Kat

one thing about americans is that they know how to make a fucking milkshake

i hate the stupid milk consistency shit you get here like if you give me a milkshake it better be rock fucking solid. i want that thang thick like concrete. it should piss me off trying to drink it through a straw. i should have to wait for it to thaw

Americans are so good at making Beverage. One of our Foundational Moments was actually a party involving Making Beverage. Google "Boston Tea Party" for more

via @b.sharise

Who We Are in the Shadows

by @quicksilvermaid // ao3

Lovely to see Shadows in paperback! Thanks so much for choosing to bind it and I love your cover image choice ☺️

A dating service where matching is based on people’s search history exists. You’re a serial killer. You go on a date with a writer.

Serial Killer: metaphorically, if you were to kill someone, how would you do it?

Writer: Air shot between the toes, it’ll look like a heart attack.

Serial Killer who is obviously in love already: *sucks in a breath* ok

Writer: how long would it take to die if you were to potentially stab someone in the guts

Serial killer: anywhere from 2 to 30 minutes

Writer, already bringing a ring out: *shaking* thanks

A++ addition

Writer: *shows the serial killer the murder scene they’re writing* babe, i’m not sure if this would actually work?

Serial killer: *kisses writer on the forehead and leaves, comes back later, a suspicious scent of blood coming off them* it works baby, you’re doing great

I LOVE THIS

Oh no, murder comedy is my jam

I love this, I love all of this, but quick question, does the author know? Like are they aware that their significant other is a serial killer or do they just think that they have a morbid sense of humor? It’d be even funnier if the author had no fucking clue, like how Aurthur Conan Doyle was apparently stupidly gullible, and on top of it they’re a horror or crime novelist. Like the serial killer works at a butcher shop or something so it’s completely normal for them to come home smelling like blood, no murders going on here, no sirey. Just my darling coming back home from a long day at work.

Now fast forward a bit and the author has managed to get their first book published, with loving support from the serial killer who helped them fine tune all the murder scenes, and it’s a big hit. Enough so that a detective with the local police department has noticed some disturbing similarities to several active cases, including details that were never released to the press. Obviously he brings this up to his superior and convinces him that there’s something to the theory, but it’s all circumstantial right now. He stakes out the author’s home and is super convinced that the author is the murderer, but they don’t seem to do anything??? Like they literally are at the house all day, that’s it. Most they do is leave for groceries.

So you get this dynamic of the serial killer mining the author for creative murder schemes, the author being lovingly encouraged by the serial killer, and finally the detective who is just so sure that the author is the killer and that if he sticks it out long enough he’ll FINALLY have proof.

Plot twist, The serial killer and detective use to go out so it gets sub what personal. 

“You need to stop seeing them. I think they are a serial killer.”

Serial killer breaths in. “Look-”

…perfect

I don’t like actual murder mysteries, but this is perfect

THE ORIGINAL POST HOW DID I GET SO LUCKY

Update from the man himself

The Porn Guy aka The Nice Guy aka The Canadian side of Pornhub aka SFW Pornhub’s REAL NAME is Ryan Creamer. No joke, that is legit his real name.

Also this.

Which led him to this.

Bless this man.

I can appreciate him and the service he’s providing independently of the shitshow that is the platform he’s hosted on.

He remains just as funny and weird on other platforms dw

By the way, the topic he was presenting was

‘Can I get an Honorary Degree if I Just Ask Really Nicely’

caring about race results is the mind-killer. caring about race results is the little-death that brings total obliteration. i will face the race results. i will permit them to pass over me and through me. where the race has gone there will be nothing. only i will remain.

petition to rename the usa ‘south canada’

what about alaska

are we then normal canada

canada a bit to the left

What about South America? Is that just America? Or South South Canada?

i cried my ass of laughing

WARM CANADA

i caN’T BREATHE OH MY GOD

I’m not even from Canada but I approve this change of names

M ILKY E H

IT HAS RETURNED

FOUND IT

IT IS AN HONOUR TO HAVE THIS GRACE MY DASH

reblogging from myself bc i found this when scrolling through my blog

Reblogging again because this is too god for not reblog

this is one of the few posts you have to reblog or else you’ll never see it in a million years besides screenshots

@leo9thecat this one’s for you eh! 😉

@searching4sarahtonin, there’s also this one.

(chuckle)

O..(mg!) Canada!

