutually
incompatible goals or motives.

Interpersonal conflict - a disagreement between two or more people. It is facilitated by

contending forces or competing motives within a person. Intrapersonal conflict involves
self-concern and often involves doubt about the correctness of an intended course of action.
It may result from beliefs in conflicting goals, such as achieving intimacy vs maintaining
independence in a relationship; it may also derive from incompatible desires or wishes, such
as wanting one thing and doing another.

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 HOW TO IDENTIFY THE TYPE OF
CONFLICT IS PART OF LIFE AND LEADERSHIP CONFLICT YOU’RE EXPERIENCING

The five main categories are:

1. Task: Where the Conflict is over the job or task itself.

2. Relationship: The Conflict is with the individuals involved, potentially through
a personality clash or conscious or unconscious bias.
3. Value: Where the Conflict arises when people think differently on essential issues.
4. Position: Where the Conflict arises when there is a disagreement or
misalignment of power, status, and control)
5. Process: Where there is a disagreement about how to get things done

Most of the time, more than one type of conflict is going on simultaneously. And, as we’ll see
shortly, the mix matters. For example, a task conflict between two friends can quickly turn
into a relationship conflict if one starts taking advantage of the other’s willingness to help.

The mix of conflict types matters because each type requires a different approach to resolve it.

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 HOW TO IDENTIFY THE TYPE OF
CONFLICT IS PART OF LIFE AND LEADERSHIP CONFLICT YOU’RE EXPERIENCING

2.2.1 HOW CAN YOU RESOLVE CONFLICT?

When addressing conflict working through a simple step by step approach is often the best
way to understand what is going on, identify the root cause and find a solution.

Here is a simple 5 step process that is highly effective.

The first step is to understand your conflict style. Do you like to talk things out? Are you
more of a “doer”? Do you want to have lots of information before deciding? Or do you
prefer to make decisions quickly? Knowing your tendencies will help you better understand
how to deal with conflict when it arises.

The second step is to try and understand the other person’s conflict style. This takes some
effort, but it can be very helpful in getting to a resolution. For example, if you know that
the other person likes to talk things out, you might be more likely to suggest sitting down
and talking about the issue rather than trying to solve it yourself.

The third step is to stay calm. This can be not easy, but it’s essential. If you can remain
calm, you’re more likely to be able to think clearly and come up with a resolution. Yelling,
name-calling, and other hostile behaviour will only worsen the situation.

The fourth step is to try and find common ground. Even if you don’t agree on everything,
there’s likely to be some areas where you do see eye-to-eye. Focusing on these areas can
help build a foundation for resolving the conflict.

The fifth step is to be willing to compromise. This doesn’t mean giving in or surrendering;
it means finding a way for both parties to get what they want (at least to some degree).
Compromise can be difficult, but it’s often the best way to resolve a conflict.

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 HOW TO IDENTIFY THE TYPE OF
CONFLICT IS PART OF LIFE AND LEADERSHIP CONFLICT YOU’RE EXPERIENCING

Finally, remember that resolution is not always possible. There may be times when you
cannot agree on something, and that’s okay. In these cases, it’s essential to learn how to
disagree respectfully and still maintain a relationship.

Conflict is a normal, inevitable part of life. It can arise in any situation where two or more
people are interacting. By understanding how conflict works and using some basic principles
for resolving it, we can make our personal and professional relationships much more robust
and happier places.

2.2.2 HOW CAN YOU ADDRESS THE DIFFERENT TYPES OF CONFLICT?

Conflict is a normal and often necessary part of life. It can show up in our relationships,
at work, or when we’re trying to achieve something. And while it can be uncomfortable
and sometimes difficult to resolve, it’s essential to understand the different types of conflict
and how to deal with them.

As discussed, the mix of conflict types matters because each type requires a different approach
to resolve it. Here are the five steps for resolving every kind of conflict.

Task: Separate the people from the problem and focus on building common ground by
using questions that seek to understand rather than judge or criticize.

Relationship: Use «I» messages to describe how you feel and what is important to you,
rather than pointing the finger at others. Also, use active listening and respect so that your
relationship stays more important than winning or losing the disagreement.

