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CailynWrites (and Reads)

@cailynwrites / cailynwrites.tumblr.com

Recording podfics and audiobooks. Someday I'll be brave enough to post some of my writing too.

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Year in Review - Fest podfics

Care of Magical Creatures (and sequels) by @arsenicjade for @polypodweek (E, 73k, 8 hours, Hermione x Remus x Severus)

Summary: In the aftermath of the War, Hermione finds her way.

the dogfather (and sequels) by @nonasuch for @goodgodfathersiriusblack (T, 48k, 5 hours, Remus x Sirius)

Summary: “I’m not a reverse werewolf either,” says the man. “I’m your godfather.”

Stay by vendettadays for Femslash February (T, 21k, 2 hours, Hermione x Pansy)

Summary: When Minerva said that Pansy Parkinson was to be the new Arithmancy professor at Hogwarts, Hermione thought she was joking. Then she remembered, Minerva McGonagall never joked. (Or, the progression of Hermione and Pansy’s relationship as Transfiguration and Arithmancy professors during the course of the school year.)

Higher and Higher (Temptation) by birdsofshore for @dracotops-harry (E, 28k, 3 hours, Draco x Harry)

Summary: Only Harry Potter could manage to put on a magical collar on impulse and find himself unable to take it off again. Now following Draco’s direct orders gives him intense pleasure, and Draco has a whole heap of troubles to deal with, not least the way Potter looks when the collar has him gasping with bliss. The whole situation would test the morals of a saint... and Draco’s no saint.

Silhouettes by @sweet-s0rr0w for @dronarryfest (E, 17k, 2 hours, Draco x Harry x Ron)

Summary: Draco's trying to fix the Burrow, Ron's trying to grieve, and Harry... well, just what is Harry actually doing, anyway? A tale of grief, gardening, and ghouls, bad memories, bad puns, and bad flirting, and nudity both accidental and very, very deliberate.

An Overly Considerate Friend by @the-francakes for @regulusblackfest (M, 8k, 47 mins, James x Regulus)

Summary: “Remus help! This is your fault!” James tried again. “I didn’t tell you to snog him, Prongs!” Moony snapped back. “TRUE. Technically, you didn’t. You didn’t say 'don’t snog Regulus,' you just said not to hit on him. WHICH I DIDN’T! So maybe protect me a little here please?” James floundered for excuses. Remus debated it for a moment - hopefully that please did itself justice and saved James’ life. “Snogging most definitely falls under flirting,” Remus decided educationally. All his friends were assholes, honestly. After tonight, James was going to start hanging out with Hufflepuffs.

One Night in the House of Black by @sleepstxtic for @ladiesofhpfest (M, 9k, 1 hour, Artemisia Black x Eunon Blackwood)

Summary: When a stranger comes knocking on the doors of her House, Artemisia Black must make a choice. What happens that night will determine the fate of her family forever.

As You Wish by @pineau-noir for @lcdrarry (T, 22k, 3 hours, Draco x Harry)

Summary: Draco was raised on a farm in the small country of Wiltshire; his favourite pastimes were flying on his broom and tormenting the hired farm boy. Though his name was Harry, Draco never called him that. On Harry's forehead there was a scar shaped like a lightning bolt, so Draco called him Scarhead. Nothing gave Draco as much pleasure as ordering Harry around Or a story about fencing, fighting, torture, revenge, giants, monsters, chases, escapes, True Love, and miracles.

you're alive by @the-houseryn for @harrydracompreg (M, 27k, 3 hours, Draco x Harry)

Summary: The most boring shift in the world, filled with Muggle car ride games to pass the time, was interrupted by a tow-head boy begging for help to save his papa and ultimately changed Harry's life from there on out. For the better, of course.

Where the Heart Is by @kohakhearts (T, 16k, 2 hours, Harry & Severus)

Summary: After the events at the Department of Mysteries in June—and all that came after—Harry finds himself once again stranded at Number Four Privet Drive. With only his own thoughts to keep him company, he takes to writing letters to the only person he thinks can help, if only he were still alive to do so. As it turns out, though, sometimes help can arrive in even the most unexpected of forms too.

Masks by Inell for DCC Monthly Microcreations (E, 1.4k, 9 mins, Draco x Harry)

Summary: Keeping secrets is tiring.

Clair de Lune by @constitutionalweasleymonarchy for @ladiesofhpfest (G, 2k, 13 mins, Luna Lovegood)

Summary: How wonderful to be seen.

