Abstract: As society progresses through modernization, efforts to reshape perspectives on

gender have become increasingly prevalent. Despite these efforts, the mindset of millennials

regarding gender remains largely unchanged. Limited research exists on the correlation

between gender and parental preference. This paper explores the preference of Bacooreño

parents on having lesbian or gay children. Employing a phenomenological approach, semi-

structured interviews, and thematic analysis, data were collected from ten parents. Based on the

results, four parents did not have a preference. On the other hand, the informants who

answered gay generated four themes. These include, gays are fun to be with, achievers, family-

oriented, and are multifaceted. The informants who favor lesbian children, led to a theme that

lesbians are as decisive as boys. The basis of the reasons obtained from the study are religion,

societal norms, peer experiences, and permissive belief, which sheds light on the complexities

of parental preferences regarding the gender of their children. The research suggests the

creation and conduction of three possible solutions to create a more inclusive and accepting

society. First, advocate for equality and open mindedness. Then, seminars that will discuss the

ways that stigma and discrimination and lastly promote gender acceptance programs through a

political and societal approach.

Keywords: Gay; Lesbians; Parental Preference; LGBTQ+ ;

 I. INTRODUCTION

The Philippines is considered as one of the most gay-friendly countries among the world

(Tang, X., & Poudel A., 2018). However, lesbian, gay, bisexual, transgender, and queer

(LGBTQ) people still face tough challenges, namely discrimination, prejudice, and stigma, as

most Filipinos have not yet accepted that these people are normal variants of human sexuality

(Psychological Association of the Philippines, 2011). In a meta-analysis conducted by Schmitt et

al. (2014), several reasons such as minority stressors were all positively correlated among

lesbian and gay individuals. Furthermore, in the study of Roggemans et al. in 2015, religious

beliefs emerged as the most common reason towards hate for gay and lesbian people, as

Muslims, along with Christians, hold more negative attitudes toward homosexuality. Numerous

studies have been conducted on LGBTQ children telling their parents about their sexual

orientation, including responses (Chrisler, 2017; Tyler, 2015; Tyler & Abetz, 2019). However,

only a small minority of research is conducted regarding the preference of parents whether they

prefer more gay or lesbian individuals, providing a better understanding about the stigma and

perception of people in relation to sexual orientation and gender identity. As a highly

collectivistic society, Filipino families serve as the foundation for the development of individual

values.

Parents play central roles in supporting or discouraging sexual minority feelings and

behaviors because they are the main socializing agents for children (Docena, 2013).

Discovering that a child identifies as lesbian or gay represents a deeply impactful and

transformative experience. (Diamond & Shpigel, 2014). On the better side, studies showed that

over time, most parents tend to become more accepting or, at the very least, more tolerant of

the sexual orientation of their child (Beals & Peplau, 2006 & Savin-Williams & Ream, 2003).

This evolving acknowledgement and acceptance of families, especially the parents, can

not only enhance the support provided to the gay and lesbian children but also actively
contribute to eliminating the stigma associated with non-heteronormative identities (Goldfried &

Goldfried, 2001). Recognizing the significance of parental support is a widely acknowledged

idea, especially when it comes to enhancing the well-being of teenagers (Steinberg, 2001). This

emphasizes how the connection between parents and their children continues to shape one's

overall contentment throughout their adulthood.

Therefore, the researchers opted to conduct a study which explores the preference of

parents residing in Bacoor City on having a lesbian or gay child. Through a localized lens, the

research seeks to discover the factors shaping parental preferences and shed light on the

complexities surrounding the acceptance of diverse sexual orientations within this community.

Statement of the Problem

The study was conducted to determine the preference of Bacooreño parents on having

lesbian or gay children.

Specifically, it was sought to answer the following:

1. What is the preference of Bacooreno parents on having lesbian or gay children?

2. Why do the Bacooreno parents prefer having lesbian or gay children?

3. How do these reasons affect the preference of Bacooreno parents regarding having lesbian

or gay children?