Value: Listen first and agree on a standard for solving the problem - a standard of excellence,
not perfection. Brainstorm together for possibilities using an abundance mentality instead
of looking at the options› missing or lacking.

Position: Identify the underlying interests motivating your situation and seek win-win
solutions by focusing on agreements rather than disagreements.

Process: Agree on a methodology that everyone can live with by using a fair problem-solving
approach and taking everyone›s needs into account. Of course, even when you know which
type of conflict you›re dealing with, it›s not always easy to apply the five steps. You might
need to get help from a mediator or counsellor to resolve some conflicts. But understanding
the different types and how to deal with them is an excellent place to start.

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 HOW TO IDENTIFY THE TYPE OF
CONFLICT IS PART OF LIFE AND LEADERSHIP CONFLICT YOU’RE EXPERIENCING

Once you have identified the type of conflict you are experiencing, you can take steps to
resolve it. The most important thing is staying calm and communicating effectively with
the other person. It would help if you were willing to listen to their side of the story and
understand their point of view. It would help if you also were prepared to compromise and
find a middle ground that everyone could agree on. If resolution seems impossible, it may
be time to seek professional help.

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CONFLICT IS PART OF LIFE AND LEADERSHIP Why people fight and how they do it

3 WHY PEOPLE FIGHT AND

HOW THEY DO IT

3.1 WHY DO PEOPLE FIGHT

From the time we are born, we learn to deal with conflict. It starts with our parents arguing
over how to care for us and continues throughout our lives as we experience disagreements
with friends, family, and co-workers. Conflict is a natural part of life, and it’s impossible to
avoid altogether. However, that doesn’t mean that conflict must be destructive or unpleasant.
Conflict can be a positive force if handled effectively.

There are many reasons people fight; for example, conflict often arises because there is a
disagreement between two individuals who have different needs and opinions on the same
topic.

Sometimes conflict happens when one person feels threatened by another’s success at work,
or perhaps, they feel ignored or unappreciated. Conflict also occurs because of frustration
with the way things are done within an organization.

However, conflict arises; it needs to be dealt with effectively before it escalates into something
more destructive, such as bullying or harassment.

The best way to deal with conflict is to talk about it openly and honestly. This means that
both parties need to be willing to listen to the other person’s point of view and be open
to compromise. If one person is not interested in resolving the conflict, it may be time to
walk away.

Conflict can often lead to positive change if it’s handled effectively. It provides an opportunity
for people to express their views and feelings, and sometimes, this can result in a better
understanding of each other. Conflict also allows people to identify areas where they need to
make changes, motivating them to work harder towards a common goal. So, while conflict
can be unpleasant, it doesn’t have to be destructive. With the right approach, people can
learn to deal with it positively.

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CONFLICT IS PART OF LIFE AND LEADERSHIP Why people fight and how they do it

3.1.1 HOW DO PEOPLE FIGHT?

There are many ways that people can fight at work. One way is when two co-workers disagree
about something. They might argue about who will do the work or who is responsible for a
mistake. Another way people can fight at work is when they compete for the same promotion
or job. This can lead to rivalry and backstabbing between co-workers. Sometimes people
also fight at work because they have personal problems, and they take their anger out on
their co-workers. Whatever the reason, fighting at work can be disruptive and damaging
to the workplace.

Companies are becoming less hierarchical, which means that everyone, including managers,
is encouraged to be part of the team. Yet even when everyone is supposed to work together,
this doesn’t always happen.

What makes co-worker conflict especially difficult is that it involves people in an ongoing
relationship with one another day after day. Additionally, unlike customers, suppliers or
vendors, there is no end time where they will stop having contact. Even if you never see
your colleagues outside of work hours, their impact on your life at the office is felt long
after they’ve gone home for the night.

How can you manage intense emotions about a colleague? What can you do to neutralize
tensions between yourself and someone else? Is there ever anything productive about bringing
up issues with your peers?