Consequenses and Preparations by ChokolatteJedi for @ladiesofhpfest (T, 1.5k, 9 mins, Lucius x Narcissa)

Summary: Narcissa finds out that Lucius not only let an object the Dark Lord entrusted him with be destroyed, but he was the reason there was a basilisk in their son's school. She decides to prevent any further Draco-endangering stupidity on his part and disposes of him. Not that anybody guesses it's her, of course, she is a Slytherin. And she's going to make sure her son acts like one, too.

the residue of design by @fleurting for DCC Monthly Microcreations (E, 4k, 26 mins, Draco x Harry)

Summary: Rita Skeeter temporarily comes out of retirement to do an exclusive interview with The Chosen One. For some reason, Draco's friends think this has something to do with him.

Fawning Over You by @toxik-angel for @hptransfest (E, 39k, 5 hours, Draco x Harry)

Summary: Harry's not sure which would be worse: Ron and Hermione finding out he buys Draco Malfoy's premium pornography and an extra gift off his wishlist every week, or Draco Malfoy finding out Harry has a horrible, distracting, embarrassing crush on him. Alt title: Whore-ton Hears a Harry.

The Audacity of Lavender Brown by @malpal132 for @ladiesofhpfest (E, 6k, 42 mins, Charlie x Lavender)

Summary: Ron channels his anger through the blades of his skates and the hockey stick he uses on his professional team, but embarrassment isn’t an emotion he’s quite mastered. This disparity between them starts out small, then trickles into everything. For instance, he never kisses her with his tongue. Like, never. She straddles his lap and cards her fingers through his ginger hair, showing a bit of Victorian ankle every time she risks slipping her tongue past her own lips. It’s like his are vacuum-sealed shut. Instead of French sophistication, she’s more like a gerbil suckling from the sippy bottle attached to the side of its cage. She is abundant with nowhere to go.

Tempus Gratiae by @charlotterhea for @harryglots (M, 24k, 3 hours, Hermione x Severus)

Summary: Professor Snape verschwindet während Hermines 6. Schuljahr für eine Woche. Spurlos. Dann kehrt er zurück und alles ist wie vorher. Abgesehen von ein paar Details, die Hermines Neugier wecken. Aber erst sieben Jahre später fängt das Rätsel an, sich zu lösen.

The Chaperone by @annabtg for @ladiesofhpfest (T, 7k, 46 mins, James x Lily)

Summary: When Lily's father won't let her go out alone on a date with James, she has to resort to desperate measures: make it a double date with Petunia and Sirius.

Will you send me to Hogwarts? by @sleepstxtic for @ladiesofhpfest (G, 1k, 4 mins, Padma & Parvati Patil)

Summary: A letter to the Patil twins from their mother.

Tempus Gratiae (English version) by @charlotterhea for @etl-echo-audiobooks Time Collection (M, 24k, 3 hours, Hermione x Severus)

Summary: Professor Snape disappears for a week during Hermione's 6th year. Without a trace. Then he returns and everything is as before. Except for a few details that arouse Hermione's curiosity. But only seven years later the mystery begins to unravel.

A Case of You by @epitomereally for @hd-wireless (E, 97k, 12 hours, Draco x Harry)

Summary: Draco was doing just fine working as an Unspeakable in Paris, hanging out with his living and ghostly pals, inventing new spells, and definitely not thinking about Potter. Then, Lucius just had to break out of prison and turn his world upside down. Now, Draco has to return to England, where he is forced to confront how family ties bind us—and one infuriatingly fit Harry Potter.

Stick Shift by @stultiloquentia for @etl-echo-audiobooks Fantastic Fandoms Collection (E, 5k, 34 mins, Buffy x Spike)

Summary: Buffy stakes herself a vampire.

Still Clearly Up to the No-Good Things by @snsknene for DCC Monthly Microcreations (T, 4k, 26 mins, Draco x Harry)

Summary: “Tails,” Harry intoned to no-one in particular. “Harry,” Draco said kindly, “perhaps it is getting a bit too late for you. You are gibbering again.”

The Roommate by @romaine2424 for @hd-hurtcomfort-fest (M, 43k, 4 hours, Draco x Harry)

Summary: After one year in Azkaban, and two years of home arrest, Draco is going off to college. Myrrdin College is Oxford’s magical college, where one Harry Potter is currently attending. Both are going for their teaching certificates with Draco specialising in Potions and Harry in Defence Against the Dark Arts. The Headmistress has insisted all incoming professors must be degreed. However, the Board of Governors insist that Draco also must live in a Muggle house with limited allowance and take Muggle elective courses before he can become Hogwarts' new Potions Professor. Harry is coerced by others into helping Draco Malfoy survive in the Muggle world.