II. METHODOLOGY

The study utilized qualitative research design as it reveals in-depth perspectives on

phenomena, experiences, and such (Bhandari, 2023). This design captures the complexity and
context of parental preferences, emphasizing the need for a detailed exploration. Specifically,
the researchers used phenomenology as a research method to investigate the preferences of
parents from Bacoor City, Cavite, if they would want to have gay or lesbian children, providing a
deeper understanding of the phenomena under investigation. The study also has an
exploratory-descriptive approach, as the responses of the respondents were analyzed
complemented by an interview. This research was conducted at the City of Bacoor, Cavite, with
the respondents participating in structured interviews facilitated by the researchers. The
interview process involved prepared questions designed to express insightful responses
regarding the respondents' personal experiences, perspectives, and preferences in relation to
having gay or lesbian children. The questions aimed to determine the familial dynamics, societal
attitudes, and individual beliefs, contributing to a comprehensive exploration of the research
gap.
In this study, two non-probability sampling methods were used. Specifically, purposive
sampling was employed, in which the researchers chose the participants based on an
established criterion. Further that, snowball sampling was also utilized to gather more
participants who fit to the criteria given by the researchers. The researchers sought to gather
diverse perspectives from a targeted demographic, and as such, 10 participants were
purposively chosen—comprising five mothers and five fathers, with the data saturation principle,
who were: (a) parents (mother/father), (b) should have a minimum of 2 children, (c) must be 30-
50 years old, and (d) should not have a child who identifies as gay, lesbian, or is a member of
the LGBTQIA+ community. By carefully selecting participants and making sure of enough
information, this study aims to delve deeply into what the chosen participants think and feel
regarding the parental preference of Bacooreño parents on having gay or lesbian children.
The parental preference of having gay or lesbian children was explored. Items included
the participant’s name, age, preference for their child’s sexual orientation, the reason for
preference, and the basis of the reason. Enough response time was provided, and responses
were recorded with the consent of the participant in the form of audio and notes. The time
duration of each interview was approximately thirty minutes, and responses were transcribed
and translated whenever necessary for clear understanding. It is to be noted that societal norms
may vary, limiting generalizability. Furthermore, only “lesbian” and “gay” identities from the
LGBTQ community was focused on. Confidentiality is a big concern that was closely followed
with strict measures ensuring information privacy, except in specific circumstances requiring
disclosure.
The data collected from the participants underwent a thorough examination employing
thematic analysis. This involved a process of organizing the participant data to identify recurring
themes present in their responses. Following this comprehensive analysis and alignment of the
collected information, the researchers proceeded to interpret the identified patterns.

III. RESULTS AND DISCUSSION

In this section, the researchers interpreted the findings from the data gathered through a
thematic analysis. Divided into three categories, this discussed the Preference of Bacooreño
Parents on Having Lesbian or Gay, the Themes Founded and Factors Affecting the Responses,
which answered the specific problems.

1.1. Preference of Bacooreño Parents on Having Lesbian or Gay Children

The first category assesses preference of Bacooreño parents on having lesbian or gay
children in this category are three predilections, namely, “No Preference,” “Gay”, “Lesbians.”
 1.1. No Preference
It was found that a total of one mother and three fathers does not have a preference on
having lesbian or gay children. Although parents expressed a unified stance of having no
preference between gay and lesbian children, this theme was divided into the middle.
The parents who picked neither, rooted from religion. According to Vajpayee (2021),
religious beliefs are a factor among several variables influencing human behavior and
preference. Roggemans, et al. (2015) observed that individuals with religious affiliations are
more prone to expressing prejudice against homosexuals compared to those without religious
beliefs. On the other hand, some parents who embraced both genders stated that they didn't
prioritize their child's gender, instead focusing on their love for them. This approach is anchored
towards permissive parenting. According to Wischerth (2016), the permissive parenting style is
marked by a positive regard for the child and a child-centered approach, with less emphasis on
parental control. This style fosters psychological development and shields children from
pressure, low self-esteem, and harmful stress.
1.2. Gay
It was found that a total of three mothers and one father prefer gays as their children.
These results contradict the found results of the study conducted by Herek, G. in 2016, which
shows that male and female heterosexuals were more likely to regard lesbianism as a choice
than male homosexuality. Reasons such as gay men being more mentally ill, having more
negative personal reactions to gay men than to lesbians, and heterosexual men having gender
differences towards gay men were found to be the root of the choices between gay and
lesbians. It was also shown that aggregate attitudes tend to be more hostile toward gay men
than lesbians.
1.3. Lesbians
It was found that a total of one mother and 1 father prefer lesbian as their children.
According to the study of Herek, G. (2016), female lesbians were more accepted than gay
males, and other favorable methods were given to lesbians such as adoption rights. On the
other hand, the study of Sung, M. R., et al. (2015) discussed different positive aspects of being
lesbian namely sociocultural sources of strength, belonging to a community, Asian
cultures/values as sources of strength, freedom from constraints of heterosexuality and
oppressive gender norms, insight into and empathy for self and others, positive sense of self,
uniqueness, and increased empathy and compassion for others/world.