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CONFLICT IS PART OF LIFE AND LEADERSHIP Why people fight and how they do it

Some strategies can help you manage conflict with co-workers more effectively. It’s important
to remember that while your relationship doesn’t have an end time, it isn’t all-encompassing
either. Outside of work hours, there is no reason you shouldn’t be able to get along just fine.
One strategy that people often use in management training is to clear the air by getting
everything out on the table once and for all. Suppose one person feels annoyed or offended
by something another colleague has done. In that case, they need to tell them about their
feelings before things escalate into a full-blown argument or stay unresolved.

Another strategy is finding common ground between yourself and a difficult colleague
because humans tend to want similar things.

Conflict resolution is first mindset and then skill set.

– Unkown

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 THE DIFFERENT STRATEGIES FOR RESOLVING A
CONFLICT IS PART OF LIFE AND LEADERSHIP CONFLICT BETWEEN TWO OR MORE PARTIES

4 THE DIFFERENT STRATEGIES

FOR RESOLVING A
CONFLICT BETWEEN TWO
OR MORE PARTIES

4.1 THE DIFFERENT STRATEGIES FOR RESOLVING A

CONFLICT BETWEEN TWO OR MORE PARTIES
Conflicts are a natural part of life, and they occur in many settings. It’s impossible to avoid
conflicts entirely because there will always be an individual or group that will disagree with
the actions of another party. A disagreement could be about anything from spending money
belonging to a collective pool to ethical issues such as whether taking a life is ever justified.

There are several different strategies for resolving a conflict between two or more parties.

The first strategy for resolving conflict is through dialogue and negotiation, which involves
discussing the problem together until both sides agree on what needs to be done moving
forward. While this may sound simple in theory, it can often take significant amounts of
time and effort before parties eventually reach a consensus. Furthermore, this approach
usually requires both parties to be open and communicative, which is not always easy to do.

The second strategy for resolving conflict is mediation. This approach involves a third-party
mediator who helps both sides discuss the problem and reach a resolution. The mediator
remains impartial and does not take sides; instead, their role is to help the two parties
communicate effectively and come to an agreement. This approach can be helpful in cases
where the two parties have difficulty speaking or when there is a high level of tension
between them.

The third strategy for resolving conflict is arbitration. This approach is like mediation, but
it involves a neutral arbitrator who makes a binding decision on behalf of both parties.
This may be preferable in cases where the two parties are unable to agree on their own or
when there is a significant power imbalance between them.

The fourth strategy for resolving conflict is litigation. This approach involves taking the
dispute to court, where a judge or jury will decide who is right and who is wrong. This
can be a costly and time-consuming process, and it often leads to animosity between the
parties involved.

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 THE DIFFERENT STRATEGIES FOR RESOLVING A
CONFLICT IS PART OF LIFE AND LEADERSHIP CONFLICT BETWEEN TWO OR MORE PARTIES

Finally, the fifth strategy for resolving conflict is avoidance. This approach involves simply
choosing not to deal with the problem and hoping that it goes away. While this may be
effective with minor issues, it’s usually not a long-term solution and can lead to further
problems down the road, causing even more stress and tension within a relationship or
group dynamic.

So, which approach is best suited to your situation? Well, that will depend on the nature
of the conflict and how much importance you put on finding an immediate resolution.
However, in certain conditions, one approach may be better than another. For example, if
you have a legal contract that specifies what action should be taken in case of a contractual
dispute, it may not make sense to use any other strategy to resolve conflict.

4.1.1 TIPS ON HOW TO REFRAME TO CREATE A SAFE

SPACE FOR CONFLICT RESOLUTION

Conflict is often associated with emotions. When we face competition, we usually start to
respond to what we are making something mean rather than the facts of what is happening.
This makes it increasingly difficult to find a resolution as one or both parties is coming from
a sense of fear. Fear of being wrong, being made to look foolish, and being disadvantaged
somehow. Whatever the cause of the fear, it is like a silent barrier to finding a successful
outcome.

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 THE DIFFERENT STRATEGIES FOR RESOLVING A
CONFLICT IS PART OF LIFE AND LEADERSHIP CONFLICT BETWEEN TWO OR MORE PARTIES

By reframing the situation, you can create a safe space for both parties to voice what is
going on and find a solution. In the fabulous book Crucial Conversation – Tools for talking
when stakes are high by Kerry Patterson, Joseph Grenny, Ron McMillan, and Al Switzler,
they talk about moments when a conversation gets crucial. By that, I mean that one or
more parties feel high emotion about the conversation.

