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The State of the Fics
adding a read more to this because it’s getting long
In all seriousness, though, black-box Clay's introduction in ACR is interesting because, at least at the outset, he's saying he doesn't consider himself the real Clay Kaczmarek. There's the bit about how he's heard the real Clay killed himself—also interesting, how did he find out about the details of that? Because he clearly has some, so exactly how much access did he have to Abstergo's systems before being isolated in the stolen animus core—but, like, he doesn't have another name to call himself so he still uses Clay.
He has Clay's memories and Clay's face and Clay's name, but he isn't Clay in some fundamental, philosophical way.
No wonder he's got no hinges. He's been stewing in that all alone since the Abstergo break out. Probably since Clay first put him in the animus.
#assassins creed#assassins creed revelations#clay kaczmarek#alternately animus Clay knows about the suicide because real Clay was already planning it when he made a copy of himself#which is also wonderfully fucked up#but also like even if the code bits in acb are animus Clay being activated that just means everything is FRESH when he wakes up#and there is Desmond who he killed himself for who he doomed who he is going to SAVE#no hinges at all on this guy
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I think it would be so funny if there was a show about King Arthur and the knight of the Round Table where a different knight(s) joins the Round Table every episode and it gets to the point where the cast is like 500 people and absolutely no one is acknowledging that there are like 400 people in this court. Like a gratuitous amount of knights. The plot randomly pivots to knight or knights of the week and then back but it’s not an anthology exactly. Some of them die the same day they join, some randomly disappear from the story and others are technically there for the rest of the series but doing fuckall. Occasionally Arthur will be like “Where has Sir Whatever gone?” and everyone will shrug. Very important quest surrounding the major knights you’re expecting and a minor knight no one has seen for 5 seasons randomly joins in. You need a knightly spreadsheet to join in.
This is all handled very dryly by all the other characters, except for Arthur who occasionally breaks the 3rd wall, addresses the camera and says something like “This is all very confusing.” when the plot hits maximum ridiculousness.
There are several knights who do not speak Welsh and this is depicted by them speaking various dialects of old French and Gaulish and Brittonic splinter languages with a bar at the bottom that just says ‘I do not know what he is saying.’
Sometimes Arthur will be like “Where has Sir Whatever gone?” and someone is like “He has become a saint.” or “I believe he has become king of Dumnonia.” and there’s a random quick montage of this random knight getting up from the Round Table, riding out of Camelot and having religious visions or conquering an entire kingdom or drunkenly wandering all the way to Constantinople for no particular reason with the implication that this was all occurring while the other knights were debating a riddle or something asinine.
I think it would be so funny if the first shot of the series was Arthur sitting alone at a comedically large actually round table. Court utterly empty except for him and Sir Kay and like 2 guys from his father’s reign. And in the closing scene of the series he’s sitting in the same spot but there are hundreds of knights crammed into the room around him, sitting on each other’s laps, on the table, pressed flat against the walls to fit. They outgrew and surpassed this ridiculously large table several seasons ago and have been lowkey sitting on top of each other without addressing it.
Every now and then there's a fwoosh and a scream as someone forgets and sits in Siege Perilous.
Galahad is stacked on top of Percival in the Siege Perilous and they keep talking over each other.
periodically Percival will say something and Galahad will elbow him really hard and repeat it and Percival will be like “OW. Lancelot, are you seeing this?”
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I know there's some degree of surrealism to things on account of how Desmond is viewing his ancestors memories, but also all of them seem to be able to jump from ridiculously large heights and land safely. That seems to be mostly common among assassins, aka the people with a higher than average amount of Isu ancestry that gives them special senses.
Given the superhero landing Ezio does at the beginning of Revelations—that smashes the dock below and doesn't injure him in any meaningful way—I think the Isu heritage also makes them a bit sturdier. Because that would have shattered every bone in my body and Ezio is a couple decades older than I am.
And, sure, we see other assassins do leaps of faith, but that's mostly under controlled circumstances or shorter falls. Like, that bit at the beginning of the first game, when one of the assassins lands badly and gets injured and that's why Altair has to go alone. We only see other people do it in AC2 at the end when Ezio gets initiated (controlled circumstances) and in ACB it's during the initiations again (controlled).
