Beast Wars botcon script "VISITATIONS" by Bob Forward

FADE LIGHTS UP We see all the actors seated in a semicircle on the stage, spotlights illuminating them. SCENE: A REMOTE REGION OF THE PLANET SFX: BLOWING WIND, MUSIC. Music FADES as we HEAR SFX: ROBOT FOOTSTEPS. Onyx Primal Come on, Packrat! Up here! Packrat (puffing) Oh my aching servos. The only thing worse than patrol duty is patrol duty with an bat who thinks he's a mountain goat. Onyx Primal If you'd quit complaining, you might have enough breath for the climb. Not that I care. You want to rest, rest. I'll go on alone. Packrat And have ya find that weird meteorite first? Not a chance, Onyx Primal, ya leather-winged loser. 'Course, ya could always fly... Onyx Primal Sure, and get shot down. Packrat Oh yeah, this is Pred territory.

Onyx Primal It wasn't the Preds I was worried about. (pulls out gun, SFX: COCKS it) Say, why don't YOU go on ahead. Packrat Whoa, no ya don't. I wouldn't trust-(suddenly sniffs) Waittacycle. Smell that? Onyx Primal (also sniffing) Predacon. Artifact. But unusual... (sudden excitement) There! Inside that tangle of wild bean vines! Packrat Wild bean vines!? Oh no! This isn't one of those episodes, is it? Onyx Primal I think I see it! Packrat You do not! I saw it first! sfx: rustles of vines, struggles, grunts Packrat/Onyx Primal Gimme it! Leggo! It's mine! Stupid mouse! Blasted bloodsucker! (etc.) Ending with:

Onyx Primal Hah! Got it! Packrat (sullen) Aw, go suck on a turkey neck. Onyx Primal It's a Pred gizmo all right. I'd say it's some sort of... plot device. But unusual design. Almost... futuristic. Packrat Well, duh! This is a science fiction series, bat boy. Onyx Primal No, I mean -He BREAKS OFF with a startled yell as suddenly we hear SFX: EXPLOSIONS and strobe lights FLASH. Packrat (yells) Look! Up in the sky! It's the Predacons Fractyl and Vicegrip, diving to attack! They must have detected the artifact too, and are coming to take it from our possession! Onyx Primal (dryly) Thank you, Mr. Exposition. Packrat Hey, I didn't write this slag. SFX: MORE EXPLOSIONS and FLASHES, which carry OVER:

Fractyl They've found the artifact, Vicegrip! Blast them! Vicegrip I already am, Fractyl! Why are you wasting time telling me!? Fractyl Just establishing our names with the audience, Vicegrip! Remember, they're Transfans! Vicegrip Oh, that's right, Fractyl. (to audience) Hey! Brawn is DEAD! SFX: SUDDEN, ABSOLUTE SILENCE. No explosions, no flashes. There is a LONG PAUSE. SFX: CRICKET CHIRPS. Fractyl (carefully) What did you say? Vicegrip (very small) Nuthin'. Din't say nuthin'. Fractyl That's better. (shout) Okay! Light it up! The SFX: EXPLOSIONS and FLASHES resume.

Onyx Primal Quickly, Packrat! Take cover in this crevice with the convenient overhanging boulders! Packrat No way! I know this writer. I'll hold 'em off from out here! Onyx Primal What are you, paranoid? Packrat Hey, in case you hadn't noticed, big ears, we ain't exactly recurring characters. (mutters) I feel like a red shirt in "Star Trek." Onyx Primal Suit yourself. As for me, I'll stash this strange artifact deep in this crevice, amongst these rocks -- HEY! Packrat Now what!? Onyx Primal A strange figure just appeared and snatched the artifact and vanished! Packrat What'd it look like!? Onyx Primal Couldn't tell! It was in heavy shadow. Packrat Yeah right. Since when do we have shadows?