What tends to happen is we either respond in violence or silence, by which I mean on

the violence end, we become louder, more argumentative, even aggressive. On the silence
side, we become quieter, withdraw from the conflict and hope it will disappear. Neither
approach resolves the situation, and the conflict remains. The reality is that both parties are
operating in the aforementioned sphere of fear. To resolve the conflict, we need to create
an environment where both parties feel psychologically safe to discuss what is going on,
how it’s making them feel, and find a solution that works for all.

Here is a simple yet effective five-step model for reframing your conversations.

Step one – share some vulnerability. For example, “I would rather do anything than have
this conversation….”

Step two-state your purpose. For example, “however I know I need to as the situation
makes you look bad.”

Step three – state your intention. For example, “I am 100% committed to finding a solution
that works for both of us”. By using this, you are making it clear that you want to find a
resolution that works for both parties, removing the fear that someone will lose.

Step four – share your solution. For example, “on that basis, I would like to suggest we
could ……..” If this solution isn’t acceptable, remind everyone of the intention (step three)
and ask how they think the situation could be resolved. If their suggestion is unacceptable,
restate the intention and seek new solutions together.

Step five – Agree on the way forward. Now that you have successfully navigated the
conversation you will be able to agree on a course of action that works for both of you.
Should further challenges arise you can revisit your intention and rework the model.

26
 THE DIFFERENT STRATEGIES FOR RESOLVING A
CONFLICT IS PART OF LIFE AND LEADERSHIP CONFLICT BETWEEN TWO OR MORE PARTIES

4.2 TIPS ON HOW TO HANDLE CONFLICT EFFECTIVELY

- Find a win/win solution for both parties involved in the conflict. It isn’t always
easy, but if both sides are willing then consider agreeing to disagree on certain
matters that you won’t compromise on so both sides can be satisfied with their
decisions.
- Be aware of your own personal biases and assumptions. Don’t jump to
conclusions or make assumptions about the other person’s motives.
- Stay calm and try not to react emotionally. If you can, take a step back and
consider the situation from the other person’s perspective.
- Listen actively and don’t interrupt. Let the other person finish talking before
responding.
- Be respectful and try to understand the other person’s point of view.
Acknowledge their feelings and don’t dismiss them.
- Avoid using power tactics or threats. This will only aggravate the situation and
make it harder to resolve.
- Try to find a mutually acceptable solution that meets the needs of all parties.
- Use power tactics or threats at your own risk! This will only aggravate the
situation because no one likes to be threatened especially during conflict
management.
- Think about how to prevent conflict from arising again in the future. For
example, you might want to adjust your style or approach so that conflict is less
likely to arise in the future.

Leaders approach conflict with an eye for resolution. When

handled effectively, successful confrontations raise team
performance. To manage conflict effectively you must
recognise there are three sides to the story Yours/Theirs /
The Truth.

– Angie Morgan

27
 WAYS TO PREVENT CONFLICTS FROM HAPPENING IN
THE FIRST PLACE, INCLUDING PLANNING AHEAD AND
CONFLICT IS PART OF LIFE AND LEADERSHIP SETTING EXPECTATIONS WITH YOUR TEAM MEMBERS

5 WAYS TO PREVENT CONFLICTS

FROM HAPPENING IN THE
FIRST PLACE, INCLUDING
PLANNING AHEAD AND
SETTING EXPECTATIONS WITH
YOUR TEAM MEMBERS

5.1 WAYS TO PREVENT CONFLICT

HAPPENING IN THE FIRST PLACE
Conflicts are bound to happen at some point; however, we can remove many of the causes
by being proactive. Conflict usually arises because of misinformation, misunderstanding, or
miscommunication. As a leader, you can help reduce potential conflicts by planning and
setting clear objectives and expectations with your people.

By planning to minimize conflicts occurring in the first place, you’re going to have a much
easier time resolving any conflict that does arise.

The best way to avoid conflicts is by planning and setting expectations with your team
members. This could be as simple as asking yourself the following questions:

What are our goals? How do we go about achieving them?

