If I Were A Cuckoo I Would Be Pregnant Often

I’m

The youth are lost

Not in a million years would I have ever thought of this

For extra comedy, there’s the recent TikTok of someone asking “What’s a word you pronounced incorrectly one time and it still haunts you to this day?” Justin Timberlake himself replies with “Me.”

not exaggerating when i say this is the best post anyone ever made in human history

Excluding the crucial fact that office jobs pay you an income….if staying home to raise children and do chores and bake bread was really so much easier and more joyful than working in an office on some objective level, why aren’t men doing it? Why aren’t they chomping at the bit to be ~leisurely house husbands~ to a working wife? Why aren’t they stepping up to depend solely on someone else’s income in exchange for round-the-clock domestic labor, if it’s really as blissful and their propaganda suggests? Curious.

Thank you! This is such an important reminder.

the sexual tension between two gas stations on the same intersection

I’m so sick of this shit. Two gastations can’t even be on the same block without some walnut shipping them, while I can’t find a single fic for dennys/applebees with dennys bottoming.

you’re literally out of your mind if you think Dennys isnt a top

I wish the 2012 apocalypse actually happened

not to be a slut but i would love to sleep next to someone

not to be a slut but i would love to be gang banged by a small group of 9-10 of my most cherished friends

introvert vs extrovert quiz in the early 2000s:

the thing is that childhood doesn't just end when you turn 18 or when you turn 21. it's going to end dozens of times over. your childhood pet will die. actors you loved in movies you watched as a kid will die. your grandparents will die, and then your parents will die. it's going to end dozens and dozens of times and all you can do is let it. all you can do is stand in the middle of the grocery store and stare at freezers full of microwave pizza because you've suddenly been seized by the memory of what it felt like to have a pizza party on the last day of school before summer break. which is another ending in and of itself

<3

I’ve had a tumblr for 4 years what the fuck am I doing with my life 

chuckles darkly

This conversation is so fucking funny to me

Found maybe the most annoying type of 5e Guy:

Someone: “This combo is really broken and frustrating for the DM”

Me: “Good news, you got the rules wrong a bit and the combo doesn’t actually work”

This hecking guy: “No it actually works because [bad reading of the rules]”

Me: “No it doesn’t because [good and sexy reading of the rules]”

THG: “Well it still works if the DM uses the rule of cool to let me run roughshod over the campaign and if not I’ll cry and pee my pants”

Dndshorts

I've come to hate most dnd content on youtube because of this

I should make my own non-hateful D&D content on youtube. With blackjack, and wenches! Okay maybe not blackjack.

Thank you @gorillastraylight for reminding me what that channel was called

That's the guy who introduced me to the concept of the peasant railgun or whatever it's called, and I was like "wait but that clearly doesn't work according to the rules" and everyone in the comments was like "who cares" and I wept a little bit

Ugh, that dang railgun has been the bane of my existence since 3rd Edition. I should make a post about it.

This has been going around my work and friend group on other platforms, and I thought it deserved a place here too.

#it’s a good limitus test. take out the specifics of drinking or not drinking alcohol vs owning a dog or not #it’s basically 1) would you spend an evening laughing and enjoying conversation with someone and walking away like ‘that was good.’ #and 2) do you trust this person has a basic level of willingness and ability to care for others and repay your trusting in them? #it’s just getting you to tap into the unconscious micro-tells our brains collect about other people #which are by far the most accurate assessment tools we have to judge peoples’ characters on the fly and in general (via purplehawke)

Shoutout to that time someone posted this on one of my servers and multiple people were going “this is exclusionary to people who don’t drink/are allergic to dogs, also it is ableist to expect me to understand the concept of an analogy”

Like yes ok I would definitely have neither 2 beers with you nor leave a puppy with any of you

every day i am hate-crimed by this cat

People who live in big cities will say stuff like Well if youre bored why dont you take the public transportation to your local artisanal cheesemonger