CONTENTS

List of Illustrations ................................................... v

Preface, by Sri Sri Daya Mata .................................. vii

PART I: THE LIFE OF SRI GYANAMATA

1. The Life of Sri Gyanamata ............................... 3
Childhood and Early Years ............................... 3
Searching for Love ............................................ 6
Into the Realm of Spiritual Thought ............... 8
Gyanamata’s Interest in India’s Wisdom ......... 10
Gyanamata Meets Her Guru, Paramahansa
Yogananda ................................................... 10
Instant Recognition Between Guru
and Disciple ................................................ 13
Physical Suffering and Divine Healings .......... 15
“This Is Your Home” ........................................ 17
Gyanamata Enters the Self-Realization
Monastic Ashram ....................................... 19
Reverence and Humility Before a
Christlike Master ....................................... 21
Teaching Others Through Her Example ......... 23
Exuding Peace, Compassion,
and Well-Being ........................................... 26
The Letters of Sri Gyanamata .......................... 27
Her Years at the Encinitas Hermitage ............. 30
Communing With God Through
Meditation .................................................. 32
“Endure That Which I Shall Send You,” ......... 34
Through Her Suffering She Helped Others ..... 36
Divine Inner Strength ...................................... 37
(iii)
(iv)

Her Final Words: “Too Much Joy!” .................. 39

She Left the Body in the Highest State
of Samadhi .................................................. 39
Spiritual Footprints for All to Follow ............. 42
2. “The Dewdrop Has Slipped Into the Shining
Sea,” by Paramahansa Yogananda ............. 43
3. “I Shall Never Be the Same Again” ................. 60

PART II: THE LETTERS OF SRI GYANAMATA

4. Right Attitude .................................................. 71
5. The Guru-Disciple Relationship ..................... 102
6. “All I Know Is That I Must Please You” ......... 127
7. Renunciation .................................................... 139
8. Wisdom From Gyanamata ............................... 148
9. “More and Better” ............................................. 164
10. Loyalty and Receptivity to Truth .......................... 170
11. Devotion ........................................................... 180
12. “Suffering Can Be a Pathway to Greatness” ... 191
13. Divine Healings and Spiritual Experiences .... 212
14. Gratitude to God and Guru ............................. 226
15. Rajarsi Janakananda ......................................... 252

PART III: LETTERS TO SRI GYANAMATA

16. From Sister-Disciples ....................................... 260
17. From Paramahansa Yogananda ........................ 268

PART IV: SRI GYANAMATA’S PERSONAL DIARY

AND MEDITATIONS
18. Personal Diary .................................................. 295
19. Meditations ...................................................... 313
 CHAPTER I

The Life of Sri Gyanamata

During a talk given in America in 1940,
Paramahansa Yogananda—the great master from India
who founded Yogoda Satsanga Society of India in 1917,
and Self-Realization Fellowship in 1920—said of his
disciple Sri Gyanamata: “Of all the women I have met
in America, I think the one who has found highest
favour with God is Sister Gyanamata.” Eleven years
later, at her funeral service in Encinitas, California, he
declared: “A great saint has gone away....But she has
left spiritual footprints...for all souls that are in
despair, that they might trace her footsteps...to my
Father’s home. Those spiritual footprints will always
be here.”
A “great saint,” one of the foremost disciples of a
God-illumined master, yet one whose exalted life was
lived in relative obscurity—who was this humble soul
who found such favour with God?

Childhood and Early Years

Born Edith Anne Ruth D’Evelyn on July 4, 1869,
Gyanamata was the daughter of John and Isabella
D’Evelyn of Woodbridge, Canada, and the eldest of
their three children. Her predominant memories of
those earliest years were of the church her family
attended in that small Ontario town: “I can still see
the little white English church amidst the pine trees.
When I was about four years old I used to stand on the
kneeling bench in the church in order to bring my
3
4 GOD ALONE

head above the top of the pew, and I sang the hymns
with all my heart. When I was about six, I listened to
a sermon in St. George’s Cathedral in nearby Toronto.
The clergyman said that God would not allow us to
depend upon anything but Himself. I thought about
the application to myself, and understood it perfectly.”
Her father, a young medical doctor, had died when
she was but four; and after living for a few years with
relatives in Toronto, her mother remarried and the
family moved to Madelia, Minnesota, where
Gyanamata grew up. Hers was not at all an easy, care-
free childhood. For one thing, the family was poor.
Gyanamata said that although her mother’s family—
the well-to-do founders of Woodbridge—were in a posi-
tion to help them with their financial difficulties, they
did so begrudgingly and then only sparingly, “because,”
she said, “they could not condone the ‘unconvention-
al’ ways of my mother.” Her mother had, for example,
married at a very young age and, they felt, “beneath her
station”; she refused to wear a widow’s cap (the custom
of the day) when her husband died; and, though a reli-
gious person, she would not attend church “merely for
show,” as they would have liked. “Mother could not
stand hypocrisy in life,” Gyanamata recalled. “And she
would tell me everything—the unkindness of her fam-
ily, all of her heartaches and sorrows. I witnessed
many, many tears at a very young age.”
These childhood struggles no doubt had a
strengthening effect on Gyanamata’s character—she
learned early to deal with suffering in life. Like her
mother, she also developed an aversion to hypocrisy
and the fickleness of worldly living; this nourished an
already strong desire to discover the deeper, eternal
THE LIFE OF SRI GYANAMATA 5

truths of life. “I am sure that my steady progress

toward the Master* began right then,” she said.
Finding public school somewhat shallow, she ter-
minated her formal education after the eighth grade.
With Sri Gyanamata, as with many great men and
women throughout history, learning was mostly a mat-
ter of self-education. Gyanamata had an insatiable
appetite for Truth, and was constantly reading and
reflecting on the thoughts of the world’s deep thinkers—
especially religious philosophers and saints. Further, she
was determined to apply the wisdom she distilled from
her reading, so that from her early childhood, each of
life’s circumstances became for her an opportunity to
learn a new lesson. The whole world became her class-
room; her “teachers,” the experiences she encountered
in her growing desire for spiritual unfoldment.
Gyanamata once related an incident that typified
her attitude in those early years. She had a friend at
school—a pretty, vivacious, impudent girl—who was a
favourite with the young male teacher. Gyanamata
longed for a word of approval from him, too; she decid-
ed to adopt the mannerisms of her little friend in an
attempt to gain his favour. But all she received was a
severe reprimand for her impertinent behaviour.
Characteristically, she thought this over carefully, and
gleaned a valuable lesson: “I decided that from that day
forth, I must act naturally and follow my heart’s natu-
ral inclinations.” She was nine years old at the time.