2.1. Factors That Affect the Preference of Parents on Having Lesbian or Gay Children
The second category assesses the factors that affected the Bacooreño parents to their
children. It identifies the reasons behind parents' actions. There are five factors: gays are fun to
be with, achievers, family-oriented, are multifaceted. While lesbians are as decisive as boys.

2.1.1. Gays are fun to be with

 The parents were fine with their child being gay because of the good vibes they ward off and
the fun company they provide. This implies that the parents were accepting of their child being
gay.
“Bading, bakit mas masaya sila kasama, madali kausap at mas madaling maintindihan,
vibes ko yung ugali nila e. Na marang mas marami akong kaibigan na bading kaysa sa mga
tibo.” (“Because they are fun to be with, easy to talk to and they are easy to be with. I also have
a lot of friends that is gay compared to lesbian since I could easily vibe with them.”)
The researchers interpret this as the parents inclining to gay since they are often
stereotyped as flamboyant, great listeners, and bring a touch of fun and excitement to the
friendship. This perspective is reinforced by the insights of Eric M. Russell from Texas Christian
University, who posits that the absence of underlying mating motivations, which frequently taint
interactions between straight men and create competition among straight women, lends a sense
of authenticity and genuineness to relationships involving gay individuals. This suggests that
parents may prefer these relationships due to their perceived purity and sincerity, without the
complexities often associated with heterosexual interactions (Nangia, V., 2021).
2.1.2. Gays are achievers
While certain parents may reject their gay children, others find satisfaction and harbor
positive prejudices due to the idea of gay individuals as achievers. The desirable traits
associated with gay individuals include being accomplished and skillful. This mindset could be
rooted from the challenges and discrimination faced by the gay community, fostering demeanor
in proficiency. This suggests that their parents choose gay children, as long as they are
succeeding in their chosen areas.
“And if I were to choose, I'd rather have a gay son because… Nowadays I see gays as
more… skillful, popular and they're everywhere and everytime I see a gay.. Friend or a gay
acquaintance its seldom that I see them not successful, so it’s like 80 percent of the gays of my
gay acquaintance and friend theyre successful I think it’s already…a part of their behaviour to
really work hard and show everyone that they are not gay for nothing so id rather choose a gay
son.”
This supports the survey done by Mittleman, which revealed that gay men attain higher
educational levels than of straight men. Mittleman's study found that compared with straight
men peers, gays earn higher GPAs in high school and college, and they have a low rate of ever
dropping out of school (While straight men face educational crises, gay men excel academically,
study finds, 2022). Pachankis and Hatzenbuehler (2013) found evidence that gay students tried
to counter the anti-gay stigma by finding their self-worth by excelling academically and doing
well in other competitive activities. This is shown by how the parents warmed up to their children
after witnessing their accomplishments and achievements. Several gays have proved that
everyone can be successful in their own ways.
2.1.3. Gays are family oriented
Parents often hold stereotypical beliefs and preconceived notions that associate gay
individuals with positive feminine traits and woman-like characteristics. Moreover, some gay
individuals have strong bonds in chosen families consisting of close friends and partners. This
dynamic implies that parents may be drawn to their gay children due to the perceived presence
of desirable traits such as caring attitude, financial stability, resourcefulness, and greater ability
to love, compared to lesbians.
“Bading kasii masarap kasama tsaka madaling magpatawa yun lang bakit sa tingin mo
mas masarap sila kasama tsaka madaling magpatawa mapagmahal sila sa magulang.” (“I
choose gay, why because they are easy and fun to be with. They often tend to be loving and
