the king picked the guy with skull shoulderpads for the court magician job, which is exciting

I sent my inner child to work at a steel cable plant to make some extra cash and it got mangled in an industrial accident and died in the hospital so I really don't have to protect it or whatever anymore. good luck with your self care stuff though

no sentence fills me with utter loathing so much as "i asked chatgpt"

My personal favorite Tired Parent moment was a guy whose kid started trying to climb one of our handtrucks (those familiar with said objects might recognize that is an endeavor doomed to failure due to the fact they are designed to tip over under very little pressure) who stared for a second and then asked "What happened to all the groovy decisions you were making earlier??" in the tone of a man who had previously thought he'd really accomplished something by making it all the way to 4pm on a Saturday with no major catastrophes in his life.

i think there’s actually nothing better than being randomly told “I love you” after doing something characteristically stupid. Like what do you mean I’m a lovable person and I just did something silly and you thought “of course you would do that. I love you.”. No better feeling

when the spring evening sunlight hits and you can be productive at six in the evening instead of dissolving into goo. fine. i guess the sunlight is powerful or whatever.

Frodo: Sam hates Gollum, but that is what I shall become once I have lost myself to the ring… he’ll despise me… 

Sam if Frodo did turn into a Gollum: That’s a very nice fish you caught with your bare hands, Mr. Frodo, and its very smart of you to eat it raw, saves us the trouble of starting a fire. I knitted you a sweater in case you get cold running around in that loincloth of yours. Is the sun hurting your eyes? I’ll kill it if it’s bothering you. I’ll kill the sun

"OK" SO IT SEEMS AS THOUGH MY GENETICALLY MODIFIED KILLER BEETLES HAVE ESCAPED. HAS ANYONE SEEN MY FUCKI🪲🪲🪲🪲🪲🪲🪲🪲🪲🪲🪲🪲🪲🪲🪲OH G🪲OD🪲🪲🪲🪲🪲🪲🪲🪲 SHI🪲🪲T🪲🪲🪲🪲🪲🧪AAAHHHHHHHHOOOHhh Hey. That One Learned thge basics of Chemistry . #Proud

My new favourite place

Delicate ‘Knit’ Glass Sculptures by Carol Milne

I think of that pic of Colin Farrell in costume as Alexander the Great lying on the ground covered in blood with an arrow protruding from his chest and smoking a cigarette all the time.

me when I

Some spins on the "mostly male team with a token woman" trope:

mentally taking a drag of my mental cigarette because I don’t smoke but life has been very smokable lately

i learned today that my great great grandfather (dad's mom's grandfather) was not actually a member of the irish immigrant family at all but was in fact some random "nebulously eastern european" orphan that just kind of latched onto the family at the docks and they said "fuck it" and brought him to america???

1: i'm going to attribute my ability to properly squat to this.

2:

the thing about being nonbinary is that you really do start to forget that other people have such strict walls around what is and isn’t allowed for genders. i thought we all agreed that we made that up. could you climb out of the cave real quick and feel the sunshine for a minute.

I love all books but sometimes you read a book and you’re like so were all 21 thousand of you blindfolded and at gun point when you rated it 5 stars

you ever listen to a song 47 times in a row and every time you’re like wow what a good song. I’m gonna play it again.