* A respectful title often used by disciples when referring to

Paramahansa Yogananda—one who had attained self-mastery. It
serves as an English equivalent for “Guru,” the customary Sanskrit
term for one’s spiritual preceptor.
6 GOD ALONE

Searching for Love

Through adolescence and into womanhood,
Gyanamata’s independent spirit matured. “I never
allowed anyone to force anything upon me,” she said.
“And when I saw anything that I wanted, I always
went after it fearlessly.” Her heart was seeking love.
“But,” she recalled, “I was absolutely unimpressed by
the opposite sex. As far as I was concerned, they sim-
ply did not exist. When asked to go anywhere, the
answer was always the same: No. One day, my broth-
er relayed the comment of one of my male acquain-
tances: ‘It will be a brave man who marries your sis-
ter!’ My mother was always telling me that I would be
lonely in old age if I did not marry. I replied, ‘Well, it
makes no difference to me. For one reason only will I
marry—that is for love.’ Then I met Mr. Bissett.”
Clark Prescott Bissett was at that time a young
divinity student who had been given the assignment
of conducting summer services in the little Episcopal
church that Gyanamata attended in Madelia. A kind,
sincere, deeply religious gentleman with a striking
personality, the Reverend Mr. Bissett won the hearts
of all who knew him—especially the heart of Edith
D’Evelyn. “I was really in love with love,” Gyanamata
said. “I wanted true love, and Mr. Bissett was the soul
of kindness. I loved him dearly. When I think of his
incarnating again, I picture him as a philanthropist, or
one who establishes a house for orphans.” It was in
1899, when she was thirty years of age, that they mar-
ried.
Soon after their marriage, her husband changed
his mind about his vocation and entered law school in
THE LIFE OF SRI GYANAMATA 7

Minneapolis. “This study was very easy for him,”

Gyanamata recollected. “He had great powers of con-
centration, so he finished the course and passed the
bar examination in one year!” It was while he was in
law school that their only child was born—Clark
Prescott Bissett, Jr., whom Gyanamata affectionately
called “Rex,” because, she explained, to her he was
“king of the household of Bissett.”
In time, the Bissetts moved to Seattle,
Washington, where Mr. Bissett practised law and later
became a professor and acting Dean of the Law School
at the University of Washington. Because of the sym-
pathy, guidance and understanding he gave to his stu-
dents, they affectionately called him “Father-in-Law.”
“We must have been married for fifteen years before
Mr. Bissett found the work for which he was really fit-
ted,” Gyanamata later reminisced. “It was when he
entered the profession of teaching. His students loved
and were inspired by him. They rose to their feet as
one man when he came into the classroom, and at the
university he spent the happiest and most successful
years of his life.” In her humility, Gyanamata failed to
mention how much of a part she herself played in his
achievements—encouraging him and helping him in
every way to become the success he was. Her son
later recalled how she often worked “behind the
scenes” writing speeches for Professor Bissett. He
used to tell her, “You know my thoughts better than I
do!”
Rex studied under his father at the university and
later became a lawyer in Seattle. He recalled how his
father’s learned friends often engaged in philosophical
discussion with Gyanamata—being attracted to her
8 GOD ALONE

deep wisdom and delightful humour. Frequently Mr.

Bissett’s lawyer friends would good-naturedly admit
defeat after a tussle of wits with her. So keen and pen-
etrating was her wisdom that these scholars would
advise others not to venture into a debate with her
unless their facts were ironclad!

Into the Realm of Spiritual Thought

Gyanamata’s main interests, however, were
always spiritual; in fact, she once confided to a close
companion: “You know, as far back in this life as I can
remember, I have never had a thought that did not
have the thought of God behind it.” She was always
hungry to hear more of God and of the way to bring
Him closer in her own life. Consequently, she attend-
ed in Seattle several lectures on philosophy and reli-
gion and read a great deal on this subject, collecting
over the years a great library of select spiritual litera-
ture that she later donated to Self-Realization
Fellowship.* With her, reading was not merely for the
purpose of gathering intellectual knowledge.
“Religion,” she said, “consists solely in realization.”
Gyanamata read only for spiritual understanding and

* The Bissett private library—originally one of the largest on the

Pacific Coast—also included biographies and letters of great men and
women in history, especially Abraham Lincoln. Professor Bissett, a
nationally known authority on the life of this great statesman, wrote
a work in two volumes on Lincoln as a man of law. At one time, his
was recognized as one of the largest collections of Lincolniana in the
world. This collection has since been purchased and donated to
Washington State University, at Pullman, Washington.

Opposite: (Left) Gyanamata as an infant. (Right) Gyanamata at

age nineteen.
THE LIFE OF SRI GYANAMATA 9

inspiration—to lift her mind again and again into the

realm of spiritual thought. She once wrote of this in a
letter to Paramahansa Yogananda:
“It is always a great satisfaction to me not only to
feel but to see clearly mentally, and to be able to put
what I feel into words. When I gave you my books, you
said that you wondered how it was that I could be so
intellectual and at the same time so devotional. I
knew that I had never read for the purpose of study
and scholarship, but I did not know how to state it to
you. Now I do.... I read because I wanted to be in the
company of the saints. I know now also how to say
what I’ve always wanted to live for: it is for spiritual
achievement.”
There was nothing limited about Gyanamata’s
intellectual scope. Through her reading, her mind
commingled with the thoughts of all the world’s great
thinkers—regardless of their race, creed, colour, or
religion; she perceived the Essential Unity behind all
the different religious forms. On her library shelves
could be found the great scriptures of all true religions
—the Bhagavad Gita, the Bible, the teachings of Lord
Buddha; anthologies on the philosophy of religion;
books by and about the saints of all religions, the
mystics of all climes and times (she seemed to have a
special affinity for the teachings of Meister Johannes
Eckhart, a fourteenth-century German Christian
mystic); poetry from such diverse sources as the great
medieval master Kabir, the seventeenth-century
English mystic George Herbert, nineteenth-century
American bards Longfellow and Whitman, and
India’s Nobel-prizewinning twentieth-century poet,
Rabindranath Tagore.
10 GOD ALONE

Gyanamata’s Interest in India’s Wisdom

While Gyanamata was living in Seattle, Tagore
gave a lecture there on India’s literature and religion.
He was invited to the Bissett household for dinner.
There Gyanamata was introduced to him by a mutual
friend, who said: “This is Mrs. Bissett. She is a great
admirer of yours.” “And of your country,” added
Gyanamata. Later she remarked: “When I said that, his
handsome, grave face broke into a smile. If you have
ever been in a darkened house when someone sudden-
ly opens the curtains and a flood of light pours into the
room—that was the effect of Rabindranath Tagore’s
smile.”
There were several reasons for Gyanamata’s inter-
est in Tagore’s homeland. The first was a very practi-
cal concern: Her son Rex had developed an extreme
case of nervousness, and she had been studying yogic
methods of curing this disease. Second, she was very
much attracted to Indian philosophy. After reading her
first book on Hinduism, she declared, “I shall never be
the same again.” Gyanamata developed a great respect
and love for India’s spiritual heritage through her
extensive reading of the Upanishads, the Bhagavad
Gita, and other great Indian scriptures, as well as
through the writings of and about great Indian saints.

Gyanamata Meets Her Guru,

Paramahansa Yogananda
From her study of India’s wisdom, Gyanamata
soon recognized the necessity of having a true guru*

* Spiritual teacher. Verse 17 of the Guru Gita describes the guru as

THE LIFE OF SRI GYANAMATA 11

to guide her to the Infinite Goal. A few teachers came

into her life during this period, and though she learned
some valuable lessons from them, she realized that
none of them was a true master—one who knows
God. She resolved that until she could find such a guru
to instruct and discipline her, she would make life
itself her “guru.” She would meet every experience
with a true disciple’s attitude, striving to understand
and learn from every circumstance, as she had for
years, but now accepting it as though it were a lesson
coming from her guru. However, she continued to
long for the spiritual training that would enable her to
progress more rapidly toward God. When that desire
became very intense, it happened that Paramahansa
Yogananda came to Seattle.
Paramahansa Yogananda had been sent to the
United States four years earlier by his Guru, to teach
in the West the ancient spiritual science of Kriya Yoga.
He had arrived in 1920 in Boston, where he had been
invited to represent India at a Congress of Religious
Liberals. Following the congress, Yoganandaji had
remained in Boston for three years, teaching the Self-
Realization principles of meditation and balanced liv-
ing. At the end of 1923, he embarked on the first of
several cross-continental speaking tours, during which
tens of thousands in all of America’s major cities
attended his lectures and classes teaching the sure and
scientific way to know God. In 1924, he came to
Seattle, the fourth stop on this lecture tour.