Idk I just think they have superhuman knees at the very least.
I also wonder, given what little we know about eagle vision, is Ezio actually seeing the phantom of Altair he follows up Masyaf fortress at the beginning or is that something only Desmond sees
At least Ezio has mostly gotten over his propensity for monologuing given he just walks up and stabs Leandros
Clay:
Suleiman! Historically, one of the things he gave as diplomatic was famously tulips. I like to imagine Ezio got to take some back with him to Italy where he grew them at his vineyard.
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I know there's some degree of surrealism to things on account of how Desmond is viewing his ancestors memories, but also all of them seem to be able to jump from ridiculously large heights and land safely. That seems to be mostly common among assassins, aka the people with a higher than average amount of Isu ancestry that gives them special senses.
Given the superhero landing Ezio does at the beginning of Revelations—that smashes the dock below and doesn't injure him in any meaningful way—I think the Isu heritage also makes them a bit sturdier. Because that would have shattered every bone in my body and Ezio is a couple decades older than I am.
And, sure, we see other assassins do leaps of faith, but that's mostly under controlled circumstances or shorter falls. Like, that bit at the beginning of the first game, when one of the assassins lands badly and gets injured and that's why Altair has to go alone. We only see other people do it in AC2 at the end when Ezio gets initiated (controlled circumstances) and in ACB it's during the initiations again (controlled).
Idk I just think they have superhuman knees at the very least.
I also wonder, given what little we know about eagle vision, is Ezio actually seeing the phantom of Altair he follows up Masyaf fortress at the beginning or is that something only Desmond sees
At least Ezio has mostly gotten over his propensity for monologuing given he just walks up and stabs Leandros
Clay:
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I know there's some degree of surrealism to things on account of how Desmond is viewing his ancestors memories, but also all of them seem to be able to jump from ridiculously large heights and land safely. That seems to be mostly common among assassins, aka the people with a higher than average amount of Isu ancestry that gives them special senses.
Given the superhero landing Ezio does at the beginning of Revelations—that smashes the dock below and doesn't injure him in any meaningful way—I think the Isu heritage also makes them a bit sturdier. Because that would have shattered every bone in my body and Ezio is a couple decades older than I am.
And, sure, we see other assassins do leaps of faith, but that's mostly under controlled circumstances or shorter falls. Like, that bit at the beginning of the first game, when one of the assassins lands badly and gets injured and that's why Altair has to go alone. We only see other people do it in AC2 at the end when Ezio gets initiated (controlled circumstances) and in ACB it's during the initiations again (controlled).
Idk I just think they have superhuman knees at the very least.
I also wonder, given what little we know about eagle vision, is Ezio actually seeing the phantom of Altair he follows up Masyaf fortress at the beginning or is that something only Desmond sees
At least Ezio has mostly gotten over his propensity for monologuing given he just walks up and stabs Leandros
Reblogged
I know there's some degree of surrealism to things on account of how Desmond is viewing his ancestors memories, but also all of them seem to be able to jump from ridiculously large heights and land safely. That seems to be mostly common among assassins, aka the people with a higher than average amount of Isu ancestry that gives them special senses.
Given the superhero landing Ezio does at the beginning of Revelations—that smashes the dock below and doesn't injure him in any meaningful way—I think the Isu heritage also makes them a bit sturdier. Because that would have shattered every bone in my body and Ezio is a couple decades older than I am.
And, sure, we see other assassins do leaps of faith, but that's mostly under controlled circumstances or shorter falls. Like, that bit at the beginning of the first game, when one of the assassins lands badly and gets injured and that's why Altair has to go alone. We only see other people do it in AC2 at the end when Ezio gets initiated (controlled circumstances) and in ACB it's during the initiations again (controlled).
Idk I just think they have superhuman knees at the very least.