caring for their parents.”)
Gays are known for their strong family bonds, making sentimental and meaningful
relationships. However, despite facing societal stigma and discrimination, LGBTQ+ families
know to genuinely appreciate their loved ones. Gays embrace shared parental duties and
transcending traditional gender roles in LGBTQ+ households reduce parental stress and
promotes better mental health. Shared experiences of discrimination foster resilient, supportive
family dynamics. In conclusion, we can say that children raised in LGBTQ+ homes typically
exhibit mental, emotional, and physical well-being. They are comparable to or exceeding that of
their peers in heterosexual families (Luxion, K., 2020).
2.1.4. Gays are multifaceted
Gay individuals exhibit resilience, versatility, and competence across various domains
especially when related to femininity. Some parents have noticed that gays excel in nearly every
endeavor they pursue, displaying dedication to creative livelihoods as a means of self-
expression and proving themselves to be dependable individuals to others. This observation
has led some parents to prefer gay individuals as their child's preferred gender role model.
“Gay, kasi para sa akin maraming magagawa yung gay..like pwede siya mag beauty
parlor maglinis ng bahay kasi parang babae siya….tapos masipag. Kasi ang lesbian brusko e..
Parang lalaki rin yan e brusko e..pero kapag ang gay parang girl… malambing ganun..,
maaasahan ayun tsaka malay mo maging ano siya. Maging sikat na fashion designer… makeup
artist.” (“For me, gays can do a lot of things. They could be working in a beauty parlor, and they
are good at doing household chores just like a girl. I prefer gay over lesbians because lesbians
are very masculine, but a gay is more like a girl. Very caring, reliable and maybe someday they
could be a famous fashion designer or a makeup artist.”)
Gay men who experience family rejection due to their sexual orientation often face adverse
psychological and social consequences. However, the precise nature of this rejection and the
mechanisms through which individuals develop resilience in such circumstances remain
inadequately understood (Reczek, C., 2016). By conducting 21 in-depth interviews, thematic
analysis provided insights into the perception of family rejection, its impact on mental health,
and the ways individuals cultivate resilience. Resilience helps people cope with the kinds of
adversities, traumas and challenges that seem intrinsic to the human condition (Harris, 2016).
This supports that multifaceted skills originate from resilience, and it's a term for a set of skills
and attitudes which include adaptability, confidence, perseverance, problem-solving, empathy,
relationship skills and having a positive attitude (Petty, 2014).
2.2.1. Lesbians are as decisive as boys
Some parents may prefer lesbians because they perceive them as embodying
more masculine traits. They are drawn to the perceived toughness and assertiveness often
associated with lesbians, as well as their decisive demeanor. This inclination towards lesbians
stems from the belief that they possess qualities traditionally associated with masculinity, such
as strong decision-making skills and a more "boyish" demeanor. Consequently, these
characteristics may resonate more with certain parents who value or seek out these attributes in
their children or potential partners.
“Ang pipiliin ko po ay tomboy, Ang rason ko po kasi…ang tomboy lalaki kung magdesisyon,
may paninindigan.” (“I will choose lesbians, for the reason that lesbians are just like boys, when
they make decisions, they stand firm to that decision.”)
People, especially parents, originate their descriptions of masculine lesbians as shown by
sexualized and stereotypical portrayals of women. When considering lesbian women, the
masculine stereotypical view associated with them may come to represent an advantage in
work-related contexts, especially when compared to heterosexual women. Results showed that
being lesbian was associated with higher levels of masculinity (but not femininity), which in turn
was related to high leadership effectiveness (Shamloo, S., 2022).

