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Maker Of Fine Graves

@angel-ascending / angel-ascending.tumblr.com

Call me Angel! Angel_in_Ink on Twitter, Angel Ascending on AO3. Adult. Non-binary writer, knitter, and horror fan. They/them. Ace. Header image by @brondoesart

Chapters: 1/1 Fandom: Critical Role (Web Series) Rating: Teen And Up Audiences Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply Relationships: Orym/Dorian Storm Characters: Orym (Critical Role), Dorian Storm, Fearne Calloway, Leeta (Critical Role) Additional Tags: Spoilers Through Episode 104 of Campaign 3, Canon Divergent, Sleeping Together, Dreams and Nightmares, Love Confessions, Kissing, Cuddling & Snuggling, Happy Ending Summary:

Orym snaps back awake, his jaw clenched so hard against a scream that it aches, tears streaming down his face. He rolls onto his back, staring up at the stars, turned honey colored by the amber light of the dome.

This feels too much like the endless months after Will and Derrig had died. The broken sleep. The nightmares. The panic upon waking, made worse by reaching out for someone who was no longer there, that would never be there again. Only time and the love and support of those around him had brought gradual, eventual relief. But they don’t have time. Everything is happening so fast.

“Please.” Orym doesn’t know who he’s directing his plea to. The gods? The spirits of those he has lost? The stars themselves? “Please, I just need to sleep.”

“Orym?” Dorian’s voice, barely a whisper. “Are you all right?”

Wizards are not naturally immortal, in fact creating their own form of immortality is their graduate thesis.

“I have created a perpetual healing spell.”

“A classic. Congratulations.”

“If my soul leaves my body, this spell will keep it around and lucid enough to magic myself back together.”

“Effective. Next?”

“My spell feeds off the life force of microscopic things! When bacteria die near me, it adds to my total. Wiping down the sink with antibacterial cleaner gives me SUCH a buzz; I think I may have to dial it down a bit.”

“…I would be very curious to see your notes about this spell.”

Breaking News: Wizard Grad Student causes major religious schism by casting drain soul on microorganisms, accidentally proving Animism

“I tied my body’s physical shape to my self-image. As long as I feel young, I won’t age.”

“I see it also gave you… ah…”

“Massive dobonhonkeroos?”

“I was trying to find a more diplomatic way to bring it up.”

“An unexpected side effect, but not an unwelcome one.”

“Shall I assume it’s she/her from here on out, then?”

“Oh yes.”

“I was trying to

find a more diplomatic

way to bring it up.”

Beep boop! I look for accidental haiku posts. Sometimes I mess up.

I've been seeing a lot of discourse about the Murderbot casting, to the tune of "Wells says she imagined it as brown"/"the narrator of the audiobook is a man"/"the writing just sounds female, the types of things it notices and cares to mention and the way it puts its sentences together is how a woman would"/"it's canonically agender wtf"/"agender people can look masculine you asshole"/"it's supposed to look big and average that means white male"/"that's your own cultural bias in play and evidence says the average in its universe is brown"/"that's your bias in play there's no ironclad indication what the average is in the Corporation Rim"/"here's every single canon description of Murderbot it has no canon physical attributes other than Tall it could be played by literally anyone Checkmate Atheists" etc etc etc and it all just... misses the point?

No one is annoyed with Skarsgård!MB because "white dude" isn't canon.

They're annoyed because written Murderbot presents a level of identification and recognition for them that "white dude" does not.

Or, in other words: it is difficult to imagine a level of abuse more profound than not having the freedom of your own literal thoughts, consigned to a cripplingly limited and cruel social role from which any deviation is met with brutal pain. And it is all too easy to imagine a demographic who are presumed violent, hostile, and inferior, good only for labor and violence, who must be controlled and denied and unpersoned for the good of the rest. The lines aren't hard to draw, here; Murderbot is deeply relatable to many people who are not (visibly masculine) white men, specifically because they are not (visibly masculine) white men. Because they share with it the experience of oppression, marginalization, and being known on sight as wrong, being punished for the slightest deviance. Because it is not just another in the long boring line of ten thousand thousand grizzled white space marine heroman types; it is the thematic opposite of that.

