slap those hams like they owe you money

Crow Time - Statue 1

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It brings me joy! It validates my bird obsession!

[Holy crap there's a Part 2??]

[PART 3!!!!]

[Read Crow Time] [Patreon]

Today I fell down the stairs while texting and when I got to the bottom I realized that I had hit the “audio message” function and sent them an entire 30 second recording of it

The clip is just 25 seconds of thumping noises followed by me assuring Ollie that Daddy is okay

I sent my carpet gremlins to trip you, not sorry.

you again

what if you wore a shirt that featured a picture of you trying to claw your way out of the shirt with a horrid desperate expression and the text "THAT'S NOT ME THAT'S NOT ME I'M TRAPPED IN THE SHIRT"

Goldie Williams, Arrested For Vagrancy & Refused to Unfold Her Arms and Stop Making This Face For Her 1898 Mugshot. (Omaha, Nebraska)

Queen

DISCRETION

i associate the word ‘discretion’ so closely with this post that i can’t hear or think or say it without immediately remembering do you have a hairy assed mans legs veryhairylegs started following you and i would like financial compensation

this is my life philosophy

This might be my favorite submission so far

you know what!!!! the absence indeed becomes a presence!!!!!!

"ne'er-do-well" is such a harsh criticism like bro ne'er? e'er? like youd think at least some'imes id do well but nope. ne'er

RESIDENT EVIL 4 REMAKE (2023) dev. Capcom Leon Croft - Osiris

need you to see this banger combination of signs i saw today

No smeeking??

Ten years since we got one of the best soundtracks ever.

A Yummy Treat For Me...

A little bit of Procurement for my White Ass...

doodled an extra shitty comic cuz i didn’t feel like spending time drawing lol

coworker asks if i like harry potter and i have to make a disco elysium skill check to come up with a response

CIS COWORKER — Hey you seem really into wizards and stuff, I bet you love Harry Potter :)

EMPATHY — He’s just trying to be polite and make conversation. He doesn’t know about JK Rowling’s opinions on trans people. Let’s politely change the subject.

COMPOSURE [Trivial: Failure] — “Kill yourself.”

I had a dream last night that I was trying to translate something into Italian and I discovered that Google Translate had added several languages that weren't,,, actually languages?

Like they had one called 'Neurotypical' that took cryptic double-meanings and made them straight-forward, and they had one called 'Corporate' that translated bureaucratic bullshit into plain words, but the one that I remember most clearly was called 'Passive-Aggressive Asshole,' and it looked like this -

In the dream I also put in "You're so welcome" and it translated it to "You'd better be grateful, you fuck."