Slinky Top - Heavy Bottom

love when u get an audio message n ur reading the transcript n like halfway thru there is just a bunch of road rage expletives before they get back to the point :3

literally my favorite thing

I think about this everytime someone comes into my lane

it's really funny how obvious it is that a few of my straight cis male bosses obviously want me to be less of a hot confident fagboy than I am, but they know a) that I'm the kind of nasty lil lefty who knows my rights in the workplace and b) that none of their relatives would do my shitty job for as little as they're paying me and they all hate hiring anyone outside their families, plus I'm really good at my job and I'm the only one in the building, including the property owners and managers, who knows how to work the front door locking system so they can't fire me. so they just make occasional bitchy little comments like "hahaha you know back when I was your age if my boss said to get a haircut I'd be at the barber's on my lunch hour!" and I just go "hahaha wow that sounds like it sucked for you" and then go back to listening to my gay-ass music and sending my snapchat friends funny headlines from the cbc all day in between old ladies flirting with me. which they do a lot because I'm a hot confident fagboy

i hauve a cold

Actually that no punctuation plot hole ooc wattpad fanfic written by that 12 year old will ALWAYS be better than character ai. And I love that 12 year old btw

Will never forget being in my Judaism course at university, where the professor brought in a reform rabbi to present to the class. But it was actually himself.

To separate the two spheres of his life- the spiritual and the academic- he would rapidly switch between wearing a kippah and a slap on bow tie.

So it was a three hour lecture of him slapping on a kippah to extrapolate "This is how I as a rabbi instruct my congregation in the mitzvot." Then yipping it off, clipping on the polka dot bow tie and continuing- "So here we can examine reform's approach to the 613 commandments, influenced by Abraham Geiger-"

My Hebrew professor (took Hebrew for my foreign language requirement, because fuck it I already knew the aleph-bet) is a conservative rabbi and a linguist. Class discussions could get intense. Good guy, good rabbi. Love it when rabbis are so scholarly they can't stay out of academia.

I took Hebrew back as a wee undergrad and it was taught by a retired rabbi. First day of class he saw my last name on the roster and there was a very distinct pause as he went “…I know this name… are you related to (my dad’s name)?”

Upon getting confirmation that yes, he did indeed name my father there was another pause and he goes “I used to babysit him… he was such a little shit.”

And then proceeded to go into the syllabus while I laughed my ass off.

I love when singers think maybe their song requires a little prerequisite information so they just cover it real fast so everyone’s on the same page. I love that TLC opens No Scrubs quickly reviewing exactly what a scrub is and when ABBA was like “just in case you didn’t know, famed 19th century militant ruler Napoleon Bonaparte was defeated in the battle of Waterloo. We though perhaps not everyone would know that. Alright, so moving on to my love life, which is similar to that actually,”

exactly thank u yes I saw that too. this is about in-song debriefing specifically. when the lyrics themselves are a quick explanation of the info you need to set u up for the rest of the song

there was a certain man in Russia long ago

university professors love to create the most fucked up pdf ever known to mankind. it's enrichment for them.

what HAPPENED here

Love that his reaction to being pranked was to pull the exact same prank on his buddy

It's a good prank when the person you pranked immediately wants in on it, and it doesn't cause any harm.

FREE PILLOW FIGHTS!

I love that most people once they realized what was happening just went full Berserk mode without a care

also the man dropping his walking cane to have an anime like elder master reveal

This wonderful human is bringing so much joy into the world. He’s reminding people they’re allowed to play. That they can be silly in public. That fun can come in unexpected places and at unexpected times. I wish I knew who he was. I’d donate so he could buy more pillows and bring more fun into the world - once it’s safe enough to.

this girl at uni was dressed sooo gay and then i found out she's just straight with a lesbian mom. dykebaiting is not a victimless crime 😔

date her mom ?

date her mom

date her mom

Return my beacon to Mount Kilkreath

date her mom

Red Fox (Vulpes vulpes)

Observed by irkuem, CC BY-NC

where the fuck did you get that

WE’RE WE HERE FUCK WE’RE SHIT QUEER UP

You might be frustrated by the library never having a complete manga collection on its shelves at any given time, but the 12 year old checking out 14 volumes of One Piece at once is vital to the library ecosystem. He's like the sea otter keeping the kelp forest from being devastated by an excess of sea urchins.

To those curious some other keystone library species include:

—the retirees who’ve read more murder mysteries than I’ve had hot meals

—the paperback romance girlies (gender neutral) who check out every single bodice ripper the second it hits the shelves

—the dads very slowly making their way through a ‘1001 movies to see before you die’ list

—the one-man criterion collection who checks out like, three movies per day and brings them back the next. (TV series are only a minor roadblock.)

—kids who like Minecraft

---The new parents checking out 47 picture books for their 7 month old baby who clearly has nothing going on in their head except the Wii Sports Resort theme song

just had an absolutely atrocious thought

Notes are in complete agreement