(sudden reaction to SFX: INCOMING MISSILE) Uh oh! One o' Vicegrips' missiles is headed straight for the overhanging boulders! Gee, who woulda thought! Onyx Primal Run! SFX: REALLY LOUD EXplosion and falling rocks. sfx: fade battle sounds to distant and fade up sfx: rushing air sfx: SIlverbolt fanfare Silverbolt Rattrap! Look down there, my rodent passenger! A battle rages 'twixt good Maximal and evil Predacon! Rattrap So we're tryin' somethin' new then, eh, bonebrain? Silverbolt We must go to the aid of our comrades in conflict! Rattrap Whaddaya, nuts? Silverbolt, they're repaints. Screw 'em with a Phillips head. Silverbolt I'll pretend I didn't hear that, Rattrap. Power dive! sfx: dive-bomber Rattrap (descending yell) fade up sfx: weapons battle Onyx Primal

Good thing we escaped that explosion! It took out half the landscape! Packrat Yeah, that was some truly spectacular devastation! LARRY DITILLIO leans onstage, possibly dressed as Groucho. Larry Ditillio Man. I knew 3H Enterprises took a hit last year, but this is ridiculous! Larry vanishes. Packrat reacts. Packrat Look! It's Silverbolt and Rattrap! Onyx Primal Say that again? Packrat Silverbolt and Rattrap! Silverbolt and Rattrap! Onyx Primal (looking at the audience) You all clear on that? Good. Here they come. sfx: major blasts and explosions, carnage in general Vicegrip Aaarrgh! I'm slagged, Fractyl! Fractyl Me too! AAAARGH! The SFX: EXPLOSIONS and BATTLE fade to silence. Only the lights on the actors playing Vicegrip and Fractyl remain.

Vicegrip (after a beat) Cool. We're done for this episode, Fractyl. Guess you and me can go get a drink of mech fluid at (name of local bar) Fractyl I'm there, Vicegrip. Say, heard this joke the other cycle -- "Why does a Decepticon wrap a Maximal in duct tape?" Vicegrip (voice fading) Heard it. And you're disgusting. (both laugh) LIGHTS back up. sfx: rocks being pushed aside Onyx Primal Silverbolt and Rattrap. You're lucky to be alive. I was just about to vaporize those Preds when you got in the way. Packrat You were not, blood breath! I was! Onyx Primal Go chew on a wall! Rattrap Hey hey HEY! I don't suppose either o' you two promotional items managed to find the McGuffin for this ep? Packrat The artifact? I had it, but peg-warmer here lost it. Onyx Primal

Liar! I had it, but it was stolen by a mysterious shadowy figure that appeared out of nowhere! Silverbolt Appeared out of nowhere, eh? Like THAT? others (gasp) sfx: rising hum of power Packrat Amazing! A dark figure of power and evil, appearing from a cloud of smoke! Onyx Primal George Boznos!? Packrat No, it's some sort of female Predacon! And she's got a weapon! Look out! SFX: LOTS OF explosions and blasting Rattrap, Onyx Primal, Silverbolt, Packrat, Fractyl (more or less in unison, depending on how many voices Scott is doing) Aaagh! GAAAH! I'm hit! Agh! My head's blown off! Aaagh! My robo-guts are hanging out! Aaagh! I'm bleeding mech fluid into the dust! Aaargh! What hideously violent cybergore! sfx: blasting fades off as: Rattrap (wailing) If only someone could stop this carnage! Optimus Primal This is Optimus. I'm on my way!

Rattrap Actually, I was thinkin' more like Sally Bell. Antagony The BS&P will not save you this time, Maximals. For your doom is at hand! Which of you have the device? Onyx Primal Uh... That would be Packrat! Packrat No way! Onyx Primal had it, but he lost it, the lamer! Packrat/Onyx Primal Did not! Did so! Did not! Did so! sfx: approaching fanjets and buzzing Silverbolt (weakly) Lo! The villains Megatron and Waspinator approach! antagony Well, since none of you can produce the device, I shall simply destroy you all. Packrat/Onyx Primal (hasty unison) Megatron has it! sfx: fanjets whine down. Megatron Well. What have we here?