Part 2:

The Mirror Cracked by @minnarr for @ladiesofhpfest (T, 4k, 23 mins, Bill x Fleur)

Summary: 2000. Voldemort and his Death Eaters have been in power for seventeen years, but the fight continues. In France, a strange man turns up on Fleur Delacour's doorstep and turns her life upside down. In a different world, what were the odds that Bill and Fleur would still end up fighting side by side?
Summary: After Harry Potter's mysterious disappearance, wizarding Britain moved on. Some moved on because they didn't care, some to keep the pieces of their lives together or to be strong for their traumatized loved ones. But Draco couldn't move on. He decided to do whatever it takes to find out what happened to Potter. And Slytherins are good at doing whatever it takes.
Anonymous asked:

Any fics nerdy/smart/draco where his Slytherin side is explored? Would also love some fics where magic theory is explored with H/D as paring.

Tyyyyyyyyyy🫶🏻🫶🏻🫶🏻🫶🏻

You don't know how happy I felt when I saw this request. I had writen that everyone could sen dme request for fic recs but I hadn't expected anyone to do so at all (I mean, I'm nobody, and I'm not even very active =v=' ) So, thank you for trusting my taste!!

For your request, these are some fics I think that you may like:

Draco hopes to find an ancient spell book rumoured to be in Hamunaptra after Astoria found a map to the lost city. If he makes this discovery, maybe the Magical British Museum will finally look at his application, and his annoying colleague will finally leave him alone.
It’s a good plan, until Draco is reunited with Harry Potter for the first time in ten years, as the man is about to be hanged.
An educational experiment turns disastrous.

- Draco Malfoy and the Heart of Slytherin by sabershadowkat (T;34,9k)

At the heart of every Slytherin.

- Dwelling by aideomai (T;83k)

Curses, James and Lily Potter ride again, several Ministry balls, a teenage Summer of Love, a grim young adult dystopian winter, a few different Draco Malfoys, secrets and the problems re: not having any, alternate lives, impossible lives, real lives, allusions to Dirty Dancing, and just because it's not called the Mirror of Erised doesn't mean you shouldn't know better.
“You curl your lip and wrinkle your nose and sneer and call me Saviour, yet you only seek my help at the eleventh hour. That’s what’s fucked up, Malfoy.” || Draco Malfoy is dead, and Harry is absolutely totally fine with that.
Potter was supposed to have lived. Draco is certain of this. That Potter would no longer walk the earth was tantamount to the sun moving west to east across the sky. If only he could have stopped this from happening, if he’d have known…
It comes to him as ideas often did: too late.
Or, Harry dreams of his past lives, and Draco is in every one.
Molly Weasley takes Draco in after Narcissa, wanted for many murders and schemes, abandons him in the forbidden forest. This is a Drarry story, so obvs your fav schoolyard enemies fall in love, but first Draco has to learn to love his adopted family.
ft. magical Zoom calls, gay solidarity, a prank war, a real war and George Weasley’s unsubstantiated belief in his own psychic abilities.
a story where nobody makes any good decisions, yet everything turns out ok.

- Heal Thyself by @astolat (T;46,9k)

"Are you going for the course?" Lovegood asked. "You have the NEWTs.”
“What course?” Draco said, then, “No, don’t be ridiculous,” when he realized she meant the notice pinned up on the board he’d been staring at: Applicants To The Introductory Mediwizard Course For The Coming Term Shall Present Themselves In The Chief Mediwizard’s Office By August 24th.
“Oh, I thought you might,” she said. “Well, goodbye.” And off she wandered again in her addled way.

- Rookie Moves by peu_a_peu (E;75,3k)

Aurors Potter and Malfoy crack the case.