I welcome the Canadian overlords actually 🤷‍♀️. Maybe we’ll get better Healthcare

WOWIWOWOWOWOWOWOWOOWOOWOWOOWOW CANADA

@despairdoodlesreal united states of outside canada coming to fruition

Repaired my fave jacket, got emotional, drew something about it

@zeawesomebirdie

@l-heure-du-the reminds me of your amazing jacket

always remember gay men are the reason we dont have to pay for public bathrooms in canada

WAIT HUH??? IM CANADIAN????? WHY HAVE I NEVER HEARS ABOUT THIS UNTIL NOW??????

two gay men got arrested for fucking in a public bathroom but they argued since you had to pay for it it was a hotel and it was fine. their defence worked and we dont have to pay for bathrooms anymore

Ok guys I know we want to celebrate victories in queer history but

1. Googling "Canada gay sex pay toilets" just brings up a bunch of reblogs of this post

2. There does not seem to have been any sort of norm of public toilets in Canada charging money to use in the 20th century

3. I am neither Canadian nor a lawyer but I find it extremely hard to believe that there is any jurisdiction on earth where charging money to use a public toilet makes it legally constitute a hotel room and therefore OK to have sex in.

thats because i lied about this

"every possible kind of content can be found on the internet" yeah sure except for the One fucking thing I'm looking for. why does no one want to talk about the One Singular thing I'm looking for. but yeah other than that everything is on here.

Is this what you’re looking for perchance?

it wasn't, but by god it sure is now

“I LOVE that game!” (watched a letsplay and commentary about it)

this counts and i’ll hear nothing against it

if watching sports counts as enjoying the sport, then watching video games counts as enjoying video games.

And literally a huge part of gaming has ALWAYS been the experience of sitting around together, watching one person in the group play while everyone else cheers, heckles, shrieks, and generally has a good time.

There’s a bunch of right-wing people posting memes about “”DOGE”” making the government more efficient by removing funding from “”dumb bug researchers”” and I am now realizing how little the average person knows about entomology and its importance

Excuse me while I get sad .

There is a community note correcting this post about the importance of researching insects - including the reproductive habits of insects. But still the fact this was posted and 2k people liked it makes me sad 🥲🥲

"stupid researchers studying the mating habits of beetles" people when they can't afford groceries because an invasive beetle species is decimating crops

An actual conversation I had with a colleague.

Colleague: so they were using the wrong species to pollinate their crops.

Me: what do you mean?

Colleague: well they were using a fly species from Canada and they’re growing onions in Texas. The fly they were using was dying in a day in their greenhouses because it’s frigging Texas in May/June.

Me: and no one was studying this or telling them otherwise?

Colleague: not till me.

Me: so they were wasting all that money on an inefficient pollinator and losing out on crop yield.

Colleague: yep…

And yet these idiots want to cut entomological research funding. Yeah, good luck with that. Come back to us when there’s huge outbreaks of pest insects and arbovectors that we were studying but y’all decided it was “too stupid” to fund.

your fave is problematic - Roger Federer edition

- lost his final professional set 6-0 to Hubert Hurkacz (I also would have retired after that tbf)

- favourite comedian is Rafael Nadal (you know what igonnacometoswisslandandplayanexhibitionmatch for your foundation)

- Wimbledon 2019, 8-7, 40-15 (sorry)

- cries watching movies on planes

- was once denied entry to the Wimbledon grounds despite having won it eight times because he forgot his membership card

- destroyer of Andy Roddick’s hopes and dreams but too nice for Roddick to hate him

- said that Rafael Nadal was his favourite doubles partner (over his WIFE)

- many, MANY regrettable hair choices

- it’s lucky he’s good at tennis and didn’t want to be an actor because his acting ability is questionable

- Swiss (has never made a decision in his life)

- injured his knee while running a bath for his kids (made of glass)

- absent father to Jannik Sinner

- biggest Fedal shipper out there

- 43 years old and still acts like a dork (we love him anyway)

your fave is problematic - Rafael Nadal edition

- most typed sentence is ‘hola a todos’

- ombelible grasp of the English language

- can’t stick to one career (tennis player, golfer, underwear model, dad, helicopter pilot, Tony from reception, Roger Federer’s husband)

- won Roland Garros more than should be humanly possible (cyborg?)

- once said he didn’t want to look like he was going to be Roger Federer’s boyfriend and then subsequently leapt into Roger Federer’s arms at Laver Cup

- probably does his pre-serve routine in his sleep

- ugly crier (sorry)

- crusher of Daniil Medvedev’s hopes and dreams

- hairline peaked in 2005 and it’s all been downhill since then

- can’t watch his matches with the video off because it sounds very dodgy just listening to the grunts

- pioneered sleeveless shirts and no one has ever lived up to him

- once prank texted Andy Murray telling him he looked sexy during Andy’s romantic dinner with his wife

- doesn’t understand Stefanos Tsitsipas (same)

- basically only owns one working leg and still won 22 grand slams

(- this isn’t a roast but one time Novak Djokovic said he’d like to become Rafa’s underwear and that’s simply too iconic not to mention)