I also wonder, given what little we know about eagle vision, is Ezio actually seeing the phantom of Altair he follows up Masyaf fortress at the beginning or is that something only Desmond sees
I know there's some degree of surrealism to things on account of how Desmond is viewing his ancestors memories, but also all of them seem to be able to jump from ridiculously large heights and land safely. That seems to be mostly common among assassins, aka the people with a higher than average amount of Isu ancestry that gives them special senses.
Given the superhero landing Ezio does at the beginning of Revelations—that smashes the dock below and doesn't injure him in any meaningful way—I think the Isu heritage also makes them a bit sturdier. Because that would have shattered every bone in my body and Ezio is a couple decades older than I am.
And, sure, we see other assassins do leaps of faith, but that's mostly under controlled circumstances or shorter falls. Like, that bit at the beginning of the first game, when one of the assassins lands badly and gets injured and that's why Altair has to go alone. We only see other people do it in AC2 at the end when Ezio gets initiated (controlled circumstances) and in ACB it's during the initiations again (controlled).
Idk I just think they have superhuman knees at the very least.
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Yeah Mr. Darcy’s proposal was a complete turd and a half but you gotta understand. You got your life together. A good career, stable income, retirement plan, all that shit together. And you meet this girl. And she’s everything. Clever, outspoken, funny, calls you on your bullshit. Grade A cutie, right? And she doesn’t go out of her way to spend time with you but she’s nice, and sometimes you catch her looking your way in a way that makes you think you might have a shot.
But her family. Holy shit.
First off, it’s p much ALL women, and mostly UNMARRIED women, which at this time means of something happens to her dad then you’re financially responsible for like. Four grown ass adults, potentially forever
Because mom in law is DEFINITELY gonna need someone to take care of her when dad in law kicks it, and they have like. NO money. So already you’re accepting that if all goes well, you’re gonna be one random old bag’s retirement home. That’s expensive and exhausting, yeah? Imagine asking someone on a first date knowing that if they say yes and things go good her high-strung chihuahua mother is gonna move in with you. IMAGINE.
And girly’s other sisters. Well, one is a sweetheart, yeah, so she probably won’t be an issue, but that still leaves three more, and two of those ones are INSUFFERABLE. Never went to school, dumb as rocks, spend cash like it’s toilet paper
And while one of the two is young still and might grow out of it the OTHER one is actively torpedo’ing her entire family’s reputation by wandering off with random dudes and chasing ass. She’s never gonna work, she can’t build connections, she’s a fucking sinkhole, and she’s being led on by the same goddamn con man ass leeching tit who’s been bleeding you dry while telling anyone who’ll listen that your family is full of ratty thieving bastards.
And if he dumps her after a week- WHICH YOU KNOW HIS BITCH ASS IS GONNA- you’ve got a SECOND UNMARRIABLE GROWN ASS ADULT TO PROVIDE FOR. And you KNOW she’s gonna be a tantrum-throwing little shit about it, and it’s not like you can lock her in the basement or something, you’re gonna have to bring her fucking. Everywhere. And give her an allowance and shit while she contributes zero, because again, she NEVER GOT EDUCATED AND HAS NO MARKETABLE SKILLS. She’s not even good to TALK to. FUCK
And you’re looking at this girl’s father like “please for the love of fuck get your spawn under control, marry them off, get them working on their résumé, learning to sew or be nursemaids or manage staff or SOMETHING, yall got no money and one foot in the grave” and that old man just laughs like “haha yeah, what can you do. lol”
So you’re looking to the mom and finally it’s making sense how she got that twitch in her eye and as MUCH as she is you’re starting to realize she’s the SMART one, desperately throwing her armloads of girls at random men like they’re a bunch of fucking lifeboats bobbing around a sinking ship, like yes Jesus Christ sweetly that life boat IS old and ugly and kind of boring but for FUCKS SAKE PICK ONE
And you look back at this girl who is ALSO REFUSING THE LIFE BOATS BY THE WAY and god damn it she’s still the most radiant thing you’ve ever seen so fine, fuck it, Christ alive, you’ll do it. You’ll shoot your shot. She’s everything you’ve ever wanted in anybody abut it’s not even just about that anymore, it’s about being her best fucking shot at a future, and even if she doesn’t like you all that much she’s still gonna say yes and that might break your heart a bit knowing it’s about the money but who knows, maybe it will at least be civil, or companionable, and even if she doesn’t LOVE you at least you’ll know she’s well and cared for
And so you’ll do it. You’ll take on the neurotic stress mess mother in law, the absent father, the broke ass wingnut no brain no money no future airhead sisters, the bad mannered relatives and the embarrassing behaviour and the impending future of sharing your entire shit with a clown parade of freeloaders, you’ll risk it all and accept the absolute certainty of financial ruin and emotional exhaustion for the rest of your whole ass life and you’ll make your own family deal with it too, you’ll do it, you’ll fucking DO IT, you stupid lovesick motherfucker
And so you go to this chick like “look. Your whole family’s a shitshow. You’ve got fucking nothing and you’re gonna die on the street. But for some reason- and I don’t get it either- I’ve fallen in love with you, and I wish I didn’t, but I did, so I’m telling you that whether you like me or not, I’ll give you everything. I’ll give you everything even if it’s the dumbest shit I ever done. Fuck my stupid Baka ass, I’ll marry you.”