“dispeller of darkness” (from gu, “darkness,” and ru, “that which dis-
pels”). The guru helps the disciple to dispel the darkness of ignorance
of God and let in the light of God-consciousness.
12 GOD ALONE

Gyanamata herself did not plan to attend

Paramahansa Yogananda’s classes, for she felt that
her interest in the teachings of a long-haired Hindu
might cause unfavourable comment that could place
her husband in a difficult position at the university.
However, she very much hoped that her son, who
had agreed to attend, could give her the teachings.
Rex was among Paramahansaji’s first students in
Seattle. He was very enthusiastic about what he
learned; but when he came home from the first class,
he told his mother that he had taken a vow not to
reveal to others the techniques of meditation he had
been taught. However, he subsequently approached
Paramahansaji with the problem, and secured the
Guru’s permission to pass the teachings on to his
mother.*
In the Self-Realization teachings, Gyanamata
found everything her heart and intellect had been
seeking during her previous years of spiritual study.
She later wrote to Paramahansa Yogananda: “All the
great masters have told men to seek God. But never
before has there been given a complete technique by
which men can carry on that search day by day. You
came on earth to give that detailed instruction.”
The following year, Paramahansa Yogananda
returned to Seattle, and was invited by Rex to dinner
at the Bissett home. It was on a Sunday, July 12, 1925.

* The reader may be interested to know that throughout his life Rex
continued with his enthusiastic practise of the Self-Realization
Fellowship teachings. He and his wife Hughella, also a devoted life-
time member of SRF, often visited Gyanamata after she entered the
Self-Realization ashram. In some of her letters, Gyanamata refers to
gifts that the three of them sent to Paramahansaji.
THE LIFE OF SRI GYANAMATA 13

This was Gyanamata’s first meeting with her Guru*—

an occasion for which she had waited years, and which
she never forgot. She later wrote in her diary: “I see
myself coming down the years, from the days when I
was an unhappy little Canadian girl, to that day when
I saw standing before me a Hindu swami in the ochre
robe of renunciation,† the answer to my prayers and
longing. All had led up to that moment. I ask myself
sometimes: ‘Should he come again, with what words
would I welcome him?’ I know that again there would
be the same silence, with no words at all except, ‘Bless
me, that I may realize God.’ ”

Instant Recognition Between Guru and Disciple

Gyanamata often told of the instant recognition
between guru and disciple at that first treasured
moment: They meditated together; then Paramahansaji
told her that she had been one of his disciples in a pre-
vious incarnation. Recognizing the spiritual receptivity
Gyanamata had attained through her efforts in past
lives, the Guru was able, at that first meeting, to give
her the direct experience of God as the great Amen or
Aum,‡ the creative cosmic vibration. Years later she
wrote to him: “Do you remember my taking you
upstairs to my room when you came to my house in

* In one of her letters, Gyanamata mentions that she had seen

Paramahansaji a year earlier, in 1924, but this was her first meeting
with him.
† An ochre robe is the traditional attire for members of India’s most
ancient monastic order, the Order of Swamis.
‡ Aum—the “Word” or “Holy Ghost” spoken of in the Bible—is the
all-prevading vibration of God that upholds creation. It may be expe-
rienced when the consciousness is attuned through the practice of
14 GOD ALONE

Seattle? Silently you looked at my pictures of holy

men; and then, turning your back to the long row of
windows, you prayed for me very softly and gave me
my first blessing, the one that enabled me to hear the
Aum. After that, as long as I remained in Seattle, a vase
of orange flowers (that were sometimes fresh blossoms
and sometimes artificial ones) stayed on the floor to
mark the spot where you had stood.”
A curious and significant incident occurred during
that first meeting: Many guests were seated at the din-
ner table, and on the table was a novel saltshaker. Its
leaded base caused it to spring upright whenever it
was pushed over. Several of the guests played with it
in turn, but no one could make the toy stay on its side.
“Then,” Gyanamata recalled, “after several of the
guests had tried it, the Master took the saltshaker and
examined it thoughtfully for a few minutes. He
pushed it down with his finger—it came up. He
pushed it down again and again, looking at it intent-
ly—each time it came up. Once more he pushed it
down, and when he raised his finger, finally it stayed
down! Everyone was astonished. But he simply said,
‘The mind was determined that it should stay down.’”
Later, he recalled, “[At that time] I heard the voice of
God: ‘For the benefit of Sister,* lay it down.’ ... I

meditation techniques, such as those taught in the Yogoda

Satsanga/Self-Realization Fellowship Lessons. Aum is heard as the
sound of rushing waters, bringing a feeling of great peace: “...and his
voice [was] as the sound of many waters” (Revelation 1 : 15).
* At this first meeting, Paramahansa Yogananda immediately recog-
nized the high spiritual stature that Gyanamata had attained in pre-
vious incarnations, and he intuitively knew she was destined to fol-
low the path of renunciation in Self-Realization Fellowship. Since
THE LIFE OF SRI GYANAMATA 15

remember well that occasion, for I knew then that

God would draw her to this path.”
“Swamiji* departed that night,” Gyanamata con-
tinued, “but the next day there were other guests at
the table, and my son told what Swamiji had done. He
passed the toy from hand to hand, and it flew upright
for everyone, as before. When it came to me, I pushed
it down as the others had, but it did not fly up again—
it remained flat on the table! I was aghast. Everyone
exclaimed, ‘She’s done it, too!’ But I knew that ‘I’ had
not—the Master’s vibrations were still with me.” In
later years, Gyanamata often referred to this event,
saying that she recognized it as a sign that she would
follow in the footsteps of her Guru.

Physical Suffering and Divine Healings

After that first meeting, Gyanamata did not see
her Guru again for five years. For Paramahansaji, these
were years of almost ceaseless travel, during which he
taught the science of yoga in cities large and small
throughout the United States. Gyanamata thought of
him constantly and wrote to him often. During this

“Sister” was the title customarily used in the West for women renun-
ciants, he called her that from their very first meeting. Later, when
he gave her the vows of sannyas in the Swami Order, her monastic
name “Gyanamata” (which included the title mata, “mother”) for-
mally superseded the title “Sister.” (See page 20).
* Paramahansa Yogananda was known as “Swami Yogananda” or
“Swamiji” prior to December 1935. At that time his guru bestowed on
him the highest monastic title—paramahansa—signifying one who
has proved his attainment of the supreme, irrevocable union with
God. In this book he is referred to by the latter title, except where it
would mean changing a direct quote, as in this instance.
16 GOD ALONE

period, she suffered from a heart attack and several

other serious illnesses. “When things were very bad,”
she said, “I asked the Master’s prayers. He was in New
York at the time, and I in Seattle. I figured out how
long it would take for my letter to reach him, and just
at the time I felt he should get the letter, I felt his heal-
ing vibrations as I sat in my meditation chair—they
shook the chair....The tremendous roar of Aum rolled
over and under the house—at first I thought it was a
truck passing over the cobblestone street outside....”
There was no truck. The Guru’s powerful vibrations
had healed her.
During those years in Seattle, Gyanamata’s exter-
nal role was one of assiduous but unassuming service
to her family. Though herself frail in body and suffer-
ing from various physical ailments, she cheerfully per-
formed her household duties and helped her husband
with his speeches; at the same time she attended to
their adopted daughter, a homeless teenage girl who
was bedridden with a serious case of arthritis, and also
to her ailing mother, who required constant attention.
All this was done cheerfully and without the slightest
complaint.
A frequent guest in the Bissett home during these
years, Miss Josephine Porter, told of the effect
Gyanamata’s exemplary conduct had on her: “I was an
intimate in her home from 1911 until she went to
California in 1930, and I can say that Sister’s extraor-
dinary patience was one of her most amazing attrib-
utes. For many years, her mother—who lived with her
then—demanded constant attention. If Sister was not
in sight, she would call for her: ‘Edith! Edith! Where
are you? Come here this minute!’ No matter if she
THE LIFE OF SRI GYANAMATA 17