What are everyone’s roles and responsibilities?

How will we communicate with each other?

What are the expectations for everyone on the team?

By answering these questions, you’ll have a much better understanding of how everyone
operates and what could potentially cause a conflict. This way, you can take steps to avoid
those things from happening in the first place.

28
 WAYS TO PREVENT CONFLICTS FROM HAPPENING IN
THE FIRST PLACE, INCLUDING PLANNING AHEAD AND
CONFLICT IS PART OF LIFE AND LEADERSHIP SETTING EXPECTATIONS WITH YOUR TEAM MEMBERS

If a conflict does happen, the best way to deal with it is by calmly discussing the issue with
the other person. Often, people need to be heard and feel like their concerns are being
taken seriously. If both parties can communicate effectively and come to a resolution, the
conflict can be resolved relatively quickly.

No matter what, conflicts should never be ignored. By taking steps to prevent them in the
first place and quickly resolving them when they do happen, you can ensure that everyone is
happy in their work environment. This will help you create a productive, safe team culture
in which people feel valued and respected.

5.1.1 PLANNING AHEAD

One of the best ways to avoid potential conflicts arising is to have a clear plan on what you
are doing and why it’s important. Ensuring your people understand the goal is a crucial step
in creating an engaged, enthused and empowered team. There are many different models
you can use to effectively plan your goals. One of my favourites is GROW, it is deceptively
simple and surprisingly effective. The GROW Model is a coaching framework used in all
walks of life. From conversations, meetings or in everyday leadership GROW is used to
unlock peoples full potential and uncover all possibilities.

GROW was created by Sir John Whitmore in the late 1980s along with colleagues &
business coaches Graham Alexander & Alan Fine.

Goal – Clearly define what you are looking to achieve, why it’s importanct, who it will
impact and what is the benefit.

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 WAYS TO PREVENT CONFLICTS FROM HAPPENING IN
THE FIRST PLACE, INCLUDING PLANNING AHEAD AND
CONFLICT IS PART OF LIFE AND LEADERSHIP SETTING EXPECTATIONS WITH YOUR TEAM MEMBERS

Reality – Now that you know what you are looking to achieve be honest about where you
are now and identify the gaps between your current position and your goal.

Options/Obstacles – Now you know where you are going and have idenified the gaps you
are ready to look at the options avaiable to you to achieve your goal, and any obstacles
that ight crop up. This allows you to find ways to overcome them and stops you getting
derailled later.

Willingness/Way Forward – Now you are ready to decide which options you are going to
implement and when you will acheieve them.

Once you have a clear plan the next step is to set expectations with your people.

5.1.2 SETTING EXPECTATIONS

One of the most important things to remember is to set clear expectations with your team
members. This includes what is expected of them and what they can expect from you. This
will help prevent any misunderstandings or conflicts in the future.

Surpass your
Expectations.
By joining SLB, you’ll be part of the most multicultural
and diverse team of experts in any industry. Working
collaboratively, with agility, and alongside talented
colleagues across the company, you’ll realize
your full potential. The scope of what you’ll learn
is limitless. Apply now and broaden your horizons.

careers.slb.com/job-listing
© 2023 SLB. All rights reserved.

30
 WAYS TO PREVENT CONFLICTS FROM HAPPENING IN
THE FIRST PLACE, INCLUDING PLANNING AHEAD AND
CONFLICT IS PART OF LIFE AND LEADERSHIP SETTING EXPECTATIONS WITH YOUR TEAM MEMBERS

To effectively set expectations, it’s essential to be organized and have a plan for each meeting.
This means having a clear agenda and sticking to it. If necessary, you can send out the
schedule before the meeting so that everyone is aware of what will be discussed.

It’s also important to be fair when dealing with team members, listening to everyone’s input
and considering their ideas. It’s also important to be consistent with your decisions so that
no one feels slighted or turned down.

If you cannot attend a meeting, be sure to let the others know as soon as possible. Being
absent for important meetings will put your team members in an awkward position, and
they may have trouble filling you in on what happened at the meeting.

Team members should also be aware of how their actions can affect everyone else. For
example, being late for meetings may put added pressure on others who need to rearrange
their schedules to attend.

