@221bluescarf / 221bluescarf.tumblr.com
At the end of the day you have to understand some people are mentally ill like really really mentally ill on a level you can’t understand. I see this a lot when someone does something weird or incomprehensible and people are shocked trying to figure out their intentions and why they’d do it and it’s like there’s people who are psychotic or delusional or have rapid mood swings you’ll never be able to comprehend and very often people with other mental illnesses who are able to function more acceptably have a bad lack of understanding of that and compare what they can do and act like as the standard not understanding that’s not the same playing field
People facing addiction, eating disorders, abuse, etc as well will do things you’ll never understand. Getting in the habit of not judging or at the very least not making the lives people who aren’t harming you worse, is actually, a pretty good thing to do
watch out when listening to new music! it will sound like the month and year you discovered it in probably forever
Eating disorders really do have you saying crazy stuff like I wanna go off my APs and get really sick again so I can lose the ed recovery lbs
Because being weight restored sucks
it's stupid because it's not even that much weight. I gained "a lot" in 2023 and it tore me apart but when I was switching meds and got psychotic in the winter of '23/24 I lost half of it and then maintained that so far.
I don't want to get down as low as I have been before, I just want to lose a little
famous last words I know
I've been trying to live my life as if my ed never existed. My family probably doesn't even remember I ever had a problem with food. It's not true recovery, I still obsess in some ways but I don't Starve myself or panic over food and I maintain my weight.
When my symptoms crop up though and I start to unintentionally lose... I feel pulled in again.
The very moment I'm off meds I'll regret it severely. so why the temptation? is it worth it? my brain is an idiot.
I really just talked about how I'm determined to stay on meds.
Maybe the temptation will pass
april fools day is actually the most sensible day of the year because it's the only day on which people will read something on the internet and stop for a second to consider whether or not it's actually true
They should start calling it April Media Literacy Day.
Guy: “So what does X mental illness feel like?”
Me: “Feels like shit, bro.”
Guy: “Hmmm. I don’t think so”
Cool so like what if I hit you with a rock. What would that feel like hypothetically
I once had a licensed professional medical doctor tell me to my face within 7 minutes of meeting me that I didn’t have depression because truly depressed people don’t use metaphors.
The metaphor I used was, “I know that all these little day to day things shouldn’t be this hard- taking a shower, eating, getting out of bed- but it feels like everything I try to do, everywhere I go, I’m dragging a king-sized mattress around with me.”
So like. I guess expanding on the idea, don’t just mean “don’t tell me it’s not bad”. I kind of also wanna say, “you asked me how it felt and I fucking told you, so maybe listen to what I say when you ask instead of picking apart how I said it or how it fits within your idea of what it might be like in theory”
My wish for all my favorite characters
A needed addition
i hope it's ok i saw your post abs wanted to ask since I have a hard time wanting to take meds because I'm worried about what it'll do to me... what made you accept taking meds? have you noticed any bad effects? also if you don't mind do you take an antipsychotic because those scare me more than antidepressants. thanks and best wishes <3
Hi. I accepted meds because I couldn't function anymore, it was hurting me and my family, and I was firmly encouraged to take them. I'm always afraid of side effects or long term effects but the alternative is borderline impossible. So, I accept it as a necessary part of my life and I don't want to let myself or my family down by going off my meds and getting worse.
Right now I actually take 2 antipsychotics (plus a mood stabilizer) and I'm doing ok. Depends which meds if we're talking about side effects, it's a mixed bag. Right now I'm on lamictal, latuda, and risperidone and have no bad side effects but everyone is different with different chemistry and so you can't say whether your experience will be the same. If you start meds, stay in close contact with your psychiatrist and tell them right away if something troubling happens. A good pdoc will listen and work with you.
I would encourage anyone to keep a simple diary of what you're experiencing while starting/taking the meds. Write down any improvement, decline, or side effects you experience and bring it to your appointments.
Best wishes to you as well.
She deserves all the pets
black mackerel tabby