And she looks at you- having heard or considered absolutely none of your months-long internal debate and monologue- and goes “The fuck did you just say about my family, you son of a bitch?”
And the shock of that is enough to jolt you back into a reality where you are able to actually hear and process what just came out of your damn mouth And yeah
Yeah, I think I kinda get it
(and the prev tags)
#Pride and prejudice#fuuuuuuuck#Yeah you both kinda stupid#I forgot some shit don’t hate me#Also yes I forgot Mary but I’m gonna say Darcy did too just to cover my ass
…Yeah. That’s just about it, isn’t it?
(And then she nukes him from orbit. Which, despite the absolutely correct summing-up of the background, is still deeply satisfying.) 😏
Most of my lack of sympathy for Darcy in this situation is that Lizzie initially does manage to keep her shit together enough to think "I should be nice" about turning down this bolt from the blue proposal. Before he really unzips and starts taking a piss on her entire family, she feels genuinely bad because she's about to hurt his feelings.
Like, she hasn't done anything to make him think she's actually interested, and critically, neither has he. Our man appears to have come to the conclusion that he can't beat this out of his system and is just going to have to bite the bullet about thirty minutes before he goes to propose. Even by the atrophied standards of the day, there has been precious little that might suggest courtship beforehand.
Mr. Collins*, whose matrimonial hamhandedness had him basically going down the line from sister to sister to their faces like it was a fucking speed dating meet-up, at least gave everyone a heads up and said, "Hey, I think the right thing to do here would be to try and make a match in-house, and I'm coming down to shoot my shot." When he got with Charlotte, it was after a short acquaintance, but he made it plain that he was looking for a wife.
So Lizzie has zero chance to deflect or decline Darcy's attentions in a way that's going to spare him embarrassment entirely. Like that man just marched in (?), announced he was in love with her (???), and gave the most dogshit proposal in recorded human history (?!?!). Even after she's genuinely mad at him for reading her whole family for filth and acting like he's history's biggest martyr for falling in love with her (her! of all people!), she still manages to be like "Oh, wow. I'm... flattered. But no, thank you. Sorry for your life. Sounds like this whole thing shouldn't last too long, though! You don't sound too happy about any of this!"
And then Darcy pitches a hissy! ("And this is all the reply which I am to have the honour of expecting! I might, perhaps, wish to be informed why, with so little endeavour at civility, I am thus rejected. But it is of small importance.")
And that's when Lizzie spends like an entire page nuking him from orbit. That man had an opportunity to be like "Pack it in, boys, we've made a social blunder." and instead decided to pretend he didn't just spend fifteen minutes acting like God's poorest meow meow for trying and failing to fall out of love with the woman standing in front of him.
I mean, whomst among us hasn't immediately shot ourselves in the other foot instead of putting the safety on, but hard yikes, man. I don't think you spent as much time actually thinking about stuff as you think you did, Darcy! I think you might have just been stewing on it instead!
He doesn't actually calm down enough to be like "Fuck. Fuck, why did I say that. Fuck my stupid brain and fuck my stupid life." for like. Weeks.