If someone is frequently running behind schedule, it’s advised that you talk with them about
this problem before it starts affecting other team members’ work priorities.

5.1.3 COMMUNICATION IS CRUCIAL

Communication is a crucial factor in any relationship, particularly at work. When

communication breaks down, so does the relationship. For a team to be effective, they need
to communicate effectively with one another.

Many factors can impact communication, such as personality clashes, differing work styles,
and language barriers. When these factors come into play, it can be difficult for team
members to communicate effectively.

If you want your team to be successful, you need to ensure that everyone is on the same
page. This means establishing clear communication guidelines and norms and ensuring that
everyone follows them.

Establish clear communication guidelines, and be open to feedback. With effective

communication, your team will be able to achieve great things.

It’s also important to be open to feedback. If someone has something they want to say,
listen carefully and take their suggestions seriously. This will help build trust within the
team and encourage open communication.

31
 WAYS TO PREVENT CONFLICTS FROM HAPPENING IN
THE FIRST PLACE, INCLUDING PLANNING AHEAD AND
CONFLICT IS PART OF LIFE AND LEADERSHIP SETTING EXPECTATIONS WITH YOUR TEAM MEMBERS

By establishing clear communication guidelines and being open to feedback, you can ensure
that your team communicates effectively, leading to a more productive, cohesive team.
Communication plays an essential role in planning with your team members. Regularly
asking about their progress and providing feedback will help them avoid making mistakes.
Make sure you allow enough time for questions and answers and give clear instructions to
avoid confusion.

If a team member is struggling with a particular task or assignment, offer them your assistance.
Sometimes it’s not that they can’t do it- they don’t know how to go about doing the task
correctly. If that happens, show them what needs to be done and try breaking down the
steps into smaller chunks so that they can handle the job on their own next time.

By working together and communicating openly with your team members, you’ll avoid
misunderstandings and conflict preventing future problems from arising.

Research done by CIPD ( Chartered Institute of People Development) identified five key
behavioural areas for line managers to support the health, wellbeing and engagement of
those who work for them:

• Being open, fair and consistent

• Handling conflict and people management issues
• Providing knowledge, clarity and guidance
• Building and sustaining relationships
• Supporting development

Conflict is not about victory or defeat. It’s reaching understanding

and letting go of our need to be right.

– Unknown

32
 STRATEGIES FOR DEALING WITH AN ONGOING CONFLICT
CONFLICT IS PART OF LIFE AND LEADERSHIP AS SOON AS POSSIBLE SO THAT IT DOESN’T ESCALATE

6 STRATEGIES FOR DEALING

WITH AN ONGOING CONFLICT
AS SOON AS POSSIBLE SO
THAT IT DOESN’T ESCALATE

6.1 STRATEGIES FOR DEALING WITH AN ONGOING CONFLICT

AS SOON AS POSSIBLE SO THAT IT DOESN’T ESCALATE
Left unresolved conflict festers and ultimately will escalate, impacting not only the parties
involved but other coworkers, creating an uncomfortable and unproductive environment
for all. You know they can be exhausting and damaging for anyone who has worked in
these situations. If left unresolved for too long, some conflicts may escalate and lead to
unproductive outcomes such as claims of harassment or bullying, grievance procedures, and
even litigation against the company.

Tackling an ongoing issue can be incredibly challenging, as you have possible already tried
several solutions or perhaps allowed it to continue unchecked for too long.

Despite the challenge, it is recommended that you act as soon as possible. If it is an issue,
you have previously ignored, apologise for not addressing it sooner at the opening of the
meeting.

In his article 5 keys to dealing with workplace conflict, Mike Myatt discusses the
importance of understanding the WIIFM (What’s In It For Me) for the other party. He
states, “Understanding the other professionals WIIFM position is critical. It is essential to
understand other’s motivations prior to weighing in. The way to avoid conflict is to help
those around you achieve their objectives. If you approach conflict from the perspective of
taking the action that will help others best achieve their goals, you will find few obstacles
will stand in your way about resolving conflict.”

