Actually can I just say. I LOVE how they didn't give Jiao Liqiao the classic "innocent pining maiden becomes a vengeful lunatic after giving up everything for love and getting nothing in return" villain origin story. And it's not so much the "innocent maiden" part (although you know what. Yes I do also love that we know she'd already had her own thing going on before she met Di Feisheng from that tiny flashback scene, and that they didn't take the "oof look what falling in love with a gay man did to this once good-hearted and perfectly sane young woman" route but ANYWAY. Back to the post at hand) but the "giving up everything and getting nothing in return" I was really talking about. Like despite what she's always saying and preaching to the entire Jinyuan Alliance, we can tell from every single scene she's been in that the pay is good and the employee benefits are insane. And you know, obviously I can't relate because I've never wanted to fuck my boss before, and I guess yeah, it would probably suck if you spent thirteen years trying and failing to fuck a man only to realize that he's gay and also married to the man you spent thirteen years trying and failing to murder, but like, let's be real for a second here. Her job offered great career prospects (she managed to get to a position that had more influence in the Alliance than its actual director in a decade), flexible hours and paid time-off so she could work on her own projects (the Nanyin side quest, multiple assassinations, mastering the art of seduction), employer-provided housing (which was grander and more luxurious than the employer’s own house), healthcare and dental (she could get the bicha poison from her boss's royal physician no questions asked, so it only makes sense that she could also get whatever meds she needed for her ailments or at least annual health checks), like, all that hopeless pining aside, she was living deliciously. Like. Just imagine.
Imagine having a job like this AND your boss (who is unfuckable to you) is literally never there. My god. No actually you know what? Imagine running with the biggest baddest criminal organization in your lawless city, and it’s all well and good and everything you've ever dreamed of and more (and your boss is literally. NEVER. there) except that once every two months, a different idiot fucks up and lands all of your asses back in the conference room, where your boss sits at the head of the table and goes “I'm not mad; I'm just disappointed. I'm disappointed that none of you figured out something was wrong until we almost lost this month's shipment to the Shadows of Thirteenth Street, and I'm disappointed in myself for losing my temper and gutting Craig at the harbor yesterday, because right now I feel like the only way to get my point across the room and through your thick, sense-proof skulls, is to get him in here and gut him again on this table. On the other hand, you know who will NEVER disappoint me? No I wasn't talking to you, shut the fuck up. But yes. You said it. If Clarissa hadn't caught the mole in time, our shipment and the hard-earned peace in this city would've been up in smoke by dawn. Clarissa, patron saint of our shared profits and savior of my vacations, my shining beacon in a sea of dimwits, you will be rewarded for this. Say, do you need a new car? Another villa? Or if you want a promotion I can just fire Jeremy and give you his job. Oh, I already did that in August? And where’s Jeremy now? What's that? I had him taken out back and shot? Well I guess that explains the recent boost in our staff morale. So who's above Clarissa at the moment? It's just me? Well. You know me. I'd fire myself right now if I could, but I kinda still need that employee discount at the McDonald's downstairs, I'm sure you understand. Anyway, now that Jeremy's out of the picture, his Silver Fir Villa must've been sitting vacant for a while. What do you think? You can move in tonight if you want"
And then Clarissa, who is the most beautiful woman you've ever seen, smiles the most dazzling smile in the history of dentistry and replies "you know what I want. I want to be your one and only, your partner in crime, in bed, in life and for life. I want to be the last face you see before you close your eyes every night, and the first voice to greet you at every sunrise. I want to feel your fingers in my hair and your lips on my lips. I want you, my love, and there's not enough money or power in the world for you to buy your way out of this. I want you, and if I can't have you, I shall destroy you" and then your boss just looks at her and goes "Clarissa. The Silver Fir Villa has a hot spring" and she's like "–yes, I will take the villa thank you very much" this happens at least five or six times a year, but it never gets less insane for any of you. Your twelfth year there you decide to finally take a week off from work to go birdwatching in the mountains, and the first morning you're back your colleague Daniel stops you on your way to the coffee machine and goes "hey man have you heard what happened? Clarissa ran our boss over with her Aston Martin last weekend and tied him up in her basement. It was crazy" and you're like "I've been SAYING that this would happen. So which hospital is he staying at and can he have solids now? I could swing by later with some of my homemade stew" and Daniel is like "oh he's still in the basement. I was the one who dragged him there" and you're like "what? Why would you ever do that?" and he just goes "WELL the way he responds to my e-mails just really pisses me off"