Waspinator Waspinator see many body parts. And none of them Waspinator's. Oh, happy day! Antagony Are you Megatron? Megatron Yesss. Excellent. Rattrap By the second line! Pay up. Whoever is next to Scott slaps a bill in his hand. Megatron And who, my dear devastating ant-shaped damsel, might you be? Antagony I am your doom! I am your destruction! I am your worst enemy! Megatron (startled) Raksha? Antagony NO! I am ANTAGONY! Herald of the Destruction! And long have I searched for you! But your trail was hidden well. (lower voice -- dramatic) I scanned the vast reaches of the cosmos and found nothing. I filtered the very essence of Transwarp space and got no clue. I even cast the cyber-runes of Primus to no avail! Megatron

So how DID you find me then? Antagony I checked Ben Yee's web page. Megatron What!? You have betrayed me for the last time, Wonko The Sane! David stands and makes a shooting gesture with his hand. SFX: BLASTER. In the audience, BEN YEE leaps up, screams, and dies weltering in his own gore. Waspinator Ooo. Can Waspinator shoot audience member too? Megatron No! Waspinator Awww. Antagony And now, Megatron -- eh? SFX: approaching jets Megatron Ah. Here comes Primal, right on the typical heroic cue. He shall save me. Waspinator What? Monkey-bot is our enemy-Megatron (interrupts hastily) Shut up, Waspinator. (louder, hearty)

Yes, we're good friends, Primal and I. He will destroy you, Antagony. Antagony Not if I destroy him first! SFX: BLASTER fire starts. Optimus Primal Eh!? That new creature is firing on me. I must try to reason with it. (louder) Hold on! Hold your fire! I mean you no harm. SFX: FIRING STOPS, optimus lands Antagony You are Optimus Primal? Optimus Primal Yes I am. And if you know my name, you know that I am leader of the Maximals on this planet. We desire only peace. Join with us. Together, we all can make the world a better place. Think of it. A place without weapons. Without violence. With no harsh conflicts between the characters. Megatron (sourly) Sounds like a real ratings winner. Optimus Primal What do you say? Lay down your weapons, and join with us in the Maximal ways of peace, and fellowship, and -Antagony OH, SHUT UP AND DIE! sfx: blaster fire starts up again

Optimus Primal Well, that's just Prime. Guns! Online! SFX: OPTIMUS's blasters start hammering Megatron Yess. An excellent display of destruction, eh, Waspinator? Waspinator And it still not happening to Waspinator! Yayy! sfx: final blast Antagony Aaaargh! I'm hit! I'm down! Optimus Primal Good. Because I'm out of ammo. Megatron Are you now. sfx: MEGATRON fires Optimus Primal Aaaargh! sfx: thud as he hits the ground Megatron Waspinator, grab Antagony. Yes, excellent. Now. Surely it is my turn to ask the questions, eh? Antagony (damaged, but tough)

Forget it. And don't call me Shirley. Come here, bug-boy! Waspinator Ack! Ant-bot has Waspinator by neck! Has gun in Waspinator's ear! Antagony I have a hostage now, Megatron! So stay back, or I'll blow his head right off! Waspinator No! Please! Waspinator's extended warranty expire last week! Megatron Hmmmmmmm.... David glances at the audience, who should (hopefully) be laughing by now. Finally he says: Megatron Oh, let's not go there. Very well, Antagony. I back away. SFX: METAL FOOTSTEPS, WIND Antagony Look out, fool! You're stirring up dust -- ahhh...ahhhh... Waspinator Nooooooo! Antagony ACHOOO! SFX: BLASTER FIRES. Waspinator (comical fading yell) Megatron, Antagony

(unison) Eeeeewww. Antagony Blast. And that was my last shot, too. Uhh... power fading... SFX: THUD as she hits the ground. Megatron (chuckle) As I anticipated. (darker) Now you are MY hostage, Antagony. I shall take you back to the Predacon base. And there we shall learn what destruction you herald -- and what indeed your true mission is! (evil laughter)

FADE LIGHTS OUT

end part one