was upstairs or down, no matter what she was doing

(except when, on occasion, she herself was suffering
from one of the severe migraine headaches that she
had endured from early life, until Paramahansa
Yogananda healed her), Sister would always answer in
a sweet, serene voice, ‘Yes, Mama, I’m coming.’ ”
In 1930, Gyanamata was again experiencing great
physical suffering, and the doctors did not have much
hope of her surviving. “When I was x-rayed in
Seattle,” she said, “the doctors found that I had
enlargement of the heart, hardening of the arteries,
and a stoppage in the left kidney. They said they could
not help me.”
Though she was not expected to live long,
Gyanamata went on cheerfully as if nothing were
wrong. Her husband, who had been planning a trip to
Europe, decided to drop his plans. Not knowing this,
she asked him when he expected to leave. “I can never
leave you again,” he said. “That’s awful!” she replied.
“Must we both sit here together waiting for each other
to die? Let us live as if we have fifty years more before
us.” He went on with his plans, and she decided: “I’ll
go part of the way with you. I have always wanted to
go to Mt. Washington.”*

“This Is Your Home”

So it was decided that she would spend the winter
at her Guru’s ashram, and return in May to Seattle. As
things turned out, Professor Bissett did not go to

* Site of and frequently used name for the Mother Center and
International Headquarters of Self-Realization Fellowship in Los
Angeles, California.
18 GOD ALONE

Europe, but instead bought a house in La Jolla,

California—a small town on the Pacific coast, about
100 miles south of Los Angeles—where they went to
live. Whenever Paramahansaji was in residence at the
Self-Realization Fellowship Headquarters, Gyanamata
would visit, in order to be near her Guru. Her health
returned, owing, she often said, to Paramahansaji’s
healing vibrations. She grew to love Mt. Washington,
and all the residents came to love her. One day the
Guru told her: “Your devotion is felt throughout the
house. This is your home. Come here whenever you
want to.”
Mr. Bissett accompanied his wife on one such
visit, and said to Paramahansaji: “Sister feels more at
home here than anywhere else.” The Master replied,
“Yes, she has lived in this vibration for a long time.”
Gyanamata later related that she “interpreted this
remark to mean that, from the first contact between
my Guru and myself, I had lived in his vibration.”
Indeed, those who knew her claimed that
Gyanamata “lived in his vibration” throughout the
remaining twenty years of her life, demonstrating a
unique attunement with her Guru. She mentally fol-
lowed him as he carried the Self-Realization teachings
from city to city, country to country, all around the
world, until she came to feel that inwardly there was
no separation between them. She once wrote him:
“For sixteen years I have followed you from point to
point, until now I do not feel your absence at all—for
where you are, there I am also—always standing invis-
ibly before you, humbly and patiently awaiting the
moment when I will receive a word and a smile from
you.” Distance was no barrier; no matter how many
THE LIFE OF SRI GYANAMATA 19

miles separated them, whenever the Guru would send

a special inner blessing to her, she would feel it, rec-
ognize it as coming from him, and would write him a
letter of gratitude. Sometimes she would sign her let-
ters to him with the name “Gyanamata of Yogananda,”
an affirmation of her love and attunement with her
Guru.

Gyanamata Enters the Self-Realization

Monastic Ashram
In 1932, Mr. Bissett brought his wife to Mt.
Washington and asked Paramahansaji if he would allow
her to live there permanently after his passing. Mr.
Bissett had had a premonition of his coming death,
and he knew she wanted to live at Mt. Washington
after he was gone. Indeed, he did die shortly thereafter.
Gyanamata was naturally distraught at the loss of her
husband, and her emotional trauma was compounded
at that time by financial difficulties. After a while, she
meekly wrote Paramahansaji, asking for permission to
come and live at the ashram. Unfortunately, the letter
was delayed in reaching him, so she did not get a reply
for a long time. She had prepared herself for the possi-
bility that he simply could not take her—a difficult
test indeed—but finally the letter came.
“Dear Divine Soul,” wrote Paramahansaji. “I knew
long ago that your home would be at Mt. Washington.
Have you to ask my permission to come here? I
already told you it is your home, which you have
made sacred by your divine personality. Your whole
soul was to be with us, so the Divine has grated your
wish. Your mansion in heaven with God and Guru is
always ready there.”
20 GOD ALONE

With deep gratitude, Gyanamata replied, in the

final letter to her Guru prior to her entering the
ashram: “Dear Master—You may be weary of listen-
ing, but I am never weary of thanking you for the won-
derful way you have opened the door to me after Mr.
Bissett’s death. I wish I could express this in words
that would glow on paper as the thought does in my
heart. That you want me is the crest-jewel of my life.”
She was joyously received at Mt. Washington, and
Paramahansaji gave her the honour of becoming one of
the first Self-Realization Fellowship monastic disci-
ples to take the final vows of renunciation. On July 20,
1932, Paramahansaji conducted a formal Vedic cere-
mony in which he initiated Sister into the venerable
Swami Order, giving her the monastic name and title,
“Gyanamata”—Mother of Wisdom. He explained that
for her it signifies “Mother of Wisdom through
Devotion.” Although formally it was now unnecessary
to call her “Sister,” as her new name included the title
“Mata” (Mother), the Guru continued to call her
“Sister” as he had done from their first meeting in
Seattle, and so was she known by all. “It was my great-
est pleasure,” said the Guru, “to be the divine instru-
ment to make you a sister to all mankind.”
Though a latecomer to the monastic life, being
already in her sixties when she came to live at Mt.
Washington, Gyanamata had long practised an inner
renunciation—sacrificing selfish motive and attach-
ment to worldly goals to follow her heart’s natural
love for the Divine Goal of life. “The last chapter in
life is the most important,” she said; and she made a
superhuman effort in her ashram years to live a life of
perfection for God and Guru. “God Alone” became her
THE LIFE OF SRI GYANAMATA 21

motto, and a sign with these words hung above her

bed during all her years in the ashram (see photo fac-
ing page 185). Each year, Gyanamata reaffirmed her
motto by inscribing the date of the anniversary of her
monastic vow on the back of the sign.
In her later years, she wrote to Paramahansaji:
“The words that hang above my head, ‘God Alone,’ are
there because I took a vow not to forget my Goal, even
for a moment, and never to let anything come between
you and me. I never have. You have been the polestar
of my life.”