33
 STRATEGIES FOR DEALING WITH AN ONGOING CONFLICT
CONFLICT IS PART OF LIFE AND LEADERSHIP AS SOON AS POSSIBLE SO THAT IT DOESN’T ESCALATE

Being clear on our intentions is an essential part of conflict management; once the other
party understands we are looking to find a resolution that works for everybody, they become
part of the solution instead of part of the problem.

There is an adage, “pick your battles”, leading people over the past 25 years; I have identified
it is not the battle so much as the battlefield. For example, if you call someone out in a
meeting, they are likely to respond in retaliation to the perceived attack, whereas if you
take someone to one side privately, they will be more receptive to you and your feedback.

6.1.1 STRATEGIES FOR DEALING WITH UNRESOLVED CONFLICT

1. Address your employees directly

One of my favourite strategies is addressing the issue head-on by bringing the
conflicting parties together and discussing how best to solve the problem. Give
them timeframes and deadlines (e.g., five days) and let them know you expect
results - they either reach a decision themselves, or it’ll be discussed in a formal
mediation setting with all parties. The mediator should be impartial who isn’t
involved in the conflict but is good at problem-solving and can help them reach
an agreement.

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 STRATEGIES FOR DEALING WITH AN ONGOING CONFLICT
CONFLICT IS PART OF LIFE AND LEADERSHIP AS SOON AS POSSIBLE SO THAT IT DOESN’T ESCALATE

2. Involve HR
Suppose the issue isn’t resolved without further escalation. In that case, employees
will have to go through their company’s internal grievance procedure, which
typically involves escalating to different levels within Human Resources before
contacting upper management if necessary. It’s worth noting that companies are
generally required by law to have such procedures in place - many do not. Check
your employee handbook or speak directly with your manager if you’re unsure.

3. Legal action against the company

Even though most workplace bullying and harassment cases are resolved without
having to go to court, sometimes the situation is so bad that employees feel they
have no other choice. In these instances, they may file a lawsuit against their
company. While this is a last resort, it’s essential to understand your legal rights
and options should the situation come to that.

These strategies can effectively diffuse an ongoing conflict at work but should be
used with caution as they each have their potential drawbacks. The important
thing is to act quickly before the situation gets worse.

6.1.2 HOW TO APPROACH RESOLVING ONGOING CONFLICT

Dealing with an ongoing conflict at work can be difficult, but it’s essential to resolve the
situation as soon as possible. Here are a few tips for dealing with the conflict:

1. Talk to the other person involved in the conflict. Get a clear understanding of
what’s going on and identify any potential for resolving the issue.
2. Try to stay calm and rational. It can be easy to get emotional when dealing
with a conflict, but it’s important to remain level-headed to come up with a
resolution.
3. Be open to compromise. If both parties are willing to listen and compromise, it
can often lead to a resolution that makes everyone happy.
4. Try to get a third party involved in the conflict is serious and/or you feel like
there is no progress. A neutral party can help both of you re-evaluate your
positions and offer suggestions for compromise or mediation. If necessary, they
will also have the power to make a final decision on behalf of both parties.

Understandably, it might take up much of your time and attention when something
goes wrong at work. However, avoiding problems by putting in extra hours or
looking busy won’t fix anything in the long term- instead, it’s essential to confront
conflicts so they don’t escalate, leading to less productive workdays down the road.

35
 STRATEGIES FOR DEALING WITH AN ONGOING CONFLICT
CONFLICT IS PART OF LIFE AND LEADERSHIP AS SOON AS POSSIBLE SO THAT IT DOESN’T ESCALATE

Hopefully, with these tips in mind, you’ll be able to deal with any conflict that
comes your way at work.

All conflicts no matter how intractable, are capable of

peaceful resolution

– Nelson Mandela

36
CONFLICT IS PART OF LIFE AND LEADERSHIP Summary

SUMMARY

Key steps to resolving conflict

In this book, we explored conflict resolution and shared actionable advice to help you
effectively manage and resolve conflict whatever the situation.

When it comes to managing conflict, there are a few key things you can do to make the
process easier:

1. Acknowledge the conflict

The first step is to acknowledge that a conflict exists. This may seem like an obvious
step, but many people try to ignore or avoid disputes altogether. Unfortunately,
this only worsens the situation and can lead to further tension and resentment.
So, the first step is to acknowledge that a conflict exists and that both parties
have valid concerns.