- Because Potter Is Allergic to Poppies by Lomonaaeren (M;41,1k)

Auror Harry Potter is in hospital being treated for a curse when someone tries to kill him. Obviously it is up to bored, trapped Apprentice Healer Draco, who was only admitted to the Healer Program in the first place to do the menial work, to find out who did it. Because then they will promote him. No, it’s for no other reason, thanks.
Harry is an Auror instructor. Malfoy wants to be an Auror.
Draco finds himself in hot water with the Aurors, and in a burst of panicked inspiration manages to wiggle out of it by claiming to be a Seer. There's just one little problem– Senior Auror Harry Potter, the Prat Who Lived, who's known him for a decade, knows full well Draco doesn't have a single psychic bone in his body and seems determined to pull him up for it. Now, the Department is demanding he help them solve cases, Potter's looming over his shoulder at every turn, and worst of all, he hasn't had a shag in weeks because of all this bother. What's a pseudo-Seer to do?
Draco hits his head and wakes up in a world where he's a Gryffindor and Harry is a Slytherin
(a fun fic which I'm not sure if it fits your requests, but Draco's "Slytherin-ness" is explored in a rather unusual and hilarious way in this fic.)

Have fun reading and don't forget to send the authors love!

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it exists to divide the working class. All labour is skilled labour. Yes including that one. Yes, including that one too.

Do you know what's unskilled labour? Owning capital. There's no labour involved, thus requires no skill. And you can tell because people can be born into owning capital.

To reduce my screen time, I have weaponised my overactive and entirely impractical levels of empathy for inanimate objects. Wym you’re picking it up again? While it was sleeping? You complete and utter monster, let it rest!!

And it works. It works like a CHARM. Silly problems require silly solutions!

[ID: a phone tucked in very cozy in a perfectly fitting wooden doll-size canopy bed with floral motifs. it has a little dishtowel as a blanket /End ID]

it is absolutely essential to have friends you can have extremely insane pervert conversations with. this is kind of what makes life worth living

sorry, it's a GOOD thing if cishet people use non-conforming pronouns or dress in non-conforming ways or whatever else. for one, that person may not be cishet. but more importantly, living in a society where more people feel comfortable exploring their relationship to gender and sexuality is an undoubtedly GOOD thing

”He’s queer baiting! He’s in a skirt!” I thought clothes weren’t gendered? What does a skirt have to do with gender and sexuality? Are you, perhaps, just a little bit bigoted?

“Girls with short hair are never straight.” Yes they are. It’s a haircut. I thought hair didn’t define gender? I thought we were allowed to do whatever we want with our hair? Why does she have to have long hair to be considered straight?

“you can’t use neopronouns, you’re not even non-binary!” I thought pronouns didn’t equal gender. I thought we could use whatever pronouns feels most correct. Why are you gendering these pronoun sets that were literally created to be used by anyone of any identity? Are you possibly trying to govern how other people express or experience gender?

Why are these things inherently queer? Are you stereotyping queer people? Are you trying to say that a specific type of person has to be queer? Why? Are you homophobic and transphobic? No? Then stop being a fucking prick and let people do whatever the fuck they want. Let cishet men wear skirts. Let straight woman have short hair. Let binary people use whatever pronouns they want. Stop pushing gender norms, it’s not progressive.

Stop being a fucking cop about how other people live. It's free.

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Dronarry Fest 2025 | MASTERLIST

What an incredible fest! Thanks to everyone who has read, left kudos and comments, please keep them coming! And thank you to all our lovely creators for bringing in such a variety of works and making this fest so fantastic. See you next year! ⚡️👑🐍

ART

Draco knows that no matter how awful his day was, he can rely on the comforts of Harry and Ron, no matter how late in the night it was.

PODFIC

Draco’s going to learn to ride a bike if it’s the last thing he does.

FIC + ART

Draco gets turned into a girl. Ron is attracted. When Draco comes out as genderfluid but still "looks" like a boy… Ron is even more confused. Harry is just there for the sex.

FIC

After the war Draco Malfoy, Charms Professor, has a calm life as a Hogwarts teacher. But there have been some changes at school this year, and now he’s caught between two equally handsome Gryffindor Professors - Potter, the Defence Against the Dark Arts Professor who sets schoolgirls giggling, and Weasley, all rugged charm and sun-kissed skin from his Care of Magical Creatures work. Choosing between them? It’s driving him mad. Resisting them? Impossible.

Harry visits Draco and Ron, to start the year off right. Traditions and desires coalesce in a cottage by the water.

“So, how far back are we going?” Ron asked, tapping his hands on his knees. “Five years? Ten?”

There was a twinkle in Michi’s eye as she said, “The mid-1800s was the last time we can credibly say that the cave entrance was exposed. Think cowboys, gambling that you won’t be allowed to participate in, and the wild fucking west.”

Guns, chaps that might or might not be assless, and the wide-open sky. And Malfoy. And Ron.

And, well, that could pose quite a large problem for Harry, if he was being completely honest with himself.

Harry owns a broomshop. Ron runs a broomshop. Draco fixes at a broomshop.

