Asa

i’ve seen white ppl make these videos so often lately and its like they truly donot realize how racist their people are as a group 😭 man whatever

People have let a nonstop stream of propaganda online seamlessly and completely rewire their brains so they're trained to have a knee-jerk "fuck Democrats!" reaction to every single thing that happens on earth, even things Republicans explicitly take credit for, yet they think they should have a place in political conversations instead of being insulted and kicked out of the room like they deserve.

how i back up in the target parking lot after my car is 15% out of the space and it’s now legally not my fault if i get hit

i think this post has had more cultural impact than all 4 rebuild films combined

god i never told you guys but a couple weeks ago at work i heard a guy say, and i closely paraphrase, "So I was out with my partner--republicans hate it when i say that. My heterosexual partner Jessica--" and i was straight up crying before he finished his sentence. fully diegetic convergent linguistic evolution live in the workplace

"thats her name heteroooo jessica thats her name folks thats what we call her hertero jessica"

I feel like Emmrich’s weirdness is truly not fully given credit to because he yearns for human connection yet the closest friend he’s ever had is Johanna. Johanna fucking Hezenkoss. This is the friend he misses having, this is the person he keeps around (partially, as they say) after her construct is dealt with. Emmrich, the gentlemanly polite necromancer he presents as to others, prefers the company of Johanna fucking Hezenkoss to every distinguished and well respected necromancer he could have bonded with over his decades at the Grand Necropolis. He could be dining with nobles but he prefers a DnD freak who has Opinions on everything under the sun

there's been a couple times that i've gone to the local sex club and every time i was at an event there was one man just fully naked walking around. same guy every time. hog like a hoagie roll when flaccid and he was always flaccid. anyway at one of the less populated events i got to sit and talk with him and he told me that he told me he was always naked because, despite it being a sex club, people still don't know when it's 'okay' to start getting into it and he decided he'd be the one thing to break the ice and make everybody comfortable, because you know you can start doing whatever you wanna do when there's just a naked guy walking around. he then asked if i wanted a silicone copy of his dick for my strap. never in my life have i felt such an instant respect for a person.

Official Hog Like A Hoagie Roll Post

Leliana at the war table like

This is why we keep getting Josie to do as much as possible at the war table. Because Leliana wants to murder people and Cullen wants to threaten people, and poor Josie's over here 'or we could try diplomacy?'. So we give Cullen the construction stuff and the hunting monster stuff and the occasional parade, and we give Leliana the scouting missions and the explicit spy shenanigans, and then we ask Josie to do everything else. Because she's the only relatively chill person at this war table.

Here’s how to tell if a language is easy to learn

Frisian is an endangered language and it sounds just fine. Hitting you very very hard with a very large fish.

Respect minority languages or die by my comically large fish

Being Jewish lately has been like walking down the street minding your own business, and having some random guy come up and say “THIS IS YOUR FAULT” and shooting himself in the head in front of you.

And before you can even say “holy shit what the fuck” 10 other people have come up to you and are screaming that you should have stopped it, how could you do this, what is wrong with you.

And when you try to say “I literally didn’t even know this person existed until he killed himself in front of me” they say that can’t be true, why else would he be so upset about you.

And when you say “because he was crazy; you literally watched him kill himself” they say that’s an ableist reduction and you’re being unkind to mentally ill people.

And when you say “his actions are not my responsibility” they say you must be a murderer you’re covered in a stranger’s blood.

And when you say “the gun is literally still in his hand” they say you put it there and you’re just trying to trick everyone into thinking you’re innocent.

And this whole time, none of them have bothered to called the paramedics for the guy bleeding to death from a self-inflicted gunshot wound.

Because they’re all too busy posting thinkpieces about how bad it feels to witness a murder.

forgive me father for i have sexualized an older man

dude in the other side of the confessional, smoothing back his more salt than pepper hair, tugging at his collar, breaking into a slight nervous sweat that highlights his crows feet and laugh lines: Is that so?

what it’s like walking around with me

POV (penis of view)

it was not on wheat...

This is so funny I don’t even care for baseball but this is great

Yep! And what ended up happening is what we baseball fans call a FARTSLAM, which stands for Fielder Allows Runner To Score Like A Moron.

Plays like this are why I love Baseball

Hey, remember that thing about how one of the big challenges facing armies, throughout all of history, is training people to not start chasing when the enemy breaks and flees? Because sometimes it’s a trap to get you to overextend yourself? But it’s really hard because people just want to chase?

Yeah, this is the same thing.