Please follow the guidelines below when engaging in your triads/dyads to ensure the best possible experience for you and your triad partners.
1. Each triad experience is an opportunity to engage with something real within yourself. Settle yourself before your meeting to determine what this is, and what your intention will be for your meeting as the client. If you are beginning as the therapist, take a few minutes to clear yourself before you start your session.
2. Use a computer rather than a phone for your triad meetings so that your sound is better, and so that your partner(s) can see your face. Use headphones for better sound quality.
3. Arrive on time. Respect other course participants and your commitment. Treat this as a professional meeting, and recognize the importance of punctuality in creating and maintaining safety and trust.
4. Be seated in a private place where you can meet with your triad members without background noise, interruption, other people present or unnecessary movement. These distractions can undermine safety and the client's need to be heard and seen. The sessions are confidential among triad/dyad members. No one else should be present or seen.
5. Be attentive, present and attuned. Do not eat, smoke or be under the influence of alcohol, marijuana, psychedelics or any other substance that could interfere with your capacity to be fully present and aware during your triad session.
6. When you schedule a triad session, show up. Cancel only when there is an emergency. If it is necessary to cancel, provide 48-hours notice and an alternate time. If you are late or cancel, you will lose trust.
7. Ensure that you have obtained written or recorded verbal consent from your triad partner to: 1) record the session, with knowledge of how it will be used, stored and/or shared; 2) take a photo or screenshot of them with knowledge of how it may or may not be shared
8. Follow the guidelines laid out in your Module Practice Guide for how to structure each triad session.
9. Under NO CIRCUMSTANCES are you to offer to work with a member of your group or triad with anything other than Compassionate Inquiry, as modelled by Gabor.
10. Under NO CIRCUMSTANCES are you to suggest your triad partners work with you in paid sessions of any sort, using any another modality.
11. Under ALL CIRCUMSTANCES please follow the Communication Guidelines and Code of Ethics for participants given to you in the Introductory Module.
12. If you have challenges with another course participant during or after a triad session, speak to them directly about it, expressing your feelings, your needs and requesting a specific action that might improve your experience. Take responsibility for your reactions and ask for what you need. Accept that we are all at different stages of learning with a diversity of backgrounds, and explore each opportunity to learn and
Ó Dr. Gabor Maté and Sat Dharam Kaur ND August 2023 compassionateinquiry.com to assist others in learning. Be compassionate yet direct about giving feedback and notice your reactions in how you accept feedback. Follow the Feedback Protocol provided in a separate document.
13. Let your online facilitator know of any challenge you need support in resolving if you have been unsuccessful in communicating with another course participant. Email your facilitator if you do not feel safe with a triad member, or if something has occurred that concerns you or if they are not following the above guidelines. If your facilitator in unable to resolve it, let Sat Dharam satdharamkaur@gmail.com know.
14. Any person who consistently does not abide by the above agreements will be asked to leave the training.
Compassionate Inquiryâ Communication Guidelines
The following guidelines have been designed to promote the best possible experience in your Dyads/Triads and Bi-Weekly Facilitated sessions.
