°~Your Local Genderfluid Cryptid~°

when the ancients meeting goes on for too long and someone breaks out the sparkling juice

[ notes from spawn astarion ]

“I felt like a thing carved out of flesh. Not fully human, and not fully other. I carried the haul of internal organs; all the meat moving with purpose, but no-certainly not human. I tried to imagine it; tried to remember the hum of life that must have existed in me before, but I couldn’t recall the feeling. The undeniable staticky buzz of blood rushing and muscles stretching this way and that. But the harder I thought, the more confused I became. There was no way of knowing how it was before because there was only now and this whole new way of existing, so suddenly.

Bruce: As you all know, this mission is going to be dangerous so I want you guys to pair up. Whoever’s left over will go with me.

Sounds of people shuffling around the room followed by an awkward silence

Jason (only one standing alone without a teammate): …

Jason: Wooooow do I really scare you guys that much? You guys are really going to stick me with that old fart?

Dick: Sorry, Jason. I promised Damian I’d team with him this time.

Damian: Yes. Last time I did a mission with you Todd, you threw me off a building.

Steph: Cassie and I have been dyyyyying to work together for the longest time and this is the first time our schedules have aligned for long enough to do it.

Cass: Nods in agreement Tim: Last time we worked together you called me a nerd the whole time, completely disregard the plan and almost got us both killed.

Duke: I am genuinely just scared of you.

Jason: … You know, all pretty valid points. Looks like it’s you and me, old man.

Bruce *pinching his brow*: I knew this was a bad idea…

Parents always say this:

but never this:

Like any abusive authority figure, they want you to be smart enough to uphold their authority but not smart enough to challenge their authority.

i love characters who do the “i worship the myth i make of you” and in turn dehumanize and get wrong the object of their devotion and love. yes project a thing that does not exist onto a pedestal and kneel at it like it is your altar. this will surely not blow up in both of your faces eventually

Bane holding Dick dressed as Batman: I promise I will break your back as well

Bane attempts to snap dicks spine

Dick: *bends*

Bane: *straightens Dick back and tries to snap dicks spine over his knee*

Dick ‘I wanted to be a contortionist in the circus’ Grayson: bends to accommodate shape of knee

Bane: wut

Dick: … I’m Batman?

Bane: …

Dick: idk man it seemed appropriate for the moment

Bane:….

it has been like at least eight years and sometimes I still think to myself, when I am tired, “but I am le tired… well then take a nap! AND THEN FIRE ZE MISSILES” even though in retrospect that is like one of the most embarrassingly unfunny videos to ever come out of the internet 

tbh i still start sentences with “hokay, so” at least 3 times a day 

same, aggressively so. I also still use “wtf, mate.”

#i have no idea what this is referring to#but i’m relieved to know i’m not the only one out there randomly quoting old internet videos#some shit is always hilarious to me (x)

OH MAN

LET ME LEARN YOU A THING

who doesn’t think this is STILL AS HILARIOUS as it was when we all watched it over and over and over again 15 years ago?

I’ve reblogged this before and will doubtless reblog this again because MY ENTIRE GROUP OF FRIENDS WAS SO OBSESSED WITH THIS VIDEO IN 2002/2003 THAT WE COLLECTIVELY BANNED ANY MENTION OF IT EVER AGAIN 

AND YET

WE ARE NOW GROWN-ASS ADULTS IN OUR THIRTIES

AND IT STILL GETS QUOTED FROM TIME TO TIME

I HAVE THE WHOLE THING MEMORISED

TO THIS DAY, MY MOTHER REGULARLY SAYS “BUT I AM LE TIRED” BECAUSE OF A VIDEO I SHOWED HER IN FUCKING HIGH SCHOOL

THIS IS AN ICONIC PIECE OF INTERNET HISTORY AND I WILL FIGHT ANYONE WHO SAYS OTHERS

my wife and I still regularly say “hokay so”, “but I am le tired” and “and some big meteor’s like ‘well fuck that’.” Fucking iconic.

I HAVE NEVER SEEN THIS BEFORE AND I’M SO GRATEFUL FOR THIS POST BECAUSE I’VE SEEN IT NOW AND I CAN’T STOP FUCKING LAUGHING

God how has it been that long

Happy Anniversary to this twenty year old flash epic!

AND IT IS UNFORTUNATELY SOMEWHAT EVERGREEN 2025

halo lore is so fucking funny to me. all it really needed to be was 'youre john halo and youre a badass space marine that doesnt afraid of anything' but instead youre a war orphan created by the space CIA to be a robo-pinkerton to put down galactic worker revolts, but luckily whole hordes of you were created right in time for the most evil alien empire to ever exist to make first contact with us by nuking a planet to glass

also, the evil alien empire isnt doing this because theyre evil, their trio of space popes asked an ancient sacred AI what the fuck humans were and the ai was like 'oh those are ants that god loves more than you' and the popes immediately decided the only way to keep their cushy jobs and big dumb hats was to annihilate the human race. it almost worked, too! luckily, one of the robo-pinkertons is so freakishly lucky an AI noticed the statistical anomalies surrounding him and took him in as her favorite little meow meow and now they have a toxic co-dependent relationship and are going to nuke alien new york

In a universe where Damian was raised by Bruce since birth and never was told his siblings were adopted

Damian, age 12 helping unpacking things at Dicks new apartment: whos that?

Dick: Who?

Damian: That guy in the photo with you

Dick:

Dick: you mean- my dad? I never showed my parents to you?

Damian: there is no way thats our dad

Dick: our? Damian you- you know I’m adopted right?

Damian:

Dick:

Dick: we are all adopted, Damian.

Damian:

Damian: Even Cass?

Dick: you were there at her adoption.

Damian: I’m twelve! Probably didn’t payed attention to it.

Dick: you never asked yourself why do we don’t call Bruce ‘dad’?

Damian: I thought it was some petty teenager thing!

Dick: I’M 26!

Damian:

Damian: is Tim adopted?

Dick: yes?

Damian: knew it.

Love some miserable Elon in the morning

🛸 .。.:*°　🌙　•　　.°•　　🚀 ✯　.°• ★　*　　　°　　 .。.:*・°.　.°• 🛰 　°· 🪐.　 •　° 　 •  ☄ .。.:* ・°☆. •　.°•💫 .。.:*・°☆.。.:*・°

mutuals look we are in the planetarium together

I will draw his face as soon as I find out if a theory I truly believe in is true or not. For now have a basically Beauty and the Beast (HA) moment between Silent Salt and White Lily

AGHHHHH I WANT TO ADD HIM INTO THE AU SO BAD DEVSISTERS PLEASE

beauty and the beast au...........

WELL FUCK AUGH MAN

at this point, the relationship between White Lily and Silent Salt in my AU is just Penelope and Odysseus from Epic the Musical but it's actually Beauty and the Beast

Jacek Yerka, Eruption 

www.artsytoad.tumblr.com

i like tumblr because occasionally i’ll be recommended a 12 year old post that depicts something so absolutely my shit that it makes me believe in art again