Gabrielle Antonio-Carreon

Hitchhikers Guide to the Galaxy entry On Cops (Page 174)

One cop shouted at the other, Shall we shoot them again for a bit? Yeah why not. They let fly another electric barrage. The heat and noise were quite fantastic. Slowly the computer bank was beginning to disintegrate. The front had almost melted away, and thick rivulets of molten metal were winding their way back towards they were squatting. They huddled further back and waited for the end. (I start writing from here) After a few seconds, Ford decided to speak. You know, Ford tried to shout across the electric cacophony to the cops, Theres more to life than just shooting at us. Really, How so? one of the cops replied. Well, for instance you could stop shooting at us now and get yourselves a bite to eat at the Restaurant At The End Of The Universe since well probably end up escaping anyway One of the cops, whose name was Duncan, began to have very seductive vision of a melted gramburger1. Nevertheless, he replied, No, I think wed prefer to shoot at you for a bit longer as thats what seems proper and expected. Besides, we get paid for the hour though, the cop finished as an afterthought. Suit yourself. Ford replied nonchalantly. And at some point in time during this drearingly futile shooting spree, Zaphod and Trillian began an apathetic game of Charades to pass the time. When Zaphod was in the middle of forming a visual hint entailing the cupping of his chest area signifying a very busty blonde celebrity, one of the electric bolts from the cops gun tickled the Hitchhikers Guide to the Galaxys database into life, which was now nestling rather cosily in the folds of Arthur Dents robe and began to recite a monotonous description of a Cop.

1. A scrumptious burger made from the pickled juice of a shelled slug mixed with juniper berries then finished off by grilling and wedged between edible Seanik sponges. Hence, the very fitting name, gramburger.

Gabrielle Antonio-Carreon Hitchhikers Entry on Cops: Galactic C.O.P.s, the rather snazzy and saliva-saving abbreviation for Constable On Patrol, are every convicts, juveniles and Spaceship-napping President of the Galaxys fear, apart from the panic-attack caused by the misplacement of ones telecommunication device. Cops displayed on zeegavision shows are either eating frumplings, extremely terrifying with a questionably excessive amount of muscle or the type who handle guns with such expertise as one would when buttering toast. In a portrayal such as the latter, they are often associated with the acts of unnecessarily breaking down doors (much to the horror of the door owner), slithering/teleporting at high velocities for no particular reason or holding lasers at shocked victims and usually shouting common catch-phrases such as, PUT YOUR HANDS/TENTACLES/BREASTICLES UP!!!!! or FREEZE!!!!! and are usually shown on crime shows sporting extremely catchy theme songs. It also seems incredibly important to mention that PUT YOUR HANDS/TENTACLES/BREASTICLES UP!!! are phrases commonly used by intergalactic schmop or PnG artists like Thoughtwavehead and BrUsher from the planet Nkinkjnxlkajwbfvdss in their songs to signify a popular dance movement one would execute in order to feel at one with a crowd on a dance floor and then proceeding to rapidly explode into a gyration of body movement in time with the musics beat, so it is best not to confuse these two situations. Shows such as these cause much dismay to wannabe cops who could only dream of looking as alluring in such an unflattering blue uniform. These cops are less dazzling in such a lumpy uniform and are not particularly fond of frumplings more than anybody else. Instead of carrying around lasers and handling them with such ease as one would when buttering toast, they walk/slither/slide around with the things strapped conveniently on an ill-fitting belt holding up an equally ill-fitting pair of flashpants. Some have even resorted to not using lasers at all and instead replacing them with rocks which in galactic terms are contraptions that are almost to the likeness of lasers, but shoot out tendrils of a sticky protein base to ensnare victims and run a moderate risk of causing major brain damage, terrible migraines and hair frizziness, but are otherwise harmless. Cops also love shooting their lasers even though they rarely have any real reason to be firing them at all. As well as shooting, they also tend to beat the living nebulights out of a criminal using physical violence and although they refuse to admit it, take immense pleasure in doing so. Cops are also tasked with the tedious chore of photographing the speed of IFOs (Identified Flying Objects) going over the speed limit in laughingly conspicuous places in order to check whether the citizens of the universe actually remain within the speed limit, lest they be locked in a caged room for long periods of time. Also, red IFOs are automatically arrested on the spot as they are a dangerous hazard to the retinas of a Vogon cops eyeball. A cops love of pursuit is projected in the ridiculously unfathomable and hyped up image that limited minds come up with of IFO chases accompanied with fast paced thumping music and performing death defying stunts of flipping in the air and managing to land on the fabric of space again with such force that the wellbeing of the cop inside is greatly questionable. However, in a realistic and disappointingly less glamorous sense, IFO chases are not accompanied by fast paced thumping music and a cop would not even desire to put the IFO in such death-defying situations as the underlying costs of damaging the vehicle would result in too much paperwork. They would much rather spend their time eating frumplings and photographing speed limits for their private collection as this chore

Gabrielle Antonio-Carreon would not require the cop to risk their precious little lives in any way. And if you are ever in danger and your last resort is to call a cop into your humble dwelling, be sure to order a peezar, because there is a :1 chance that it will arrive to your door before they do. So if youre ever a convict, juvenile or Spaceship-napping President of the Galaxy caught in the unwanted situation of being chased by a cop, beware that they pose the risk of providing excruciating pain comparable to that of a lick from a particular type of species of Horaxfonelli2 mushroom or even death by instruments that lie strapped to convenient places where they can be strapped. But compared to the horridness and the extreme amount of caution you must make to avoid a Vogons Poetry, cops are mostly harmless, so Dont Panic. Entry by Variety Shivers Oh how interesting, Ive tried that drink and must I say, a feeling equivalent is like having your spleen rubbed in rock salt. You must try some Arthur, said Ford, who after being rejected from joining Trillian and Zaphods games of charades, ending up listening to what the Hitchhikers Guide had to say about the cops. Never mind that, looks like the cops have stopped firing! replied Arthur who was now a pleasing shade of pink from the electric bolts impact. (The book begins here) Chapter 33 But the end never came, at least not then. Quite suddenly

2. An excellent ingredient in making a lively alcoholic beverage that originated in an Eastern Magrathean district.