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no ace exclutionists allowed

@arcane--knowledge / arcane--knowledge.tumblr.com

liza ~ they/them ~ 24

my day job is at a college, and this morning my boss was like "go collect all the suggestion slips from our suggestion boxes around the school and create a document and a spreadsheet outlining the needs of the student body."

Ok cool very easy! fun, even!

there were two. two suggestions.

"spring fling should be steampunk themed :3 I'd like to see more pipes and gears with no discernible function"

and

"free food. starbocks. privitized resturaunts."

I can't wait to turn in my 1/8th page report with "pipes and gears with no discernible function" and three out of five words misspelled on it. the students have spoken, boss; such are the needs of the student body.

Report complete I'm off to grab lunch at a privitized resturaunt

in loving memory of tumblr's april fools' pranks 💐 2014 - 2024

icymi, tumblr used to do an elaborate april fool's prank every year, but this year they suddenly stopped. here's a somewhat detailed recap of everything they did over the decade:

2013 - mishapocalypse (honourable mention): tumblr staff didn’t start doing april fools until 2014, but the mishapocalypse happened on tumblr in 2013 and i feel like this list would be incomplete without it

2014 - tumblrpro: upon opening your dash you were greeted by an “inspirational” video, that ended with the option to get “tumblrpro (for free)”. all it did was put a top hat on your icon.

2015 - tumblr executivesuite/coppy: a copying machine appeared in the corner of your dash. it would offer tips on how to use tumblr, like clippy the paperclip used to do in microsoft word. as the day went on, it slowly broke down and died right in front of your eyes. many people hated him (but not me). you could also make a (small) spreadsheet. @executivesuite2016 is the official blog.

2016 - this is decision/lizard election/tumblrdecides: a parody of the 2016 US elections. there were 4 lizards (well, one of them turned out to be a salamander in a scandal) to vote for. the dash looked different and there was a live news report with election updates, as well as an election blog for each lizard. they all had their own slogans and you would get an "i voted" button after you voted that would get slapped next to your icon. there were built-in functions to make an election poster for your favourite lizard and to create a text post that supported your lizard of choice that autogenerated a statement for all your followers to read. imo tumblr’s april fools peak. @thisisdecision2016-blog is the official blog, @mop-2016-blog @wretchedtooth @timefordeborah-blog were candidates. rick also had a blog (rick-official) but that now seems to have vanished because he ended up dropping out of the election. mop won, if you're curious. by far the most elaborate prank tumblr ever did.

2017 - horse friend: a tamagotchi-inspired game where you had to take care of a little horse in the corner of your screen. it came with a randomly generated name, and you had to feed and clean up after it. if you didnt take good care of it, it died. you could then hatch (yes, hatch) a new one. there was also an option to look at the names of all your dead horses. this is now available to buy in the tumblr shop. @horse-friends is the official blog.

2018 - tumblcoin: a parody of cryptocurrency (this was the year bitcoin took off). you could ‘invest’ in tumblcoin, with which you could in turn buy things with to spice up your dash, including last year’s horse friend, coppy from 2015, and a frame for around your icon. you could share the amount of tumblcoin you owned in an automatically generated gif post which would be tagged #tbc2018 and #tumblcoin. @tumblcoin is the official blog.

2019 - @memories: this blog still functions the way it did on april fools itself! it's like mad libs, where it takes post templates and then adds in tags you use a lot and users you frequently interact with on your main blog. like a personalized shitpost bot.

2020 - group chat prank/@storybot: it was so hard to find info on this because it was contained entirely in the now-defunct group chat function, which no one used. i had to go through the notes of this post for information because no one cared enough to actually write anything explaining it. turns out, you could write a story with your mutuals by adding storybot to your group chat. it also kept working after april fools (well, up until the group chats were deleted) just like memories. many people missed out on it entirely because they did not use the group chat function.

2021 - tumblcryptids: tumblr allowed you to adopt “non-fungible tumblcryptids”, a parody of NFTs. clicking a button that said "Summon thy Tumblrcryptid" would spawn an image of a little blob-shaped creature with a short description, which would always read "Hi! My name is [randomly generated name]. I love [thing most people like]. I hate [thing most people dislike]. Like my parent, I can't get enough of #[tag from your main blog]." you could share them in a post, which would automatically add the tag #NFTumblcryptids to your post. and yes, people on the piss on the poor website freaked out about it because they thought they were real NFTs harming the environment. @tumblcryptidadoptioncenter is the official blog.

2022 - click-a-thon: when you clicked a light switch on your dashboard, a bunch of colourful things showed up, like a sponge you could move around, an "engagament meter", clickable buttons, and a “Summon Crab!” button, which would summon a crab when you clicked it. you could. the crabs, like horse friend, are still available in the tumblr store as of 2025. here's some screenshots. there were various ways to share your crab activities, which would all get tagged #april fools 2022. the prank was presented as a marketing technique created by Brick Whartley, a fictional businessman character created by tumblr, who (afaik) originated in a post on the official blog of the 2018 april fools prank, albeit originally in a different role. around this time he also started functioning as the mascot for tumblr's shop ( @emporium )

2023 - abstract reactions (emoji reacts): buttons were added to every post that allowed you to add emoji reactions, many of them based on tumblr inside jokes (horse as a reference to horse plinko/horse friend, vanilla for the vanilla extract meme, pikaman, bug for bug race, and brick whartley, who wasn't a meme but staff really wanted him to be). if one specific emoji was used a certain amount of times it would add an effect to the post, eg many cheese emoji reacts would cover the post in cheese. this was also attributed to Brick Whartley ("his" blog @brickwhartley also documented the day)

2024 - boop-o-meter: allowed you to “boop” other users who had opted in to the booping, like facebook’s poke feature back in the day. depending on how long you held the button, you would either boop, super boop, or evil boop. on the dashboard there was a counter for both how many times you had booped others and how many times others had booped you, as well as how many boops were given side-wide. when booping someone, an image of a cat paw appeared. you would get badges (which can still be used) for booping 1, 100 and 1000 times. if you got more than 999 boops, the counter would simply say “WOW”. this was brought back for halloween 2024 (as BOOp-o-meter. get it), with a ghost, skeleton and mummy paw. no official blog, but here's an official recap for april first from staff. i believe this was the only april fools prank that was mobile user friendly.