A western romance featuring: a magical rodeo, sunsets in Utah, a dragon named Pill-bug, stolen beer and paper plate dinners, pining, Ron Weasley as a barebacking cowboy, a constantly shoe-less Draco Malfoy, and a too-much, two-palms-full sort of love.

Draco last saw Potter three years ago, when he disappeared off to New York with Draco’s crushed heart in hand. Potter’s back—but things in London are different now. Draco and Ron quit the Aurors, opened a pub together, and basically became each other’s new best friend. Draco’s determined to keep his head this time. No falling for Potter’s friendliness, or his tactile nature, and definitely no flirting. Absolutely no sex… honestly.

🖋️ Reach Out And Touch Faith | M | @the_prettiest_w0lf_star

Where did this book come from? Did my mother send this to me? She said before returning to Hogwarts that I should start writing a journal and that it might help me. I don't know how this works exactly and I'm pretty sure I like to do this, but if I don't get it out soon, I'll scream. So here goes nothing.

🧖‍♂️ Uncovering the myth | E | @galaxostars

Draco has heard the rumours: Ron is packing one down there. He's obsessed with finding out the truth, Harry never hears the end of it. But will Draco succeed in his investigations? And how?

Ron catches Harry fucking Malfoy in the Quidditch sauna. Then Malfoy fucking Harry in their flat. Multiple times. Ron’s been having weird reactions to it, like angry boners and weird sex fantasies. Even though he’s most definitely heterosexual. It's fine. None of Harry's boyfriends actually stick around. Ron is sure it's fine. He's heterosexual. And he's definitely not in love with his best mate.

Draco's parents go to Azkaban. Draco goes to the Weasleys. -- You’re wrong, obviously. It’s a terrible story.

Harry is mortally injured on an Auror mission with Ron. Before he dies, he makes Ron promise not to let his husband Draco find out the truth because it will devastate him. Ron is so wracked with guilt that he agrees to take Harry's place in the world of the living, and everyone he knows thinks he's the one who died.

Ron’s husbands are curse-breakers—getting cursed every so often is the cost of doing business. He just didn’t expect them to come home as children.

The house knows. She knows they were boys together.

He wants to freeze this moment; capture the way Ron’s messy hair glows like summer in the morning light, the way Draco’s cheeks are flushed from the cold against his wintry, snow-kissed complexion. He wants to remember the way it feels to sit here, in the cold, with the two people he loves most in the world. ~ In the Summer of '98, Harry falls for Ron. In the Autumn that follows, he falls for Draco, too.

🎡to dust we burn | E | bright_rain

Harry Potter is pathetic. He watches the playa dust cling to Draco’s skin and wishes he could run his tongue through it to create patterns across the strong, pale surfaces of him. He wants to inhale a lungful of the dust and choke on it, just to stop from suffocating on the feelings pressing down on his chest, because every time Draco touches him, Harry nearly combusts.

Until one day, an American boy with flame red hair pulls them both in and lights a match. How beautifully agonizing, to endure the sizzle and snap of a fire as it licks up to consume anything worth catching.

Or, Harry and Draco meet Ron at Burning Man.

The end of Ron’s seven year agreement with the goblins is on the horizon, and what does he have to show for it other than paying off his debt? No savings, no property, no legacy. The only career progression available will keep him trapped behind a desk and under his brother’s thumb. But how much longer can he bear the isolation of living abroad, away from the people that matter most?

The ancient parchment he unearthed yesterday provides the key to an undiscovered tomb that’s too big, too important to ignore, much like the life-altering decision looming in front of him.

It's time to call Harry.

Any way you sliced it, Potter and Weasley's behaviour really took the cake.

Five years after a whirlwind romance and a one-way Portkey to Florida, Draco's life is perfect. He’s got the perfect job, the perfect house, and the perfect husband. That is, until an international owl shows up on their porch bearing devastating news: Ron Weasley is dying.

Now Harry’s heading to the Burrow, determined to make things right. Another one-way Portkey for Draco then, back to miserable old England. Trust Weasley to go and fuck everything up...

Draco just wanted to play some quidditch. And he was going to drag the entire Ministry along with him if he had to.

moment of unspeakable beauty today when one of my coworkers called another coworker "judas" for not splitting a can of white monster with her, and i got to watch the guy who sits next to me open a new google tab, type in "jeudis," and say quietly to himself "french thursday...?"

hello fellow non-Black tumblr users. welcome to my saw trap. if you'd like to leave, please name one (1) Black woman author who is not Maya Angelou, Toni Morrison, bell hooks, Octavia Butler, or N.K. Jemisin. bonus points if she's published a book in the last five years.

