Vespertine Ramblings

message to all leftists: understand that landlords are bad because they are extorting you in exchange for a basic necessity of survival, not because they are "lazy" or "don't have real jobs"

my aunt who thinks I'm a weird little freak stopped by my house for the first time, and she was so clearly oggling everything and pursing her lips. I said "and that's the bad man" and pointed to my life-size puppet, and she didn't even respond.

yeah sure! I think he was supposed to be Puck in a stage play, but now he just lives in my house. his hair is real btw, it's attached to skin

imsorry for being a hater (insincere) but im tired of seeing skinny women with huge boobs in art. slap some teacup titties on her chest or give her some padding to match the jugs. cowards

and also as a treat could we maybe perhaps draw noses that arent button noses

I hope parents never stop making their little kids wear those hats with pom-poms on both sides like teddy bear ears. Brightens my day every time. The winter is dark and the winds are harsh but at least there's little ewoks toddling about.

ive never seen anyone capture the feeling of meeting older dykes as well as this

I'm trying to figure out a good way to say "you really should actually learn the basics of small talk" with sounding like I'm biased against autistic people.

So here's the thing:

I see a lot of neurodivergent people talk about small talk as this baffling and meaningless waste of time that neurotypicals do for some unknown reason, and as an autistic person in an industry that is extremely based on building relationships and engaging with others, I've actually found a few really key important pieces to small talk.

1. Small talk can make interactions feel less mercenary or transactional. Having even brief exchanges about something beyond the reason that you're interacting can make it feel less like the only goal of the interaction. Especially for relationships that are not fully transactional (e.g., coworkers), this can help build a relationship with them.

2. Small talk can be a way to find commonalities and help bridge cultural or power divides. Recently I was on a call with a couple of Indian colleagues, and while we were waiting for everyone else to join I asked them where they lived in India. They didn't expect that I had heard of it, but I knew it because my dad had traveled there for work every couple months for a year or so, so we could chat about it briefly. Even for a couple of minutes, we were able to connect on this unexpected commonality. If I hadn't had that connection, I would have been able to learn about somewhere, helping narrow the privilege gap of them being expected to know more about where I live than I am about where they live.

3. Small talk can show knowledge about a person, which both builds connections and indicates that you see their life as important enough to remember about. The stereotypical "How's the wife?/How are the kids?" shows that you know the person has a wife/kids and have enough interest in their life to even ask.

4. Small talk can ease tension and reduce pressure from others, especially in a professional setting if more junior members are expected to speak. Especially for junior staff members, it can be difficult to be the first person to talk and break the silence, so engaging in small talk beforehand allows for a lower-pressure transition from silence to whatever the presentation is about.

5. Small talk provides a low-risk way to identify commonalities. While conversations about religion, politics, etc. may lead to tension or discomfort, even if they bring out commonalities, small talk is specifically structured to minimize tension while still providing the opportunity to learn more about each other. A conversation about the weather can reveal that you both like hiking when it's nice out; a conversation about the weekend can reveal that you both have family in the same state.

Small talk in many cases is signaling, a way to indicate certain things to people. It's a more indirect version of it than many autistic people like, but it is one.

But, you cry, I don't know how to do small talk!

Small talk actually has some pretty clear guidelines, even if they are often unspoken.

recommend this linguistics podcast episode about the linguistics of small talk if you want to learn more!

curious about something so i want to conduct a free-response survey. who (or what) first comes to your mind when you hear the name sebastian

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it’s also fucked up that fat people literally fear going to the doctor for anything because they know the first thing out of their dr’s mouth no matter what their ailment is, is gonna be “lose weight lol” broken leg? lose weight. rash? lose weight. whooping cough? lose weight binch!!!!! like we get it. but can you just write my prescription you bitch so i can go eat a salad and not call you again until im about to die of the plague????

I would not be surprised if someone did a study and found an increase in misdiagnosis of fat patients due to doctors focusing solely on weight loss as a panacea and ignoring other vital issues

You mean like this article from the NY Times (from September of 2016) talking about how doctors refuse to consider non weight related issues until they absolutely have to?

Why Do Obese Patients Get Worse Care? Many Doctors Don’t See Past the Fat

Or this study showing that even though the bias is often unintentional it greatly changes patient care?

Impact of weight bias and stigma on quality of care and outcomes for patients with obesity

Or this study that showed that maternity providers have a bias towards obese women and often provide subpar care or push elective procedures?

Weight stigma in maternity care: women’s experiences and care providers’ attitudes

Fat Shaming Tied to Increased Risk of Metabolic Problems this one that says that obese people who are made to feel bad about their weight are 41% more likely to have medical complications as a result of the internalized stress (high cholesterol, high sugars, high blood pressure- or need meds to treat those conditions), versus people who don’t feel stigmatized. 

‘People First’ – Ending Weight Bias in Diabetes Care “ Evidence also indicates that doctors may spend less time in appointments, provide less health education, build less rapport, have lower expectations for medication adherence, and have less desire to help patients with obesity compared with thinner patients. “

I think about this every time I see something saying that obesity is a high risk factor for any other illness.

there needs to be a niceys block button that says i have nothing against you i am only curating my experience and then a toughies block button that i dont know kills them with spikes

Honk

Big Bear

You discover that you have control over a certain thing, as determined by spinning this wheel. We're talking full-on magical girl/superhero/supervillain/your label of choice control.

every now and then the internet decides it should revamp the ole “stop texting first and see how many friends you lose” when in reality you could literally just communicate that u feel bad that ur the only one texting first

mfs are legit assuming that their friend isnt texting first because of how little they care abt their friendship when in reality they literally just dont know ur upset and didnt realize there was a problem in the first place. just talk to ur friends its not that hard and if they’re a bitch just tell them to kick rocks

On my first day in Germany I got to my hotel and I couldn't get the lights to turn on. And I was like "Eh, fuck it, I'll just take a shower in the dark." And then the shower wouldn't get hot. I waited and waited and it stayed ice cold.

So I go down to the front desk and I'm like "My lights won't turn on and my shower won't get hot" so they send this guy up with me. We get into the room and I flick the switch and nothing happens so I'm like "See?"

And he goes "You must put your card in the slot."

"I... what? I have to put my room card in the light switch?"

"Of course!"

Now I have been in many hotels in the US and never encountered this concept, but apparently it was something most of their guests already knew. So I'm looking like a fool at this point. I feel like an idiot. The dude is fully grinning at me. I put the card in the slot and voila, the light turns on.

Then he's like "Ok, let's see if the shower works. You know you must wait for the hot water?" and I just know he's thinking I'm an idiot who also can't use a shower. This stupid American can't wait for the hot water! She can't even use a light switch or a shower!

And I guess he was distracted by these thoughts of my stupidity, because this dude fully stepped into the shower. In his nice dress shirt and slacks. He just. Gets into the shower.

And turns it on.

Have you ever seen a playing field get leveled instantaneously