it’s the day again ♥️

This is honest to god the funniest thing I have ever seen in my entire life

This 1️⃣ goes out to all the horny 💏 couples out there who are thinking 🤔 of getting rowdy 🔞 this 💌Valentines💮 day evening: 👍 👎DO ❌️ NOT👍 👎 If you do your child 🧒 will be born 👏 a ♏SCORPIO♏ Now, why ❓️ don’t ❌️ we like Scorpio's♏? For starters, “Scorpio” has 7️⃣ letters 🔠. 7️⃣ letters 🔠: 7️⃣ deadly ☠️ sins ✝️ 🙅‍♀ Now, what are the 7️⃣ deadly ☠️ sins? Wrath, Sloth, Gluttony, Envy 👏👏 Envy is associated with the color GREEN 💚 What else is green 💚? Marijuana. Just 1️⃣ more pothead in the world 🗺️. LAME. Now where is pot 🍲 legal? Canada 🇨🇦, Washington, Colorado, Oregon, Alaska, airplane ✈️ bathrooms if the pilot’s 👨‍✈️ chill. And where can 🥫 planes ✈️ take you? California 🕶. And what’s on California’s state flag 🚩? A BEAR 🐻. Your child 🧒. Is gay 👨‍❤️‍👨.

i want. a cicada on one arm and a crayfish on the other

tattoos i mean. i’m not like, taking a couple of invertebrates out on the town

why not

Why not

You can have something similar if you play Half-Life: Opposing Force.

you can have something similar if you go down to the creek

I think I'm going to remember this phrase every time I cook for the next five years

i hope im not just a mutual to you but also a really annoying stranger who is somehow always going through something

There are some things you cannot control, and I am at least three of them.

I think it'd be funny to have a character who keeps trying to break the fourth wall and failing

Dude's like "we can't do that, we don't have the budget this episode" but he's in a novel

Something stupid happens and he tries to stare directly into camera but he's fully looking the wrong way

2012-09-03

The Wolf of Walgreens

EMERGENCY PLEASE HELP!!

Wednesday, November 20th: Hello, everyone. I’m Gem, a bi, mentally ill, and disabled woman in desperate need of help, as I'm struggling to pay off my debt and get groceries!!

I apologize for asking for help again; as most of you know from my previous posts, I have been struggling quite a lot to make ends meet while on welfare benefits and due to my rent arrears and ever-increasing debt. And to be quite honest, these past few months have been absolute hell for me, and with no other income, I've been relying on the kindness of others to get by.

However I am in desperate need of that kindness again, as I couldn't pay my bills last month due to my rent arrears and utilities almost being switched off, and now due to avoiding creditor calls and red notices, it is at such an amount that I can't possibly pay off on my own, which has left me in desperate need of help. My PayPal is in the red by £180.89 and my bank acct is overdrawn by £129.31.

I will not receive my welfare until the 30th, which will be completely taken by these balances if I cannot clear them in time, meaning I won't be able to pay my rent!!

I know this is a lot to ask, but if anyone could spare any amount to help me, even if it’s just £1/$1/€1, it would save my life, and sharing definitely helps just as much.

£73.20/£350!!!

✨️PayPal✨️

I have until next Friday to pay these overdrawn balances, or my welfare will be completely taken, and I won't be able to pay my rent!!!

Please consider helping or sharing if you possibly can!!!

£103.20/£350!!!

Please help!!! I'm so stressed out right now trying to cover these, and I desperately need help!!

i want the ability to instill disparate concepts onto animals (the concept of houses, warts, midnight, etc) and like spend an afternoon throwing one concept at a time into a boar's brain and see how long it would take before you see the boar become visibly distressed as it starts connecting ideas together but has nothing to do with them

boar has learned about the concept of alimony at 2:39pm. boar understands alimony is connected to marriage (learned at 12:02pm) but doesn't know what divorce is yet. boar has conceived of the idea of truffles (knowledge intrinsic) being divested from him as a result of alimony but doesn't know how to anticipate or avoid it. boar has begun loudly grunting and tamping its hooves.

so true

Official Wednesday post

It's Tuesday

Happy "Not Only Is It Not Friday, It's Not Even Thursday, Official Wednesday, It's Tuesday" Monday, everyone

‏Today's vetted fundraisers

I am Nevin Al-Sir, I live in Gaza, I am 27 years old, I used to work as an accountant in an accounting firm, I am married and have a child, I was also pregnant during the war, the war on Gaza, and when the evacuation order came from our area in Gaza, we fled through the corridor that the occupation lied to us about and the safe corridor was a disaster. We walked on foot, the longest distance I have ever walked in my life. I was displaced to a tent with the rest of my family, and it was very difficult, tiring and exhausting. Every time there was an evacuation in the southern areas, I was forced to evacuate again to a worse tent. Then I gave birth to my child in a field hospital because the hospitals were out of service. I gave birth to my son in the winter, the cold and the war together, which did not destroy my house and my tent. Now we live in a tent, me, my mother, my father, my husband, my brothers, my sisters and their children, and I need your support to try to survive.

@el-shab-hussein @nabulsi @irhabiya @wellwaterhysteria @sar-soor @stuckinapril

"Ok, ma'am that'll be 226.03$."

I take my wallet out of my pocket and unfold it. It is empty other than a single moth that lazily flies out. The moth lands on the tap point of the card reader. There's a beat, and my payment is processed. The moth flies back into my wallet and I put it back in my pocket.