For my own future reference, and for anyone else who wants it, a list of authors mentioned in the notes. (I cannot promise this is comprehensive, there are a lot of reblogs and I might have missed some.) I've included a link for each author, where possible I've tried to find one that leads you to their books, prioritising own websites/publishers, falling back on wikipedia otherwise.

If you find any mistakes in the links let me know and I'll edit. This post will be in two parts, because I literally broke tumblr with how many authors there were. I think it's about a hundred and fifty.

And here's part two:

One note - Nisi Shawl is genderfluid and goes by they/them, though there are a bunch of older printings of their books that have their previous pronoun set in them so I’m not surprised folk added them to this list of suggestions.

thank you for catching that 🫡

nothing scarier than being a fan of a fic and then becoming mutuals with the author. like hi shakespeare. big fan of your fake dating au

arthur weasley, aka the world’s biggest muggleboo who probably larps as an office worker on the weekends

officemaster: you have… *rolls dice* successfully transferred the call to your boss’ voicemail! you hear the distant ringing of the fellytone from the inner office for a moment before the machine picks up, securely delivering the regional manager’s message to its intended recipient.

arthur weasley: *pumps fist in air, high-fives xenophilius lovegood*

sirius black: is it my turn yet?

officemaster: no.

xenophilius lovegood: i search the supply closet for binder clips.

officemaster: *rolls dice* you find a small cardboard box with three binder clips in it, but in the process of retrieving it from the high shelf, you knock a bottle of toner off. it hits your left pinky toe. *rolls dice* you lose 1 HP.

xenophilius lovegood: best fetch quest EVER.

sirius black: so is it my turn now?

officemaster: no, shut up. remus?

remus lupin: wait, is arthur still at the front desk?

arthur weasley: yeah

remus lupin: i approach the front desk. *clears throat* “Hello, Shirley. Were there any messages for me while I was out?”

arthur weasley: “Yes, Mr. Crumplebottom. Phillip Smythe from home office called about your business trip. I put him through to your voicemail.”

remus lupin: “Good work! Thank you very much. I shall remeber this come time for your Christmas bonus.”

sirius black: is it my turn yettt???

officemaster: merlin’s balls man, yes, it’s your turn

sirius black: i attempt to seduce the visiting sales representative

remus lupin: what? you can’t do that

sirius black: sure i can, i have like 25 charisma points

remus lupin: but we’ve all got the casual friday modifier right now, and if you get a sexual harassment lawsuit we can’t advance to the next meeting until the litigation phase is over

sirius black: i’m chaotic neutral, what were you expecting?

remus lupin: besides, arthur’s receptionist character found out she was married in the last session, remember? you would have to roll a natural 20

arthur weasley: hey, no metagaming–sirius’ character wasn’t there at the time, he was trapped in the fax machine

xenophilius lovegood: i still don’t think that’s how fax machines actually work

officemaster: sirius?

sirius black: yeah, arthur’s right, i couldn’t have known about that. *shrugs* i attempt to seduce her.

remus lupin: oh my god i hate you so much right now

sirius black: get bent lupin

remus lupin: you wish

sirius black: i don’t have to

officemaster: *rolls dice* *winces*

sirius black: what? what happened?

Yeah! What happened?!

Sirius botched both his action and his save. His character was fatally bear-maced in the face. Remus’ character was forced to spend an entire session on sensitivity training for his remaining employees. Sirius returned in the following session as a dual-class IT guy and paladin. 

I’m cackling.

My default assumption whenever I see people pitching fits about how characters or ships or the color of the wallpaper or whatever else they don't like must be evil, is that they are a teenager.

They are a teenager who has never used anything other than an algorithmic feed on a social media app to find fannish content, they don't even know where the settings page is, and they're having a real bad time. They have to get up early in the morning, school is awful, all their clique-y peers have been mean to them about their weight, their teachers are impatient, they just got seven hours of homework and their last class was gym. And they are eternally frightened that they're secretly a bad person and their only current recourse against this is to be like, at least I know that pineapple on pizza is a sin.

Approaching things from this angle has never steered me wrong. Even when the person in question is not literally a teenager, they're still pretty much letting their inner kid drive the bus right now.

"A four year age gap is abusive!" okay champ. Screen time's up. Let's get you a protein shake and a nap.

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