*Who also fucking forgot Mary, who'd have been at least on paper a very suitable wife for a clergyman.
Reblogged radioactive-earthshine
Superman tarot for assignment :3
Reblogged spaceguylewis
Reblogged spaceguylewis
Want to fanbind? Need davy boards/book boards and low on funds? I have an excellent hack for you:
Repurpose shitty books
"But!!!" You may say, "no book is shitty! All human experiences are worth putting to paper!"
You're right! But, also, Counterpoint:
I went to my local thrift shop and got these for the low price of $5 for all 10. ("Getting into politics?" The lovely ladies behind the counter asked me. "In a manner of speaking," I replied.)
Once I got home, it was easy to turn them into this, their component parts:
("Please stop saying you're skinning them," my partner begged. Too late!)
[EDIT TO ADD: Here's a guide! Also on my tumblr. Also - when thrifting, bring a piece of paper folded or cut into the minimum size you need for boards: this way you can make sure you're getting big enough material!]
While these are just book boards, diligent deconstruction can even yield headbands, I'm pretty sure - I'll report back on my next trial run. [EDIT TO ADD: yup, you can!]
I cannot overstate the delight I have in giving these covers new life for binding fanfiction, particularly the queer kind.
Happy binding!
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Also a concept: Maedhros riding a moose because if you’re that tall and armored you’re heavy as shit.
1. Yes.
2. “Orcs fled before his face” wasnt only a hint at his prowess in battle but also a hint that he rode a moose (7ft shoulder height and ¾ of a metric ton of weight). I’d book it too if a giant redhead rode toward me with fire in his eyes on a spiky horse which’s natural predator is the orca whale.
3. That implies also that Maglor could ride reindeer or moose in the Gap, especially during winter. What I’m thinking is reindeer army. Or kinslayer Santa.
having seen a video of a moose running through six feet of snow like it was air, i am 100% willing to believe they might use moose as transportation and/or snowplows
moose are not what i would call “domesticated” so i don’t know i’d say they’re the standard option up there, that’s still probably horses (and maybe reindeer? i kind of like the idea, now that im thinking about it. they’re rideable, adapted to the climate, AND have antlers (built in anti-orc defense system!!), and im pretty sure theyre hardier than horses because most things are, though i couldnt speak to how well they’d do being ridden into battles), but elves do have a way with animals and i wouldnt be surprised if there were a couple hanging around the gap and himring that someone had made friends with
No but literally they Just Make Sense. The saddle would take some work but it’s like riding a tank. The moose could plow through orcs as easily as a seven foot snowdrift.
This thought literally hasn’t left me alone all day so ugh rough sketch
The Hobbit movies gave us Thranduil on a Megaloceros, there’s no reason elves couldn’t ride moose.
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were-ralph
New REBLOG Game
Just fucking lie about the previous poster
Prev put me into a soup and ate it
Prev is the biggest Fell hater ever
prev is russian btw
Prev is super into illegal turtle fighting
Prev thinks birds are fake
Prev killed my grandmother
Prev hates fresh so much that fre put them into a soup
(Ty for tagging me <3)
prev is a Blueberror hater
they hate Blueberror so much he’s their OPP
prev thinks UT AUs are lame
@icedvio @max-the-valkyrie @artzy-ari @nniko-i /nfnfnfnfnf!!!
prev is a hater on a daily basis, anything I do she just hates on 💔💔
They ate dirty gum
Prev put me in a pot and made soup
prev broke into my house and stole all of my pinecones
(no tags bc you know why)
prev HATES unpleasant gradient regretevator. absolutely despises her.
Prev pissed on my cat
@theindescribable1 @krowsindulgences @tabbydalegend @atlas-04515 + my moots + anyone who wants 2 join
prev is on the run for tax fraud
@seraphimankh @stealingyourbones + anyone else
Prev is a 10 year consecutive winner of the national logrolling completion
@gilbirda @bongo-smash @bonebrokebuddy and anyone who wants to join
Prev made a leaf litter smoothie and it destroyed the blender
Idk who to tag so anyone who wants to