1. Address people by their name. Let others know how you would like them to address you or how to pronounce your name, and which are the pronouns you would like them to use. You may insert your pronouns beside your name on zoom. 2. Maintain confidentiality. What is said in the room, stays in the room. When the client or group participant reveals personal information in the session, do not share this with others. This also applies to photos or screenshots or recordings – do not share without full consent. 3. Speak only for yourself. Use “I” language. Take responsibility for your thoughts, words, feelings, perceptions, interpretations, opinions and actions. Do not use language such as “some people say” without being specific. 4. Be on time for scheduled group meetings, and stay the allotted time. Ask permission from everyone present before going over time in a session. Give at least 24 hrs notice if you need to miss or change the time for a session. 5. Communicate honestly, acknowledging your feelings and needs. Respect the vibratory effect of your words. Express yourself, AND allow the other to respond in their own way. They may or may not be able to meet your needs. 6. Listen actively and respectfully even if another’s opinion or approach does not reflect your own. 7. Be specific; avoid generalities. When we clearly describe specific behaviours that trigger us, the other person can understand what she/he/they can modify if she/he/they chooses. To be told that one is “domineering” is not as helpful as saying, “Just now, when I was speaking, you spoke before I had finished my point. It would help me if you would let me finish my sentence before responding.” Then check it out, and use CI to examine your reaction. 8. No “Cross Talk” (that is, one person speaks at a time, without engaging in a conversation across the group). 9. Speak kindly and compassionately, with patience, tolerance, humility. If and when you are upset, take some time to regulate yourself before responding to the other person. 10. Do not impose opinions, interpretations or judgements on others. Be curious about your own triggers and reactions instead. Any judgement towards another reflects a judgement towards yourself. 11. Decide on an order and roles for the CI dyad/triad session. Who will be Therapist, Client and Observer, with each encounter, how many encounters will you do in the session, and which combo will go first? Follow the Module guidelines given to guide the focus of the session. Determine the time limit for each
Ó Dr. Gabor Maté and Sat Dharam Kaur ND August 2023 compassionateinquiry.com person as “therapist” so that everyone has an opportunity to practice equally. Use a bell or neutral method to stay within the agreed upon time limit. 12. Review/Clarify the task or exercise so that everyone fully understands what is being processed or worked on. 13. Do not attempt to fix a situation or give advice when working in your dyads/triads or facilitated sessions, but instead make use of the Compassionate Inquiry Skills and Stepping Stones. You can ask, “how does that feel”, “what do you notice in your body right now”, “I’m curious about …. tell us more” or mirror back what the participant has said in a slightly different way so they know they have been heard. Other group members are silent as each person shares, with the exception of the acting “Therapist” or the Facilitator who is managing the interaction. 14. Do not tell your Facilitator what to do, or give advice on how the biweekly meetings should be run, or how certain people should be treated. Instead, let the facilitator know how the situation is affecting you, what your needs are, and request an action that may fulfill your needs. Be curious about any compulsion that arises in you to tell the facilitator what to do, or to control a situation. 15. Take into account the needs of both the giver and receiver of feedback. Feedback can be destructive when it serves only your needs and does not consider the needs of the person on the receiving end. Ensure that feedback is welcomed, rather than imposed. Feedback will not be taken in if the receiver isn’t ready to hear it, is blocking it, or is in a fight/flight/freeze response. Choose your moments. Usually feedback is best as soon as possible after a given behaviour or interaction. Ensure that you yourself are in a calm space when providing feedback. Be aware of your intention when providing feedback. 16. Speak positively. Support others. Focus on strengths while compassionately illuminating blind spots when necessary. Be conscious about your words and tone and how these might affect the individual or the group energy. Are your words kind, necessary and true (Rumi)? 17. Let others know what you are feeling. Share your feelings. Don’t expect others to read your mind and don’t wait to be asked. Let others know what you need from the group or in the moment. Be vulnerable. 18. Check it out. If you are uncertain about where someone is coming from, unclear about someone’s feelings, hear rumours, or are uncertain about some aspect of the course, etc., ASK the person to clarify, or ask an appropriate person for further information. Don’t assume you know or that someone else knows. Go to the source. Don’t repeat rumours. 19. In groups, conduct a verification check. When feedback is given in a group, both the giver and receiver can check with others in a group on the accuracy of the feedback. Is one person’s impression shared by others? 20. Do not slander and gossip. Do not talk about others in a negative manner when they are not present. Do not align with other members of your group against another course participant or against your facilitator - no triangulation. Speak to each person or your facilitator directly. 21. If a member in a triad/dyad wants to comment upon another member’s sharing in any way, they are to ask that person’s permission to comment or to confirm that the other person would like to hear from them. Proceed once when you have permission. 22. Speak up. If you observe that something violates these communication guidelines in your biweekly meeting or your dyads/triads, speak directly to your facilitator. If the situation is not resolved with your facilitator, then refer the matter to Sat Dharam. Your facilitator will be notified of this exchange. 23. We respectfully encourage everyone to participate and be involved in the biweekly discussions as fully as they are able. Be mindful of whether you tend to speak a lot or a little and adjust your participation accordingly. 24. Take full responsibility for your reactions. It is never the other person’s fault. It’s always about you and your choice of response. 25. Everyone in the group is responsible for holding the group to these ground rules. 26. Any individual whose communication or behaviour violates these guidelines or compromises the safety and respect of the group, the facilitator, or any participant, may be asked to leave the training.
Ó Dr. Gabor Maté and Sat Dharam Kaur ND August 2023 compassionateinquiry.com