Reverence and Humility Before a

Christlike Master
Sri Gyanamata had a natural attitude of deep
respect, humility, and reverence for her Guru—an atti-
tude that was born of her deep wisdom. Though
almost everyone who met Paramahansa Yogananda
respected him, very few outside of a handful of close
disciples in the ashram were capable of comprehend-
ing the greatness of his spiritual stature. Gyanamata
was one of the first Westerners who did. She recog-
nized that he was no ordinary spiritual teacher, but a
true Christlike master, one whose consciousness is
attuned with God. She once told Paramahansaji: “The
awareness of the height of your God-conscious state
never leaves me for a moment,” and she treated him
with the reverence and humility that is implicit in
such understanding.
“Sister was so humble and considerate,” recalled
one of her younger sister-disciples, “that anytime
Guruji would come into the room, she would
22 GOD ALONE

approach him, touch his feet,* and depart. I once

asked her, ‘Sister, why do you leave when Master
comes in?’ She said, ‘I don’t want ever to give him the
slightest cause to feel that he must give me any
notice. I don’t ever want him to feel that he must
utter one word to me.’ Did you ever hear of such
humility? Such was her attunement and reverence for
the Guru.”
During her last years, when she was forced by ill-
ness to remain in her room most of the time,
Gyanamata enjoyed looking out the window at her
Guru as he came and went. Sometimes she would
send a little message to the Master, asking him to look
up at her window from the car as he departed. He
would smile and gaze toward the window, where he
saw the beaming face of his loyal disciple, little Sister,
smiling down at him. It was so characteristic of Sister:
She who could have asked for anything in the world
from her God-illumined Guru asked only for a glance
in her direction. Sometimes he would send her a spe-
cial blessing—a prayer or healing vibration—which
she would always consciously receive; other times she
would just find herself attuned to his thoughts. In her
bedroom one Sunday morning, she turned to one of
the other nuns and said that the Master had just
revealed, in his Sunday lecture service, that the
Divine Mother had said to him: “Dance of life or dance
of death, know that these come from Me, and rejoice.
What more dost thou want, than that thou hast Me?”

* Bowing down and touching the feet of persons held in high spiritu-
al regard is a traditional form of greeting in India. It is called a
pranam, literally “complete salutation.”
THE LIFE OF SRI GYANAMATA 23

Later in the day, when Paramahansaji came to visit

her, Gyanamata commented on how much she had
liked Divine Mother’s words. The Guru smiled and
replied, “Oh, so you heard, did you?”

Teaching Others Through Her Example

It is said that the humble soul never knows its
own greatness. Certainly this was the case with Sri
Gyanamata. She would sometimes say to the young
ashram residents, “Oh, if only I had my health, I
would show you how to be good disciples.” Yet, as her
great influence on the other disciples demonstrated,
she was showing them, all the time. Unlike the schol-
ar, who teaches through study, theory, reason, and
mere words, Gyanamata taught through the example
of her life—through experience.
She fully grasped the scope and importance of the
guru-disciple relationship—the divine law that only
through the teachings and blessings of a true guru may
a human soul return to God. She understood that just
as a person who wants to become a physician must go
to an experienced physician to learn the profession, so
one striving to commune with God must go to some-
one who knows Him—a true guru. And once having
found him, it is the duty of the disciple to become
attuned to the God-conscious state of the guru. By
attaining the divine consciousness of which the
Master spoke, even though she was not often in his
physical presence, Gyanamata demonstrated that
inner attunement and receptivity to the guru is far
more important than outer contact with him—and she
was able to transmit that understanding to the other
devotees.
24 GOD ALONE

Her example had especially great inspiration for

the young monastic disciples whom the Guru was
training.* One of these was Sri Sri Daya Mata, late
spiritual successor to Paramahansa Yogananda and
third president of Yogoda Satsanga Society of
India/Self-Realization Fellowship. “Gyanamata was
like a mother to all of us young devotees here,” Daya
Mata recalled, “and how we adored her! Never have I
met anyone like her—a true disciple in every sense of
the word. I have seen many, many divine souls in my
travels over the years, but I tell you truthfully that
Sister was one of the greatest. She spent her whole life
here striving to attune her will with the will of God
and Guru. Such wisdom, such dedication, such devo-
tion!—and you know, she hardly had any contact with
Master. It wasn’t necessary for her to be in his physi-
cal presence to be attuned to his will. Her words and
the example of her life have been and continue to be a
source of great inspiration to me.”
Tara Mata, late SRF vice-president and editor-in-
chief, was another disciple who deeply valued the
example of Gyanamata, saying: “I never had such
respect for any other woman as I had for her.
Paramahansaji often spoke of Sister at length, saying
how she always got his thoughts because she was a
disciple in tune with her Guru. Indeed, she was a saint
incarnate; as with all of them, you wouldn’t at first
suspect it.”
Gyanamata liked to think of herself as God’s ser-
vant, and externally hers was often—out of choice—a
* In honour of the invaluable training Sister gave to the monastic dis-
ciples, the nuns’ living quarters constructed at the SRF International
Headquarters in 1967 were named “Gyanamata Ashram.”
THE LIFE OF SRI GYANAMATA 25

background role. At Mt. Washington, she was given

many assignments: cooking, housecleaning, receiving
guests, writing letters in response to students’
requests for spiritual guidance. When she once men-
tioned to one of the nuns that she did not consider her-
self a naturally hard worker, that nun exclaimed,
“Well, no one would ever suspect it!” Whatever her
task, Gyanamata performed it willingly, silently, effi-
ciently, cheerfully, and with deep concentration.
“She never talked much,” recalls Mrinalini Mata,
vice-president of Self-Realization Fellowship since
1966, “but when she spoke, ah! such keen wisdom!”
That was Gyanamata’s way: Though blessed with the
deep understanding of a gyana yogi,* she did not
advertise her wisdom or her greatness. With quiet
reserve and dignity, simply, patiently, and humbly, she
went about her duties, living her holy life for God
alone.

* One who follows the path of wisdom to union with God. Through
the discriminative power of the intellect, the gyana (or jnana) yogi
becomes established in the ominiscient wisdom of the soul.

Opposite: Paramahansa Yogananda with some of the disciples and

students who gathered at the SRF International Headquarters to
welcome him home after a seventeen-month trip to Europe and
India, New Year’s Day, 1937. At Paramahansaji’s right is Rajarsi
Janakananda (see page 252); second from the Guru’s left, in dark
suit, is Dr. M. W. Lewis (see page 179n); seated in front are Sri
Gyanamata (looking away from the camera toward her guru) and
some of the other Self-Realization nuns, including Sri Daya Mata,
Ananda Mata, Durga Mata, and Tara Mata, dressed in silk saris,
Christmas gifts brought to them from India by Paramahansaji.
26 GOD ALONE

Exuding Peace, Compassion, Well-Being

But her spirituality was never of the “holier than
thou” variety, nor was she the least bit aloof or indif-
ferent toward others. On the contrary, she invariably
knew how to make others feel at ease and welcome,
regardless of whether she was with visiting digni-
taries, doctors, lawyers, kitchen employees, market
workers, or children.
Once Gyanamata was in the kitchen of the
Encinitas Hermitage, quietly preparing breakfast for
her Guru, when a group of about five young teenage
girls — children of some guests at the Encinitas
Hermitage — entered the room. They were engaged in
an animated, lively discussion about the latest hair-
styles. Sister listened quietly as she finished preparing
Paramahansaji’s meal. After delivering it to the
Master, she slipped into her room and emerged with a
recent issue of Ladies Home Journal, which contained
a multiple-page display of the latest hairstyles. She pre-
sented this to the girls with a big smile, saying simply:
“This might help you.” Then she returned to her room.
No judging, no criticism, no complaints that such
things are too “trivial” to waste time thinking about;
Gyanamata’s understanding was broad enough to
encompass all phases of development.
All who came into the range of her acquaintance
were silently attracted and uplifted by the peace, com-
passion, and sense of well-being that she exuded.
When she went to purchase food, the workers at the
market would spontaneously approach her with their
personal problems, finding strength and practical
direction in her suggestions. A physician who some-
THE LIFE OF SRI GYANAMATA 27

times attended Gyanamata said that she became his

“confessor.” He would bring his troubles to her, and
she would help him to put them into perspective and
thus gain more control over his life. Sometimes, after
treating her, he would just sit quietly in her presence,
gazing at her face, which radiated the sweet serenity
that is the mystery of the spiritually strong who have
suffered and emerged victorious. He developed a high
regard for her spiritual state, and often remarked that
she helped him far more than he did her.
The spiritual help she radiated often brought
material benefits. Not a few visitors would return,
after spending some time in Gyanamata’s presence, to
thank her for physical healings they had received. But
she would always say, “It was the Guru’s healing—
through me.” She once told Paramahansaji: “I consider
myself a storage battery for your holy vibrations.”
Even animals felt the benevolent vibrations of her
spiritual magnetism. During the early days at Mt.
Washington, the area was still rather remote and there
were many wild animals—coyotes, skunks, raccoons—
living in the vicinity of the ashram grounds. One young
skunk took a special liking to Gyanamata, and used to
follow her around the garden. One day, unknown to
Sister, it followed her up the stairs into the
Administration Building reception hall. Everyone was
alerted to be careful, and before the visitor could become
alarmed and release its “perfume,” Gyanamata led her
striped friend back outside and peace was restored.