And yeah duh obviously you can look like a boilerplate white dude and still suffer plenty of oppression, but film is a visual medium. Character design is a crucial part of its language, especially when a specific character is the only example of its type available to the audience. It is a shorthand that the audience will understand as a reflection on the wider setting. Which means that casting Skarsgård is, whether they meant it or not, a subtle statement that the ultimate bigotry in Murderbot's universe is against and about conventional white dudes.

Or in other other words, you cannot refute complaints about Skarsgård!MB with ~canon~ because canon has nothing to do with it. It's a thematic inconsistency, a failure to understand the not the story's text, but its subtext and its place in the wider cultural conversation of sci-fi (or at least to accurately translate those meta considerations to the satisfaction of a decent segment of the audience).

Like you can still yell about how bullshit you think that is if you want. Casting's not that deep or it's an important queer metaphor to pass and still struggle or people have no inherent 'right' to representation or whatever else. I'm not telling anyone what to say or believe. But just understand that that's what you're actually arguing with (or for, for that matter), is all I'm saying.

the thing is that able bodied masc white men are the *normative* person in our society, the *most* person that a person can be; every other person is considered to be a deviation from this norm.

it is thus a deeply annoying situation to see a character *who is not considered a person at all in its own culture* be presented as the very image of someone who is *the default person* in our culture. it requires nothing from us but to passively accept a foregone conclusion; of course someone who looks like that is a person. of course! unquestionably!

but you know, it would have been nice if the show that asked, 'isn't this a person too?' held up someone who looked like us. the people to whom the answer to that question is a dubious shrug instead of a horny affirmative.

tl;dr, SCIENCE FICTION SHOULDNT ASK RHETORICAL QUESTIONS.

Penne alla Goncharova

Ever since Tumblr rediscovered the lost Scorsese classic Goncharov a couple years ago, I’ve been playing with the idea of Russian-Italian fusion food for a themed dinner accordingly. I recently learned of a retro version of pasta alla vodka with smoked salmon that was once popular at Italian discos, and it struck me as an absolutely perfect dish to go with your next showing of this iconic 1973 Mafia movie.

Ingredients:

  • 1 box of penne (or other short, shaped pasta)
  • 1 8-oz package of smoked salmon, chopped into bite-sized pieces
  • 1 ½ cups heavy cream
  • 2 tsp concentrated tomato paste
  • 4 garlic cloves, finely minced
  • 2 tsp butter
  • 2 shots vodka
  • Pinch or two of red pepper flakes, to taste
  • Finely minced chives, for garnish

Directions:

  1. Boil a pot of salted water and cook penne to ‘al dente’ according to package instructions.
  2. Meanwhile, melt butter in a large skillet over medium heat, then add garlic and saute until the garlic shows a hint of golden color. Add red pepper flakes, if using.
  3. Add the tomato paste and allow it to fry for one minute, then add the vodka and stir to deglaze the pan.
  4. Next, add the heavy cream, stir to mix, and reduce until the sauce coats the back of a spoon.
  5. Add the salmon and allow to cook for one minute, then add the cooked, drained pasta to the vodka sauce and mix. If sauce is too thick, add a little reserved pasta water to thin it and help it stick to the noodles.
  6. Ladle generously into bowls and top with finely minced chives.

Serve with a nice Italian rosé or some ice-cold vodka, and dig in — remember, the clock is ticking.

A variation I suggested in the notes, to Russian it up just a bit more: top with a dollop of sour cream and a sprinkle of caviar.

(And you know what, yeah, I'm declaring this a candidate for my fictional foods tag.)

The adhd modes of food

1. You ate that burger so fast. You ate that burger so fucking fast and now the whole Red Robin is staring at you god what the fuck

2. You started eating like a normal person, but then you started talking or daydreaming and now the waitress is handing you the check but you’ve still got half a plate of cold fettuccine

3. You were going to go out to eat, but then you saw a video in your YouTube recommendation that drew you towards it like moth to a flame, and now it’s 10 pm and you’ve got an empty bag of tortilla chips in your hand and shame in your heart

4. Mac And Cheese

5. You got engrossed in a project, suddenly you feel like you’re going to die, or faint, or both? Oh. you’re hungry.

6. You’re hungry.  But every food you can think of sounds disgusting.  Time for your 15th day of lunchables for breakfast in a row.