3.1. Basis That Affect the Preference of Bacooreño Parents on Having Lesbian or Gay Children
The second category assesses the basis that affected the Bacooreño parents to their
children. It identifies the themes that arose. These include religion, societal norms, peer
experiences, and permissive belief.

3.1. Religion
Being surrounded by religious people has a significant impact on how people perceive
and behave toward things. Religion continues to influence people's responses, specifically, the
parents.
“Ang pipiliin ko po ay wala because according to the bible, Genesis 1:27 it stated that God
created mankind in his own image, male and female he created them. And as a christian
believer, I believed that only male and female are created by God and he did not create any gay
or lesbian in this world.” (“I don’t want to have either of the two because according to the bible,
Genesis 1:27 it stated that God created mankind in his own image, in the image of God he
created them; male and female he created them. As a christian believer, I believed that only
male and female are created by God and he did not create any gay or lesbian in this world.”)
Vajpayee (2021) argued that religious beliefs play a role and are one among the variables
that impact human behavior. Also, according to McGee's (2016) analysis, religion is one of the
variables influencing people's views towards homosexuality. To Roggemans et al., (2015),
religious individuals are more likely than non-religious people to report prejudice against
homosexuals.
3.2. Societal Norms
The societal norms had an impact on the parents' responses. Since gays and lesbians
are perceived as differently by the society, parents have different claims on why they chose gay
or lesbian as their child. It implies that parents’ responses vary depending on their environment.
 “Ang pipiliin ko po ay tomboy, Ang rason ko po kasi…ang tomboy lalaki kung magdesisyon,
may paninindigan.” (“I will choose lesbians, for the reason that lesbians are just like boys, when
they make decisions, they stand firm to that decision.”)
“Gay, kasi ang lesbian brusko e.. Parang lalaki rin yan e brusko pero kapag ang gay parang
girl malambing ganun at maaasahan.” (“I prefer gay over lesbians because lesbians are very
masculine, but a gay is more like a girl, very caring and reliable.”)
Societal norms feminize gay men and masculinize lesbian women to ensure consistency in
the dimensions of sex, gender, and sexuality (Eisner, 2013). The study of Mize & Manago, 2018
adds to the literature by identifying gender differences in how femininity is the indicator of
someone’s sexuality. This finding of the study sample expands on research that shows that
gender nonconformity serves as a proxy for sexual identity for all genders, but small deviations
from masculinity among men indicates homosexuality whereas women must demonstrate much
more dramatic gender nonconformity to be seen as homosexual.
3.3. Peer Experiences
Past experiences with friends can significantly influence the parents' preference on having a
gay or lesbian child. Some participants claimed that because of their past experiences with their
friends, they are okay and fully supportive of their child being homosexual. It implies that
parents’ responses may vary depending on their peer experiences.
“Lesbian child. This is based on my personal experience,kasi may mga friends ako na
lesbian. Mayroon akong kumare actually na nag-suffer para tanggapin ang jowa niya pero ako
as her friend, nauunawaan ko siya.” (“Lesbian child. This is based on my personal experience,
because I have a friend who is a lesbian. She suffered a lot just for her partner to be accepted
by her parents. And me, as her friend, I understand her.”)
Friends play important roles throughout our lives by providing expressive, instrumental, and
companionate support (Gillespie, et al., 2015). According to Guo, K., (2014), friends generally
play a role in shaping the behavior and beliefs of an individual. If parents have had past
experiences with LGBTQ+ friends or acquaintances, they may be more accepting and
supportive of their child's sexual orientation. This also impacts the level of understanding,
support, and acceptance they offer.
3.4. Permissive Belief
Allowing a child to explore and embrace their sexual orientation, whether it be gay or
lesbian, is an accepting approach that prioritizes the child's autonomy and individual identity.
Some parents who prefer both gay and lesbian implies that their child's self-discovery and
acceptance of their sexual orientation demonstrate a commitment to fostering a nurturing
environment where their child feels safe to be authentic and true to themselves. This approach
promotes emotional well-being and strengthens the parent-child bond through open
communication, understanding, and unconditional love.
“I want to have both as my child. Their gender does not matter to me at all. If they are my
child then there is no question about it.”
“Pareho dahil ‘yon ang gusto nila para sa sarili nila.” (“I prefer to have both as my child
because that is what they want for themselves.”)
 Some parents prefer both gay and lesbian since they believe in the permissive style of
parenting. According to the study of Wischerth, G., (2016) permissive parenting style is
characterized by overall positive regard and a general child-centered approach, with a general
decreased use of parental control. It promotes psychological development, and protects children
from having pressure, low-self-esteem, and toxic stress.

IV. CONCLUSIONS

Based on the results obtained in the study, the preferences of Bacooreñio parents regarding
their children's sexual orientation inclined most on gays, with four of ten choosing them. The
four respondents had no preference at all, while the other two gravitated towards lesbians.
Four themes emerged from the conducted interviews regarding parental perceptions of gays
and lesbians: gays are fun to be with, achievers, family-oriented, and are multifaceted, whereas
lesbians are as decisive as boys. These findings suggest that societal attitudes, personal
beliefs, and peer experiences shape parental preferences and are the largest influencers
regarding their children's sexual orientation. Overall, the study shows that what parents want for
their child's sexual orientation is shaped by what they believe, what they've been through, and
what society thinks.

V. ACKNOWLEDGEMENT

Firstly, we would like to express our sincere thankfulness to the Almighty God for His
direction, favor, and grace throughout the study's execution. Without Him, this modest task
might not have been completed.
Additionally, we would like to express our gratitude to everyone who helped make this
research possible in any way, even if they are not mentioned here.
To the respondents of this study, who sacrificed their own time and errands just to participate
in this study, and for giving out their best to answer our interviews as well as providing us great
perspectives. For the people who became conduits for us to have respondents and became a
way for this study to be successful.
To our family, who inspired us to process this work with their unwavering love and support.
To our teachers, for their kind concern in helping to carry out the study's approach. To our
principal, Mr. Ronald R. Drio, who provided us with the chance to embark on this incredibly
amazing project. We are appreciative of their direction, inspiration, comprehension, wisdom,
and approval during the development process.
Lastly, to Mr. Elarcie Balsomo, our dear research adviser, whose commitment to science
research is genuinely unquestionable. We appreciate your unwavering belief in us, your helpful
criticism, and your faith and confidence in us to be given this chance.
 We dedicated our study to all of you. We are grateful for your motivation and assistance in
helping us complete this project, which we value as one of our greatest life accomplishments.
Once more, thank you!

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