The Letters of Sri Gyanamata

Since she preferred to remain silent, Gyanamata’s
favourite means of communication with other devo-
28 GOD ALONE

tees was often the letter. When she felt a note would
be of service to others, Gyanamata would take the
time to compose one of the gems of wisdom collected
in this volume. She once explained, in a short note to
Sri Daya Mata, then a young disciple at Mt.
Washington: “The spoken word vanishes and is forgot-
ten. Because of this I have decided to write you all
notes that may be preserved, if you feel that these
thoughts are of value or inspiration.”
These letters were usually short and to the point,
such as this one, sent to Daya Mata:
1. See nothing, look at nothing but your
goal, ever shining before you.
2. The things that happen to us do not matter;
what we become through them does.
3. Each day, accept everything as coming to you
from God.
4. At night, give everything back into His hands.
To Paramahansa Yogananda, Gyanamata wrote
freely and often. In contrast to the instructional tone
that characterized her notes to the younger disciples,
these letters to her Guru had a deeply reverential,
devotional tone—a reflection of her constant aware-
ness of his great spiritual stature. She always desired
complete understanding, harmony, and attunement
with his wishes in everything; once, after a hurried
conversation with Paramahansaji, she wrote him a
short note, saying: “I am not sure that I made myself
plain, so I am writing this [to explain]—because I can-
not, even for a moment, endure the thought that
everything is not perfectly clear between yourself and
me.” Gyanamata desired perfection, and wanted no
THE LIFE OF SRI GYANAMATA 29

flattery from her Guru—only the truth. Often she

would ask whether her actions or attitudes were
appropriate and correct in a certain situation, and
would end her letter with: “Please tell me plainly that
I may correct myself, and live perfectly.”
On certain appropriate occasions, she would just
place a little note of greeting at the Master’s door,
such as this one on Christmas Day, 1941: “For recog-
nizing me in Seattle as one of your disciples from the
past—for receiving me when I had no one else to turn
to—for holding me to the path, when, bewildered by
an agony of pain, I knew not which turn to take—for
everything that has come since, up to the present
day—for all you are that I know you to be and for all
you are that I cannot know—I offer you reverence,
gratitude, devotion, and love. But not enough, oh, not
enough! It can never be enough.”
Paramahansaji was deeply touched by all the lov-
ing thoughts and letters he received from Gyanamata;
and he would sometimes respond with a note of appre-
ciation to her. Because of his many responsibilities,
the Master was unable to write often. “But,” he once
wrote, “I do write to you ever in my heart and spirit.”
In 1935, Paramahansaji returned to India for a last
visit with his guru, Swami Sri Yukteswar. Before leav-
ing, he demonstrated his complete trust in Gyanamata
by placing her in charge of the Mt. Washington head-
quarters. “I am so happy,” he wrote to her, “to feel I
can send devotees safely to one who helps them and
inspires them with my ideal. I cannot tell you what a
relief it has been since you have been there.” The
Guru knew that in Sister he had a loyal, faithful disci-
ple who would represent completely the desires of his
30 GOD ALONE

heart. “Please let everybody know,” he wrote to her in

1933, “that in my absence you are the spiritual head of
the institution, and everybody should obey your wish-
es, for I know they are impartial and God-directed.”

Her Years at the Encinitas Hermitage

When Paramahansa Yogananda returned from
India in 1936, he was happily surprised to learn that
Rajarsi Janakananda, then known as Mr. James J.
Lynn,* a successful American businessman and one of
Paramahansaji’s most advanced disciples, had pur-
chased for his Guru substantial acreage on the cliff-
lined coast at Encinitas, California, and had built on it
a beautiful hermitage overlooking the Pacific Ocean
(see photo facing page 153). Paramahansaji put
Gyanamata in charge of his new Encinitas ashram.
She assumed the responsibilities of spiritual counselor
and hostess, taught Sunday school, and at the same
time attended to many other duties.
Daya Mata recalls how, in those early days in
Encinitas, friends from all over the world would stay
for a time as Paramahansaji’s guests at the Hermitage.
“On weekends,” she related, “we would have as many
as twenty eight guests. We younger ones would move
out of our rooms and sleep on the floor in front of the
fireplace in the large reception hall. Sister would give
up her room too and we couldn’t find out where she

* In 1951 Paramahansaji bestowed on Mr. Lynn the monastic title of

Rajarsi Janakananda. Until that time, the Guru lovingly referred to
him as “Saint Lynn.” In 1952, Rajarsi became the spiritual successor
of Paramahansa Yogananda and president of Self-Realization
Fellowship, a position that he held until his passing on February 20,
1955.
THE LIFE OF SRI GYANAMATA 31

went to sleep. Finally, I asked her, ‘Sister, where do

you go when you give up your room like this? Master
doesn’t expect this of you.’ After all, she was an older
woman, almost seventy.
“ ‘No, dear, I must do it,’ she replied.
“ ‘But where do you go?’ I asked.
“ ‘Well, I just put up an army cot in the laundry
room.’
“When she said army cot, she meant it—it was the
very hard kind of army cot. And for years, that is
where Gyanamata often slept—on an army cot in the
Hermitage laundry room.”
Paramahansaji commented on this in a talk some
years later: “I never gave Sister a robe, but inside she
is a true renunciant. She is filled with the love divine.
She has conquered within. On one occasion, some
guests arrived at the Hermitage at two o’clock in the
morning. I called for Sister and asked her: ‘Could you
give up your room for these guests?’ Instantly she
answered, ‘Oh, yes,’ with the greatest willingness. So
I said to her, ‘Sister, you sleep in my study.’ And she
remained quiet. I didn’t understand then why she was
quiet. Three days later, where do you think I found she
had been sleeping? She had taken an old army cot and
placed it in the laundry room. ‘Sister,’ I asked her,
‘why didn’t you sleep in my study?’ She replied, ‘I did-
n’t want to blaspheme it.’ I told her: ‘Rather, you
would sanctify it.’ ”
As time went on, Gyanamata’s fragile body no
longer permitted her to take such an active part in
the Self-Realization work, but there was no ego-reac-
tion in having to “step down” and assume lesser
32 GOD ALONE

responsibilities—she continued always with her will-

ing spirit to perform what little duties and services
she could. With typical wit, she told the Master, “You
can get anyone to teach, but who will bring up the
milk bottles?”
One of Gyanamata’s sister-disciples at the
Encinitas Hermitage told of this incident:
“God will work through those who are willing
instruments. It happened that Master called on the
Hermitage intercom to ask if Sister would do some
service for him. I answered the phone. I knew that
Sister’s body was very weak, and thinking that possi-
bly someone else could perform the assignment
instead, I started to explain this to Master. Sister over-
heard me from the room nearby and called out, char-
acteristically, ‘Say “yes,” and make it snappy!’ I has-
tened to do so, of course. Later, she called me to her
and explained: ‘Anytime Master asks that I do some-
thing, don’t hesitate; say “yes” quickly. If it is some-
thing difficult, I’ll figure out later how to do it; but
always say “yes,” and make it snappy.’ ”