2. Listen actively
Once you’ve acknowledged the conflict, it’s important to listen actively to what
both sides have to say. Too often, people rush to judgment or try to prematurely
solve the problem without really understanding what’s going on. By listening
carefully and giving each side a chance to share their perspective, you can better
understand the situation and identify potential solutions.

3. Look for win-win solutions

One of the biggest challenges in resolving conflict is finding a solution that meets
the needs of both parties. Often, people get so wrapped up in their perspective
that they forget about the other person’s point of view. But as a leader, it’s essential
to find win-win solutions whenever possible. This not only makes everyone happy
in the end, but it also builds trust and strengthens relationships.

4. Stay calm and be patient

Managing conflict can be frustrating, especially when tempers start to flare. But
it’s essential to keep your emotions in check and take the high road even when
other people are demanding. If necessary, it’s perfectly acceptable to take a break
or agree to revisit the issue later. As frustrating as conflict can be, rushing into
things will only make the situation worse. Being patient and resolving problems
will pay off in the long run by strengthening relationships and building trust
among your team members.

37
CONFLICT IS PART OF LIFE AND LEADERSHIP Summary

Conflict strategy approaches

Confrontation: When you have a disagreement with someone but don’t want it to escalate,
offering constructive feedback without causing too much discomfort for either party involved
would be the best way of dealing with this kind of confrontation.

Conflict coaching: You may not always have control over what happens during a conflict
conversation, but having skills to handle yourself during such a situation will make it a lot
less daunting.

Mediation: If the disagreement is with someone you work closely with and the stakes are
high, bringing in a mediator to help facilitate and manage the conversation may be the
best way to go.

38
CONFLICT IS PART OF LIFE AND LEADERSHIP Summary

Negotiation: In some cases, resolving conflict may require some give-and-take from both
parties. Negotiation skills can come in handy when reaching an agreement that satisfies
everyone involved.

Arbitration: This is similar to mediation, but it is often used in legal disputes. The arbitrator
is a neutral party who hears both sides of the story and makes a decision that is binding
on both parties.

Litigation: This is the most formal and expensive form of conflict resolution, and it involves
taking a legal case to court. The parties involved in the conflict present their evidence to a
judge or jury, who then weighs the evidence and makes a judgement.

There’s no one-size-fits-all solution to managing conflict. What works for one person may
not work for another. But by using these tips as a starting point, you’ll be on your way to
resolving conflicts effectively and maintaining positive relationships with those you lead.

The best way to handle conflict is to confront it head-on. This may seem scary, but it can
be a successful confrontation if you offer constructive feedback without causing too much
discomfort for either party involved. Conflict coaching can help you learn how to handle
yourself during such a situation so that it’s less daunting. If the disagreement is with someone
you work closely with and the stakes are high, bringing in a mediator to help facilitate and
manage the conversation may be the best way to go. In some cases, resolving conflict may
require some give-and-take from both parties.

Negotiation skills can come in handy when reaching an agreement that satisfies everyone
involved. So, these are the basic steps of conflict resolution that can help you manage
difficult conversations and disputes effectively. As with anything, practice makes perfect, so
don’t be afraid to experiment a little until you find what works best for you.

When it comes to dealing with conflict, there’s no one-size-fits-all solution. What works for
one person may not work for another. But by using these tips as a starting point, you’ll be
on your way to resolving conflicts effectively and maintaining positive relationships with
those you lead.

Peace is not the absence of conflict, it is the ability to handle

conflict by peaceful means

– Ronald Reagan

39
CONFLICT IS PART OF LIFE AND LEADERSHIP References

REFERENCES
https://www.forbes.com/sites/mikemyatt/2012/02/22/5-keys-to-dealing-with-workplace-
conflict/?sh=abdaab31e95c - Mike Myatt article for Forbes 22/02/2012

https://www.cipd.co.uk/knowledge/culture/well-being/health-well-being-work

Crucial Conversation – Tools for talking when stakes are high by Kerry Patterson, Joseph
Grenny, Ron McMillan, and Al Switzler

40