7. The food you’ve been obsessively eating for the past 2 weeks and you relied on is now the grossest thing you could put in your mouth

[ID: A digital illustration of Orym and Dorian Storm from Critical Role. They're sat at a small pub table together, Dorian talking while Orym looks up at him, smiling. At the bottom of the image there's a close up of their hands which are unseen beneath the table in the main image. Their pinky fingers are linked together. End description.]

Taking things slow <3

Things to know if you’re writing a D/deaf character with hearing aids in noisy environments:

Wearing hearing aids is tiring.

Also not wearing hearing aids and lipreading is tiring.

Honestly, just being D/deaf and using speech to communicate is tiring.

I personally still find BSL tiring because I’m not fluent and I’m still suffering the aftermath of my sprained hand.

I am currently incredibly tired.

voice acting as a profession is so funny because you'll see someone being like "voice actors need to be paid better! like [obscure person you've never heard of]" and you're like "oh I wonder who that person is, maybe I've heard them voice a character" and you look it up and it turns out they voice 137 characters in Futurama and 94 characters in The Simpsons and 96 characters in Adventure Time and every one of the My Little Ponies and 27 characters in Arcane and 96 characters in Kim Possible and 4 characters in Phineas and Ferb and 296 characters in Dexter's Laboratory and all of the main cast of Fairly Odd Parents and at least 6 characters in every Pixar movie and almost every animated depiction of Superman and 473 SpongeBob characters and they've been in every installment of Mass Effect and Halo and The Elder Scrolls and Fallout and Call of Duty and they were in Star Trek and Law & Order and they were 12 characters in the MCU and they also invented t-shirts and the colour green and they got paid a sum total of $3.27 and a mothball for all of it combined. then you go burn down David Zaslav's house with him inside

"the switch 2 prices are fine actually, just look at the inflation compared to 2017"

oh well that's fine then.

I mean, everyone's wages have risen along with inflation, right?

the minimum wage went up, right?

everyone has lots of disposable income, right?

Speaking of porn logistics, another personal favourite bit of fuckery is when an artist draws a picture containing multiple dicks, then produces a separate alt for every possible ejaculatory configuration, like there are four dicks and sixteen alts such that there's a version where only dick A is jizzing, a version where only dick B is jizzing, a version where dicks A and B but not C are jizzing, and so forth. I'm imagining some high-class dick connoisseur with exquisitely rarefied tastes out there like "yes, I want to see this character getting jizzed on, but only by the dick on the far left – the other dicks can wait their turn".

Some day I'm going to write a spy thriller where it turns out that the conspirators are sending coded messages via those E-Hentai galleries full of endless microscopically differing jizz alts, where each image contains four dicks and each dick serves as a one-bit component of a hexadecimal encoding.

Brb gotta encode national secrets into my hentai art

Hey fun facts that are fun together :

* as a reverse engineer, I have worked on extracting these sorts of arts from hentai games.

* the game art does this sort of thing so that the story can toggle between different versions. Maybe you didn't get enough Friendship Points with Tgirl Jessica, so she's not ejaculating in this picture.

* the games are often smarter about this than the galleries: instead of storing every combination of ejaculating/not-ejaculating, they store 1 base image, then separate per-dick ejaculatory overlays. So if you've got 4 dicks, this means they have 5 images instead of all 16 possibilities. But this makes no sense in an image gallery, so you have to compose the images together. You'd think all-off and all-on are the only options you need, but some people are content maximalists. (it's possible site policies regarding quotas and stuff is encouraging this behavior).

* around the same time I was working on tools to extract images from hentai games, I also was working on tools to steganographically hide files inside images, in several ways. This was in part because I was working with 4chan at the time and helping them catch files hidden inside images, because channers were turning 4chan into an arbitrary file sharing site (is it a jpeg or a neutral milk hotel album? It's both!), using it to bypass filtering/moderation (you put an image inside an image and now you can't see the internal image unless you extract it. Maybe it breaks the rules. Breaking the rules on /b/ is very bad), or hiding viruses in there (viruses that then post themselves back to 4chan and the cycle continues!)

* This is also when I worked for the US government

So all those facts put together, I'll just say that IF it turns out secret government agents were hiding confidential information encoded into the images of hentai game ejaculations galleries, then... it was me, and I did it back in 2009.

Foone Turing, the trans Ian Fleming for the digital age.

HEY. HEY. YOU KNOW WHO YOU ARE.

JIZZ MATHS.

JIIIIZZZ MAAAAATTTHHHSSS.

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