Communing With God Through Meditation

A humble servant of God, known to only a few,
playing an all but obscure, behind-the-scenes role on
this earthly plane, Sri Gyanamata was nonetheless
very well known to God and the great masters. Every
morning at four, when most people were asleep,
Gyanamata was studying the scriptures, reading about
the lives of saints, and communing with God in deep
meditation. “How thankful I am,” she wrote to her
Guru, “that I established the habit of turning to God
in the early morning! It is then that your holy and
THE LIFE OF SRI GYANAMATA 33

powerful vibrations, the power of God flowing

through you, reach me best—though if they are very
strong I feel them at other times in the day.”
This is not to say that each and every meditation
was an effortless dip into the Infinite; Gyanamata’s
diary attests to titanic struggles, especially during her
early attempts; but perseverance was no stranger to
this soul. A diary entry reads: “Have tried to meditate,
but found it very difficult. This morning I ordered
myself to wake at 3 a.m. and commenced meditation
at 4 a.m., without much apparent result till 6 o’clock.
Then suddenly it came. I often compare my attempts
at meditation to pushing a boat down the beach into
the water: One pushes and pushes, till suddenly it is
afloat and the current catches it. I can stay a long time
in this state—floating on the current.”
Knowing Gyanamata’s love for Jesus Christ, one
of the devotees asked her, in her later years, if Christ
had ever appeared to her. At first, Gyanamata hesitat-
ed to answer, but finally acknowledged that he had. “It
was at Mt. Washington,” she said. “I used to have
interviews in those days; I tried to answer people’s
questions, to help them with their problems, so that
Master would not have to do it all. One time, when I
opened my door to receive the people, I saw Christ in
the midst of them, walking toward me, along with the
others. They all came up and greeted me, but I could
not take my gaze from Christ. I dropped to my knees
as he reached me, and he placed his hand on the top of
my bowed head—I could feel the pressure of his hand
on my head. he was like a great light. When he left, I
rose. Of course the people looked at me inquiringly,
but I could not tell them what had happened.
34 GOD ALONE

“That was the first time. The second time it was

different. I had passed from sleep into bliss, and
became aware that I was in a cave. A light was coming
from within the cave, and I went toward it. There was
a wooden table with a small candle, and Christ was
sitting on the other side of the table, looking at me.
The light that I saw was not coming from the candle,
but from the eyes of Christ—from his whole body, but
especially from his eyes. I found it difficult to look at
him at first; then, as I made the effort, I felt a wonder-
ful sensation go through my whole being, as I gazed
into those eyes. He answered many questions for me.
Then I felt myself becoming aware of my physical
body. It felt so heavy. I remembered how beautiful the
colour of Christ’s robe was, and the bright light ema-
nating from Him—how dull the things in my room
seemed in comparison!”

“Endure That Which I Shall Send You”

One day she was thinking of Christ and his suf-
fering. “I was looking at his picture,” she said, “and the
thought of his suffering overpowered me. It was as if I
were deciding to make more suffering for myself,
though such an act is very far from me. As soon as I
thought this, I heard the voice of God—aloud, with my
ears as well as my mind. The voice said, ‘Endure that
which I shall send you. That will be enough.’ ”
This was a message Gyanamata came to fully
understand. Physically, she suffered greatly, and
through her suffering came great strength. “There is
no spirituality without heroism,” she wrote. “If I could
too soon be released from the furnace of suffering, and
admitted into the Temple of Bliss, my character would
THE LIFE OF SRI GYANAMATA 35

lack the necessary admixture of steel, which is the

product of endurance, and also the means of climbing
the heights that tower above me.” Perhaps more than
anything else, Gyanamata’s superhuman endurance
proved her complete mastery over this world and its
trials. After her passing, Paramahansaji stated that
God had told him: “Twenty years of suffering never
took away her love from Me, and that is what I prize
in her life.”
In her later years, Gyanamata saw her body literal-
ly waste away. Among other things, she had developed a
bad case of pernicious anemia, a condition that is
marked by a progressive decrease in number and
increase in size of the red blood cells, and by pallor,
weakness, and gastrointestinal and nervous distur-
bances; a diseased kidney; arthritis; neuritis and crippled
hands—the list could go on and on. She commented
once that she felt as if she had been “thrown into a fiery
furnace that burned but did not consume.” None of this,
however, could discourage her invincible spirit.
Crippled hands could not stop her from writing her let-
ters of gratitude to her Guru—for a while she typed with
one finger; then later, when even that became impossi-
ble, someone typed her messages for her.
Amazing though it may seem, it is true that
throughout all this suffering, Gyanamata never once
gave the slightest complaint. “Suffering is no problem
for me,” she said, simply. “We cause our own suffering,
building it up bit by bit [in our minds].” Over the years,
she had, out of necessity, trained her mind not to accept
the idea of suffering or pity. “All my life I have unceas-
ingly striven for self-control in every circumstance,”
she once wrote to a sister-disciple, “and I have never
36 GOD ALONE

experienced even one time when tears helped me, nor

one where self-control and calmness failed to help me.”
She therefore continually turned her attention away
from the physical body, with all its inharmony and dis-
ease, and focused it on Spirit—the Unchanging, Blissful
Absolute. Writing to her Guru, she said: “I have no
wish to go into the physical side of my condition. What
I would like to tell you is how many times a day I turn
from the insistent demands of the clamorous body to
the things you have said and written to me, to passages
in Whispers from Eternity* and other books I keep
beside me on the bed.” Elsewhere, she said: “In times of
greatest suffering, I tell God, ‘I am your servant.’ Each
time I calm my mind, the thought comes, ‘All that
matters is: God is.’ ”
Only one who has experienced extreme physical
pain can fully appreciate the triumph in Gyanamata’s
aloof, stoic attitude toward suffering. Most find it dif-
ficult even to maintain a pleasant attitude under such
circumstances; how much greater the accomplish-
ment when one can joyously practise the presence of
God when the body is racked with pain!

Through Her Suffering, She Helped Others

The reader may wonder why such a saintly indi-
vidual had to go through the prolonged suffering that
Gyanamata did. Paramahansa Yogananda explained:
“Her suffering was because of the sins of many others
who became saintly through her life. There was not a
sin of her own I could find. I want you to know that.
Such is the mystery of God.”
* A book of prayers by Paramahansa Yogananda.
THE LIFE OF SRI GYANAMATA 37

That Gyanamata was able and willing to serve

others through her own suffering shows the spiritual
greatness she had attained. “The metaphysical method
of physical transfer of disease is known to highly
advanced yogis,” Paramahansaji wrote. “A strong man
may assist a weak one by helping the latter to carry a
heavy load; a spiritual superman is able to minimize
the physical and mental troubles of his disciples by
assuming a part of their karmic burdens. Just as a rich
man relinquishes some money when he pays off a
large debt for his prodigal son, who is thus saved from
the dire consequences of his folly, so a master willing-
ly sacrifices a portion of his bodily wealth to lighten
the misery of disciples.”
Toward the end of her life, Gyanamata’s physical
condition had deteriorated to the point that she had to
stay in bed most of the time. Knowing that even a lit-
tle exercise would be good for her, the Master encour-
aged her to get some each day. Her eagerness to follow
faithfully her Guru’s guidance was such that even on
her last day she had someone help her out of bed to
walk across the room. Thus her final acts spoke of her
loyalty and devotion. Of those latter days, the Guru
said of her, “She helps just by being here—even if she
cannot lift a finger.” So highly did he regard her.

