Gumiho🦊

In my view we are just a piece of meat wandering the earth, our souls are empty and false, we pretend to be who we are not and pretend to laugh when we feel like crying. People are confused because we are all lost, some people just pretend better than others. But in the end we are all lost without knowing what to do in this shitty world. We feel empty because we really are empty. We do everything to be loved but it is never enough, no one truly loves us. We need adrenaline to feel alive.

⚠️TRIGGER WARNING THIS POST CONTAINS REPORTS OF SEXUAL ABUSE⚠️

I definitely can't take all this shit anymore! It just doesn't work for me. If the people I live with want to go through this shit, that's fine, but I'm not going to torture myself like this anymore. If I said I'm not going there, it's because I'm not fucking going, I don't care if you think I'm selfish or whatever. You don't know what it's like to go through this and you never will. It's very easy to defend an abusive elderly person, why would they want to defend an abused teenager? Sometimes I still try to see the good in people, but it seems like they make it a lot harder than it already is. I'm not explaining this properly, here we go: in September 2024 (last year) my grandfather on my father's side groped me in front of the entire family, making a very intolerant joke about me and pretending to be joking when in fact he was just being a mustachioed piece of shit. I've been through other abuses from men touching my body and it hurts like hell, it's a pain that will never go away and only those who have been through it know, the feeling of dirt, you feel dirty because of something non-sensual that was done to you, it's horrible. This is reason enough for me to no longer visit my paternal grandparents' house, but unfortunately it is not the only one. I grew up with my grandmother talking about my body (I was a fat kid) and it hurt a lot but besides that I used to spend weeks there during the holidays during childhood and when I was old enough to know how to take a bath alone she wouldn't let me. I had to take a shower with her, my sister and my older cousin and whenever I was about to leave the bathroom she would always tell me to stay because according to her I didn't wash my private parts properly, so she would pick me up and wash them for me, I always hated it, it hurt a lot, she literally puts her right hand inside with force and a lot of desire, it always made me very uncomfortable and at times I even asked her to stop but it was no use. She was also never good at holding her tongue, she always talks prejudiced shit, she is a fervent and conservative evangelical, she always spoke badly of my clothes, if I dressed very feminine in the sense of wearing dresses I was congratulated, if I wore crop tops and shorts in the heat I was a whore and if I wore baggy t-shirts and pants I was dressing like a boy, she also always criticized my extremely short haircuts and my not liking makeup very much. Anyway, about my grandfather, I told my mother and my younger sister a few days later and they claimed that it was just a "joke" of his, that he was just joking and that I was the one who took it the wrong way. They are two fucking fake hypocrites, my sister has already gone through a lot of abuse from that part of the family too and my grandmother hates my mother, my grandmother prefers my father's ex-girlfriends and anything that is even slightly wrong from her point of view that we (the children) do is always my mother's fault. My mother later told my father, who told my grandmother, who said she had seen everything (which is a lie because she was in the kitchen at the time) and that I was a liar. I stopped going to their house since then and I thought my parents were at least respecting me, but apparently I was wrong since January they asked me several times if I didn't want to go visit them and I answered every time that no, only that this week was a real hell because every day they insisted that I go there, because they are going there tomorrow (on Saturday). I'm not even going to be tied down, but it was very annoying and sad to have to hear that they don't believe me, don't respect me and didn't lift a finger in my defense.