2025 - @fandom is running some polls, i guess

Still occasionally think about that one post about how americans on the internet push back against anti US military rhetoric in a way they don't do with anti cop rhetoric because, unlike their police, the victims of the US military are mainly foreigners, and then some yank cunt decided to show up to do the standard you don't get it the military is made up of poverty-stricken uneducated kids who were fed propaganda :((((( etc etc shtick but also decided to go with "meanwhile the police can straight up murder you, steal your property and kill your dog with no consequences" like sorry friend what exactly do you think your military does.

Found it

Literally the perfect encapsulation of how americans legitimately don't conceptualize the violence and terror that the US military enacts as a real thing simply because they're used to thinking of the victims as faceless offscreen abstract masses.

Cops kill and steal. Meanwhile soldiers sign up and then the screen fades to black until they come back traumatized and missing a limb. That's all they do. They sign up and then come back broken, and whatever they did imbetween happened offscreen so it doesn't matter.

Also the absolute hilarity of "how often the police union and most rural police forces have been infiltrated by literal nazis" being listed as a difference between the police and the military.

Because as we know, "shooting guns at (mostly brown) foreigners" is not a career path that tends to be disproportionately attractive to a significant number of nazis. Not at all.

The thing that gets me about the impending Harry Potter show is like. I'm able to, for entirely hypothetical purposes, put aside my disdain and disgust for the author's full-tilt bigotry and put myself in the shoes of someone who's still a Fan, like I would be if the author hadn't doubled, tripled, and quadrupled down on being a full-tilt bigot, and even then, imagining the alternate universe where JKR remained a staunch ally and well-meaning if clueless liberal philanthropic darling, I still can't quite wrap my head around why I'd want this show to be made

Everyone keeps saying it's going to be a Faithful Adaptation Of The Series and I'm just like... okay? This isn't A Series Of Unfortunate Events that got a bad adaptation and they had to go back and try again to get it right. The majority of fans liked and continue to like the movies, a lot, and despite some minor quibbles here and there, they're considered incredibly faithful adaptations. The Fandom isn't exactly divided on this, either.

Like, I imagine a nearby alternate timeline where JKR was never hit by the Idiot Stick That Makes You Hate Women and remained normal, and I remained a fan of a flawed but influential children's fantasy series, and I can't really think of a reason why I would be excited about them trying to make lightning strike a second time. Are people really that mad about Michael Gambon saying "Harry did you put your name in the goblet of fire" animatedly instead of calmly? Or is WB just worried that the incoming demographic of theme park attendees have nowhere near the nostalgic link to the series that millennials would, and that if they don't inject the series back into the zeitgeist, the golden goose might stop laying eggs?

If JK Rowling hadn't gone full terf and this remake was happening then we'd all be wearily rolling our eyes at yet another carriage being hitched to the endless train of unnecessarily remade hits that nobody wants. People would be joking about "they're making a live action Harry Potter now" (the joke of course being that the previous one was also live action this time so they don't even have the normal excuse). People would revive old comparisons of Lion King shots and Mulan shots and put up Harry Potter ones next to them and joke about how expressive the animation is in the original. I can't see any world in which anyone would want this.

Luigi Mangione could be getting the death penalty…

This man is innocent, his appearance and build doesn’t match that of the killers, the only “motive” he had was a convenient written confession showing that he supposedly viewed healthcare companies as “parasitic” and too expensive (which does somewhat contradict the actual killers actions) he had said note and the murder weapon conveniently on him while living his ordinary life, the killer held the gun in his right hand while Luigi is left-handed, Luigi and the Killer were potentially seen simultaneously, they wore slightly different coats.

The NYPD KNOW these are different people, they know the evidence is lacking, this isn’t a mistaken identity, it’s framing, they are trying to make themself appear to still be control by catching this man, humiliating him, killing him, when they know full well that the person they are prosecuting ISNT EVEN THE RIGHT GUY! This is an injustice! This is not a fair trial! This is downright tyranny!

They confiscated his bag at the mcdonald's, took it out of everyone's sight, unpacked it and repacked it, and THEN took it down to the station and wow there was a manifesto in there that he was just carrying around in daily life for some reason

Definitely the sort of thing that the Bag Of Monopoly Money Guy would be carrying to McDonald's

treating "historians" not only as this unified group but also as a coherent socio-political entity w unified ideas, ideals, goals and methods is actually the reddest possible flag. thats a tell-tale sign that this person doesnt know what the fuck theyre talking about. capital h Historians arent lying to u. capital h Historians arent hiding stuff from u, they dont want u to believe anything, bc Historians isnt an organization or a political affiliation. u know the old saying, 2 jews, 3 opinions? historians r like that too

"Historians dont want u to know *historical figure* was gay!1!!" n its in the 'personal life' section of said figure's wikipedia page

scream. n when u graduate Evil Archeologist Grad School, They send u to rob graves in greece n the global south for the british museum

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