Divine Inner Strength

Many who knew Gyanamata likened her physical
appearance to a flower—tiny, frail, beautiful, always
exuding the fragrance of Spirit; but inwardly she was
as strong as steel. When the delicate flower would
become crushed, diseased, or wilted, this divine inner
strength became all the more apparent. One of the
38 GOD ALONE

nuns who was nursing her said: “Sister had very strong
will power. It seemed to me that her body was just
falling apart; and once, when I honestly did not see
how she could make her body walk, I asked her,
‘Sister, how do you do it?’ She looked at me with a
twinkle in those marvellous blue eyes and said, ‘I just
say to God, “You pick ’em up, Lord, and I’ll put ’em
down.” ’ Gyanamata said that her strength came from
her complete surrender to God and Guru. At night,
just before falling asleep, she would turn her gaze
inward to the spiritual eye* and quietly say to God:
‘Now, Thee alone I seek. Send what is best.’ ”
“Some of my moments during those last three
weeks with Sister,” said another nun, “were almost
too sacred to divulge. But I realize that only through
personal contact with a saint can we know some
things about her....I believe that throughout the twen-
ty-two months that I was with her, Sister was unable
even to draw a deep breath without pain, yet she never
complained about anything.
“Each night, during the last three weeks of her
life, just before she fell asleep, she had me read to her
the Master’s beautiful poem, ‘Samadhi.’† Just to see
if she really wanted it read every night, I would some-
times say, ‘Well, I guess that’s everything’; but she
would say, ‘Except “Samadhi.” ’ I was glad she wanted
to hear it, because her face looked so peaceful as I read

* The single eye of intuition and omnipresent perception at the

Kutastha centre (ajna chakra) between the eyebrows. The spiritual
eye is the entryway into the ultimate states of divine consciousness.
† Published in chapter fourteen of Autobiography of a Yogi, wherein
Paramahansaji conveys a glimpse of the bliss of samadhi, the state in
which human consciousness becomes one with Cosmic Consciousness.
THE LIFE OF SRI GYANAMATA 39

the words—just as if she were in samadhi at those

times.

Her Final Words: “Too Much Joy!”

“The night before her passing, when I left her, she
asked me to lock her door on the inside. But when I
was outside her room, I noticed that it was so quiet
inside—I wondered if she were still breathing. I start-
ed to go back in, but as I was re-entering the room, I
heard Sister exclaim, ‘Master! Master!’—sharply, as if
he had been with her, but vanished when he heard me
at the door.
“The next afternoon, she told another nun that she
would not be there the following morning, and she was
not. I was present at the time of her passing. She was
resting, breathing very short breaths. She finally suc-
ceeded in drawing a few very long breaths, and then her
breathing stopped, without a struggle. It was finished.
Someone said, ‘It was like going to sleep,’ but I said,
‘No, it was like waking up.’ Master, who was away at
the time of her passing, was with us in a short time.”
Another of the Self-Realization Fellowship nuns
was present when Gyanamata spoke her last words.
“They came a short while before her passing,” she said.
“Sister’s face was radiant. A big smile illumined her
face as she exclaimed, ‘What joy! What joy! Too much,
too much joy!’ Within an hour or so she was gone.”

She Left the Body in the Highest State of

Samadhi
It was on November 17, 1951, that the “Mother of
Wisdom” quietly passed on—at the age of eighty-two.
40 GOD ALONE

A few days before, her Guru had given a dinner in

Encinitas for a number of devotees. Later he explained:
“The disciples didn’t know why I held that dinner. It
was in honour of Sister. I knew she was going. It is a
custom in India, when great souls leave this earth, to
celebrate with a banquet their release in God.”
The story of her passing is perhaps best recounted
by Sri Daya Mata, who was with Paramahansaji at the
time: “I remember well that last day. One of the nuns
came to Master and said, ‘Sister’s condition is very bad.’
So Master went in immediately to see her. She was sit-
ting in her chair at that time. Master said something to
her, and stayed with her for some time, blessing her.
Most of the time they said nothing to each other—we
knew that he was communing with her soul.
“Then he said to a few of us, ‘Now come, let us go
for a drive.’ Guruji had told us that Divine Mother
would never let him be in the room when one of the
devotees passed away; and thus it happened that he
never was physically present when any disciple left
the body. We drove around Encinitas and the nearby
community for about an hour or so. Not one of us
spoke; our minds were with Sister. Master sat
absolutely motionless; he was meditating deeply. On
the way back to the Hermitage, we stopped at the SRF
Cafe* to greet the devotees serving there. After a short
time, Master told us to hurry, and said to the driver,
‘Now let us go back.’

* The cafe, located at the front of the Encinitas Ashram Center on

Highway 101, served a variety of vegetarian dishes—many of them
original recipes of Paramahansa Yogananda’s. It was closed in 1966,
when its facilities and personnel were needed for other services to the
growing membership of Self-Realization Fellowship.
THE LIFE OF SRI GYANAMATA 41

“When we entered the Hermitage, one of the nuns

came up to him and said, ‘Gyanamata has just left her
body.’ Master was very quiet and withdrawn. Finally
he whispered, ‘Yes,’ and went reverently into her
room. We all remained at a respectful distance outside
the door. He spent some time with her there, in
silence, blessing her. We heard him whisper, ‘Sister,
you went before me.’ After a while he motioned for us
to come into the room. Quietly we entered and
approached Sister’s body. With solemnity in his voice,
he asked us to feel the temperature of her feet. They
were very cold. Then he said, ‘Now I want you to feel
the top of her head.’ This was remarkable—it was very
hot, as if on fire.
“Master explained to us: ‘This shows that she has
left the body in the highest state of samadhi. Her soul
departed through the highest spinal centre, the thou-
sand-petaled lotus* in the brain. Now she has
achieved that final state of mukti [liberation]; she is
free. She has no need to return to this world. But we
will meet again.’
“After that, Master said to us, ‘You must know
that her passing symbolizes that I will be leaving this
world shortly.’ Less than four months later he left his
body.”
After Gyanamata’s passing, Paramahansaji was
privately asked how her spiritual attainment compared

* Yoga treatises explain that there are seven occult centers of life and
consciousness in man’s spine and brain, through which the soul has
descended into the body and through which it must reascend by a
process of meditation. By seven successive steps, the soul finally
escapes through the sahasrara or “Thousand-Petaled Lotus” in the
uppermost part of the cerebrum into Cosmic Consciousness.
42 GOD ALONE

with that of the well-known Christian saints. The

Master confided that she ranked with the greatest of
them. At her funeral service, he elaborated: “Sister’s
life has been like that of St. Francis, who suffered even
while helping others. So she stands as a great inspira-
tion. In all those years she suffered, she showed that
her love for God was greater; and I never saw one mark
of suffering in her eyes. That is why she is a great
saint—a great soul—and that is why she is with God.”

Spiritual Footprints for All to Follow

Sri Gyanamata has now gone to her beloved God,
but she has left “spiritual footprints” for all to follow.
In her letters she has left a rich legacy of invaluable
counsel. And not only do these letters provide price-
less practical and spiritual wisdom, they also offer fas-
cinating glimpses into the character and interior life of
an illumined saint of modern America, whose soul
embraced the universality of Spirit.
But all description must ultimately fall far short
of the heights attained by a God-knowing saint. Only
by striving to follow her spiritual footprints to God
alone can we begin to appreciate the depth of percep-
tion, of divine love and joy, that was the essence of her
life and the source of the deep wisdom that was incar-
nate in Gyanamata.