Couples Therapy: The Relationship As The Client

Couples Therapy
The relationship as the client

Post WW-II history of marriage
Economics
Shift in type of work due to industrialization
Necessity of dual incomes
Technology
Industrialization
Transportation
Birth control
Social Norms (next slide)

The change in social norms
Shift from external, role-oriented criteria (e.g., good worker,

provider, mother, wife) to internal criteria of personal satisfaction.
Studies of changing themes in popular magazine articles about

marriage since the '50s document increased emphasis on self-
development, flexible and negotiable roles, and open
communication about problems. Surveys show similarly dramatic
changes in criteria for "marital satisfaction".
These changes reflect increases in individualism and our standard

of living, as well as improved contraceptive methods and greater
availability of abortions.
Could you conceive of staying in a marriage unless you're happy?

Current statistics
The American divorce rate has increased dramatically

since the mid 19th century (peak in early '80s).
Between 50-67% of first marriages end in divorce -- and
the failure rate for second marriages is 10% higher.
Median duration is 7.2 years.
More marriages now end in divorce than death (true since
1974).
Couple therapy is a growing industry: From 1,000 licensed
marital therapists in 1972 to over 50,000 today.
Barely half of couples report significant improvement from
therapy (compared to over 75% in individual therapy) --
and a third of those who improve have problems later on
(Bray & Jouriles).
Characteristics of happy couples
Tolstoys adage:
All happy families are alike, but
unhappy marriages are unhappy
in their own way.
Characteristics (John Gottman)

foundation of affection and friendship
"validation sequences
ability to resolve disagreements
positive sentiment override
a 5 to 1(or better) compliment-criticism ratio is optimal
as the ratio decreases, marriage satisfaction decreases
Amount of conflict relatively unimportant (all relationships have conflict)

Distressed couples (Gottman cont.)
Engage in a wide range of
destructive fighting techniques
Personal attacks (name calling)
Dredging up the past
Losing focus (and the kitchen sink)
Tend to resort to the "four

horsemen of the apocalypse
Criticism (more common in women)
Defensiveness
Withdrawal (more common in men)
Contempt
Couples interaction styles (Gottman cont.)
Three ways of understanding couples interaction styles:

Validating (optimal)
the 5 to 1 ratio (optimal)

respect partner's opinions and emotions
compromise often
resolve problems to mutual satisfaction
Volatile
arguments, conflict may or may not be resolved
Vacillate between heated arguments and passionate
reconciliation
Avoiding do not deal with problems at all (agree to
disagree)
Compatibility of interaction styles sometimes more

predictive of relationship success than the style itself
Goals of therapy
The most-studied form of couple therapy -- Behavioral Marital Therapy
Help partners negotiate behavior change
Teach more effective communication skills (e.g., active listening, how to argue)
Gottman (microskills)
Avoid the 4 horsemen and other forms of destructive fighting
Focus on and encourage positive sentiment override
Latest research findings

Improving "communication skills" may not be the key to resolving many couple
problems (Baucom; Burleson & Denton).
Good will between partners may be more important than good
communication skills
Good language and communication skills can even make bad marriages
worse (e.g., keeps problem salient)
Several promising new approaches

Acceptance therapy (focus on interrupting partners' attempts to change each
other)
Solution-focused therapy (intervention aims to identify exceptions to the problem
and reinforce strengths in the couple's relationship)
Therapeutic techniques
Maintain balanced approach (dont show favoritism)
Have members of the couple talk to each other, not

the therapist
Anticipate backsliding (habits are hard to change)

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Couples Therapy

The relationship as the client

Social Norms (next slide)

Shift from external, role-oriented criteria (e.g., good worker,

Studies of changing themes in popular magazine articles about

These changes reflect increases in individualism and our standard

Could you conceive of staying in a marriage unless you're happy?

The American divorce rate has increased dramatically

Characteristics (John Gottman)

as the ratio decreases, marriage satisfaction decreases

Amount of conflict relatively unimportant (all relationships have conflict)

Tend to resort to the "four

Three ways of understanding couples interaction styles:

the 5 to 1 ratio (optimal)

Compatibility of interaction styles sometimes more

Latest research findings

worse (e.g., keeps problem salient)

Several promising new approaches

Maintain balanced approach (dont show favoritism)

Have members of the couple talk to each other, not

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